Ingabe Kunendaba Ngempela Ukuthi Sigqoka—Hlobo Luni Lwezingubo?
“ANGAZI ukuthi ngizogqokani!” Ingabe ujwayele ukuzwa umuntu ecela usizo olunjalo? Njengokulindelekile, izinkampani zezimfashini zanamuhla, zihlale zikulangazelela ukukusiza—noma ukukwenza ukhu-ngatheke ngokwengeziwe—ngezimfashini zamuva.
Okwenza isinqumo sibe nzima nakakhulu, ukuthi kulezi zinsuku ungase ukhuthazwe ukuba ugqoke ngendlela ewubudlabha hhayi ngendlela ehloniphekile. Ngalesi simo esisontekile sawo-1990, umhleli wemfashini uthi: “Kungakhuthaza ukwazi ukuthi akukhona nje kuphela ukuthi kuyamukeleka ukubukeka ungacindezelekile, ungemdala, ungakhahlazekile futhi ungavovekile, kodwa kuyafiseleka.”
Ngempela, eminyakeni yamuva ukukhangisa okunamandla, osaziwayo be-TV, ontanga, ukuziphakamisa nesifiso sokuvelela kuye kwayithonya ngokunamandla indlela yokugqoka, ikakhulukazi yentsha. Enye intsha ize intshontshe nokuntshontsha ukuze ibe nezingubo ezifunayo.
Izitayela eziningi ezidumile zawo-1990 zivela emasikweni eqisayo eminyaka edlule anjengawamaqembu ama-hippie aseNtshonalanga angeminyaka yawo-1960. Intshebe, izinwele ezinde ezingakanyiwe nezingubo ezishwabene nezingcolile zazibonisa ukwenqaba izimiso ezingokwesiko. Kodwa ukugqoka ngendlela yokuhlubuka nakho kuye kwabangela ukuvumelana nento entsha, ukucindezelwa ontanga okusha.
Ukugqoka sekuye kwaba ithuluzi elivamile nelichaza kangcono lokuhlukanisa umuntu. Izingubo, ikakhulukazi izikibha, seziye zaba amabhodi okukhangisa buthule imidlalo edumile nosaziwayo bayo abadumile, amahlaya, ukwelapha ukuluthwa kwengqondo, ubudlova, ukuziphatha—noma ukuntuleka kokuziphatha—nemikhiqizo yezentengiselwano. Zingasho nento eyihlazo. Cabangela isihloko samuva se-Newsweek: “Ukuba Nonya Kuwumyalezo Wentsha Oyimfashini.” Lesi sihloko sicaphuna oneminyaka engu-21 ubudala ekhuluma ngesikibha sakhe ethi: “Ngisigqoka ngoba sitshela abantu ukuthi nginasiphi isimo sengqondo. Angibhedelwa mina futhi angifune muntu ozonginaka.”
Lokho okukhangiswa ezifubeni nasemhlane kungahluka kumuntu ngamunye. Nokho, ukuvumelana—neqembu elithile noma nomoya wokuvukela owandile, ukuzazisa, ukuba umdlwembe noma ubudlova—kusobala. Omunye umklami wezimfashini ubhoboza izimbobo ezingutsheni ngendlela abathengi bakhe abafuna ngayo. “Bangakhetha into enezimbobo zevolovolo, zesibhamu sohlobo lwe-rifle noma zesibhamu esinguntuluntulu,” esho. “Kumane nje kuwumbono wemfashini.”
Yini Eboniswa Imfashini?
“Ngokuvamile izingubo ziyindlela yokuzihlobanisa neqembu elithile emphakathini,” kusho uJane de Teliga, umphathi we-Powerhouse Museum, eSydney, e-Australia. Uyanezela: “Ukhetha iqembu ofuna ukuhlotshaniswa nalo bese ugqoka njengalo.” UDkt. Dianna Kenny, ofundisa isayensi yokusebenza kwengqondo eSydney University, wathi ukugqoka kuyindlela yokuhlukanisa abantu ebaluleke njengenkolo, ingcebo, ukusebenza, ubuzwe, imfundo nekheli lasekhaya. Ngokukamagazini i-Jet, ingxabano yohlanga kwesinye isikole cishe esifunda abamhlophe bodwa e-United States “yaqubuka lapho amantombazane aMhlophe elukile, egqoke izingubo ezixegayo, nezinye izingubo zemfashini ‘ye-hip-hop’ ngoba zigqokwa abaNsundu.”
