Abangane Abahle Abangane Ababi

OWESIFAZANE osemusha esizombiza ngokuthi uSarah wakhipha okusenhliziyweni yakhe ecindezelekile. Umlisa ayecabanga ukuthi ungumngane wakhe kwakutholakale ukuthi ungumbulali. Wabuza: ‘Uma umuntu ebengimethemba ekwazile ukwenza into enje, ngingamethemba kanjani nje omunye?’ Owayelalele wabuza uSarah ukuthi wayezazi yini izindinganiso zalo mlisa. Waphendula, “Usho ukuthini?” USarah wayengazi nakwazi ukuthi kwakushiwoni ngelithi “izindinganiso.” Kuthiwani ngawe? Uyazazi yini izindinganiso zabangane bakho?

Impendulo yalowo mbuzo ingasho ukuphila noma ukufa ngokoqobo, njengoba kuboniswa okuhlangenwe nakho kukaSarah. Esinye isaga seBhayibheli sikubeka ngale ndlela: “Ohamba nabahlakaniphile uyohlakanipha, kodwa osebenzelana neziphukuphuku kuyomhambela kabi.” (IzAga 13:20) Nokho, njengoSarah, abantu abaningi bakhetha abangane ngesisekelo sokuthi “bayatholana” yini noma cha—indlela abazizwa ngayo lapho benabo. Kungokwemvelo ukufuna ukuba nabantu abasenza sizizwe kahle. Kodwa uma leyo kuwukuphela kwendinganiso yokukhetha kwethu, singazihluphi ngokucabanga ngezimfanelo zangempela zomuntu zangaphakathi, ziyowunqanda phambili. Ungazi kanjani ukuthi umuntu unezindinganiso ezinhle?

Isidingo Sezindinganiso Zokuziphatha Eziphakeme

Zisuka nje, kwathina kumelwe sibe nezindinganiso ezinhle. Kudingeka sazi okulungile nokungalungile, okuhle nokubi, futhi sinamathele ngokuqinile ezimisweni zokuziphatha eziphakeme ngaso sonke isikhathi. Esinye isaga seBhayibheli sithi: “Insimbi ilolwa ngensimbi. Ngakho umuntu ulola ubuso bomunye.” (IzAga 27:17) Lapho abantu ababili abanezimfanelo zokuziphatha eziqine njengensimbi beba abangane, bangasizana ukuba bakhule, futhi izibopho zobungane babo ziyoqina kakhudlwana.

UPacôme, waseFrance, uthi, “Kimi, umngane weqiniso yilowo ongilalelayo futhi okhuluma nami ngomusa kodwa futhi okwaziyo ukungikhuza lapho ngenza into ewubulima.” Yebo, abangane bethu abakhulu—kungakhathaliseki ukuthi basebasha noma badala—yilabo abasisiza ukuba siqhubeke sisendleleni efanele futhi abasiqondisayo lapho besibona sizokwenza izinto ezingahlakaniphile. IBhayibheli lithi: “Amanxeba omngane athembekile.” (IzAga 27:6, King James Version) Ukuze siziqinise ngokokuziphatha nangokomoya, kudingeka sijwayelane nabantu abathanda uNkulunkulu nezimiso zakhe. “Lapho kwakungekho muntu esikoleni owayenezimiso nezinkolelo zobuKristu ezifanayo nezami,” kukhumbula uCéline waseFrance, “ngakubona ukubaluleka kokuba nabangane bangempela ebandleni lobuKristu. Bangisizé kakhulu ekulondolozeni ukulinganisela kwami.”

Ukuhlola Abangaba Abangane

Uma unesithakazelo sokuba umngane womuntu othile osanda kubonana naye, ungase uzibuze, ‘Bangobani abangane bakhe?’ Uhlobo lwabantu abangabangane bomuntu abakhulu lukutshela okuningi ngalowo muntu. Okunye, abantu abavuthiwe nabahloniphekayo emphakathini bambheka kanjani? Ngaphezu kwalokhu, kuwukuhlakanipha ukungacabangeli nje kuphela indlela abantu esifuna ukuba abangane nabo abasiphatha ngayo thina kodwa sicabangele nendlela ababaphatha ngayo abanye, ikakhulukazi labo ukujwayelana nabo okungeke kubazuzise ngalutho. Uma umuntu engabonisi izimfanelo ezinhle—njengokwethembeka, ubuqotho, isineke, nokubonelela—ngazo zonke izikhathi kubo bonke abantu, ungaqiniseka kanjani ukuthi wena uyokuphatha kahle njalo?

