Intsha Iyabuza

Kungani Abazali Bami Bengangethembi?

“Ngifisa sengathi abazali bami bebenganginika ithuba lokuphefumula. Akukhona ukuthi ngifuna ukwehla ngenyuka. Ngokwesibonelo, ngingathanda ukuvakashela u-anti ngaphandle kokuba umama akhathazeke ecabanga ukuthi ngifuna ukuhamba ekhaya.”—USarah, oneminyaka engu-18.a

“Ngibabuza njalo abazali bami ukuthi kungani bengangethembi uma ngifuna ukuvakasha nedlanzana labangane. Bavame ukuthi kimi: ‘Siyakwethemba. Ukuthi nje asibethembi abangane bakho.’ Ngiyakhathazeka kakhulu uma besho kanjalo!”—UChristine, oneminyaka engu-18.

UKWETHEMBA umuntu kubaluleke njengemali. Kunzima ukuyithola, kodwa kulula ukuba ikulahlekele, futhi kungakhathaliseki ukuthi unikezwe eningi kangakanani, ayilokothi ibonakale iningi ngokwanele. U-Iliana oneminyaka engu-16 uthi: “Njalo uma ngifuna ukuvakasha, abazali bami bangiphenya ngemibuzo yokuthi ngiyaphi, ngihamba nobani, ngizobe ngenzani, nokuthi ngizobuya nini. Ngiyazi ukuthi bangabazali bami, kodwa kuyangicasula uma bengibuza imibuzo enjalo!”

Ingabe unomuzwa wokuthi ngezinye izikhathi abazali bakho kumelwe bakwethembe kakhudlwana? Uma kunjalo, yini ongayenza ngakho? Okokuqala, ake sibone ukuthi kungani ukwethemba umuntu kuyindaba ebucayi kangaka phakathi kwabazali abaningi nentsha.

Izinselele Zokukhula

IBhayibheli liyavuma ukuthi “indoda iyoshiya uyise nonina.” (Genesise 2:24) Kuyiqiniso ukuthi kungashiwo okufanayo nangowesifazane. Kungakhathaliseki ukuthi ungumfana noma intombazane, injongo ebalulekile yobusha ukukulungiselela ukuba umuntu omdala—isikhathi lapho uyobe usukulungele khona ukuphuma ekhaya futhi mhlawumbe ube nomkhaya wakho.

Kodwa ukukhula akufani nomnyango nje ophuma ngawo lapho usufinyelela izinga elithile lobudala. Kunjengezitebhisi okhuphuka ngazo, igxathu negxathu, phakathi naso sonke isikhathi sobusha bakho. Yiqiniso, wena nabazali bakho ningase nibe nemibono engqubuzanayo ngokuthi usuhambe ibanga elingakanani kulezo zitebhisi. “Ngineminyaka engu-20, kodwa lokhu kuseyinkinga!” kusho uMaria, onomuzwa wokuthi akethenjwa uma kuziwa ekukhetheni abangane. “Abazali bami bacabanga ukuthi ngeke ngikwazi ukubalekela isimo esibi. Ngizamile ukubatshela ukuthi kakade kunezimo ezimbi esengiye ngazibalekela, kodwa lokho akubenelisi!”

Njengoba amazwi kaMaria ebonisa, indaba yokwethembana ingaba umthombo wengxabano enkulu phakathi kwentsha nabazali. Ingabe kunjalo kini? Uma kunjalo, ungenzenjani ukuze abazali bakho bakwethembe kakhudlwana? Futhi uma bengasakwethembi ngenxa yokwenza okuthile okungahlakaniphile, ungenzenjani ukuze ulungise lowo monakalo?

Zibonakalise Ukuthi Ungethenjwa

Umphostoli uPawulu wabhalela amaKristu ekhulu lokuqala: “Qhubekani nihlola lokho nina ngokwenu eniyikho.” (2 Korinte 13:5) Yiqiniso, wayengakhulumi nentsha ngokukhethekile. Kodwa, isimiso esifanayo siyasebenza. Ukuthi uthenjwa kangakanani ngokuvamile kuhambisana nendlela ozibonakalisa ngayo ukuthi ungethenjwa yini. Lokho akusho ukuthi kufanele uphelele. Phela, bonke abantu bayawenza amaphutha. (UmShumayeli 7:20) Kodwa, ingabe indlela ovame ukuziphatha ngayo inikeza abazali bakho isizathu sokuba bangakwethembi?