Ubuzwe buyabonakala nasemasikweni ezizwe, njengasemculweni: “Ezimweni eziningi,” kusho umagazini i-Maclean’s, “izingubo zihambelana nohlobo lomculo oluthandwa umuntu: abathandi bomculo we-reggae bagqoka izingubo ezinemibala egqamile namakapisi aseJamaica, kanti labo abathanda i-rock ye-grunge bagqoka amasokisi amade okushibilika eqhweni namahembe amabhangqubhangqu.” Kodwa kungakhathaliseki ukuthi ikuphi, ukulengisa, ukugqoka ngobudlabha, ukugqoka njengosikhotheni, ukugqoka njengomshisekeli weqembu elithile, kungamba eqolo.
Kwenzekani Ezindinganisweni Zokugqoka?
“Yonke into ingephambene naleyo ongayicabanga,” kusho umlobeli wephephandaba uWoody Hochswender. “Imfashini yamadoda eyake yabuswa izimiso eziqinile, manje ayisalawuleki nhlobo . . . Yonke into ibukeka iwubudlabha.” Nokho, kwezinye izimo loku kuthambekela kungase kubonise isimo sengqondo sokungabi nandaba. Noma kungase kubonise ukungazihloniphi komuntu nokungabahloniphi abanye.
Esihlokweni esasikhuluma ngemibono yezingane ngothisha, umagazini i-Perceptual and Motor Skills uchaza ukuthi “nakuba uthisha ogqoke ubhogadi ayebhekwa njengowenza ikilasi lijabule, imibono yakhe yayingahlonishwa futhi kwakuvamé ukuba kuthiwe akazi lutho.” Wona lo magazini uphawula ukuthi “uthisha wesifazane owayegqoka ubhogadi wayebhekwa njengojabulayo, ongenekayo, ongenalwazi olutheni, ongafune kuhlonishwa, ongabukeki njengothisha futhi ngokuvamile othandwa abaningi.”
Kuyilapho kwezamabhizinisi, sinenye inkulumo eshiwo imfashini: ukugqokela ukudlisela. Eminyakeni yamuva abesifazane baye bafuna izikhundla eziphezulu. “Ngigqokela ukuphuma phambili,” kusho uMarie, umphathi wenhlangano yebhizinisi lokunyathelisa. “Ngifuna ukugqama. Ngifuna bangibone ngiyinto engcono,” enezela. UMarie ukwembula ngokuthembeka ukuthi ugxile kuye ngokwakhe.
Izimfashini ezidumile sezingena nasemasontweni ngokungenakugwenywa. Abanye abathandi bezimfashini baye basebenzisa ngisho na-masonto abo ukuze babukise ngezingubo zabo zamuva. Nokho, namuhla, njengoba abefundisi begqoka imijiva kanokusho, bavamé ukubabukela phansi abantu ebandleni abasuke begqoke obhogadi namateki noma begqoke izingubo ezisemfashinini.
Kungani Befuna Ukunakwa Nokugqama?
Izazi zengqondo zithi, ukugqoka izingubo ezisemfashinini—ikakhulukazi entsheni—kuyisici sokuzikhukhumeza, ngenxa yokuthi kubonisa isifiso sokufuna ukubukwa. Zikuchaza ngokuthi “ukuthambekela okuvamile kwentsha kokufuna ukubukwa.” Empeleni, osemusha uthi: “Ngicabanga ukuthi unaké mina njengoba nami ngizinakile.”—American Journal of Orthopsychiatry.
