Intsha Iyabuza . . .

Yini Okumelwe Ngiyenze Uma Abazali Bami Belwa?

LAPHO abantu ababili obathanda ngaphezu kwanoma ubani omunye ezweni ‘belumana, bedlana’ ngamazwi ahlabayo, ukuphila kungaba yiphupho elisabisayo lansuku zonke. (Galathiya 5:15) Yiqiniso, ngisho nemishado engcono kakhulu iyoba nalo ‘usizi’ oluthile. (1 Korinte 7:28) Kodwa lapho ukulwa kwabazali kungadambi, kungokolaka, noma ngisho nobudlova, kunokuthile okungalungile ngokungathi sina.

Khona-ke, akumangalisi ukuthi enye intsha izama ngokuzidela amathambo ukuchibiyela umshado wabazali bayo. Omunye umfana oweve eshumini elinambili leminyaka wathi: “Ngangena phakathi empini futhi ngazama ukukhiphela ubaba ngaphandle ukuze bayeke ukulwa.” Abanye bahoxa ngokuthula kokukhungatheka. “Lapho kunalezizimpi ngizama ukuba kude nabo, ukuze ngingakhathazeki ngakho,” kwasho enye intombazane esencane. “Kodwa-ke ngizizwa nginecala ngokungazami ukusiza.”

Ngakho yini ngempela okumelwe uyenze lapho kuvuka umbango emkhayeni?

Lokho Okungamelwe Ukwenze

Ungalokothi Ubaphathe Ngokungenanhlonipho: Kulula ukudinwa abazali abaxabanayo. Kakade, kufanele bakubekele isibonelo—bangenzi okuphambene. Nokho, ukudelela umzali, ngokunokwenzeka kuyomane nje kunezele ezinkingeni zomkhaya. Okubaluleke ngokungaphezulu, uJehova uNkulunkulu weluleka intsha ukuba ihloniphe futhi ilalele abazali bayo, ngisho nalapho bekwenza kube nzima ukwenza kanjalo.—Eksodusi 20:12; qhathanisa nezAga 30:17.

Ungalokothi Uthathe Uhlangothi: Enye intombazane eyeve eshumini nambili yathi, “ngezinye izikhathi lapho abazali bami bephikisana, omunye wabo uyangibuza ukuthi ngicabangani. Kungenza ngesabe ngempela.” Yebo, lapho impikiswano ihilela wena ngokuqondile, impendulo enesizotha, yenhlonipho ingase ifaneleke.—IzAga 15:1.

Noma kungase kube ukuthi omunye wabazali bakho ungumKristu kanti omunye akakholwa. Kungase kuphakame izinkinga ezingokwenkolo lapho ungase ukuthole kudingekile ukumelela ukulunga kanye nomzali wakho owesaba uNkulunkulu. (Mathewu 10:34-37) Ngisho nakuba kunjalo, kumelwe kwenziwe “ngobumnene nangokwesaba” ukuze umzali ongakholwa azuzwe ngolunye usuku.—1 Petru 3:16.

Kodwa lapho ukuhilizisana kuyingxabano yabo ngokusobala, ngokuvamile kuwukuhlakanipha ukuzigcina ungathathi-hlangothi.a IzAga 26:17 ziyaxwayisa: “Odlula nje ehlanganyela ukuxabana okungesikho okwakhe unjengobamba inja ngezindlebe zayo.” Uma uthatha uhlangothi, uzifaka engozini yokuvusa inzondo—futhi mhlawumbe ukuzehlukanisa—nomunye wabazali bakho.

Omusha othatha uhlangothi empikiswaneni yabazali uzama futhi “ukusingatha isimo empeleni esiyinkimbinkimbi kakhulu ukuba angasiqonda.” Kwasho kanjalo umeluleki wemikhaya uMitchell Rosen kumagazini i’Teen. Wathi, izingxabano zasemshadweni, “zihilela izici eziningi kakhulu, futhi akuyona nje indaba yokuthi umama akanaphutha, ubaba onephutha.” Ngokuvamile, emnyombweni wengxabano kunokukhononda nenzondo eye yakheka iminyaka eminingi. Ngakho lapho uBaba noma uMama ekhononda ngenxa yokuthi ukudla kwakusihlwa kuye kwephuza ngemizuzu embalwa noma ngenxa yokuthi usinki wasendlini yokugezela ushiywe ungcolile, kungase kube nokwengeziwe okuhilelekile kunalokho okubonwa amehlo.

