Ungawusindisa Umshado Wakho!

IBhayibheli ligcwele iseluleko esiwusizo esingazuzisa amadoda nabafazi. Kufanele, ngoba Lowo owaphefumulela iBhayibheli nguye futhi onguMsunguli welungiselelo lomshado.

IBHAYIBHELI linikeza umbono ongokoqobo ngomshado. Liyavuma ukuthi indoda nomfazi bayoba “nosizi,” okusho ubuhlungu. (1 Korinte 7:28) Kodwa iBhayibheli liyasho nokuthi umshado ungaletha injabulo futhi kufanele uyilethe, ngisho nokwesasa. (IzAga 5:18, 19) Le mibono emibili ayiphikisani. Imane nje ibonisa ukuthi naphezu kwezinkinga ezinkulu, umbhangqwana ungaba nobuhlobo obusondelene nobunothando.

Ingabe lokho akukho emshadweni wakho? Ingabe ubuhlungu nendumalo sekusibekele ukusondelana nenjabulo eyake yaba khona ebuhlotsheni benu? Ngisho noma umshado wakho uye waba sesimweni esingenaluthando iminyaka eminingi, kungatholakala lokho okwalahleka. Yiqiniso, kufanele ubheke izinto ngendlela engokoqobo. Ayikho indoda nomfazi abangaphelele abangaba nomshado ophelele. Noma kunjalo, kunezinyathelo eningazithatha ukuze niqede imikhuba emibi.

Uma ufunda ukwaziswa okungezansi, zama ukubona ukuthi yimaphi amaphuzu athinta umshado wakho. Esikhundleni sokugxila emaphutheni omngane wakho womshado, khetha ukusikisela okumbalwa ongakusebenzisa, futhi usebenzise iseluleko esingokomBhalo. Ungase uthole ukuthi kunethemba elikhulu ngomshado wakho kunokuba ucabanga.

Ake siqale sixoxe ngesimo sengqondo ngoba umbono wakho ngokuzibophezela nemizwa yakho ngomngane wakho kubaluleke kakhulu.

Umbono Wakho Ngokuzibophezela

Kubalulekile ukuba nombono wesikhathi eside ukuze ulungise umshado wenu. Phela, ilungiselelo lomshado uNkulunkulu wayeliklamele ukuba lihlanganise abantu ababili bangahlukani. (Genesise 2:24; Mathewu 19:4, 5) Ngakho, ubuhlobo bakho nomngane wakho womshado abufani nomsebenzi ongawuyeka noma nendlu ongayishiya ngokumane uqede isivumelwano bese uyathutha. Kunalokho, uma ushada wenza isifungo sokunamathela kumngane wakho womshado, kungakhathaliseki ukuthi kwenzekani. Umuzwa ojulile wokuzibophezela uhambisana nalokho uJesu Kristu akusho eminyakeni engaba ngu-2 000 edlule: “Lokho uNkulunkulu akubophele ndawonye ejokeni makungahlukaniswa muntu.”—Mathewu 19:6.

Abanye bangase bathi, ‘Kulungile-ke, sisendawonye. Ingabe lokho akubonisi ukuthi sinawo umuzwa wokuzibophezela?’ Mhlawumbe. Kodwa njengoba kuphawuliwe ekuqaleni kwalolu chungechunge, eminye imibhangqwana ehlala ndawonye isemanzini amile, ivaleleke emshadweni ongenaluthando. Umgomo wakho uwukwenza umshado wakho ujabulise, hhayi nje ubekezeleleke. Ukuzibophezela akufanele kubonise ukwethembeka elungiselelweni lomshado kuphela kodwa nakumuntu owafunga ukuthi uzomthanda futhi umazise.—Efesu 5:33.