Ukwazi ubuntu bomuntu bangempela kudinga isineke, ubuciko, kanye nesikhathi sokumqaphelisisa ezimweni ezingokoqobo ekuphileni. IBhayibheli lithi: “Inhloso enhliziyweni yomuntu injengamanzi ajulile, kodwa umuntu onokuqonda uyoyikhipha.” (IzAga 20:5) Kudingeka sikhulume nabantu esicabangela ukwakha ubungane nabo ngezindaba ezingathí sina—ezembula ubuntu babo bangempela, izisusa zabo, yebo, izindinganiso zabo. Baluhlobo luni lwabantu? Ingabe banozwela noma bayabanda? Ingabe ngokuvamile banombono omuhle ngezimo futhi bayakhuthaza, noma banombono ophambene futhi abathembi lutho? Ingabe abanabo ubugovu noma ingabe bangogombela kwesabo? Ingabe bathembekile noma bangamaphixiphixi? Uma umuntu egxeka abanye lapho enawe, yini eyomvimbela ukuba angakhulumi kabi ngawe lapho ungekho? UJesu wathi: “Umlomo ukhuluma ngokuchichima kwenhliziyo.” (Mathewu 12:34) Kufanele silalele lapho umlomo ukhuluma.

Izinto Okubalulekile Ukuba Nifane Kuzo

Abanye bacabanga ukuthi abangane babo kufanele bathande izinto ezithandwa yibo. Omunye umfanyana wagomela, “Angisoze ngaba umngane womuntu ongalithandi ikhekhe elenziwe ngoshizi.” Kuyiqiniso ukuthi kudingeka abangane babe nezinto eziningana abafana ngazo ukuze baqondane, futhi kungcono kakhulu ukuba babe nezindinganiso ezifanayo eziyisisekelo zokuziphatha nezingokomoya. Kodwa akudingeki ukuba babe nobuntu obufanayo nesizinda esifanayo. Empeleni, ukuba nokuhlangenwe nakho okuhlukile kungabunothisa ubungane benu kunenze nizuzisane.

Izibonelo ezimbili zabangane ezingaphelelwa isikhathi eBhayibhelini—esikaJonathani noDavide nesikaRuthe noNawomi—zazisekelwe ekuzinikeleni okufanayo kuNkulunkulu nasezimisweni zakhe.a Kuyaphawuleka ukuthi kuzo zombili lezi zibonelo, ubungane beqa imingcele yobudala nesizinda. Ngakho zisifundisa okuthile ngobungane: Abasha nabadala banokuningi abanganikela ngakho komunye nomunye lapho bengabangane.

Ukuzuza Eminyakeni Yobudala Engafani

Ukuba nabangane abadala noma abancane kunathi kunganothisa nhlangothi zombili. Cabangela amazwi alandelayo ashiwo intsha asekelwe kokuhlangenwe nakho kwayo.

UManuela (e-Italy): “Sekuyisikhashana ngakha ubungane nombhangqwana osukhulile. Ngaqala ukuwujwayela, futhi okwangijabulisa ukuthi nawo wangijwayela. Awuzange ungibukele phansi ngoba nje ngangimncane. Lokhu kwangishukumisela ukuba ngisondelane nawo. Ubungane nawo buwusizo kakhulu lapho ngiba nezinkinga. Ngithola ukuthi lapho ngixoxa nontanga ngezinkinga zami, ngezinye izikhathi abangane bami banginikeza iseluleko abangasicabangisisanga kahle. Kodwa abangane bami abadala banokuhlangenwe nakho, ukuqonda nokulinganisela okuthile esingakabi nako thina bantu abasha. Ngosizo lwabo ngiyakwazi ukwenza izinqumo ezingcono.”

UZuleica (e-Italy): “Emibuthanweni yethu asimemi intsha kuphela kodwa sihlanganisa nabanye abadala kunathi. Mina, ngiye ngaphawula ukuthi lapho kuhlangene abantu abadala nentsha, sonke sizizwa sikhuthazekile ekupheleni kosuku. Siba nesikhathi esimnandi ngoba wonke umuntu ubheka izinto ngeso elihlukile.”

Nina bantu abadala, nani ningajwayelana nentsha. Njengoba kuboniswe amazwi angenhla, intsha eningi ikwazisa kakhulu ukujula kolwazi lwenu futhi iyakujabulela ukuba kanye nani. U-Amelia, umfelokazi oneminyaka yobudala eyevile kwengu-80, uthi: “Ngithatha isinyathelo kuqala sokuxhumana njalo nentsha. Amandla ayo nobungqabavu bayo buyangivuselela!” Imiphumela emihle yokukhuthazana okunjalo ingafinyelela kude. Intsha eningi esikhulile ithi abangane bayo basebusheni ababebadadlana kunayo futhi abayibekela izibonelo ezinhle bayeluleka kahle, baba neqhaza kakhulu ekuphumeleleni kwayo.

