Intsha Iyabuza . . .

Kufanele Ngenzenjani Uma Abazali Bami Bexabana?

NOMA kanjani ziyakuthinta izingxabano zabazali bakho. Phela, uyabathanda futhi uthembele kubo ukuba bakondle. Ngakho-ke uma kubonakala sengathi abezwani, lokho kungase kukubangele ukukhathazeka okukhulu. Kungani ngezinye izikhathi kubonakala sengathi abazali bakho banemibono engafani?

Imibono Engafani

UJesu wathi lapho owesilisa nowesifazane beshada, ‘baba nyamanye.’ (Mathewu 19:5) Kodwa ingabe lokhu kusho ukuthi abazali bakho bayohlale bebheka izinto ngendlela efanayo? Lutho neze. Empeleni, noma yibaphi abantu ababili—ngisho owesilisa nowesifazane abanobunye ngempela—bayophikisana ngezinye izikhathi.

Uma abazali bakho bengaboni ngaso linye, akusho ukuthi umshado wabo uyachitheka. Kungenzeka ukuthi abazali bakho basathandana—ngisho noma becasulana ngezinye izikhathi. Pho, kungani bexabana? Mhlawumbe kunezinto abazibheka ngendlela engafani. Akukubi ngaso sonke isikhathi lokho, futhi akusho ukuthi ubuhlobo babo buyabhidlika.

Ngokwesibonelo: Wake wayibuka yini ibhayisikobho nabangane abaseduze kodwa wathola ukuthi umbono wakho ngalokho ebenikubuka uhlukile kowabo? Kungenzeka. Ngisho nabantu abasondelene bayoba nemibono engafani ngezinto.

Kungenzeka ukuthi kuyafana nangabazali bakho. Mhlawumbe bobabili bakhathazekile ngezimali zomkhaya, kodwa ngamunye wabo unombono ohlukile ngokuthi imali ingasetshenziswa kanjani; bobabili bafuna ukuhlela iholidi lomkhaya, kodwa abavumelani ngokuthi kufanele kungcetshelekwe kanjani, noma bobabili bashisekela ukukubona uphumelela esikoleni, kodwa ngamunye wabo unombono ohlukile ngokuthi iyiphi indlela engcono kakhulu yokukukhuthaza. Iphuzu liwukuthi, akudingeki ukuba sifane ukuze sibe nobunye. Ngisho nabantu ababili abanyamanye bangaba nemibono engafani ngezinto.

Kodwa kungani abazali bakho ngezinye izikhathi bevumela imibono engafani ukuba ibaxabanise? Kungani into ewubala njengombono womunye umuntu ibangela ukuba ingxoxo iphenduke ingxabano eshubile?

Indima Yokungapheleli

Izingxabano eziningi zabazali zibangelwa ukungapheleli. IBhayibheli lithi: “Sonke siyakhubeka izikhathi eziningi. Uma umuntu engakhubeki ngezwi, lowo uyindoda epheleleyo.” (Jakobe 3:2) Abazali bakho abaphelele, nawe futhi. Ngezinye izikhathi, sonke sisho izinto esingaziqondile, futhi ngezinye izikhathi amazwi ethu angalimaza “njengokuhlaba kwenkemba.”—IzAga 12:18.

Mhlawumbe usuke wabona okufanayo nakuwe. Ngokwesibonelo, sikhona yini isikhathi osikhumbulayo lapho wake waxabana nothile omthandayo? Cishe kunjalo. UMarie osemusha uyavuma, “Bonke abantu bayaphambana ngemibono.a Empeleni abantu engibathanda ngempela yibona abangangicasula kabi ngezinye izikhathi—mhlawumbe ngenxa yokuthi angikulindele lokho kubo!” Owesilisa nowesifazane abangamaKristu balindela okukhulu komunye nomunye, njengoba iBhayibheli libabekela izindinganiso eziphakeme. (Efesu 5:24, 25) Ngenxa yokuthi abaphelele, ukwenza amaphutha kungenzeka noma nini. IBhayibheli lithi: “Bonke bonile futhi bayasilela enkazimulweni kaNkulunkulu.”—Roma 3:23; 5:12.