Izinto ozisho kumngane wakho womshado zingase zembule ukuthi ukuzibophezela kwakho kujule kangakanani. Ngokwesibonelo, uma kuphakama ingxabano, amanye amadoda nabafazi basheshe basho amazwi anjengokuthi “Ngiyahamba!” noma “Ngizofuna umuntu ongazisayo!” Ngisho noma izinkulumo ezinjalo zingahlosiwe ngokoqobo, zilulaza ukuzibophezela ngokunikeza umbono wokuthi umnyango uhlala uvuliwe futhi lowo osho la mazwi uhlale ekulungele ukuthi angaphuma noma nini.

Ukuze uvuselele uthando emshadweni wakho, gwema ukusongela okunjalo ezinkulumweni zakho. Ubungayilungisa yini indlu uma wazi ukuthi ungathutha noma nini? Pho, kungani ulindela umngane wakho womshado ukuba alwele ukulondoloza umshado ongeke uhlale isikhathi eside? Zimisele ukuthi uzozama ngobuqotho ukusebenzela ukuthola amakhambi.

Yilokho omunye wesifazane akwenza ngemva kokuba nesikhathi esinzima nomyeni wakhe. Uthi: “Nakuba ngangingamthandi ngezinye izikhathi, ngangingakucabangi ukuqeda ubuhlobo. Kungakhathaliseki ukuthi yini eyayingalungile, sasizoyilungisa ngandlela-thile. Futhi manje, ngemva kweminyaka emibili enzima kakhulu, ngingasho ngingenqeni ukuthi sesiyajabula futhi.”

Yebo, ukuzibophezela kusho ukubambisana—hhayi nje ukuhlala ndawonye kodwa ukusebenzela umgomo ofanayo. Nokho, ungase ube nomuzwa wokuthi manje senihlaliswe nje ukuthi nazibophezela. Uma kunjalo, ungalilahli ithemba. Ningaluvuselela uthando. Kanjani?

Ukudumisa Umngane Wakho Womshado

IBhayibheli lithi: “Umshado mawudunyiswe phakathi kwabo bonke.” (Heberu 13:4; Roma 12:10) Izinhlobo zegama lesiGreki lapha elihunyushwe ngokuthi ‘ukudunyiswa’ zihunyushwa kwezinye izingxenye zeBhayibheli ngokuthi ‘ukuthandwa,’ ‘ukwaziswa,’ noma ‘ukuba yigugu.’ Uma siyazisa kakhulu into ethile, senza imizamo emikhulu ukuze siyinakekele. Mhlawumbe uke wakubona lokho ngomuntu onemoto entsha kanokusho. Ugcina imoto yakhe eyigugu icwebezela futhi isesimweni esihle. Kuyena, ngisho nokuklwebheka okuncane nje kuyinto enkulu! Abanye abantu bayinakekela ngokufanayo impilo yabo. Ngani? Ngoba bayayazisa inhlalakahle yabo, ngakho bafuna ukuyilondoloza.

Unakekele ngendlela efanayo umshado wakho. IBhayibheli lithi uthando “luthemba zonke izinto.” (1 Korinte 13:7) Esikhundleni sokucabanga ngendlela ebonisa ukuphelelwa ithemba—mhlawumbe uvele ukhohlwe ukuthi kukhona okungalunga bese uthi, “Asikaze sithandane ngempela,” “Sashada sisebancane kakhulu,” noma “Sasingazi ukuthi senzani”—kungani ungabi nethemba lokuthi izinto zizoba ngcono futhi usebenzele ukuthuthukisa, ulinde imiphumela ngesineke? Omunye umeluleki wemishado uthi: “Ngizwa abantu abaningi engibelulekayo bethi ‘Ngeke ngisakumela!’ Esikhundleni sokuhlaziya ubuhlobo babone ukuthi yikuphi okudinga ukuthuthukiswa, bamane bayeke phansi yonke imizamo, kuhlanganise nezimiso abazihlanganyelayo, umlando abaye bawakha ndawonye, nanoma yimaphi amathuba ekusasa.”

