Ukwanelisa Isifiso Sethu Sokuba Nabangane

“ISIZUNGU asisona isifo,” kusho incwadi ethi In Search of Intimacy. “Isizungu siyisifiso esinempilo . . . , uphawu lwemvelo lokuthi sidinga abangane.” Njengoba nje indlala isenza sidle ukudla okunomsoco, imizwa yesizungu kufanele isishukumisele ekufuneni abangane abahle.

Nokho, njengoba uYaël, owesifazane osemusha waseFrance, ephawula, “abanye abantu bakugwema ngokuphelele ukuxhumana nabanye abantu.” Kodwa ukuzihlukanisa, kungakhathaliseki ukuthi kungasiphi isizathu, akuxazululi lutho futhi nakanjani kusenza sibe nesizungu nakakhulu. Isaga seBhayibheli sithi: “Ozihlukanisayo uyozifunela isifiso sobugovu; uyophulukundlela aphambane nakho konke ukuhlakanipha okusebenzayo.” (IzAga 18:1) Ngakho kudingeka ukuba siqale ngokuqaphela ukuthi siyabadinga abangane bese sizimisela ukwenza okuthile ngako.

Thatha Izinyathelo Ezingokoqobo Zokwakha Ubungane

Esikhundleni sokuzidabukela noma sokuba nomhawu ngalabo ababonakala benabangane abaningi futhi abahle, kungani ungabi nesimo sengqondo esihle, njengoba kwenza uManuela wase-Italy? Uthi: “Ikakhulukazi lapho ngisanda kungena ebutshitshini, nganginomuzwa wokuthi ngiyacwaswa. Ukuze nginqobe lokhu, ngaqaphelisisa abantu ababenabangane abahle. Ngabe sengizama ukuhlakulela izimfanelo ezinhle ababenazo, ukuzenza ngibe umuntu okhanga kakhudlwana.”

Isinyathelo sokuqala ongasithatha ukuzinakekela ngokomzimba nangezinye izindlela. Ukudla ukudla okunempilo, ukuphumula ngokwanele, nokuvivinya umzimba ngokwanele konke kukwenza ubukeke kahle futhi uzizwe unempilo. Ukuba yinono, uhlanzeke futhi uzilungise kahle akugcini ngokwenza ukuba abantu bafise ukuba nawe kodwa nawe kukunika umuzwa othile wokuzihlonipha. Nokho, musa ukuwela ogibeni lokukhathazeka ngokweqile ngokubukeka kwangaphandle. “Ukugqoka izingubo ezisemfashinini akwenzi mahluko endabeni yokuthola abangane bangempela,” kuphawula uGaëlle, waseFrance. “Ubuhle abantu ababufunayo bungumuntu onguye ngaphakathi.”

Kakade, imicabango nemizwa yethu ejulile inethonya ezingxoxweni zethu ngisho nasendleleni esibukeka ngayo. Ingabe ungumuntu ozethembayo ekuphileni? Lokhu kuyokwenza ubuso bakho buchachambe. Ukumamatheka ngobuqotho kuyinto ekhanga kakhulu ongaba nayo, futhi isazi solimi oludluliselwa umzimba uRoger E. Axtell, sichaza ukuthi “kukhuluma ulimi oluzwiwa yiwo wonke umuntu” futhi “kuyaqabukela ukuba kuqondwe kabi.”a Uma unganezela kukho ikhono lokuqonda amahlaya, abantu bayodonseleka kuwe ngokuzenzakalelayo.

Khumbula, izimfanelo ezinjalo zivela ngaphakathi. Ngakho khuthalela ukugcwalisa ingqondo nenhliziyo yakho ngemicabango nemizwa emihle, eyakhayo. Funda izihloko ezithakazelisayo nezizuzisayo—izindaba ezisematheni, amasiko ahlukahlukene, izimangaliso zemvelo. Lalela umculo ovuselelayo. Kodwa kugweme ukumane uvumele i-TV, amabhayisikobho, namanoveli kuminyanise ingqondo nemizwelo yakho ngezinto zasemaphusheni. Ubuhlobo okuvame ukuba buvezwe kuyithelevishini abenzeki ngokoqobo, akubona ubungane bangempela, kumane nje kuwumphumela wokucabanga kothile.

Yiba Qotho!

