Intsha Iyabuza. . .

Sashada Sisebancane—Ingabe Singaphumelela?

“Sasiphola kusukela lapho ngineminyaka engu-16. Sashada lapho ngineminyaka engu-18. Kwakuzoba kuhle—phakade! Kodwa ngemva kwezinyanga ezingaba zine, ngacasuka kakhulu ngenxa yokucindezeleka.”—UTonya.a

UMSHADO ungakusangulukisa kungakhathaliseki ukuthi ushade ungakanani. IBhayibheli lithi: “Labo abashadayo bayoba nobuhlungu nosizi.” (1 Korinte 7:28, The New English Bible) Kodwa kwabaningi abangena emshadweni ‘besekuqhumeni kobusha,’ kubonakala sengathi lobubuhlungu nosizi kufika ngamazinga angabekezeleleki.—1 Korinte 7:36.

Lokhu ngokuyinhloko kubangelwa ukuthi intsha isakhula; ayikakakuhlomeli ukuthatha indima yokuba indoda noma umfazi. UDkt. Jane K. Burgess uyaphawula: “Intsha iyazikhohlisa ngomshado. Ayicabangi ukuthi umshado ophumelelayo udinga umsebenzi nomzamo wansuku zonke.” Ngenxa yalokho umbhangqwana ungase ubhekane nembibizane yamaqiniso omshado.

“Nilindela ukuba yonke into ibe yinhle futhi ibe isimangaliso, njengephupho,” kusho uKim osemusha. “Nokho, injabulo yokuba umbhangqwana omusha iyancipha, bese kuba ukupheka, ukugeza izitsha, ukuthenga ukudla, ukuwasha izingubo—kuyilapho umyeni wakho ezihlalele nje. Kwakungadingeki nakancane ukuba enze lemisebenzi ngoba unina wayemenzela yona. Awucabangi nakancane ngokukhathala nokucasuka lapho nisaphola. Futhi lapho ukhulelwa, kuba kubi nakakhulu!”

Ngokuvamile, intsha ishada ngokuphamazela kakhulu. “Ngashada nendoda engangicabanga ukuthi ingumKristu weqiniso,” kukhumbula uHelen. “Ngenxa yokuntula kwami okuhlangenwe nakho, angizange ngiyazi ngokwanele. Ngemva kwezinyanga eziyishumi sishadile, ngangingasakwazi ukubekezelela ukuziphatha kwayo okungekhona okobuKristu.” Ukwehluleka komshado kaHelen akuyona ingqayizivele. E-United States, imishado eminingi yentsha iwohloka phakathi neminyaka emihlanu.

Noma kunjalo, kunezibalo ezisabekayo zentsha eye yashada ngokuphamazela. Mhlawumbe ungomunye wayo. Uma kunjalo, kungenzeka ukuthi kakade usukhungethwe ukucindezela komshado.

Alikho Yini Ikhambi?

Nakuba ukushada usemncane kungase kungabi ukuhlakanipha, empeleni akusona isono. Umshado uhloniphekile phambi kukaNkulunkulu. (Heberu 13:4) Yiqiniso, ezinye izimo ezingavamile zingase zibangele ukuhlala ngokwehlukana noma isehlukaniso. (Mathewu 19:9; 1 Korinte 7:12-15) Nokho, ngokuvamile uNkulunkulu ufuna ukuba imibhangqwana ingahlukani. (Mathewu 19:6) Nakuba lokho kungase kubonakale kuyimfuneko enzima, kusho futhi ukuthi uNkulunkulu ufuna ukuba niphumelele.

Indoda ethile eseyintsha ithi: “Sekwephuze kakhulu ukuba ungathi, ‘Ingabe ngangimncane kakhulu? Ingabe siyafanelana ngempela?’ nakho konke okunye ukuthandabuza. Usushadile!” Ngakho kunokuba ububule ngesimo sakho, kungani ungazami ukuthola enye indlela yokuphumelelisa umshado wakho?

Ubani Owengamele?