Ukuthuthukisa Ubungane Benu

Ukuze ube nabangane abahle, akudingeki ufune abangane abasha. Uma usunabo kakade abangane abafanelekayo, kungani ungaqikeleli ukuba wenze konke ongakwenza ekuqiniseni ubungane bakho nabo? Abangane osuka kude nabo bayifa eliyigugu ngokukhethekile, futhi kufanele sibaphathe kanjalo. Ungalokothi ubuthathe kalula ubuqotho babo.

Ngaphezu kwalokho, khumbula ukuthi injabulo yangempela—nobungane beqiniso—kutholakala ngokuzidela wena siqu, isikhathi sakho nalokho onakho. Uyothola imivuzo engaphezu kokuzikhandla nokuzidela kwakho. Kodwa-ke, uma uzicabangela wena wedwa lapho ukhetha abangane, awusoze uphumelele. Ngakho, lapho ucabangela abantu abangaba abangane, ungazilinganiseli kulabo ofisa ukuba njengabo noma labo ongazuza okuthile kubo. Yanuleka nakulabo abanye abangase babashalazele noma kulabo okungenzeka nabo bakuthola kunzima ukuba nabangane. UGaëlle, waseFrance, uthi: “Lapho sihlangana ukuze senze okuthile futhi kunentsha esiyaziyo enesizungu, siyayimema. Siyaye sithi: ‘Awukwazi ukuhlala wedwa ekhaya. Woza uhambe nathi. Masisebenziseni leli thuba ukuze sazane.’”—Luka 14:12-14.

Ngakolunye uhlangothi, lapho abantu abakahle befuna ukwakha ubungane nawe, ungasheshi ukwenqaba. U-Elisa wase-Italy, uyaphawula: “Kungenzeka uzizwe uduba ngandlela-thile ngenxa yokuthi ubulokhu unganakwa esikhathini esidlule. Ungase uqale ukucabanga, ‘Kakade, mina angibadingi kangako abangane.’ Ngakho uzivalela ekhosombaneni lakho, ube inkom’ edla yodwa, futhi ucabange ngawe wedwa. Esikhundleni sokufuna abangane, wakha umgoqo.” Kunokuvumela uvalo olungasekelwe ndawo noma isithakazelo sobugovu sikwenze ugweme ukuba nabangane abasha, jwayelana nabanye abantu. Kumelwe sibonge ngokusuka enhliziyweni lapho abantu besikhathalela kangangokuba bafune ukuba abangane bethu.

Ungaba Nabangane Beqiniso

Ukuba nabangane beqiniso kudinga okungaphezu kokumane nje ufise, ulinde futhi ufunde izihloko ezinjengalezi. Ukufunda indlela yokuba nabangane kufana nokufunda ukugibela ibhayisekili. Asikwazi ukuthola ikhono lokwenza lezi zinto ezincwadini kuphela. Kumelwe siphume sisebenzise lokho esikufundile, ngisho noma kungase kusho ukuwa izikhathi ezimbalwa. IBhayibheli libonisa ukuthi ubungane obuqine ngempela bakheka uma nobabili nibugxilise ebuhlotsheni noNkulunkulu. Kodwa uNkulunkulu akanakuyibusisa imizamo yethu yokuba nabangane uma singayenzi leyo mizamo. Ingabe uzimisele ukuba nabangane bangempela? Ungalilahli ithemba! Thandazela usizo lukaNkulunkulu, yanuleka ngokungenabugovu, futhi ube umngane.

[Umbhalo waphansi]

[Ibhokisi/Isithombe ekhasini 27]

Okumelwe Kuphawulwe Abazali

Njenganoma iziphi ezinye izifundo, ukufunda ukwakha ubungane kuqala ekhaya. Ngokuvamile, ukuphila komkhaya kuyokwanelisa ingxenye enkulu yesidingo sengane esencane kakhulu sokuba nabangane. Ngisho nakulezo zimo, ukucabanga kwengane, imizwelo nokuziphatha kwayo kuthonywa kakhulu ukuxhumana kwayo nabanye. Ngokwesibonelo, cabangela indlela izingane eziningi ezisezincane zabantu abavela kwamanye amazwe ezifunda ngayo ukukhuluma ulimi olusha ngokuxhumana nezinye izingane kuphela.

Njengabazali, ninelungelo lokusiza izingane zenu zikhethe abangane ngokuhlakanipha. Izingane ezisencane nalezo ezisanda kuthomba azikakuhlomeli ngokugcwele ukuzenzela izinqumo ezinjalo ngaphandle kwesiqondiso sabazali. Nokho, kunenkinga ekhona. Intsha eningi izizwa isondelene kakhulu nabanye abasebasha njengayo kunabazali bayo noma nabanye abantu abadala.