UZuleica, ohlala e-Italy, uyakhumbula: “Lapho ngisemncane, nganginamahloni, futhi ngangikuthola kunzima ukuba nabangane. Kodwa ngangazi ukuthi uma sifuna ukuba nabangane, kufanele sithathe isinyathelo kuqala, sizazise kubantu, futhi sibazi.” Yebo, ukuze sibe nabangane bangempela, kumelwe sibe qotho kwabanye—sibenze bazi lokho esiyikho ngempela. Ingxoxo enjalo nokucobelelana imibono kubaluleke kakhulu ngaphezu kobuhle bangaphandle nokuba nogazi. “Abantu abakha ubungane obujulile nobuhlala njalo bangase babe abantu abanamahloni nabangenamahloni, abasha nabadala, abangakhaliphile kangako nabakhaliphile, abavamile nabahle; kodwa isici esisodwa abanaso bonke ukuba qotho,” kuphawula umeluleki uDkt. Alan Loy McGinnis. “Banokuthile okukwenza ubone okungalé, bavumela abantu babone okusezinhliziyweni zabo.”

Lokhu akusho ukuthi kumelwe uhambe utshela wonke umuntu ukuthi uzizwa kanjani noma ukwembula izimfihlo zakho ezijulile kubantu ongakhululekile kubo. Kodwa kusho ukukhetha ukuthi uyembula kobani imicabango nemizwa yakho ejulile futhi ukwenze kancane kancane. UMichela, wase-Italy, uthi: “Ekuqaleni, nganginenkinga yokufihla imizwa yami. Kwadingeka ukuba ngishintshe, ngizame ukuveza imizwa yami ngokwengeziwe, ukuze abangane bami bayiqonde indlela engangizizwa ngayo futhi basondelane nami.”

Nokho, nakuba kungenzeka ukuthi ngokwemvelo ungumuntu obajwayela kalula abantu, kusadingeka isikhathi nokwenza izinto ndawonye ukuze kwakheke ukwethembana phakathi kwabangane. Phakathi naleso sikhathi, zama ukuba ungakhathazeki ngokweqile ngalokho okungenzeka ukuthi abanye bayakucabanga ngawe. U-Elisa, wase-Italy, uyakhumbula: “Inkinga yami kwakuwukuthi njalo nje lapho ngifuna ukusho okuthile, ngangiba novalo lokuthi hleze ngingakubeki kahle. Ngabe sengicabanga, ‘Uma abantu bengabangane bami ngempela, bazoqonda.’ Ngakho uma kwenzeka ngibhimba, ngangisimze ngizihleke, futhi wonke umuntu ahleke kanye nami.”

Ngakho-ke, khululeka! Yiba nguwe. Ukuzishaya ongeyikho akusizi. “Akekho ongakhanga kakhulu ngaphezu komuntu oqotho, ongazenzisi,” kubhala umeluleki wemikhaya uF. Alexander Magoun. Abantu abajabule ngempela akudingeki ukuba bazenzise noma bazame ukuhlaba abanye umxhwele. Singajabulela ubungane bangempela kuphela ngokuba qotho. Ngokufanayo, kudingeka sivumele abanye babe yilokho abayikho. Abantu abajabule bamukela abanye benjengoba benjalo, abanakani namaphutha amancane. Abazizwa benesidingo sokuguqula abangane babo ukuze bavumelane nalokho okucatshangwa yibo. Sebenzela ukuba uhlobo olunjalo lomuntu ojabule, ongagxeki.

Ukuze Ube Nomngane, Yiba Umngane

Kunesici esibaluleke nakakhulu—esisemqoka kunazo zonke. Cishe eminyakeni engu-2 000 edlule, uJesu wabonisa ukuthi isihluthulelo sokuphumelela kunoma yibuphi ubuhlobo uthando olungenabugovu. Wafundisa: “Leyo ndlela enifuna abantu benze ngayo kini, yenzani kanjalo nani kubo.” (Luka 6:31) Le mfundiso seyaziwa ngokuthi uMthetho Wegolide. Yebo, okuwukuphela kwendlela yokuba nabangane bangempela ukuba nawe ube umngane ongenabugovu, ophanayo. Ngamanye amazwi, ukuze ube umngane, yiba umngane. Ukuze ubungane buphumelele, kumelwe bugxile kakhulu ekuphaneni kunasekwamukeleni. Kumelwe sikulungele ukubeka izithakazelo zomngane ngaphezu kwalokho esikuthandayo thina nalokho okuvuna thina.