IBhayibheli litshela imibhangqwana: “Abafazi mabazithobe kubayeni babo njengokungathi bazithoba eNkosini . . . Indoda iyinhloko yomkayo.” (Efesu 5:22, 23) Nokho, lapho insizwa ichithe konke ukuphila kwayo ingaphansi kokuvikelwa unina noyise, ukuba inhloko yomkhaya kungaba umthwalo wemfanelo owesabisayo.

Owesifazane othile osemusha ukhumbula lokhu ngomyeni wakhe: “UTom wayengafuni ngiye noma kuphi ngihamba ngedwa. Ngazizwa ngivalelekile. Wayecabanga ukuthi noma nini lapho ngizama ukumbuza okuthile, ngangibekela igunya lakhe inselele.” Ngakolunye uhlangothi, abanye abafazi bakuthola kunzima ukubheka abayeni babo abasebasha njengezinhloko zabo. Abanye bangase bakudelele ngisho nokusikisela okuncane kwendoda, benqabe ukubambisana lapho bengavumelani nokuthile.

Lokhu kungacindezela kakhulu uma uyindoda engakabi nokuhlangenwe nakho. Kodwa empeleni asikho isidingo sokuphazamiseka ngenxa nje yokuthi umkakho akasheshi ukulalela yonke imiyalo yakho. Kuyomthatha isikhathi umkakho ukuba azizwe elondekile ngaphansi kobunhloko bakho. Okwamanje, sebenzela ukuzuza inhlonipho yakhe, hhayi ngokuzama ukumlawula, kodwa ngokuhola nokuzama ukwenza izinqumo ezilinganiselayo.—Qhathanisa neyoku-1 Korinte 16:13.

IBhayibheli liyaqhubeka linxusa: “Ekubonisaneni udumo nihole.” (Roma 12:10) Yebo, nikeza umkakho udumo ngokubeka izithakazelo zakhe kuqala kunezakho. (Filipi 2:4) Mnikeze inkululeko, umphathe njengomngane ohloniphekile, hhayi njengesigqila. (Bheka uMalaki 2:14.) Noma nini lapho kungenzeka, bonisana naye lapho kumelwe kwenziwe izinqumo eziqatha. (IzAga 13:10) Lokhu kuyokwenza kube lula ukuba azithobe ebunhlokweni bakho.

Nokho, kuthiwani uma ungumfazi osemusha? Kungase kuvivinye ukuba kwakho nesineke ukuthobela umyeni wakho osemusha lapho ukuntula kwakhe ukuvuthwa ngezinye izikhathi kubonakala ngokudabukisayo noma lapho engabonisi ukuhluzeka. Nokho, ukumthethisa noma ukumvukela ngeke kusithuthukise isimo. “Lapho eqhubeka engithethisa, ngangivele ngizithulele dú,” kuvuma enye indoda eseyintsha. Zama ukumnikeza udumo ngokucabangela ukuntula kwakhe okuhlangenwe nakho. Angase asabele ngokuwuhlonipha ngokwengeziwe umbono wakho. Uma enza isinqumo esikucasulayo—kodwa esingaphuli mthetho wokuziphatha—kungani ungamane uvumelane naso? ‘Ukuhlakanipha okuvela phezulu . . . kuyashesha ukulalela.’ (Jakobe 3:17) Ngokusekela ubunhloko bakhe, ungamsiza ukuba afaneleke ngokwengeziwe.

Izinkinga Zemali

Abanye bathi imali iyinkinga eyinhloko yemibhangqwana yabasebasha. Ngokuvamile imibhangqwana iyashaqeka lapho ithola ukuthi kubiza kangakanani ukuziphilisa. Ngokwesibonelo, uRay noLora “babengenakudla noma imali” ngemva komshado wabo. Bayavuma: “Sasilala phansi.” UBrad noTonya bacindezeleka ngendlela efanayo ngokwezomnotho lapho uBrad elahlekelwa umsebenzi—futhi kwadingeka ukuba uTonya akhokhe izikweleti.