Ngakho-ke, kuyinto elindelekile ukuba abazali bakho baxabane okungenani ngezinga elithile. Empeleni, umphostoli uPawulu waloba ukuthi abantu abashadile babeyoba “nosizi enyameni” noma, njengoba i-New English Bible ihumusha le nkulumo, “ubuhlungu nosizi.” (1 Korinte 7:28) Umqashi ohluphayo, ukuminyana kwezimoto emgwaqweni, isikweleti esingalindelekile—lezi yizinto ezimbalwa nje ezicindezelayo ezingabangela ukuba isimo sishube ekhaya.

Ukwazi ukuthi abazali bakho abaphelele nokuthi ngezinye izikhathi basuke bebhekene nokucindezeleka okukhulu kungakusiza ukuba ube nombono ofanele ngokuxabana kwabo. Yilokho uMarie akuthola. Uthi: “Kubonakala sengathi abazali bami sebexabana kakhulu kunakuqala, ngezinye izikhathi ngiyazibuza ukuthi omunye usekhathele yini omunye. Kodwa ngibe sengicabanga, ‘Ake sikhulume nje iqiniso—ukuba neminyaka engu-25 ushadile nezingane ezinhlanu akuwona umdlalo!’” Mhlawumbe nawe ungabonisa “ukuzwelana” nabo ngokuqaphela ukuthi abazali bakho banemithwalo eminingi okufanele bayifeze.—1 Petru 3:8.

Indlela Yokubhekana Nakho

Ungase ukwamukele ukuthi abazali bakho abaphelele, futhi uyazi ukuthi babhekana nezingcindezi nsuku zonke. Kodwa umbuzo usaphakama, Yini ongayenza uma bexabana? Zama okulandelayo:

◼ Ungazifaki. (IzAga 26:17) Akuwona umsebenzi wakho ukuba umeluleki wezomshado noma ukulamula izimpi zabazali bakho. Cishe noma yimuphi umzamo owenzayo wokusiza uzokuxaka. UCharlene oneminyaka engu-18 ubudala uthi: “Ngike ngazama ukulamula ngaphambili, kodwa ngangigcina sengitshelwe ukuthi ngingazifaki.” Yeka abazali bakho bazilungisele izinkinga zabo.

◼ Yiba nombono ofanele ngezinto. (Kolose 3:13) Njengoba kuphawuliwe ekuqaleni, ukuxabana kwabazali bakho njalo akusho ukuthi basengcupheni yokwehlukana. Ngakho-ke ungavumeli ukuxabana kwabo ngezikhathi ezithile kukukhathaze ngokungadingekile. UMelanie oneminyaka engu-20, usho lokhu ngabazali bakhe: “Ngisho noma bexabana, ngiyazi ukuthi basathandana futhi bayawuthanda nomkhaya. Bazokulungisa.” Mhlawumbe kunjalo nangabazali bakho uma bexabana.

◼ Thandaza ngokukhathazeka kwakho. Akufanele uvalele imizwa yokukhathazeka. IBhayibheli lithi: “Phonsa umthwalo wakho phezu kukaJehova, yena uyokusekela.” (IHubo 55:22) Umthandazo ungawenza umehluko. Umphostoli uPawulu walobela abaseFilipi: “Izicelo zenu mazaziwe nguNkulunkulu . . . ; ukuthula kukaNkulunkulu okudlula konke ukucabanga kuyolinda izinhliziyo zenu namandla enu engqondo ngoKristu Jesu.”—Filipi 4:6, 7.

◼ Zinakekele. Akukhona ukuhlakanipha ukukhathazeka ngento ongenakuyilawula. Ukwenza kanjalo kungalimaza ngisho nempilo yakho. IBhayibheli lithi: “Ngukukhathazeka enhliziyweni yomuntu okuyoyibangela ukuba ibhocobale.” (IzAga 12:25) Zama ukudambisa ukukhathazeka ngokuchitha isikhathi nabangane abakhuthazayo nokwenza imisebenzi eyakhayo.