Yimuphi umlando eninawo nomngane wakho womshado? Kungakhathaliseki ukuthi yibuphi ubunzima eninabo emshadweni wenu, ngokungangabazeki zikhona izikhathi ezimnandi eningazikhumbula, izinto enizifezile nezinselele enibhekane nazo nobabili. Cabanga ngalezi zimo, futhi ubonise ukuthi uyawudumisa umshado wakho nomngane wakho womshado ngokusebenza ngobuqotho ekuthuthukiseni ubuhlobo benu. IBhayibheli libonisa ukuthi uJehova uNkulunkulu unesithakazelo esiqotho ekutheni abangane bomshado baphathana kanjani. Ngokwesibonelo, osukwini lomprofethi uMalaki, uJehova wawajezisa amadoda angama-Israyeli ayephatha omkawo ngenkohliso ngokuhlukanisa nabo ngaphandle kwesizathu. (Malaki 2:13-16) AmaKristu afuna ukuba umshado wawo ulethe udumo kuJehova uNkulunkulu.

Ingxabano—Ishube Kangakanani?

Kubonakala sengathi isici esiyinhloko emshadweni ongenaluthando ukuhluleka komyeni nomkakhe ukusingatha ingxabano. Njengoba bengekho abantu ababili abafana nsé, yonke imishado iyoba nezingxabano ngezikhathi ezithile. Kodwa imibhangqwana ehlale ingavumelani ingase ithole ukuthi ngokuhamba kwesikhathi uthando lwayo selunciphile. Ingase iphethe nangokuthi, ‘Asifanelani. Sixabana njalo!’

Nokho, ukuba khona kwengxabano akufanele kusho ukuthi umshado mawuphele. Umbuzo uwukuthi, Ingxabano isingathwa kanjani? Emshadweni ophumelelayo, indoda nomfazi baye bafunda ukuxoxa ngezinkinga zabo ngaphandle kokuphenduka “izitha ezinkulu,” njengoba kusho omunye udokotela.

“Amandla Olimi”

Ingabe wena nomngane wakho womshado niyakwazi ukuxoxa ngezinkinga zenu? Nobabili kufanele nizimisele ukuxoxa ngazo. Ngempela, lokhu kuyikhono—okungaba yinselele ukulifunda. Ngani? Ngenxa yokuthi sonke ‘siyakhubeka ngezwi’ ngezikhathi ezithile ngoba asiphelele. (Jakobe 3:2) Kanti abanye bakhulela emikhayeni lapho intukuthelo yomzali yayiqhuma njalo khona. Kusukela besebancane, kunjengokungathi baqeqeshelwa ukukholelwa ukuthi ukuqhuma kwentukuthelo nenhlamba kungokwemvelo. Umfana okhulele esimweni esinjalo angase akhule abe “umuntu onolaka,” ovame ‘ukufutheka.’ (IzAga 29:22) Ngokufanayo, intombazane ekhuliswe kanjalo ingaba “owesifazane onolimi oluhlabayo nothukuthelayo.” (IzAga 21:19, The Bible in Basic English) Kungaba nzima ukusiphula izindlela ezigxilile zokucabanga nezokusebenzelana nabanye.a

Khona-ke, ukusingatha izingxabano kuhilela ukufunda izindlela ezintsha zokuveza imicabango. Akuyona into encane le, ngoba isaga seBhayibheli sithi: “Ukufa nokuphila kusemandleni olimi.” (IzAga 18:21) Yebo, nakuba kungase kubonakale kuyinto encane, indlela okhuluma ngayo nomngane wakho womshado inamandla okulimaza ubuhlobo benu noma okubuvuselela. Esinye isaga seBhayibheli sithi: “Bakhona abaphahluka njengokuhlaba kwenkemba, kepha izilimi zabahlakaniphileyo ziyimpiliso.”—IzAga 12:18.

