Intsha Iyabuza . . .

Abazali Bami Bayehlukana—Kumelwe Ngenzeni?

“Ngobunye ubusuku ubaba wathatha thina zingane sobane ukuba siyodla u-‘ice cream’ ngaphandle. Ngokungalindelekile iphimbo lakhe laqala ukuba nesizotha kakhulu. Wathi kithi: ‘Mina nonyoko sibona izinto ngokungafani, ngakho ngizohamba. Ngingase ngibuye ngalelihlobo.’ Akekho kithi owasho utho. Kungenzeka ukuthi izimpahla zakhe zase zipakishiwe kakade, ngoba lapho esehlisa ekhaya, akazange angene. Sehla emotweni futhi sama emgwaqweni ongena ekhaya sihayiza njengoba ubaba ayehamba ngemoto.”—UTom.a

ABAZALI bakaTom abaphindanga babuyelana. Kodwa ngalesosikhathi, uTom wayengenandlela yokwazi ukuthi babeyobuyelana yini noma cha.

Ngakolunye uhlangothi, abazali bakaRandy, bahlukana izikhathi eziningi angakwazi nokuzikhumbula. Uyakhumbula: “Ubaba wayehamba mhlawumbe inyanga eyodwa noma ezimbili ngesikhathi. Khona-ke wayebuya, futhi izinto zazibangcono isikhashana. Khona-ke, ngokungalindelekile, wayebuye ahambe futhi.”

Isehlukaniso sizwakala sinomuzwa wesiphetho esidabukisayo. Kodwa lapho abazali bakho behlala ngokwehlukana kuphela, futhi ungazi ukuthi bazohlukanisa yini noma cha, ukungaqiniseki kungakhathaza ngokujulile. Abazali abaningi, njengabakaRandy, bayabuyelana kodwa babuye bahlukane kamuva. Ngokwencwadi iDivorced Families, ukuhlala ngokwehlukana okulinganiselwa kokungamaphesenti angu-50 kugcina okungenani ngokubuyisana kwesikhashana. Kodwa kunjengoba abacwaningi bezehlukaniso uJudith Wallerstein noSandra Blakeslee bephawula: “Isehlukaniso ngokuvamile sandulelwa ukuhlala ngokwehlukana okuningana, ngakunye kwakho okungase kubonakale kuwujuqu kodwa kugcine kungekhona okokugcina. Lokhu kungase kubadide abantwana futhi kubaholele ekubeni balindele ukubuyisana.”

Amazwi athi, ‘Ngingase ngibuye,’ abonakala egcwele ithemba. Kodwa imibuzo ilenga ngokudabukisayo emoyeni. Uyazibuza: ‘Ingabe abazali bami bayogcina behlukene? Ngingabhekana kanjani nemizwa engikhathazayo kumanje?’

Ukugwedla Nakuba Kunesiphepho

Ekuqaleni, ungase uzithole uzizwa ucindezelekile, ukhathele, ungakwazi ukugxilisa ingqondo, noma ngisho uthukuthela ugana unwabu ngezinye izikhathi. Noma ungase uzizwe nje undikindiki. Konke lokhu kuwukusabela okuvamile esimweni esibi kakhulu—leso esenzeka ngokuvamile kakhulu kulezinsuku. Nakuba iZwi likaNkulunkulu likhuthaza imibhangqwana ukuba ihlale indawonye futhi ixazulule izinkinga zayo, isimo sengqondo sezwe ngomshado siye sawohloka kakhulu. (1 Korinte 7:10-16) Namuhla, ngezinye izikhathi umshado awunawo namaphesenti angaphezu kuka-50 okusinda. Njengoba iBhayibheli labikezela kudala, inkathi yethu iye yabona ukwehla okukhulu ‘othandweni’ olwake lwavama kakhulu emikhayeni.b—2 Thimothewu 3:3.

Ungabhekana kanjani nakho? Lokho obhekene nakho kungafaniswa nesiphepho ekuphileni kwakho. Ukucabanga ngakho ngaleyondlela kungakusiza ngezindlela ezimbili. Okokuqala, asikho isiphepho esiba khona phakade. Ubuhlungu bemizwelo obuzwayo njengamanje buzophela ngokuhamba kwesikhathi, njengoba kunjalo ngazo zonke iziphepho. Futhi okwesibili, ungase ugwedle isikebhe sakho udlule kulesiphepho. Akudingeki ukuba ‘ucwile.’ Kodwa njengoba nje umkhumbi ohlaselwe isiphepho kumelwe ugwedle phakathi kwamadwala, kunezingozi ezifana namadwala ezingasho inkinga yangempela. Ake sixoxe ngezimbalwa.