UManuela, ocashunwe ngaphambili, uyaphawula: “Njengoba nje uJesu asho ukuthi kwakuyoba njalo, injabulo yangempela itholakala ngokupha. Umuntu owamukelayo uyajabula, kodwa ophayo, ujabula nakakhulu. Singapha ngokumane sibuze abangane bethu indlela abazizwa ngayo, ngokuzama ukuqonda izinkinga zabo, nangokwenza konke okusemandleni ethu ukusiza singaceliwe.” Ngakho, thatha isinyathelo sokwanuleka kwabanye, kuhlanganise nakulabo kakade asebengabangane bakho. Qinisa ubuhlobo benu. Ungalahli abangane ngenxa yeminako engemihle futhi engazuzisi ngempela. Abangane badinga isikhathi nokunakwa. URuben, wase-Italy, uyaphawula: “Ukuzinika isikhathi kusemqoka ekutholeni nasekulondolozeni abangane. Okokuqala, kudinga isikhathi ukuze ube isilaleli esihle. Sonke singathuthuka ekulaleleni nasekuboniseni isithakazelo kulokho abanye abakushoyo ngokungabaphazamisi.”

Bahloniphe Abanye

Esinye isici esiyisihluthulelo ekwakheni ubungane obujabulisayo obuhlala isikhathi eside, ukuhloniphana. Lokhu kuhlanganisa ukucabangela imizwa yabanye. Ufuna ukuba abangane bakho basebenzise isu lokungacunuli nobuhlakani lapho izinto abazikhethayo noma imibono yabo ihlukile kweyakho, akunjalo? Akufanele yini ukuba nawe ubaphathe ngendlela efanayo?—Roma 12:10

Enye indlela esibonisa ngayo inhlonipho iwukungabagodli abangane bethu. Ubungane bangempela abunaso isikhwele futhi abenzi ukuba ubagodle abangane bakho. Kweyoku-1 Korinte 13:4, iBhayibheli lithi: “Uthando alunamhawu.” Ngakho qapha noma yikuphi ukuthambekela kokufuna ukuba abangane bakho babe ngabakho wedwa. Uma kwenzeka bexoxela abanye izindaba zabo, musa ukucasuka mhlawumbe uze ubagweme ngisho nokubagwema. Funda ukuthi sonke kudingeka sanuleke. Vumela abangane bakho ukuba babe nanabanye abangane.”

Cabangela nokuthi abangane bakho bayakudinga ukuba babe bodwa ngezinye izikhathi. Abantu, kuhlanganise nemibhangqwana eshadile, bayasidinga isikhathi sokuba babe bodwa. Yize kungafanele unqikaze ukujwayela abanye abantu, kodwa linganisela futhi ucabangele, ungahlali isikhathi eside nabangane bakho baze bakhathale. IBhayibheli liyaxwayisa: “Yenza unyawo lwakho lungavami endlini yomuntu wakini, ukuze angacikeki nguwe.”—IzAga 25:17.

Ungafuni Ukuphelela

Yebo, lapho abantu beqhubeka bazana, bazibona nakakhulu izici ezimbi nezinhle zomunye. Noma kunjalo, akufanele sivumele lokhu kusivimbele ekubeni nabangane. “Abanye balindela okukhulu kakhulu kulabo abafuna ukuba babe abangane babo,” kuphawula uPacôme waseFrance. “Bafuna ukuba babe nezimfanelo ezinhle kuphela, kodwa lokhu akunakwenzeka.” Akekho kithi ophelele, futhi asinalo ilungelo lokukufuna kwabanye. Sethemba ukuthi abangane bethu bayosamukela naphezu kokungapheleli kwethu futhi basibekezelele. Akufanele yini sizame ukukuziba ukushiyeka kwabangane bethu, ngokuthi singacabangi kakhulu ngako noma singakugcizeleli ngendlela eyihaba? Umlobi uDennis Prager uyasikhumbuza: “Abangane abangenamaphutha (okungukuthi, labo okungenzeki nakanye bakhononde, abasibonisa uthando njalo, imizwelo yabo engashintshashintshi, abagxile kithi njalo, futhi abangalokothi basidumaze) ngokuvamile sazi kuyizilwane esizifuyile kuphela.” Uma singafuni ukuba abangane bethu kube yilezo zilwane, kudingeka silalele iseluleko somphostoli uPetru sokuvumela ‘uthando lumboze izono eziningi.’—1 Petru 4:8.

Kade kwashiwo ukuthi abangane bandisa injabulo yethu banciphise ukudabuka kwethu. Kodwa, uma sibhekana namaqiniso, asinakulindela abangane bethu ukuba banelise zonke izidingo zethu noma baxazulule zonke izinkinga zethu. Lowo kungaba umbono wobugovu ngabangane.