Ngisho noma umngane wakho kungaze kube nguye onephutha, zicabangele izinto ozishoyo lapho ningavumelani. Ingabe amazwi akho ayahlaba noma ayaphilisa? Ingabe avusa ulaka noma ayalubohlisa? “Izwi elilukhuni livusa ulaka,” kusho iBhayibheli. Ngokuphambene, “impendulo ethambileyo iyabuyisa ukufutheka.” (IzAga 15:1) Amazwi abuhlungu—ngisho noma ekhulunywe ngomoya ophansi—ayobhebhethekisa isimo.

Yiqiniso, uma okuthile kukuphazamisa, unelungelo lokukhuluma. (Genesise 21:9-12) Kodwa ungenza kanjalo ngaphandle kokubhuqa, ukuthuka inhlamba nokuphoxa. Zibekele imingcele eqinile—izinto oyozimisela ukuthi ngeke uzisho kumngane wakho womshado, njengokuthi “Ngiyakuzonda” noma “Ngifisa sengathi ngabe asizange sishade.” Yize noma umphostoli ongumKristu uPawulu ayengakhulumi ngomshado ngokuthe ngqó, kuwukuhlakanipha ukugwema ukubanjwa ugibe lwalokho akubiza ngokuthi “izinkulumo-mpikiswano ngamazwi” kanye ‘nezimpikiswano ezishisayo ngobala.’b (1 Thimothewu 6:4, 5) Uma umngane wakho womshado esebenzisa izindlela ezinjalo, akudingeki ukuba nawe usabele ngendlela efanayo. Uma kunokwenzeka ngokwezimo zakho, phishekela ukuthula.—Roma 12:17, 18; Filipi 2:14.

Kuyavunywa, uma kuphakama intukuthelo, kunzima ukulawula ulimi. “Ulimi luwumlilo,” kusho umlobi weBhayibheli uJakobe. “Akukho noyedwa wesintu ongalwenza luthambe. Into engalawuleki elimazayo, lugcwele ubuthi obubulalayo.” (Jakobe 3:6, 8) Pho, yini ongayenza uma kuphakama intukuthelo? Ungakhuluma kanjani nomngane wakho womshado ngendlela ezoqeda ingxabano esikhundleni sokuyibhebhethekisa?

Ukubohlisa Ingxabano Evuthayo

Abanye baye bathola ukuthi kulula ukubohlisa intukuthelo futhi baxoxe ngezinto eziyinhloko uma begxila emizweni yabo kunasezenzweni zomngane wabo. Ngokwesibonelo, ukuthi “Ngiphatheke kabi ngenxa yalokho okushilo” kuphumelela kangcono kunokuthi “Ungiphathe kabi” noma “Kufanele ngabe wazi kangcono ukuba ungasho lokho.” Yiqiniso, uma usho indlela ozizwa ngayo, izwi lakho akufanele lizwakalise intukuthelo noma ukunengeka. Inhloso yakho kufanele kube ukuqokomisa inkinga kunokuhlasela umuntu.—Genesise 27:46–28:1.

Ngaphezu kwalokho, khumbula njalo ukuthi kukhona “isikhathi sokuthula nesikhathi sokukhuluma.” (UmShumayeli 3:7) Uma abantu ababili bekhuluma kanyekanye, akekho olalelayo, khona-ke akusizi ngalutho. Ngakho uma kuyithuba lakho lokuba ulalele, ‘shesha ngokuphathelene nokuzwa, wephuze ngokuphathelene nokukhuluma.’ Okubaluleke ngendlela efanayo, ‘yephuza ngokuphathelene nolaka.’ (Jakobe 1:19) Ungawafaki enhliziyweni wonke amazwi okhahlo ashiwo umngane wakho; futhi “ungasheshi ukuthukuthela emoyeni wakho.” (UmShumayeli 7:9) Kunalokho, zama ukuqonda imizwa ebangela amazwi omngane wakho. IBhayibheli lithi: “Ukuhlakanipha komuntu kubambezela intukuthelo yakhe; kuludumo lwakhe ukudlula esiphambekweni.” (IzAga 19:11) Ukuqonda kungasiza indoda noma umfazi abone imbangela yokungavumelani.

