Indlela Umshado Osinda Ngayo Ekuhlaselweni

UMFAZI oshadile wake wathi: “Aziziningi izinto ekuphileni ezilingana nenjabulo yokuba nomshado ophumelelayo. Futhi aziziningi izinto ezimbi kunomshado ongajabulisi.” Lokhu kwenza umshado ufane nokugembula ngemali enkulu. Umbhangqwana ungase uthole injabulo yakho konke ukuphila noma uthole ukukhathazeka okukhulu.

Nokho, umshado akumelwe ube ukugembula. Ngezinye izindlela ufana nokuhambahamba endaweni ongazange uyivakashele ngaphambili. Uma uqalisa unombono ofiphele wendlela oyofinyelela ngayo indawo oya kuyo, ngokuqinisekile usengozini. Kodwa ungayinciphisa kakhulu ingozi uma uya kumuntu othile oye wahamba lolohambo ngokuphumelelayo ngaphambi kwakho. Futhi kukhona imishado eminingi ephumelelayo namuhla. Yini esingayifunda kuyo?

Abaqondisi Abanokuhlangenwe Nakho

ECanada kwahlolwa imibhangqwana eminingana eneminyaka eyishumi nesihlanu noma ngaphezulu ishadile. UProfesa Schlesinger weYunivesithi yaseToronto wabuza ezinye zezinto ezazibangela impumelelo emshadweni yayo. Ukucwaninga kwakhe kwaqokomisa ukubaluleka kwezimfanelo ezine: uthando, inhlonipho, ukuthembana nokukhulumisana.

Umbhangqwana wawusuneminyaka engamashumi ayisikhombisa ushade ngokujabulisayo, umlobeli wephephandaba waxoxa nawo. Yayiyini imfihlakalo yempumelelo yabo? Baphawula ukuthembana, ukulwela ukungaphikisani, ukubonisa uthando komunye nomunye, nokuba nomgomo ofanayo wokusiza abanye abantu.

Lemibono ingase izwakale isiphelelwe yisikhathi, kodwa yasebenza. Uma wazi abantu abaneminyaka eminingi beshade ngempumelelo, kungani ungababuzi ukuthi yini ebenza baphumelele? Ngokunokwenzeka bayosho izinto ezifanayo.

Nokho, ungase ube nomuzwa wokuthi lokho okusebenzela omunye umuntu akunakusebenza kuwe. Isizinda sakho, ubuntu noma izinkinga zehlukene ngandlela-thile. Ohambweni ezweni ongalazi, into engcono ingaba ukuba nencwadi eqondisayo ekuxwayisa ngazo zonke izingozi ezingase zenzeke ukuze uhlele uhambo lwakho ngendlela yokugwema izinkinga ezingase zibe nzima kakhulu kuwe. Ingabe ikhona incwadi yokuqondisa umshado efana naleyo? Yebo, ikhona. Futhi akukho muntu okumelwe angenele uhambo lomshado ngaphandle kokuyihlola.

Incwadi Yokuqondisa Edingekayo

Esikhathini esingeside esidlule insizwa egama layo linguAlex yayithola lencwadi yokuqondisa. UAlex ngaphambili wayeyishinga, isidakwa futhi ewumlutha wemilaliso. Futhi, wayeyisosha eliwumakadebona laseVietnam elalingenathemba. Wayenomfazi osemusha nomntwana omncane, kodwa umshado wakhe wawubhekene nobunzima. Ngolunye usuku ekuseni, ngemva kokuzitika bonke ubusuku ekhaya lakhe emcimbini wokuphuza nabangane bakhe ababephuma empini, umkakhe wathi: “Awunginaki. Uyakhohlwa ngisho nawukuthi ngikhona!”

Ngokujabulisayo, uAlex nomkakhe baya encwadini yokuqondisa. Ngokushesha ngemva kwalokho, wabika: “Siye salahlekelwa abangane bethu abadala abaningi, kodwa siyajabula . . . ikakhulukazi njengendoda nomfazi. Angikwazi ukuchaza ubuhle—umzwelo engingenakuwuchaza ngamazwi. . . . Ubuntu bethu buye bashintsha futhi umkhaya wethu usibheka ngokuziqhenya.”

