Indlela Yokwakha Umshado Ophumelelayo

UMSHADO ungafaniswa nohambo olunezinto eziningi ezingalindelekile, ezinye ezijabulisayo, ezinye ezibuhlungu. “Izimo” ezingalindelekile zingaletha izithiyo ezingalindelekile, ezinye ezingase zibonakale zingenakunqotshwa. Noma kunjalo, abantu abaningi bayaphumelela kulolu hambo futhi bajabule, benezinkinga nje ezincane. Empeleni, ukuphumelela komshado akunqunywa yizinkinga zohambo kodwa yindlela imibhangqwana ebhekana ngayo nalezo zinkinga.

Ucabanga ukuthi yini engenza lolu hambo lwasemshadweni luphumelele futhi lujabulise? Imibhangqwana inomuzwa wokuthi idinga ‘ibalazwe lendlela yomshado’ ukuze liyiqondise. “Ibalazwe” elinokwethenjelwa nelinegunya kunawo wonke emshadweni lilungiselelwe uMsunguli womshado—uJehova uNkulunkulu. Kodwa iZwi lakhe eliphefumulelwe, iBhayibheli Elingcwele, alilona ikhubalo. Kunalokho, liqukethe isiqondiso esiwusizo imibhangqwana eshadile esidingayo ukuze ibe nomshado ophumelelayo.—IHubo 119:105; Efesu 5:21-33; 2 Thimothewu 3:16.

Ake sibheke ezinye zezimpawu ezingokomBhalo—izimiso zeBhayibheli eziyinhloko—ezingakuqondisa kulolu hambo lwasemshadweni oluphumelelayo nolujabulisayo.

▸ Uphathe njengongcwele umshado. “Lokho uNkulunkulu akubophele ndawonye makungahlukaniswa muntu.” (Mathewu 19:6) UMdali wasungula umshado lapho ehlanganisa indoda yokuqala, u-Adamu, nomkayo, u-Eva. (Genesise 2:21-24) UKristu Jesu, owayengufakazi wokuzibonela walesi senzakalo engakabi umuntu wenyama, waqinisekisa ukuthi ukuhlanganiswa kuka-Adamu no-Eva emshadweni kwakuhloselwe ukuba isiqalo sobuhlobo baphakade. Wathi: “Anifundanga yini ukuthi lowo owabadala kusukela ekuqaleni wabenza kwaba owesilisa nowesifazane, wathi, ‘Ngenxa yalesi sizathu indoda iyoshiya uyise nonina inamathele kumkayo, futhi laba ababili bayoba nyamanye’? Ngakho abasebabili, kodwa sebenyamanye. Ngakho-ke, lokho uNkulunkulu akubophele ndawonye makungahlukaniswa muntu.”—Mathewu 19:4-6.

Lapho uJesu ethi “lokho uNkulunkulu akubophele ndawonye,” wayengasho ukuthi imishado ihlelwa ezulwini. Kunalokho, wayeqinisekisa ukuthi umshado wasungulwa uNkulunkulu ngokwakhe ngakho kwakufanele uphathwe njengongcwele.a

Yiqiniso, amadoda namakhosikazi abafuni ‘ukuboshelwa ndawonye’ emshadweni ongenaluthando. Kunalokho, bafuna ukujabulela umshado owanelisayo lapho bobabili bengajabula khona. Bangakujabulela ‘ukuboshelwa ndawonye’ uma besebenzisa iseluleko soMdali esiwusizo esitholakala eBhayibhelini.

Ngenxa yokuthi sonke asiphelele, azinakugwenywa izingxabano nokungaboni ngaso linye. Kodwa ngokuvamile umshado ophumelelayo awuxhomekile kakhulu ekufanelaneni kodwa ekutheni imibhangqwana ikusingatha kanjani ukungavumelani. Ngakho-ke, elinye lamakhono abaluleke kakhulu emshadweni yikhono lokuxazulula izingxabano ngendlela enothando, ngoba uthando “lubopha yonke into ndawonye ngobunye obuphelele.”—Kolose 3:14, English Standard Version.