Ngokwesibonelo, ukukhononda komfazi ngokuthi umyeni wakhe asikho isikhathi asichitha naye, ngokunokwenzeka akusho nje amahora nemizuzu. Kungase kube ukuthi unomuzwa wokuthi umyeni akayinaki imizwa yakhe noma akamazisi. Ngokufanayo, ukukhala komyeni ngokuthenga ngokuphamazela komkakhe mhlawumbe akukhona nje ukuthi usebenzise imali. Kungase kube ukuthi unomuzwa wokuthi imizwa yakhe ayicatshangelwanga lapho kwenziwa isinqumo. Indoda noma umfazi onokuqonda uyokumba futhi athole umnyombo wenkinga.—IzAga 16:23.

Ingabe kulula ukukhuluma kunokwenza? Ngokuqinisekile! Ngezinye izikhathi, naphezu kokuzama ngangokusemandleni, kuyokwenzeka nikhulume amazwi angenamusa futhi kuvuke intukuthelo. Uma ubona lokhu kuqala ukwenzeka, kungase kudingeke ulandele isiyalo sezAga 17:14: “Yeka inkani, ingakashisi.” Akukho okubi ngokuhlehlisa ingxoxo kuze kube yilapho imizwa seyizolile. Uma kunzima ukukhuluma ngaphandle kokuxabana, kungase kube ngcono ukuba umngane ovuthiwe ahlale nani phansi futhi anisize ukuba nixazulule ukungezwani kwenu.c

Londoloza Umbono Ongokoqobo

Ungadumali uma umshado wakho ungekhona lokho owawucabanga ukuthi uyoba yikho ngesikhathi nisathandana. Elinye iqembu lochwepheshe lithi: “Kubantu abaningi akuhlali kunenjabulo engapheli emshadweni. Ngezinye izikhathi kumnandi kanti ngezinye kuba nzima kakhulu.”

Yebo, umshado ungase ungabi njengenoveli yothando, kodwa futhi akudingeki ube yinhlekelele. Nakuba kuyoba nezikhathi lapho wena nomngane wakho womshado kuyodingeka nibekezelelane, kuyoba nezikhathi futhi lapho niyokhohlwa ukungavumelani nijabulele ukuba ndawonye, ningcebeleke futhi nixoxe njengabangane. (Efesu 4:2; Kolose 3:13) Lezi yizikhathi ongase ukwazi ngazo ukuvuselela uthando obeselupholile.

Khumbula, abantu ababili abangaphelele ngeke babe nomshado ophelele. Kodwa bangajabula ngezinga elithile. Ngempela, ngisho noma kunobunzima, ubuhlobo bakho nomngane wakho womshado bungaba umthombo wokwaneliseka okukhulu. Yinye into eqinisekile: Uma nobabili wena nomngane wakho womshado nenza umzamo futhi nizimisele ukuvumelana nezimo nifunele omunye okungcono, kunesizathu esihle sokukholelwa ukuthi ningawusindisa umshado wenu.—1 Korinte 10:24.

[Imibhalo yaphansi]

[Amazwi acashunwe esihlokweni ekhasini 12]

Ingabe amazwi akho ayalimaza noma ayaphilisa?

[Ibhokisi/Izithombe ekhasini 10]

LIPHONSE KAHLE IBHOLA

IBhayibheli lithi: “Amazwi enu ngaso sonke isikhathi mawabe nomusa, ayoliswe ngosawoti, ukuze nazi ukuthi kufanele nimphendule kanjani umuntu ngamunye.” (Kolose 4:6) Akuve kusebenza lokhu emshadweni! Ngokwesibonelo: Emdlalweni webhola lomnqakiswano, uphonsa ibhola ngendlela yokuthi omunye alinqake kalula. Awumfumbi ngalo uze umlimaze odlala naye. Sebenzisa isimiso esifanayo lapho ukhuluma nomngane wakho womshado. Ukumfumba ngamazwi ahlabayo kuyomlimaza. Kunalokho, khuluma ngomoya ophansi—ngomusa—ukuze umngane wakho womshado alithole iphuzu.