Amafilosofi abeka abantu phambili abese emshaya indiva uNkulunkulu aye athuthukisa lokhu kucabanga (ngokuvamile okusakazwa ezentengiselwano) kokuthi wena, njengomuntu, ubaluleke kakhulu endaweni yonke. Inkinga iwukuthi, manje cishe bayizigidi eziyizinkulungwane eziyisithupha laba bantu ‘ababaluleke kakhulu.’ Izigidi zabantu ezinkolweni zeLobukholwa ziye zavumela ukuthonywa ukuthanda izinto ezibonakalayo, zilwela “ukuphila okusezingeni eliphezulu manje.” (Qhathanisa neyesi-2 Thimothewu 3:1-5.) Okwenezela kulokhu, ukuphela kobunye nothando lweqiniso emkhayeni, futhi akumangalisi ukuthi abaningi, ikakhulu intsha, benza noma yini ukuze bagqame futhi bavikeleke.
Nokho, labo abakhathazekayo ngendlela abagqoka ngayo nokuma kwabo phambi kukaNkulunkulu ngokuvamile bayabuza: Kufanele ngivumelane ngezinga elingakanani nezindinganiso zokugqoka ezishintshashintshayo? Ngizokwazi kanjani ukuthi izingubo zami ziyafaneleka? Ingabe zitshela abantu umbiko odidayo ngami noma ongewona?
Ingabe Ngigqoka Ngendlela Efanelekile?
Ngokuyinhloko siyazikhethela lokho esikugqokayo. Izinto esizithandayo ziyahlukahluka, kanjalo nezimo zemali. Futhi amasiko ayahluka izindawo ngezindawo, amazwe ngamazwe nasezifundeni ezinesimo sezulu esingafani. Kodwa kungakhathaliseki ukuthi isimo sakho siyini, khumbula lesi simiso: “Konke kunenkathi yakho, yonke indaba inesikhathi sayo phansi kwezulu.” (UmShumayeli 3:1, Revised Standard Version) Ngamanye amazwi, gqoka ngendlela efanele isenzakalo. Okwesibili, ‘hamba noNkulunkulu wakho ngokuthobeka.’—Mika 6:8.
Lokhu akusho ukuthi kufanele ugqoke ngendlela ephansi ngokweqile, kodwa kunalokho gqoka ngendlela ‘elungiswe kahle’ nebonisa ‘ukuhluzeka kwengqondo.’ (1 Thimothewu 2:9, 10) Ngokuvamile lokhu kumane nje kudinga ukuzithiba, imfanelo umagazini i-Working Woman oyihlobanisa nesimilo nesizotha. Into enengqondo ukuthi, ungavumeli izingubo zakho zikudonsele amehlo abantu, ugqoke ngoba uthi ufuna abanye badlele ogageni. I-Working Woman ithi: “Gqoka . . . ngendlela engezukwenza abantu banake kakhulu izimpahla zakho ngaphezu kwezimfanelo zakho njengomuntu.”
Umagazini i-Perceptual and Motor Skills uthi: “Iqoqo lezincwadi ezihlola indima yezingubo ekutsheleni abanye ngohlobo umnikazi wazo ayilo nomyalezo eziwudluliselayo, libonisa ukuthi izingubo ziyisici esibalulekile ekwahluleleni abanye.” Kulo mqondo, owesifazane oseminyakeni engu-40, owayaneliswa ukukwazi ukugqoka ngendlela ekhangayo, uthi: “Kwangibangela izinkinga ezinkulu, awubange usabonakala umehluko phakathi kwendlela engigqoka ngayo lapho ngisemsebenzini nalapho ngizihambela. Kwakuhlale kunabantu bezamabhizinisi abafuna ukungikhipha siyodla ngaphandle.” Owesifazane ongumcwaningi wamabhuku ezimali uchaza izinhlobo ezihlukene kanje: “Ngibonile ukuthi amadoda aziphatha kanjani uma ebona abesifazane abagqoka ngokunganaki, noma abagqoka njengamadoda nsé. Kuvele kucatshangwe ukuthi bangabesifazane abavukelayo abahlale belungele ukuhlasela obuthakathaka futhi amadoda abaphilisa kanzima.”