Ezinye izazi zikholelwa ukuthi esinye isici esenza intsha iphendukele kontanga kunokuba iphendukele kubazali, ukuthi abazali abaningi bayalingabaza igunya abanalo kwezokuziphatha. Abazali kufanele bathwale umthwalo wabo wemfanelo abawunikezwe uNkulunkulu wokuba abangane bezingane zabo futhi bahlale bezimbandakanya ezintweni eziphathelene nazo. (Efesu 6:1-4) Kodwa kungenzeka kanjani? Umeluleki wemikhaya uDkt. Ron Taffel uhlangana nabazali abaningi abadidekile ngokuthi kumelwe basebenzelane kanjani nezingane zabo eziseminyakeni yokuthomba. Ubhala ukuthi abaningi “balandela uchungechunge lwemibono esemfashinini ekhuthazwa imithombo yezindaba ngokukhuliswa kwezingane” esikhundleni sokuba babe abazali bangempela ezinganeni zabo. Kungani bephendukela kule mibono? “Abazazi ngokwanele izingane zabo ukuba baziqonde.”

Akumelwe kube ngaleyo ndlela. Abazali kumelwe baqonde ukuthi izingane ziphendukela kubangane uma zingakutholi lokho ezikudingayo ekhaya. Yini eziyidingayo? “Zidinga lokho intsha ehlale ikudinga: ukunakekelwa, ukwaziswa, ukulondeka, imithetho ecacile nokukwazi lokho okulindeleke kuyo kanye nomuzwa wokuthi iyadingeka,” kusho uTaffel. “Inhlekelele yezikhathi zethu ukuthi intsha eningi ayizitholi lezi zidingo eziyisisekelo kubantu abadala futhi ayizizwa ngempela ‘isekhaya’ ngokugcwele lapho inemindeni yayo.”

Ungazisiza kanjani izingane zakho ekwakheni ubungane? Isinyathelo sokuqala siwukuba ucabangele indlela yakho yokuphila nabangane bakho. Ingabe imigomo nendlela yokuphila oyiphishekelayo wena nabangane bakho inhle futhi ayinabugovu? Ingabe niphishekela izinto ezingokomoya noma ezibonakalayo? “Izenzo zikhuluma lukhulu kunamazwi, futhi izingane zakho ziyoziqaphela izimo zengqondo nezenzo ezizibona kuwe, kubangane bakho, nasezinganeni zabangane bakho,” kuphawula uDouglas, umKristu ongumdala nobaba.

Ngisho nezilwane eziningi, ngokwemvelo ziyazivikela izingane zazo kwezinye izilwane eziyingozi, futhi ngokuvamile zala ukhasha. Isazi samabhere siyabika: “Omama bamabhere bayaziwa ukuthi bavikela amawundlu abo kunoma yini okucatshangwa ukuthi ingase ibe usongo.” Ingabe abazali abangabantu bona kufanele bangabi nandaba? URuben, wase-Italy, uthi: “Abazali bami babonisana nami ngemiBhalo. Bangisiza ukuba ngiqonde ukuthi kwakuyongisiza ukugwema izinhlobo ezithile zabangane. Indlela engasabela ngayo ekuqaleni kwakuwukuthi: ‘Nakho-ke! Phela angisezukuba nabangane!’ Kodwa ukuhamba kwesikhathi kwangibonisa ukuthi babeqinisile, futhi ngenxa yesineke sabo, ngavikeleka.”

Ngaphezu kwalokho, kukhuthalele ukuhlanganisa izingane zakho nabantu abayizibonelo ezinhle futhi abayozisiza ukuba zizibekele imigomo emihle. Insizwa ephumelelayo futhi ejabule okuthiwa uFrancis iyakhumbula: “Umama waphawula ukuthi thina basha sasithanda ukuba sodwa, ngakho wasisiza ngokumemela ekhaya abangane ababekhuthele impela enkonzweni yesikhathi esigcwele yamaKristu. Ngale ndlela sabazi futhi sakha ubungane nabo, khona kanye ekhaya.” Ngokwenza imizamo enjalo, ukuphila kwasekhaya kwezingane zakho kungaba isivande esivundile okungaqhuma futhi kukhule kuso ubuhlobo obuhle.

[Isithombe ekhasini 25]

Qaphela indlela abantu ocabangela ukwakha ubungane nabo abaziphatha ngayo

[Isithombe ekhasini 26]

Ubungane obungenabugovu buyaqhubeka naphezu kokungalingani ngobudala nezizinda ezingefani