▸ Khuluma ngenhlonipho. “Kukhona ophahluka njengokuhlaba kwenkemba, kodwa ulimi lwabahlakaniphile lungukuphulukisa.” (IzAga 12:18) Abacwaningi bathole ukuthi izingxoxo eziningi ziphela ngendlela eziqala ngayo. Ngakho, uma ingxoxo iqala ngenhlonipho, cishe iyophela kanjalo. Ngokuphambene nalokho, uyayazi indlela okungaba buhlungu ngayo lapho othandekayo ekhuluma nawe ngokungacabangeli. Ngakho-ke, yenza umzamo ngomthandazo wokukhuluma ngesizotha, ngenhlonipho nangothando. (Efesu 4:31) Inkosikazi yaseJapane okuthiwa uHaruko,b eneminyaka engu-44 ishadile, iyachaza: “Nakuba sibubona ubuthaka bomunye nomunye, sizama ukuhloniphana lapho sikhuluma nangendlela esibhekana ngayo. Lokho kuye kwasisiza ukuba sakhe umshado ophumelelayo.”

▸ Hlakulela umusa nesihe. “Kodwa yibani nomusa komunye nomunye, ninobubele besisa.” (Efesu 4:32) Uma kunezingxabano ezishubile, kulula ukuba niphendulane ngentukuthelo. U-Annette waseJalimane, oneminyaka engu-34 esemshadweni ojabulisayo, uyavuma: “Akulula ukuzola lapho ucindezelekile—uvame ukusho izinto ezimcasulayo oshade naye, okumane kwenze isimo sibe sibi kakhulu.” Kodwa, ngokuzama ukuba nomusa nesihe, ungenza lukhulu ekwenzeni indlela eholela emshadweni onokuthula ibe bushelelezi.

▸ Bonisa ukuthobeka. ‘Ungenzi lutho ngombango noma ngokuzazisa, kodwa ngokuthobeka kwengqondo ubheke abanye njengabakhulu kunawe.’ (Filipi 2:3) Izingxabano eziningi ziqubuka ngenxa yokuthi abashadile bazama ngokuqhosha ukusola abashade nabo ngezinkinga esikhundleni sokuzithoba bafune izindlela zokuthuthukisa isimo. Ukuthobeka kungakusiza ukuba uzibambe ungaphikeleli ngokuthi nguwena onembile engxabanweni.

▸ Ungasheshi ucasuke. “Ungasheshi ukucasuka emoyeni wakho.” (UmShumayeli 7:9) Zama ukugwema umkhuba wokuphikisa umbono woshade naye noma ukuzivikela uma oshade naye engavumelani nokuthile okushilo noma okwenzile. Kunalokho, lalela futhi uqonde okushiwo umngane wakho womshado. Cabangisisa ngaphambi kokuba uphendule. Imibhangqwana eminingi ifunda sekwephuzile ekuphileni ukuthi ukuzuza inhliziyo yomuntu kungcono kakhulu kunokunqoba impikiswano.

▸ Sazi isikhathi sokuthula. ‘Shesha ukuzwa, wephuze ukukhuluma, wephuze ukuthukuthela.’ (Jakobe 1:19) Akungabazeki ukuthi ukukhulumisana okuhle kungolunye lwezimpawu ezibaluleke kakhulu endleleni eya enjabulweni yomshado. Pho, kungani iBhayibheli lithi kukhona “isikhathi sokuthula”? (UmShumayeli 3:7) Lesi kungaba isikhathi sokulalelisisa ngenjongo—ingxenye ebalulekile yokukhulumisana ehilela ukuthola ukuthi oshade naye uzizwa kanjani ngempela nokuthi kungani ezizwa ngaleyo ndlela.

▸ Lalela ngozwela. “Jabulani nabantu abajabulayo; khalani nabantu abakhalayo.” (Roma 12:15) Uzwela lubaluleke kakhulu ekukhulumisaneni okunenjongo ngoba lukusiza ukuba uqonde imizwelo ejulile yomuntu oshade naye. Lungadala isimo lapho imibono nemizwa yomunye nomunye iphathwa khona ngenhlonipho nangesizotha. UNella waseBrazil, oneminyaka engu-32 eshadile, uyavuma: “Uma sixoxa ngezinkinga zethu, ngiyalalelisisa njalo ukuze ngiqonde imicabango nemizwa kaManuel.” Lapho oshade naye ekhuluma, kusuke ‘kuyisikhathi sakho sokuthula’ ulalele ngozwela.

