Indlela Ongawuqinisa Ngayo Umshado Wakho

BONA ngeso lengqondo indlu esiwohlokile. Upende uyaxebuka, uphahla lonakele, ngisho negceke lenile. Kusobala ukuthi lesi sakhiwo kade sasibhekana neziphepho ezinzima futhi besinganakekelwa. Ingabe kufanele sibhidlizwe? Cha, akudingekile. Uma isisekelo nesakhiwo kuqinile, cishe le ndlu isengavuselelwa.

Ingabe isimo sale ndlu sikukhumbuza umshado wakho? Kungenzeka ukuthi eminyakeni edlule, lokho esingakubiza ngokuthi iziphepho ezinzima, kuye kwenza umonakalo emshadweni wenu. Kungenzeka ukuthi oyedwa wenu noma nobabili niye nangawunaka ngezinga elithile umshado wenu. Ningase nizizwe njengoSandy. Ngemva kweminyaka engu-15 eshadile, wathi: “Akukho lutho esasifana ngalo ngaphandle kokuthi sishadile. Futhi lokho kwakunganele.”

Ngisho noma umshado wakho usufinyelele leli qophelo, ungasheshi uphethe ngokuthi kufanele ubhidlizwe. Cishe umshado wakho usengavuselelwa. Kuxhomeke kakhulu ekutheni wena noshade naye nizinikele ngezinga elingakanani. Ukuzinikela kungasiza ekuqiniseni umshado ezikhathini ezinzima. Kodwa kuyini ukuzinikela? Futhi iBhayibheli lingakusiza kanjani ukuba ukuqinise?

Ukuzinikela Kuhilela Isibopho

Ukuzinikela kusho ukuzizwa unesibopho sokunamathela ezwini lakho maqondana nento. Ngokwesibonelo, umakhi angase azizwe ebophekile ukufeza izimfuneko zesivumelwano sokwakha indlu asisayinile. Kungenzeka akamazi umnikazi womsebenzi. Noma kunjalo, uzizwa ephoqelekile ukugcina izwi lakhe.

Nakuba umshado ungesona isivumelwano sebhizinisi esingahileli mizwelo, ukuzinikela okuhilelekile kuhlanganisa isibopho. Cishe wena noshade naye niye nenza isifungo ngobuqotho phambi kukaNkulunkulu nabantu sokuhlala ndawonye, kumnyama kubomvu. UJesu wathi: “Lowo owabadala [indoda nenkosikazi] kusukela ekuqaleni wabenza kwaba owesilisa nowesifazane, wathi, ‘Ngenxa yalesi sizathu indoda iyoshiya uyise nonina inamathele kumkayo.’” UJesu wanezela wathi: “Lokho uNkulunkulu akubophele ndawonye makungahlukaniswa muntu.” (Mathewu 19:4-6) Khona-ke, lapho kuvela izinkinga wena noshade naye kufanele nizimisele ukugcina isifungo enasenza.a Omunye unkosikazi uthi: “Izinto zaqala ukuba ngcono lapho sesiyekile ukucabanga ngokuthi isehlukaniso singaba yikhambi.”

Nokho, kukhona okunye okuhilelekile ekuzinikeleni emshadweni ngaphandle kwesibopho. Yini enye ehilelekile?

Ukubambisana Kuqinisa Ukuzinikela Emshadweni

Ukuzinikela emshadweni akusho ukuthi abashadile bayohlala bevumelana. Lapho bengaboni ngaso linye, kufanele babe nesifiso esiqotho sokulungisa indaba ngenxa yesibopho esingokomzwelo, hhayi nje ngenxa yesifungo abasenza esibabophayo. Mayelana nendoda nenkosikazi, uJesu wathi: “Abasebabili, kodwa sebenyamanye.”

Kusho ukuthini ukuba ‘nyamanye’ noshade naye? Umphostoli uPawulu wabhala wathi “amadoda kufanele athande omkawo njengemizimba yawo siqu.” (Efesu 5:28, 29) Ngakho, ngokwengxenye, ukuba ‘nyamanye’ kusho ukukhathalela inhlalakahle yoshade naye njengoba nje ukhathalela eyakho siqu. Umuntu oshadile kudingeka ashintshe indlela yakhe yokucabanga, ayeke ukuthi “okwami” athi “okwethu,” ayeke ukuthi “mina” athi “thina.” Omunye umeluleki wabhala wathi: “Abashadile kumelwe bayeke ukuba abangashadile ezinhliziyweni zabo, babe abashadile ezinhliziyweni.”