Yayiyini incwadi yokuqondisa eyabonisa uAlex nomkakhe indlela esuka emkhayeni ongezwani eya emshadweni ojabulayo? YayiyiBhayibheli. Lencwadi, nakuba indala, inikeza iseluleko esihlakaniphe ngokwengeziwe nesiphumelelayo emishadweni ejabulayo kunanoma imuphi omunye umthombo otholakala namuhla. Cabangela okunye ekushoyo.

Amazwi Okuhlakanipha

Akekho umuntu ophelele. Umbhangqwana oshadile kumelwe ufunde ukuphila ngokubekezelela ubuthakathaka bomunye. Ngakho-ke, iBhayibheli lithi: “Yembathani ububele benhliziyo, nesisa, nokuzithoba, nobumnene, nokubheka kade, nibekezelelane, nithethelelane, uma umuntu enensolo komunye; njengokuba neNkosi yanithethelela, yenzani njalo nani. Kepha phezu kwakho konke lokho yembathani uthando oluyisibopho sokuphelela.”—Kolose 3:12-14.

Beyingeke yini iphumelele yonke imishado uma indoda nomfazi belandela lesiseluleko? Ngokuqinisekile banganqoba izinkinga eziningi zokuphila kwansuku zonke. Ingani, ngisho nabasanda kushada ababengazani bangaba sendleleni eya emshadweni ojabulayo uma beye bathuthukisa lezimfanelo.

Imibiko isitshela ngamadoda angacabangeli, anobugovu noma ngisho anonya. Nokho iBhayibheli liyeluleka: “Madoda, thandani omkenu, njengalokho noKristu ulithandile ibandla . . . kanjalo amadoda afanele ukuthanda omkawo njengemizimba yawo.” (Efesu 5:25, 28) Indoda ekhathalela inhlalakahle yomkayo, eyenza ukuzidela okuthile ngenxa yakhe kunokwenzeka iyobona umshado wayo uphumelela.

Amanye amadoda akhononda ngokubelesela nokukhonondela izinto ezincane. Nokho iBhayibheli lithi: “Umfazi makahloniphe indoda yakhe.” (Efesu 5:33) Umfazi olandela lesiseluleko uzibangela yena siqu ukuba ajabule kakhulu.

Labo bephuli bomshado ababili, ubudakwa nokuziphatha okubi, balahlwa ngokuphelele eBhayibhelini. “Nazifebe, . . . naziphingi, . . . nazidakwa, . . . abayikulidla ifa lombuso kaNkulunkulu.” (1 Korinte 6:9, 10) “Ukuganana makuhlonishwe yibo bonke, umbhede ungabi-nasisihla, ngokuba izifebe neziphingi uNkulunkulu uyakuzahlulela.”—Heberu 13:4.

Kuthiwani lapho umkhaya ungenela? IBhayibheli libonisa ukuthi umbhangqwana omusha umelwe uhloniphe abazali bawo. Nokho, isibopho sokuqala sendoda sikumkayo. UJesu wathi: “Ngenxa yalokho umuntu uyakushiya uyise nonina, anamathele kumkakhe; labo ababili bayakuba-nyamanye, . . . ngakho abasebabili, kodwa banyamanye. Ngakho-ke lokho akuhlanganisileyo uNkulunkulu umuntu makangakwahlukanisi.” (Mathewu 19:5, 6) Umbhangqwana osemusha kumelwe ujabulele ukwamukela iseluleko esivela kubazali bawo. Kodwa kumelwe ungabavumeli ukuba baqondise ukuphila kwawo.