▸ Kwenze umkhuba ukubonga. “Ziboniseni ningababongayo.” (Kolose 3:15) Imishado eqinile yakhiwa amadoda nabesifazane abaqinisekayo ukuthi bayayazisa imizwa yabangane babo bomshado. Kodwa, ekuphileni okuvamile kwansuku zonke emshadweni, abanye abashadile bayasidebeselela lesi sici esibalulekile sokukhulumisana futhi bazitshele ukuthi abashade nabo bayazi ukuthi bayaziswa. UDkt. Ellen Wachtel, uthi: “Imibhangqwana eminingi ibingabonisana lokho kwazisa uma nje izimisele ukwenza kanjalo.”

Amakhosikazi ngokukhethekile adinga ukuqinisekiswa ngothando namazwi okwazisa abayeni bawo. Wena ndoda ungenza lukhulu ukuthuthukisa umshado wakho nenhlalakahle yomkakho, kanye neyakho, ngokuncoma izenzo nezimfanelo ezinhle zomkakho.

Ukuqinisekisa umuntu ngamazwi nangezenzo kubalulekile. Uma wena ndoda umuthi manqa umkakho, umthinta ngomusa, futhi umomotheka ngemfudumalo, lokho kusho okungaphezu nje kokuthi “Ngiyakuthanda.” Kuyamqinisekisa ukuthi uyigugu kuwe nokuthi uyamdinga. Mthinte ngocingo noma umthumelele umyalezo othi, “Ngiyakukhumbula” noma “Luhamba kanjani usuku lwakho?” Uma uye wakudebeselela ukwenza lezo zinto kusukela ezinsukwini zokuqomisana kwenu, lokhu kuwumkhuba okungaba usizo ukuwuvuselela. Qhubeka ufunda ukuthi yini ethinta inhliziyo yomuntu oshade naye.

Amazwi kanina weNkosi uLemuweli wakwa-Israyeli wasendulo ayafaneleka ngempela: “Umyeni wakhe uyamncoma, ‘Baningi abesifazane abenza kahle, kodwa wena ubadlula bonke.’” (IzAga 31:1, 28, 29, Tanakh—The Holy Scriptures) Wagcina nini ukumncoma umkakho? Noma, wena nkosikazi, wagcina nini ukuncoma umyeni wakho?

▸ Thethelela ngokushesha. “Ilanga malingashoni nisesimweni sokucasuka.” (Efesu 4:26) Emshadweni ngeke uwabalekele amaphutha akho noma awomuntu oshade naye. Ngenxa yalokho, kubalulekile ukulungela ukuthethelela. UClive noMonica baseNingizimu Afrika, abashada eminyakeni engu-43 edlule, bathola lesi seluleko seBhayibheli siwusizo kakhulu. UClive uyachaza: “Sizama ukusebenzisa isimiso esikweyabase-Efesu 4:26, futhi sizama ukuthethelelana ngokushesha, ngoba siyazi ukuthi kuyamthokozisa uNkulunkulu. Ngemva kwalokho siba nenjabulo, silale kahle sinonembeza ohlanzekile.”

Isaga sasendulo esihlakaniphile sithi: “Kungubuhle . . . ukweqa isiphambeko.” (IzAga 19:11) U-Annette, okukhulunywe ngaye ekuqaleni, uyavuma, uthi: “Umshado ojabulisayo awunakuba khona ngaphandle kokuthethelela.” Uyachaza ukuthi kungani: “Ngalé kwalokho intukuthelo nokungathembani kuyakhula, futhi lokhu kuwubuthi obungawonakalisa umshado. Ngokuthethelelana, izibopho zomshado wenu ziyoqina futhi niyosondelana.”

Uma ulimaze imizwelo yoshade naye, ungaphethi kalula ngokuthi uzokudlulisa. Ngokuvamile ukubuyisa ukuthula kudinga ukuba wenze enye yezinto ezinzima kakhulu abashadile okufanele bazenze: Ukuvuma ukuthi wenze iphutha. Kodwa ngokuzithoba thola indlela yokusho okuthile okunjengokuthi: “Ngiyaxolisa, S’thandwa. Ngenze iphutha.” Ukuxolisa ngokuthobeka kuyokuzuzela inhlonipho, kwakhe ubuhlobo obunokwethembana, futhi kuthuthukise ukuthula kwakho kwengqondo.