Amathemba Akhohlisayo

Olunye usizi olunjalo lungaba ukugxilisa inhliziyo yakho ekuhlanganiseni abazali bakho. UAnne uyakhumbula: “Ngemva kokuba benqume ukuhlala ngokwehlukana, abazali bami baqhubeka besikhipha ndawonye ngezikhathi ezithile. Mina nodadewethu sasihlebelana, ‘Asigijimele phambili sibashiye bobabili laba.’” Uphefumulela phezulu, “kodwa, ngicabanga ukuthi akuzange kusize. Abazange babuyelane.”

Njengoba izAga 13:12 zisho: “Ithemba elilitshazisiweyo liyagulisa inhliziyo.” Khumbula, awunakukuqondisa lokho okwenziwa abazali bakho. Awuzange ukubangele ukuhlala kwabo ngokwehlukana, futhi ngokunokwenzeka awunakungenela futhi uchibiyele umshado wabo.—Bheka futhi izAga 26:17.

Ingozi Yenzondo

Ukuthukuthela nenzondo kungase kube “amadwala” ayingozi kakhulu oyobhekana nawo kulesisiphepho. UTom ukhumbula imizwa yakhe lapho eneminyaka engu-12 ubudala: “Ngaqala ukumcasukela ngempela ubaba. Angithandi ukusebenzisa igama ‘lokuzonda,’ kodwa nganginentaba yegqubu. Ngangingaboni ukuthi wayengasikhathalela kanjani uma asishiya. Futhi ngicabanga ukuthi ngangikusholo ngaphakathi ukuthi yisikhathi sami sokuba ngimenze azi ukuthi ngizizwa kanjani.”

Ukwehlukana komshado akuvamile ukuba kube isinqumo sabantu ababili; ngakho ngokwemvelo omunye umzali angase abonakale enecala kakhulu kunomunye emehlweni akho. Kungase kwenzeke ngisho nokuthi omunye wabazali bakho wephule umthetho kaNkulunkulu wokuba athembeke kumngane womshado. (Heberu 13:4) Kodwa-ke kunoma ikuphi, usebenzelana kanjani nomzali obonakala enephutha kakhulu? Ingabe kufanele umzonde lowomzali noma uzame ukuphindiselela umzali owoniwe?

Okokuqala khumbula ukuthi ukwahlukana akuvamile ukuba kube lula njengokubonakala komunye umzali “njengomubi” nomunye “njengolungile.” Abazali bakho ngokunokwenzeka abazange bakutshele yonke into ngomshado wabo noma ukwehlukana kwawo; bangase bangawuqondi kwabona siqu. Ngakho gwema ukwahlulela isimo ngalokho ongenawo umbono ophelele ngakho. (IzAga 18:13) Ngenhlanhla, uNkulunkulu unguMahluleli wazo zonke izindaba ezinjalo. Akakubeki njengomahluleli noma umjezisi wabazali bakho. Yeka ukuthi kukhulula kanjani! Ubani kithi obengalusingatha ngempela uhlobo olunjalo lomthwalo wemfanelo?—Roma 12:19.

Kuyavunywa ukuthi, kunzima ukulwisana nentukuthelo; futhi kungokwemvelo ngempela ngawe ukuba uzizwe ukhathazeke kakhulu njengamanje. Kodwa ukuhlakulela umoya wentukuthelo nempindiselo kancane kancane kungabona ubuntu bakho. IBhayibheli lithi “inhliziyo ezolileyo ingukuphila kwenyama.” Ngokuqinisekile, inhliziyo ezolileyo ayigcwele intukuthelo. Akumangalisi ukuthi iBhayibheli lisitshela ukuba ‘siyeke intukuthelo.’ (IzAga 14:30; IHubo 37:8) Ngaphezu kwalokho, umyalo weBhayibheli wokwazisa abazali bakho usebenza ngisho nasekwaziseni abazali abakwenzele phansi.—Luka 18:20.

Ngakho uTom uye walwisana nentukuthelo yakhe. Manje uthi: “Kulula ukuba ubambe igqubu futhi ucabange uthi, ‘Uyena owonile. Kulungile ngami ukuba ngimzonde.’ Kodwa ngaqala ukuzibuza, ‘Ingabe ngempela lokhu kulungile?’ Futhi ngabona ukuthi, cha, akulungile. NjengomKristu, awunakubamba amagqubu.”