Isiqondiso Esisebenzayo

Abanye bangase babheke lesiseluleko njengesingasasebenzi ezweni lanamuhla. Kodwa unjani umbiko wezwe maqondana nomshado? Mubi kakhulu. Nokho, uye wakufunda yini ngokunakekela lokho okwashiwo yilabo abathola impumelelo emishadweni yabo? Bathi injabulo yabo yabangelwa yizimfanelo—kungakhathaliseki ukuthi babazi noma cha—ezinconywa emiBhalweni. Ungayiphikisa yini leyompumelelo?

Uma sihlakulela isimo sokuphana esinconywa yiBhayibheli, ingabe siyolahlekelwa ngandlela-thile? Cha. Ukupha ngempela kuyingxenye yesisekelo somshado. Bonke abashadayo badela okuthile, kodwa, lapho umshado wabo uphumelela, bathola injabulo enkulu. Ngani? Ngoba, “Kunenjabulo eyengeziwe ngokupha kunokwamukela.”—IzEnzo 20:35, NW.

Ungase uthi ‘kuhle lokho uma ucabanga ngakho.’ ‘Kodwa eqinisweni awukho umshado ophumelela ngaleyondlela.’ Impendulo iwukuthi miningi, imishado namuhla ejabula ngenxa yokuthi imibhangqwana yalwela ukulandela lesiseluleko seBhayibheli. Ngisho nalapho kukhona izinkinga ezingathi sína—njengoba kwenzeka endabeni ka-Alex nomkakhe—imiBhalo ibonisa lokho okumelwe kube umgomo. Uma umbhangqwana usebenzela lowomgomo ndawonye, imiphumela ejabulisayo ilandela ngokushesha.

Nokho, kuthiwani uma kungoyedwa kuphela kubangane bomshado ozama ukusebenzisa lezimiso? Nokho, inkinga iba nzima, kodwa ayibi engenathemba. Kungcono uma omunye umngane enza izinto ngokuqondile kunokuba bobabili benze izinto kabi. Futhi, ngokukhuthazela, imiphumela emihle isenokutholakala.

Indoda ethile eKorea yayivame ukushaya umkayo lapho idakiwe. Umkayo wayengafuni ukuqeda ubuhlobo, ngisho nakuba ukuphila kwakunzima. Kuyena, umgomo womshado ojabulisayo wawungofanelekile. Ngakho-ke, eyedwa, walandela iseluleko seBhayibheli, ikakhulukazi iseluleko salo kubafazi sokuthi bahlakulele ‘umoya omnene onokuthula, okuyigugu phambi kukaNkulunkulu.’—1 Petru 3:4.

Wakhuthazela iminyaka eyishumi nanye. Ingabe kwakungokufanelekile? Yebo, ngoba ekugcineni umyeni wakhe washukunyiselwa ekuhloleni incwadi ewumqondisi ngokwakhe. Kungani? Uma umbuza, angaphendula ngokuthi ‘umoya onokuthula nomnene’ womkakhe wamshukumisela ekuhloleni lokho okwakubangela umkakhe aziphathe kahle. Wabona ukuhlakanipha kweseluleko seBhayibheli futhi washintsha izindlela zakhe.

Ngokuqinisekile umshado ungase ube “enye yezindlela ezenelisa nezijabulisa kakhulu zokuphila.” Mhlawumbe lokhu akumelwe kusimangalise, ngoba lowo owasinikeza ukuphila, uJehova uNkulunkulu, nguYena owasinikeza umshado. (IHubo 36:9; Genesise 2:18-24) Futhi nguYena owasinikeza incwadi yokuqondisa, iBhayibheli, ukuze isisize siphumelele emshadweni wethu.

Namuhla isimiso sokushada singaphansi kokuhlaselwa ngenxa yokucindezela kwezwe esiphila kulo. Kodwa, njengoba umshado uvela kuNkulunkulu uyasinda ekuhlaselweni. Futhi uma ulandela iseluleko sikaNkulunkulu esilotshwe eBhayibhelini, umshado wakho uyosinda, futhi, nawe, uyowuthola uyindlela eyanelisa kakhulu yokuphila.