Abangane Abathembekile Ebuhleni Nasebubini

Lapho sesinomngane, akufanele sibuthathe kalula ubungane bakhe. Lapho abangane behlukaniswe isikhathi nebanga, bacabanga ngomunye nomunye, bathandazelane. Ngisho noma kuqabukela ukuba babonane, bayakwazi ukusheshe bakhululeke baxoxe. Ikakhulukazi ezikhathini zobunzima noma zokuswela, kubalulekile ukuba sibasekele abangane bethu. Empeleni, akumelwe sihlehle lapho abangane benezinkinga. Kungenzeka ukuthi yingaleso sikhathi abasuke besidinga kakhulu ngaso. “Umngane weqiniso ubonisa uthando ngaso sonke isikhathi, futhi ungumfowabo womuntu ozalelwe isikhathi sosizi.” (IzAga 17:17) Futhi lapho kwenzeka abangane beqiniso bengaboni ngaso linye, bayashesha ukukulungisa futhi bathethelelane. Abangane bangempela ababalahli abangane babo ngenxa nje yokuhilizisana okuba khona ngezikhathi ezithile.

Ngokungabi nezisusa zobugovu nangokubheka abanye ngesimo sengqondo esihle, ungaba nabangane. Kodwa kubalulekile nokuqapha ukuthi baluhlobo luni lwabangane. Ungabakhetha kanjani abangane abahle? Isihloko esilandelayo sizodingida lowo mbuzo.

[Umbhalo waphansi]

[Ibhokisi/Izithombe ekhasini 22, 23]

Ingabe Amadoda Nabesifazane Bangaba “Abangane Nje”?

Ingabe amadoda nabesifazane abangashadene bangaba abangane? Kuxhomeke kulokho esikushoyo ngegama elithi “umngane.” UJesu wayengumngane omkhulu kaMariya noMarta baseBhethaniya—bobabili ababengabesifazane abangashadile. (Johane 11:1, 5) Umphostoli uPawulu wayengumngane kaPrisila nomyeni wakhe, u-Akhwila. (IzEnzo 18:2, 3) Singaqiniseka ukuthi laba bantu babenothando olufudumele ngomunye nomunye. Ngesikhathi esifanayo, asinakucabanga ukuthi uJesu noma uPawulu bake bavumela umcabango wabo welukele ekutheni lobu bungane bubaholele ekuthandaneni.

Umphakathi wanamuhla wenza abesilisa nabesifazane basebenzelane eduze kakhulu kunanini ngaphambili, futhi siyakhula isidingo sokuba abantu babo bobubili ubulili bazi ukuthi bangakwazi kanjani ukuba abangane ngendlela efanele. Imibhangqwana eshadile nayo iyazuza ngokuba abangane neminye imibhangqwana kanye nabantu abangashadile.

“Ukuhlukanisa phakathi kwemizwa yokuthandana, yobulili neyobungane, kungaba nzima kakhulu,” kuxwayisa umagazini i-Psychology Today. “Iqiniso lokuthi ukukhangana ngokobulili kungangena masinya ebunganeni babantu bobulili obuhlukile kungahlosiwe lihlale likhona njalo. Ukugonana okungasho lutho kungashintsha ngaso leso sikhathi kuvuse inkanuko.”

Kubalulekile ukuba imibhangqwana eshadile ibhekane namaqiniso futhi isebenzise ukuhlakanipha. “Zonke izimo zokusondelana nabanye zingawusongela umshado,” kubhala umlobi uDennis Prager encwadini yakhe ethi Happiness Is a Serious Problem. “Akubona ubulili bodwa obenza abantu basondelane, futhi umngane wakho womshado unelungelo lokuba abe ukuphela komngane osondelene naye ngempela kwabobulili obuhlukile.” UJesu wabonisa ukuthi indaba yokulondoloza ubumsulwa bokuziphatha ihilela inhliziyo. (Mathewu 5:28) Ngakho-ke, yiba nobungane, kodwa qapha inhliziyo yakho futhi uqikelele ukugwema izimo ezingaholela emicabangweni, emizweni noma ezenzweni ezingafanele kumuntu wobulili obuhlukile.

[Izithombe ekhasini 23]

Ukunakekela umzimba wakho nengqondo yakho kukwenza ukhange ngokwengeziwe

[Isithombe ekhasini 24]

Abangane bathululelana izifuba