◼ Khuluma nabazali bakho. Nakuba kungafanele ungene ezingxabanweni zabazali bakho, ngokuqinisekile ungabatshela indlela izingxabano zabo ezikuthinta ngayo. Khetha isikhathi esifanele sokuxoxa nomunye wabo. (IzAga 25:11) Khuluma “ngomoya omnene nangenhlonipho.” (1 Petru 3:15) Ungabagxeki. Mane uchaze indlela okukuthinta ngayo.

Kungani ungazami ukusikisela okungenhla? Abazali bakho bangase basabele emizamweni yakho. Ngisho noma bengasabeli, uyokwaneliseka ngokwazi ukuthi nakuba ungenakubalawula, kukhona ongakwenza ngendlela osabela ngayo uma bexabana.

Izihloko ezengeziwe zochungechunge oluthi “Intsha Iyabuza . . . ” zingatholakala engosini ye-Internet ethi www.watchtower.org/ype

[Umbhalo waphansi]

OKUDINGA UKUCATSHANGELWA

◼ Kungani abazali bekuthola kunzima ukuzwana ngezinye izikhathi?

◼ Yini ongayitshela ingane yakini encane ekhathazekile ngenxa yokuxabana kwabazali?

[Ibhokisi ekhasini 20]

OKUMELWE KUPHAWULWE ABAZALI

Emshadweni, izingxabano azinakugwenywa. Kodwa kukini ukuthi nizisingatha kanjani. Izingxabano zabazali ziyithinta kakhulu intsha. Lokhu kuyindaba ebalulekile, ngoba empeleni umshado wenu uyisibonelo izingane zenu cishe eziyosilandela uma zishada. (IzAga 22:6) Kungani ningasebenzisi ukungezwani njengethuba lokubonisa izindlela eziphumelelayo zokuxazulula izingxabano? Zama okulandelayo:

Lalela. IBhayibheli lisitshela ukuba ‘sisheshe ukuzwa, sephuze ukukhuluma, sephuze ukuthukuthela.’ (Jakobe 1:19) Ungatheli amafutha emlilweni ‘ngokubuyisela okubi ngokuba.’ (Roma 12:17) Ngisho noma umngane wakho womshado engafuni ukulalela, wena ungakhetha ukulalela.

Zama ukuchaza kunokuba ugxeke. Ngesizotha, tshela umngane wakho womshado indlela ukuziphatha kwakhe okukuthinta ngayo. (“Ngiphatheka kabi uma . . . ”) Ungawuvumeli umuzwa wokusola nokugxeka. (“Awunandaba nami.” “Awungilaleli.”)

Hoxa. Ngezinye izikhathi kuwukuhlakanipha ukuhoxa nibuye niyiqale ingxoxo uma ulaka selwehlile. IBhayibheli lithi: “Ukuqala kombango kunjengomuntu ovulela amanzi; ngakho ngaphambi kokuba kuqhume ingxabano, hamba.”—IzAga 17:14.

Xolisani omunye komunye—futhi, uma kufaneleka, nixolise nasezinganeni zenu. UBrianne, oneminyaka engu-14, uthi: “Ngezinye izikhathi ngemva kokuxabana, abazali bami bayaxolisa kimina nakumfowethu omdala ngoba bayazi ukuthi kusithinta kanjani.” Esinye sezifundo ezibaluleke kakhulu ongasifundisa izingane zakho ukusho ngokuzithoba, “Ngiyaxolisa.”

Ukuze uthole ukwaziswa okwengeziwe, bheka i-Phaphama! ka-January 8, 2001, amakhasi 8-14, neka-January 22, 1994, amakhasi 3-12.

[Isithombe ekhasini 19]

Ungagxeki. Mane uchaze indlela ozizwa ngayo