Ngokwesibonelo, uPawulu wabhala: “Sifisa ukuziphatha ngokwethembeka ezintweni zonke.” (Hebheru 13:18) Zibuze, ‘Nginedumela elinjani uma kuziwa ekukhulumeni iqiniso kubazali bami ngendawo engiya kuyo nalokho engiyokwenza?’ Cabangela okwashiwo yintsha embalwa okuye kwadingeka ukuba izihlolisise kulesi sici.

ULori: “Ngangithumelelana ama-e-mail ngasese nomfana othile engimthandayo. Abazali bami bakuthola lokhu base bethi mangiyiyeke le nto. Ngabathembisa ukuthi ngizoyeka, kodwa ngaqhubeka. Lokhu kwaqhubeka unyaka wonke. Ngangimbhalela lo mfana, abazali bami bakuthole, bese ngixolisa ngibathembise ukuthi ngizoyeka, kodwa ngikwenze futhi. Kwafinyelela eqophelweni lapho abazali bami babengasangethembi ngalutho!”

Ucabanga ukuthi kungani abazali bakaLori bayeka ukumethemba, futhi uLori wayengaziphatha kanjani ngendlela enokwethenjelwa ngemva kokuba abazali bakhe bekhulume naye ngale nkinga okokuqala? Bhala impendulo yakho ngezansi.

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UBeverly: “Abazali bami babengangethembi uma kuziwa kubafana, kodwa manje sengiyaqonda ukuthi kungani. Ngangidlala ngothando nabaningana babo ababebadadlana kimi ngeminyaka emibili. Ngangichitha nesikhathi eside ngixoxa nabo ocingweni, futhi emibuthanweni ngangixoxa nabo kuphela, ngingaxoxi nabanye abantu. Abazali bami bangiphuca ucingo inyanga yonke, futhi babengavumi ukuba ngiye ezindaweni lapho laba bafana ababengaba kuzo.”

Ucabanga ukuthi kungani abazali bakaBeverly babengamethembi isikhathi esithile, futhi yini ayengayenza ukuze alungise umonakalo?

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U-Annette: “Lapho ngisesikoleni samabanga aphakathi, mina nomngane wami sahamba nobhiya saya ekhaya ngemva kombuthano—nakuba sasazi ukuthi abazali bethu babengeke bakujabulele lokho—sanquma ukuwuphuza kamuva ukuze nje sizijabulise. Umama womngane wami walithola ithini lakhe likabhiya. Kwabe sekuvela ukuthi nami ngangiwuphuzile. Okubi kakhulu ngalesi simo kwakuwukubona umama edumele!”

Ukube u-Annette ubengudadewenu omncane, isiphi iseluleko obungamnikeza sona ukuze umama wenu abuye amethembe?

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Ukuzuza Ukwethenjwa Futhi

Kuthiwani uma izenzo zakho ziye zabangela ukuba abazali bakho bangakwethembi, njengentsha ecashunwe ngenhla? Ngisho noma kunjalo, qiniseka ngokuthi ungasishintsha isimo. Kodwa kanjani?

Cishe abazali bakho bazokwethemba kakhudlwana njengoba uzakhela idumela lokuziphatha okufanele. Ngokwesibonelo: Cabanga ngendoda ekweleta ibhange imali. Uma ikhokha njalo, ibhange liyoyethemba futhi lingase liphinde liyitsheleke imali esikhathini esizayo. Kunjalo nasekhaya. Uma uzibonakalisa unokwethenjelwa—ngisho nasezintweni ezincane—cishe abazali bakho bazokwethemba kakhudlwana esikhathini esizayo.