Njengoba ungalindela, uma iBhayibheli lithi masiyeke intukuthelo, alisikiseli ukuba ushaye sengathi intukuthelo yakho ayikho. Uma izenzo zabazali bakho zikuphathe kabuhlungu, kungani ungazami ukukhuluma nabo ngakho, ngenhlonipho uvule amehlo abo ukuba abone umbono wakho?—Bheka IzAga 15:22, 23; 16:21.

Ukuzithola Uphakathi Nendawo

Ungase ubuze, ‘Kodwa ngingabhekana kanjani nalomuzwa wokwahlukaniseka phakathi kwabazali bami?’ Lokhu kungaba “idwala” okungelula ukuleqa. URandy uyakhumbula: “Into engangiyesaba kakhulu ngokuvakashela ubaba yayiwukuthi umama wayengihloma imibuzo eminingi ngemva kokuvakasha ngakunye. Futhi ngempela wayemkhuluma kabi kimi. Ngangivame ukuthi, ‘Musa, Mama! Ukwenzelani lokhu? Ngiyeke mina!’ Futhi wayethukuthela awothe ubomvu futhi angiphoqe ukuba ngiphendule imibuzo yakhe ngenkani.”

Ngezinye izikhathi abazali basebenzisa abantwana babo ukuba badlulisele imiyalezo yentukuthelo komunye noma ngisho bahlalane! Omunye owesifazane wayefuna ukuthola ukuthi indoda yakhe emlahlile inamalini. Ngakho yena nendodana yakhe eneminyaka eyishumi bagqekeza ifasitela lomuzi kababa, futhi umfana wagxumela ngaphakathi ukuze athi nhla encwadini kayise yamasheke. “Sizomthola!” kwasho umfana injabulo ibhalwe ebusweni.

Akulungile ngabazali bakho ukuba bazame ukukusebenzisa njengethuluzi lokuziphindisela. Kodwa khumbula ukuthi basesimweni esibuhlungu kakhulu ngokomzwelo. Ngakho babekezelele ngangokunokwenzeka. Khuluma nabo. Ngokwesibonelo, ungase uthi, ‘Mama noBaba, nginithanda nobabili. Ngakho ngicela ningangisebenziseli ukuba nilimazane.’ Akusho ukuthi kumelwe ungabambisani nabo, unqabe ukuba ube indlela yokuxhumana. Kodwa uma abazali bakho befuna ukuzilwela nokuziphindiselela, lesi isikhathi sokuba uphume phakathi kwabo.—IzAga 26:17.

Ngendlela efanayo, kuyoba ukuzenzisa ukuba usho izinto ezingamanga komunye umzali ngomunye ukuze uthole okufunayo, usho izinto ezinjengalezi: “Ngifuna ukuyohlala noMama. Ngaso sonke isikhathi uyangivumela ukuba ngenze engikuthandayo.” Ngemva kokwehlukana, abazali bangase bazizwe benecala kakhulu ngokucindezeleka abaye bakubangela abantwana babo futhi banamathele kubo ngokuphelelwa ithemba. Intsha ewaqaphelayo amandla eba nawo ngaleyondlela kubazali bayo ingase ilingekele ekuwasebenziseni. Kodwa ngokuqinisekile awufuni ukuba uxhaphaze.

Nokho, kunokwengeziwe ekusindeni esiphephweni, kunokumane ugweme amadwala. Isihloko esilandelayo sizoxoxa ngezinyathelo eziqondile ongase uzithathe eziyokusiza ukuba ukwazi ukubhekana nakho.

[Imibhalo yaphansi]

[Amazwi acashunwe esihlokweni ekhasini 11]

Lokho obhekene nakho kungafaniswa nesiphepho ekuphileni kwakho. Ukucabanga ngakho ngaleyondlela kungakusiza ukuba udlule kukho, ngoba asikho isiphepho esiba khona phakade

[Amazwi acashunwe esihlokweni ekhasini 12]

Akulula ukulwisana nentukuthelo; futhi kungokwemvelo ngempela ukuba uzizwe uthukuthele kakhulu njengamanje. Kodwa ukuhlakulela intukuthelo nomoya wempindiselo kancane kancane kungalimaza ubuntu bakho