Intombazanyana enguJeffie yathola ukuthi yayinikeza umbono odidayo ngayo lapho igunde ngendlela esemfashinini. “Ngangicabanga ukuthi ngibukeka ngendlela ‘ehlukile,’” uyakhumbula. “Kodwa abantu baqala ukungibuza, ‘Ungomunye woFakazi BakaJehova ngempela?’ ngangiswela umgodi wokucasha.” UJeffie kwadingeka azibuze imibuzo yokuzihlola. Ngempela, akulona yini iqiniso ukuthi akuyona imilomo yethu kuphela ekhuluma “ngokuchichima kwenhliziyo” kodwa nokugqoka nokuzilungisa kwethu nakho kuyakhuluma? (Mathewu 12:34) Indlela ogqoka ngayo yembulani—isifiso esisuka enhliziyweni sokudonsela ukunakekela kuMdali noma kuwe?
Gqoka Ngendlela Ebonisa ‘Ukuhluzeka Kwengqondo’
Futhi cabangela ukuthi izingubo zakho zinaliphi ithonya kuwe. Ukugqokela ukudlula abanye noma ukugqoka kahle ngokweqile kungase kukuqhoshise, ukugqoka ngobudlabha kungase kuvuse imibono engemihle onayo ngawe ngokwakho, futhi izikibha ezikhangisa umdlali webhayisikobho noma womdlalo othile omthandayo noma omunye usaziwayo zingase zikudonsele ekukhulekeleni osaziwayo—ukukhonza izithombe. Yebo, izingubo zakho ziyakhuluma nabanye—zibatshele ngawe.
Izingubo zakho zithini ngawe, zithi ugqokela ukubukwa noma ukukhanga? Ingabe ugqamisa izici zobuntu obekufanele ngabe ulwa no-kuzinqoba? Ngaphezu kwalokho, hlobo luni lwabantu ozama ukulukhanga? Iseluleko esikweyabaseRoma 12:3 singasisiza ukuba sinqobe ukuqhosha, ukuzikhukhumeza nokucabanga okungekuhle. Lapho umphostoli uPawulu usiyala ukuba ‘singazicabangeli ngaphezu kwalokho okudingeke ukuba sikucabange, kodwa sicabange ukuze sibe nengqondo ehluzekile.’ Ukuba “nengqondo ehluzekile” kusho ukuba oqondayo.
Lokhu kubaluleke nakakhulu kulabo abasezikhundleni zomthwalo wemfanelo nezokwethenjelwa. Isibonelo sabo sinethonya elinamandla kwabanye. Kulindeleke ukuba labo abafinyelela amalungelo enkonzo ebandleni lobuKristu nabafazi babo abangamaKristu babonise isimo sengqondo sokuthobeka nenhlonipho ngendlela abagqoka nabazilungisa ngayo. Asifuni ukufana nendoda uJesu akhuluma ngayo emfanekisweni wakhe wedili lomshado: “Lapho inkosi ingena ukuzohlola izimenywa yabona lapho umuntu owayengayigqokile ingubo yomshado.” Lapho izwa ukuthi le ndoda yayingenasizathu esizwakalayo sokugqoka ingubo engahloniphekile kanje, “inkosi yathi ezincekwini zayo, ‘Mbopheni izandla nezinyawo nimkhiphe.’”—Mathewu 22:11-13.
Ngakho-ke, kubalulekile ukuba abazali, ngamazwi nangesibonelo bahlakulele isimo sengqondo esinempilo ezinganeni zabo, sokukhetha uhlobo oluhle lwezingubo. Lokhu kungase kusho ukuthi ngezinye izikhathi abazali kudingeka baqine uma bebonisana nendodana noma nendodakazi yabo. Kodwa yeka ukuthi kujabulisa kanjani ukunconywa singalindele ngendlela ephakeme esigqoka ngayo nesiziphatha ngayo thina nentsha yethu!
Yebo, izinceku zikaJehova zikhululiwe ekuzikhukhumezeni, ezimfashinini ezibizayo, nasekuzinakeni ngokweqile. Ziqondiswa izimiso zaphezulu, hhayi umoya wezwe. (1 Korinte 2:12) Uma uphila ngalezi zimiso, ukukhetha izingubo zakho akufanele kube nzima. Ngaphezu kwalokho, njengefulemu ekhethwe kahle enesithombe, izingubo zakho ngeke zibaluleke ngaphezu kobuntu bakho noma zikwenze udeleleke. Futhi lapho uzama ukulingisa uNkulunkulu, kulapho uyohlakulela ubuhle obungokomoya obubudlula kude ubuhle bezimpahla zakho.