Ingabe wena noshade naye ‘nishadile nasezinhliziyweni’ zenu? Kungenzeka nibe ndawonye iminyaka eminingi kodwa ningabi ‘nyamanye’ ngalowo mqondo. Yebo, lokho kungenzeka, kodwa incwadi ethi Giving Time a Chance ithi: “Umshado usho ukwenza izinto ndawonye ekuphileni, futhi uma ziziningi izinto abantu ababili abazenza ndawonye, ayoba maningi namathuba okuba umshado wabo uphumelele.”

Eminye imibhanqwana engajabule emshadweni isuke isihlalele izingane zayo noma ukulondeka ngokwezimali. Eminye iyabekezela ngoba ikubheka njengento embi kakhulu ukuhlukanisa noma ngoba yesaba ukuthi bazothini abanye uma ihlukana. Nakuba kutuseka ukuthi le mishado ihlala isikhathi eside, khumbula ukuthi umgomo wenu kufanele ube ukuba nomshado ojabulisayo, hhayi nje oqhubekayo.

Izenzo Ezingenabugovu Ziqinisa Ukuzinikela Emshadweni

IBhayibheli labikezela ukuthi “ezinsukwini zokugcina,” abantu babeyoba “abazithandayo.” (2 Thimothewu 3:1, 2) Njengoba nje leso siprofetho sabikezela, namuhla kugcizelelwa ukuzazisa osekufana nokuzikhulekela. Emishadweni eminingi, ukuzinikela ungenasiqiniseko sokuzuza okuthile kubhekwa njengophawu lobuthakathaka. Nokho, emshadweni ojabulisayo bobabili abashadile babonisa umoya wokuzidela. Ungakwenza kanjani lokhu?

Esikhundleni sokulokhu uzibuza ukuthi, ‘Ngizuzani kulo mshado?’ zibuze ukuthi, ‘Yini mina ngokwami engiyenzayo ukuqinisa umshado wami?’ IBhayibheli lithi amaKristu kufanele ‘angakhathaleli nje kuphela izindaba zawo siqu, kodwa futhi akhathalele nezabanye.’ (Filipi 2:4) Lapho uzindla ngalesi simiso seBhayibheli, hlaziya izenzo zakho zangesonto elidlule. Ziningi kangakanani izenzo zomusa ozenzile wenzela nje oshade naye kuphela? Ngesikhathi oshade naye efuna ukukhuluma nawe, ingabe uye wamlalela—ngisho noma wena ubuzizwa ungathandi ukumlalela? Zingaki izinto enizenze ndawonye ezithandwa kakhulu oshade naye kunawe?

Lapho uzibuza le mibuzo, ungakhathazeki ngokuthi izenzo zakho ezinhle ngeke ziqapheleke noma zibe nenzuzo. Enye incwadi ithi “emishadweni eminingi, izenzo ezinhle ziyathelelana, ngakho yenza okusemandleni akho ukukhuthaza oshade naye ukuba enze izenzo ezinhle ngokuba wena ngokwakho wenze izenzo ezinhle kakhulu.” Izenzo zokuzidela ziyawuqinisa umshado wakho ngoba zibonisa ukuthi uyawazisa futhi ufuna ukuwulondoloza.

Kubalulekile Ukuwubheka Njengento Yaphakade

UJehova uNkulunkulu uyakuthanda ukwethembeka. Ngempela, iBhayibheli lithi: “Koqotho wena [Jehova] uyokwenza ngobuqotho.” (2 Samuweli 22:26) Ukuhlala uthembekile kuNkulunkulu kuhilela ukwethembeka elungiselelweni lomshado alisungula.—Genesise 2:24.

Uma wena noshade naye nithembekile komunye nomunye, niba nomuzwa wokuthi umshado wenu uzohlala phakade. Uma nicabanga ngezinyanga, iminyaka namashumi eminyaka azayo, nizibona nisendawonye. Anikwazi nhlobo ukuzibona ningashadile, futhi lo mbono unenza nizizwe nilondekile emshadweni wenu. Omunye unkosikazi uthi: “Ngisho noma ngimthukuthelele kangakanani [umyeni wami] futhi ngicasuke ngempela ngalokho okwenzekayo, angikhathazeki ngokuthi umshado wethu uzobhidlika. Ngikhathazeka ngokuthi konje sizosilungisa kanjani isimo. Angingabazi ukuthi sizosilungisa—ukuthi nje ngaleso sikhathi ngisuke ngingaboni ukuthi lokho singakwenza kanjani.”