[Ibhokisi/Isithombe ekhasini 11]

KHUMBULA IZINSUKU ESEZADLULA!

Funda izincwadi namakhadi akudala. Buka izithombe. Zibuze, ‘Yi-ni eyangikhanga kumngane wami womshado? Yiziphi izimfanelo engangizazisa kakhulu? Yiziphi izinto esasihlanganyela kuzo? Yini eyayisenza sijabule?’ Bese uxoxa nomngane wakho womshado ngalezi zinto. Ingxoxo eqala ngamazwi athi “Uyakhumbula ngesikhathi . . . ?” ingase inisize ukuba nivuselele imizwa enake naba nayo.

[Ibhokisi ekhasini 12]

UMNGANE WOMSHADO OMUSHA, IZINKINGA EZIFANAYO

Abanye abangane bomshado abazizwa bevaleleke emshadweni ongenaluthando balingeka ukuba baqale kabusha nomngane womshado omusha. Kodwa iBhayibheli liyakulahla ukuphinga, lithi umuntu ohlanganyela kulesi sono “akanakho ukuqonda [“uyisiphukuphuku,” New English Bible]” futhi ‘uchitha umphefumulo wakhe.’ (IzAga 6:32) Ekugcineni, isiphingi esingaphenduki silahlekelwa umusa kaNkulunkulu—okuyincithakalo embi kunazo zonke.—Heberu 13:4.

Ubuphukuphuku bokuphinga bubonakala nangezinye izindlela. Phakathi kokunye, isiphingi esishada nomngane womshado omusha kungenzeka sibhekane nezinkinga ezifanayo ezazihlupha umshado waso wokuqala. UDkt. Diane Medved uveza esinye isici okufanele sicatshangelwe. Uthi: “Into yokuqala umngane wakho womshado omusha ayifundayo ngawe ukuthi uzimisele ukungathembeki. Lo mngane omusha uyazi ukuthi ungamkhohlisa umuntu omethembise ukuthi uzomhlonipha. Uyazi ukuthi unekhono lokubeka izaba. Ukuthi ungaphambukiswa ukuba ulahle izibopho. Ukuthi injabulo yemizwa noma ukuzanelisa kuyisife esiyokubamba. . . . Umngane womshado omusha wazi kanjani ukuthi ngeke uphinde uyengeke?”

[Ibhokisi/Isithombe ekhasini 14]

UKUHLAKANIPHA OKUVELA EZAGENI ZEBHAYIBHELI

• IzAga 10:19: “Lapho amazwi emaningi khona, akuphuthi ukuphambeka; obamba umlomo wakhe uhlakaniphile.”

Uma ucasukile, ungase usho izinto ongazihlosile—bese uzisola kamuva.

• IzAga 15:18: “Umuntu ofuthayo uyavusa ukuxabana, kepha owephuza ukuthukuthela uthulisa ingxabano.”

Ukusola umngane wakho womshado ngamazwi ahlabayo kuyomenza afune ukuzivikela, kuyilapho ukulalela ngesineke kuyonisiza nobabili ukuba nisebenzele ukuthola ikhambi.

• IzAga 17:27: “Obamba amazwi akhe unokwazi; onomoya opholileyo ungumuntu oqondileyo.”

Uma uzwa sengathi uyathukuthela, kungcono ukuthula ukuze ugweme ingxabano evuthayo.

• IzAga 29:11: “Isiwula sikhipha lonke ulaka lwaso, kepha ohlakaniphileyo uyalugodla ekugcineni.”

Kubalulekile ukuzithiba. Ukufutheka ngamazwi anokhahlo kuyomane kwenze umngane wakho womshado angabi naluzwela.