U-Annette wagcina elifundile lelo qiniso. Uthi: “Uma usakhula, awukuqondi ngokuphelele ukubaluleka kokwethenjelwa. Manje angisazithathi kalula izinto, futhi ngizizwa ngishukumiseleka ukuba ngiziphathe ngendlela ezongisiza ukuba abazali bami bahlale bengethemba.” Yini esiyifundayo? Kunokuba ukhononde ngokuthi abazali bakho abakwethembi, gxila ekuzakheleni idumela lokuziphatha okunokwethenjelwa.

Ngokwesibonelo, ingabe unokwethenjelwa ezintweni ezishiwo ngezansi? Faka uqhwishi ebhokisini ezicini okudingeka usebenzele kuzo.

□ Ukugcina isikhathi engisibekelwe

□ Ukufika ngesikhathi

□ Ukuqeda imisebenzi enginayo

□ Ukugcina ikamelo lami lihlanzekile

□ Ukusebenzisa ucingo

□ Ukufeza izithembiso zami

□ Ukuyisebenzisa kahle imali

□ Ukuvuka ngaphandle kokubeleselwa

□ Ukukhuluma iqiniso

□ Ukuvuma amaphutha bese ngixolisa

□ Okunye ․․․․․․․․․․․․․․․․․․․․․․․․․․․․․․․․․․․․․․․․․․․․․․․․․․․․․

Kungani ungazimiseli ukuzibonakalisa unokwethenjelwa ezicini ofake uqhwishi kuzo? Landela iseluleko seBhayibheli: ‘Lahla ubuntu obudala obuvumelana nenkambo yakho yokuziphatha yangaphambili.’ (Efesu 4:22) ‘U-Yebo wakho makasho uYebo.’ (Jakobe 5:12) “Yilowo nalowo kini makakhulume iqiniso nomakhelwane wakhe.” (Efesu 4:25) “Lalelani abazali benu kukho konke.” (Kolose 3:20) Ngokuhamba kwesikhathi, intuthuko yakho iyobonakala kwabanye, kuhlanganise nakubazali bakho.—1 Thimothewu 4:15.

Kodwa kuthiwani uma unomuzwa wokuthi naphezu kwemizamo yakho emihle, abazali bakho abakwethembi ngendlela okufanele bakwethembe ngayo? Kungani ungaxoxi nabo ngale ndaba? Esikhundleni sokukhononda ngokuthi bona kudingeka bakwethembe kakhudlwana, babuze ngenhlonipho ukuthi yini abacabanga ukuthi wena kudingeka uyenze ukuze bakwethembe. Chaza imigomo yakho ngale ndaba ngokucacile.

Ungalindeli ukuba abazali bakho basuse imibandela ngokushesha. Akungabazeki ukuthi bayofuna ukuqiniseka ukuthi uzozifeza yini izithembiso zakho. Sebenzisa leli thuba ukuze uzibonakalise unokwethenjelwa. Ngokuhamba kwesikhathi, abazali bakho bayokwethemba kakhudlwana. Kwenzeka kanjalo ngoBeverly, ocashunwe ekuqaleni. Uthi: “Kunzima kakhulu ukuzuza ukwethenjelwa kunokulahlekelwa yiko,” enezela, “Ngizuza ukwethenjelwa kwamanje, futhi lokho kuyajabulisa!”

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OKUDINGA UKUCATSHANGELWA

◼ Kungani abazali bakho bengase bangabaze ukukwethemba kakhudlwana ngisho noma uzikhandla ukuze uzibonakalise unokwethenjelwa?

◼ Kungani ukukhulumisana nabazali bakho kubalulekile ukuze uzuze ukwethenjelwa okwengeziwe?

[Umbhalo waphansi]

[Amazwi acashunwe esihlokweni ekhasini 29]

Gxila ekwakheni idumela lokuziphatha okunokwethenjelwa

[Umdwebo/Isithombe ekhasini 28]

Ushintsho lokuba umuntu omdala onokwethenjelwa lufana nokukhwela izitebhisi, igxathu negxathu, phakathi nabo bonke ubusha bakho

[Umdwebo]

(Ukuze ubone ukuthi indaba ihlelwe kanjani, bheka encwadini)

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