Ukubheka umshado njengento yaphakade kuyingxenye ebalulekile yokuzinikela koshade naye, nokho ngokudabukisayo lokhu kuyantuleka emishadweni eminingi. Lapho ingxoxo ishubile, omunye angase aphahluke, athi “Ngiyahamba mina!” noma, athi “Ngizozitholela omunye ozongithanda ngempela!” Kuyiqiniso ukuthi ngokuvamile umuntu usuke ezisholo nje. Noma kunjalo, iBhayibheli lithi ulimi ‘lungagcwala ubuthi obubulalayo.’ (Jakobe 3:8) Ukusonga nokunquma ugwayi katiki kutshela oshade naye ukuthi: ‘Angiwubheki njengento yaphakade umshado wethu. Ngingawuqeda noma yinini.’ Ukunikeza umqondo onjalo kungawubhidliza umshado.

Uma ubheka umshado njengento yaphakade, usuke uzimisele ukuba uhlale noshade naye ebubini nasebuhleni. Lokhu kunenye inzuzo. Kuyokwenza ukuba kube lula kakhulu ukuba wena noshade naye namukele ubuthakathaka namaphutha futhi niqhubeke nibekezelelana, nithethelelana ngokukhululekile. (Kolose 3:13) Enye incwadi ithi: “Emshadweni ojabulisayo kuzokwenzeka ukuba nobabili nenze amaphutha, nokuba umshado ungabhidliki naphezu kwawo.”

Ngosuku lwakho lomshado, wazinikela, hhayi nje emshadweni, kodwa kumuntu ophilayo—lowo oshade naye. Leli qiniso kufanele liyithonye kakhulu indlela ocabanga futhi wenze ngayo manje njengomuntu oshadile. Awuvumi yini ukuthi kufanele uhlale noshade naye ngenxa yokuthi uyamthanda hhayi nje ngenxa yokuthi ukholelwa ngokuqinile ekutheni umshado ungcwele?

[Umbhalo waphansi]

[Ibhokisi/Isithombe ekhasini 5]

Lokho Ongakwenza Manje

Unjani umshado wakho uma kuziwa ekuzinikeleni? Mhlawumbe uyabona ukuthi kukhona lapho ungathuthukisa khona. Ukuze uqinise ukuzinikela kwakho, zama lokhu okulandelayo:

● Zihlole. Zibuze ukuthi: ‘Ingabe ngempela ngishadile nasenhliziyweni, noma ngisacabanga futhi ngenze njengomuntu ongashadile?’ Thola koshade naye ukuthi uzizwa kanjani ngawe kulesi sici.

● Funda lesi sihloko noshade naye bese kuthi ngomoya ophansi, nixoxe ngezindlela eningaqinisa ngazo ukuzinikela kwenu emshadweni wenu.

● Unoshade naye, yenzani izinto eziqinisa ukuzinikela kwenu. Ngokwesibonelo: Bukani izithombe zomshado wenu nezinye izenzakalo ezijabulisayo. Yenzani izinto enanizijabulela ngesikhathi nisaqomisene noma nisanda kushada. Tadishani ndawonye izihloko ezisekelwe eBhayibhelini ze-Nqabayokulinda ne-Phaphama! ezikhuluma ngomshado.

[Ibhokisi/Isithombe ekhasini 6]

Emshadweni, Ukuzinikela Kuhilela . . . 

● Isibopho “Gcwalisa isithembiso sakho. Kungcono ukuba ungasenzi isifungo kunokuba wenze isifungo kodwa ungasigcwalisi.”—UmShumayeli 5:4, 5.

● Ukubambisana “Ababili bangcono kunoyedwa . . . Ngoba uma kungenzeka omunye wabo awe, lo omunye angamvusa umngane wakhe.”—UmShumayeli 4:9, 10.

● Ukuzidela “Kukhona injabulo eyengeziwe ekupheni kunasekwamukeleni.”—IzEnzo 20:35.

● Ukuwubheka Njengento Yaphakade “Uthando . . . lukhuthazelela zonke izinto.”—1 Korinte 13:4, 7.

[Izithombe ekhasini 7]

Uma oshade naye efuna ukukhuluma nawe, ingabe uyamlalela?