▸ Zibophezele koshade naye nasemshadweni wakho. “[Indoda nomkayo] abasebabili, kodwa sebenyamanye. Ngakho-ke, lokho uNkulunkulu akubophele ndawonye makungahlukaniswa muntu.” (Mathewu 19:6) Nenzé isifungo phambi kukaNkulunkulu nabantu nakomunye nomunye sokuhlala ndawonye, naphezu kwezinkinga ezingase zivele.c Kodwa ukuzibophezela akusona nje isibopho esingokomthetho. Kunalokho, kushukunyiswa uthando oluqotho, olusuka enhliziyweni, oluyisibonakaliso sokuthi niyahloniphana futhi niyadumisana nobabili kanti niyamhlonipha futhi niyamdumisa noNkulunkulu. Ngakho ungalokothi uwululaze umshado wakho ngokudlala ngemizwa yothando; gxilisa amehlo akho koshade naye kuphela.—Mathewu 5:28.

▸ Ukuzidela kuqinisa isibopho. “Ningakhathaleli nje kuphela izindaba zenu siqu, kodwa futhi nikhathalele nezabanye.” (Filipi 2:4) Ukubeka izidingo nezinto ezithandwa oshade naye ngaphambi kwezakho kungenye yezindlela zokuqinisa isibopho. UPremji, oneminyaka engu-20 eshadile, uyaqikelela ukuba asize umkakhe osebenzayo ngemisebenzi yasendlini. “Ngisiza uRita ngokupheka nangokuhlanza nangomunye umsebenzi ukuze abe nesikhathi namandla okwenza izinto azijabulelayo.”

Umzamo Uletha Imivuzo

Ngezinye izikhathi, ukuzikhandla okuhilelekile ekwakheni umshado ojabulisayo kungase kwenze abanye badikile. Kodwa, ungavumeli izinkinga zikwenze ulahle isibopho sakho noma ulahle konke osukusebenzele emshadweni wakho, okuyibanga esenilihambile kulolu hambo nindawonye.

USid, oneminyaka engu-33 ejabula emshadweni, uyasikisela: “Uma nenza umzamo oqotho futhi nibonisa ukuthi nifuna ukuba umshado wenu uphumelele, ningajabulela isibusiso sikaJehova.” Ukusekelana ngobuqotho ngezikhathi ezinzima nokujabulela izikhathi ezimnandi ndawonye kuyoniphasa kulolu hambo olwanelisayo oluya emshadweni ophumelelayo.

[Imibhalo yaphansi]

[Amazwi acashunwe esihlokweni ekhasini 6]

IBhayibheli linjengebalazwe lohambo lwasemshadweni

[Ibhokisi/Isithombe ekhasini 7]

Uma kudingeka nixoxe ngenkinga

◼ Bekani isikhathi lapho nobabili ningakhathele.

◼ Gwemani ukugxeka; yakhanani.

◼ Gwemani ukungena omunye emlonyeni; ngamunye makanikwe ithuba lokulalela nokukhuluma.

◼ Qaphela indlela oshade naye azizwa ngayo.

◼ Bonisanani uzwela, ngisho nalapho ningavumelani.

◼ Cabangelani futhi nivumelane nezimo.

◼ Xolisani ngokuthobeka uma nenze iphutha.

◼ Bonisani ukwazisana nothando.

[Ibhokisi/Isithombe ekhasini 8]

Ukuze Umshado Uphumelele

◼ Namathelani emaqinisweni eBhayibheli aqinisa umshado.

◼ Zinike isikhathi somshado wakho nesomngane wakho womshado.

◼ Yibani nemfudumalo nothando.

◼ Thembekani futhi nizibophezele.

◼ Yibani nomusa nenhlonipho.

◼ Sizanani ngemisebenzi yasekhaya.

◼ Hlanganyelani ezingxoxweni ezanelisayo.

◼ Yibani nesikhathi samancoko nesokungcebeleka.

◼ Qhubekani nilwela ukuqinisa umshado wenu.

[Ibhokisi/Isithombe ekhasini 9]

Ongacabanga Ngakho Wena

◼ Yini okufanele ngiyisebenzele kakhulu emshadweni wami?

◼ Yiziphi izinyathelo engizozithatha ukuze ngenze lokho?