Ingaba Kuphi Inkinga?

AKUNANGQONDO ukulindela ukuba umshado ungabi nazo izinkinga. Phela, ngisho nabangane bomshado abafanelana kahle abavumelani ngokuphelele. Ngakho, izinkinga ezithile azinakugwenywa. Njengoba nje nokugqwala kungayidla insimbi ependiwe, kunezici eziningana ezingawohloza umshado. Ukuze siqonde ukuthi yini engenziwa ukuze kuthuthukiswe umshado, ake siqale sihlole ezinye zezinto ezingaba inkinga.

Izikhathi Zokucindezeleka Okukhulu

IBhayibheli labikezela ukuthi abantu abaningi esikhathini sethu babeyoba “abazithandayo, abathanda imali, abazazisayo, abazidlayo, . . . abangabongiyo, abangathembeki, abangenalo uthando, abangafuni sivumelwano, abanyundeli, abangenakho ukuzithiba, abanolaka, abangenalo uthando lokuhle, abakhapheli, abanenkani, abakhukhumele.” (2 Thimothewu 3:2-4) Izici ezinjalo zandisa ukungezwani, ukungakhulumisani kahle namazwi okungacabangeli avame kakhulu kubantu abangaphelele.

Umcwaningi othile uthi: “Lena inkathi edida kakhulu emlandweni uma ushadile. Kulolu hlangothi . . . , sinokwaziswa okuningi kokuthi singayiqinisa kanjani imishado yethu . . . Ngakolunye uhlangothi, sibhekene namathonya amaningi ezenhlalo nezomnotho alimaza ikhono lethu lokuba nemishado emihle.”

Ukulindela Izinto Ezingenakwenzeka

Isazi esithile sezemishado siyachaza: “Ukulindela izinto ezingenakwenzeka kungenye yezimbangela ezinkulu zokungeneliseki emshadweni.” Abantu abaningi abashadile bayadumala lapho bethola ukuthi umshado awukona lokho abebekulindele nokuthi umuntu abashade naye akayena ngempela umuntu abebecabanga ukuthi unguye. Bazithola bedumele kakhulu ngenxa yamaphutha abangane bomshado abangawabonanga esikhathini esidlule noma ngokushiyeka kwabo okukhulu kunalokho abebekulindele.

Kodwa iBhayibheli livuma ngokwethembeka ukuthi umshado ungaletha “ubuhlungu nosizi.” (1 Korinte 7:28, i-New English Bible) Ngani? Esinye isizathu siwukuthi ubuhlobo babantu ababili abangaphelele ngokuhamba kwesikhathi budalula amaphutha abo.

Ngaphezu kwalokho, abantu abaningi balindela ngokungenangqondo ukuthola okuningi emshadweni ngaphandle kokuzikhandla. Bephuphuthekiswe imibono eyiphupho ngenjabulo yasemshadweni, bashalazela umthwalo wemfanelo nokuzikhandla okudingekayo ukuze bakhe umshado ojabulisayo. Bazifaka engozini yokubhekana neqiniso elibuhlungu elingase libashiye bedumazekile futhi bekhungathekile. Ngokuvamile, njengoba beqhubeka bezikhohlisa ngokuphathelene nomshado, badumazeka kakhulu lapho sebebhekana neqiniso.

Inkinga Yokukhulumisana

Imaphi amaphutha okukhulumisana angagwenywa ukuze kwakhiwe ubuhlobo bomshado obuqinile? Eminye imibhangqwana inomkhuba wokungalalelani nokungakhulumisani kahle. Ukukhulumisana okunemfudumalo nothando kungathathelwa indawo amazwi angenamusa nabhinqayo. Izingxoxo eziqotho nezikhululekile ziphenduka izimpikiswano ezingapheli nganoma yini, nangezinto ezingelutho. Ukufinyelela iziphetho ezingafanele kubangela ukungezwani; ukuhlaselana ngamazwi kubangela ukuqudulelana.

Ngokudabukisayo, abantu abaningi abashadile abakuboni ukuziphatha okuhle kwabangane babo bomshado noma bayakubona kodwa bangabongi. Ngaphezu kwalokho, ngenxa yesimo samanje sezemisebenzi, abesifazane abaningi abashadile bayacasuka ngenxa yokuthi kufanele benze umsebenzi omningi wasekhaya kuyilapho benza nomsebenzi wokuziphilisa. Futhi, amakhosikazi amaningi anomuzwa wokuthi izidingo zawo ezingokomzwelo azinakwa.

Yini ongayenza ukuze wakhe umshado ophumelelayo? Cabangela iseluleko esilandelayo esiwusizo esiseBhayibhelini.

[Amazwi acashunwe esihlokweni ekhasini 4]

Eminye imibhangqwana inomkhuba wokungalalelani nokungakhulumisani kahle

[Amazwi acashunwe esihlokweni ekhasini 5]

Abaningi balindela ukuthola okuningi emshadweni ngaphandle kokuzikhandla