Nakuba kuyiqiniso ukuthi ngokuvamile kunzima ukuba intsha ithole umsebenzi onemali enhle, ngezinye izikhathi izinkinga zemali zibangelwa ukungayisebenzisi kahle. Cabangela unkosikazi osemusha othi: “Ngimane ngiyisaphaze imali ize iphele dú bese ngingabe ngisaba nayo eyesonto lokugcina enyangeni.” Eminye imibhangqwana iyahlupheka ngenxa yokuthi iyehluleka ukukhulumisana. “Ngahamba ngayothenga imoto ngaphandle kokukhuluma naye,” kuvuma indoda ethile okuthiwa uJake. “Esasikudinga ngempela kwakuyifenisha,” kububula umkakhe.

Ingabe kuzwakala kujwayelekile? Khona-ke mhlawumbe awukaziyeki “izici zengane” lapho kuziwa ekusingatheni imali. (1 Korinte 13:11) Ingabe uthenga ngokuphamazela? Khona-ke funda ukubhala uhlu lwezinto ozozithenga, bese unamathela kulo. Xoxani ngezinto ezibalulekile ezizothengwa. (IzAga 15:22) Zibhaleni phansi izindleko zenu, bese nibhala isimiso sokusetshenziswa kwemali esinengqondo.b Ukwenza kanjalo kunganivikela ekucindezelekeni okukhulu ngokwezimali.

Ingabe Singakhuluma?

Lokho kusiletha kulokho abanye abathi inkinga yesibili yemibhangqwana yabasebasha: ukukhulumisana. Eminye imibhangqwana idubela ekungakhulumisaneni. Eminye ihileleka ekulweni ngamazwi. “Izimpikiswano ezinkulu kunazo zonke esasinazo zaziphathelene nezinto eziwubuwula kakhulu,” kukhumbula uSylvia, osehlukanisile. “Izinto ezinjengokushiya kwakhe izicathulo kuyo yonke indawo endlini, noma ukuthatha kwami ingcosana yokudla epuletini lakhe.”

Ukungezwani nokungavumelani kuyenzeka nakanjani. Kodwa “ukufutheka okubi nentukuthelo nolaka nokuklabalasa nenkulumo echaphayo” kumane kuwuwohloze umshado. (Efesu 4:31) Yibani nomkhuba wokuxoxa ngezinto lapho ningakacasuki kakhulu. Lapho nixoxa, hlaselani inkinga—hhayi umuntu. Lapho isimo singalawuleki, gwemani ukubhebhethekisa impikiswano. “Ngokuphela kwezinkuni umlilo uyacimeka,” kusho izAga 26:20. Kamuva, lapho selehlile igwebu kini nobabili, zamani ukuphinde nixoxe.

Ukukhulumisana okuhle kungesinye futhi isihluthulelo sokuxazulula enye inkinga evamile: ukunganeliseki ngokobulili. Ngezinye izikhathi umbhangqwana wabasebasha umane ukhathazwe kakhulu isimiso sawo esisha bese ungakwazi ukujabulela ukusondelana kwasemshadweni. Incwadi ethi Building a Successful Marriage ithi: “Amadoda nabafazi bangenela umshado benokwaziswa okuningi okuyiphutha ngendima nokusebenza kobulili.” Ikhohliswe inkulumo-ze yalelizwe, imibhangqwana eminingi iba namathemba angenangqondo ngokuphathelene nalokhu. Ubugovu nokungazithibi nakho kunengxenye. Kubalulekile ukuthululelana izifuba, nokuba nesikhathi nesineke. Lapho ngamunye ‘efuna ukuba kuzuze omunye,’ ubulili abuvamile ukuba inkinga engathi sína.—1 Korinte 10:24.

Khona-ke, ngokusobala umshado awuwona owezingane. Uma usushadile kakade, awunqunyelwe ukuthi uzokwehluleka. “Unyaka wokuqala ngishadile wawunzima ngempela,” kusho owesifazane othile oshadile. “Kodwa ngenxa yokusebenzisa izimiso zeBhayibheli, manje sijabulela ukuphila kwasemshadweni okwanelisayo nokujabulisayo.” Nakuwe kungaba njalo.

[Imibhalo yaphansi]

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