IBhayibheli liyeluleka: “Uma kungenzeka, ngokwenu hlalisanani ngokuthula nabantu bonke.” (Roma 12:18) Ngakho zama ukuzigcina ungathathi-hlangothi. Nokho, kuthiwani uma abazali bakho bekucindezela ukuba uthathe uhlangothi? IBhayibheli lithi: “Obamba amazwi akhe unokwazi.” (IzAga 17:27) Yebo, gwema ukusho—noma okubi ngokwengeziwe, ukuveza ngokuklabalasa—umbono wakho. Mhlawumbe ungase ucele uxolo ngomusa ngokusho okuthile okunjengokuthi, ‘Mama noBaba, ngiyanithanda nobabili. Kodwa sizani ningangiceli ukuba ngithathe uhlangothi. Lokhu okuthile okumelwe nikuxazulule phakathi kwenu.’

Ungalokothi Uhlanganyele Engxabanweni: Amazwi amabili aklabalasayo mabi ngokwanele. Kungani wenezela izwi lesithathu kulowomsindo? IzAga 15:18 zithi: “Umuntu ofuthayo uyavusa ukuxabana, kepha owephuza ukuthukuthela uthulisa ingxabano.” Kwenqabe ngokuphelele ukugaxela engxabanweni. Futhi uma ubona ukuthi sekuzosuka impi, khumbula amazwi ezAga 17:14: “Ukuqala kokuxabana kunjengokuvula amanzi; ngalokho yeka inkani, ingakashisi.”

Mhlawumbe ungase nje ucele uxolo futhi uye ekamelweni lakho bese ufunda, utadishe, noma udlale umculo. Noma kungase kube isikhathi esihle sokuvakashela umngane. Ukuthola okuthile okuzuzisayo ukuba ukwenze kukususa esimweni sokulwa futhi kukusize ukuba ususe ingqondo yakho ezindabeni ezinjalo.

Ungalokothi Uzame Ukuba Umeluleki Womshado: Kunjengoba isaga sikubeka: “Nokuxabana kunjengemigoqo yenqaba.” (IzAga 18:19) Abazali abaxabanayo ngokuvamile baye bakha umgoqo wenzondo owesabeka “njengemigoqo yenqaba.” Ingabe unalo ulwazi noma okuhlangenwe nakho ekuphileni kokubasiza ukuba badilize lowomgoqo? Ngokunokwenzeka awunakho.

Ukugabadela kokuzihilela ezinkingeni zomshado zabazali bakho kumgase kuzenze ziqhubekele phambili. IzAga 13:10 zithi: “Ngokuziqhenya kuvela ukuxabana kuphela, kepha kwabalulekwayo kukhona ukuhlakanipha.” Yebo, ngokunokwenzeka abazali bakho bangase bazixazulule kangcono izinkinga zabo ngokuzixoxa ndawonye ngasese.—Qhathanisa nezAga 25:9.

Ngaphandle kwalokho, indima yokuba umlamuli ekhaya ingase ibe umsebenzi obizela ngokwengeziwe kunanjengoba uqaphela. Encwadini yakhe ethi Teen Troubles, uCarolyn McClenahan Wesson ukhuluma ngentombazane encane okuthiwa uCora eyazama ukuzenza umeluleki womshado. Waba yini umphumela? Umshado wabazali bayo wathuthuka, kodwa uCora waba nezinkinga zesisu. UCarolyn Wesson uyaphetha: “Yeka abazali bakho basingathe izinkinga zabo. Unokwanele ukuba ubhekane nakho njengoba nje ungomusha osakhula.”

Ungalokothi Uqhathe Abazali Bakho: Enye intsha iceba ukuguqula ingxabano yasekhaya ngenjongo yenzuzo yayo. Lapho uMama ethi, “Cha!” isebenzisa amacebo okuzuza ngemizwelo kaBaba futhi imphoqelele ukuba athi “Yebo.” Ukukhohlisa abazali kobuqili kungase kukuzuzele inkululeko ethile, kodwa ngokuhamba kwesikhathi kuyomane nje kuqhubekisele phambili impi yomkhaya. Omusha obazisa ngempela abazali bakhe ngeke aphendukele ekusebenziseni kabi amandla okunjalo.

Ungalokothi Usiqhubekisele Phambili Isimo: Ukuziphatha kobuvila noma kokunyukubala, ukuba luhlaza esikoleni, uvumela amamaki akho ehle—lokhu kuyomane nje kuzandise izinkinga zakho. Yiba nomthwalo wemfanelo ngezenzo zakho, futhi ungakuvumeli ukuphazamiseka kwabazali bakho kube isaba sokuziphatha kobuhlongandlebe. Zikhandle ekubeni usizo nasekubambisaneni.

Ukusinda Inhlekelele Yomkhaya

Ngokusobala, awunakubashintsha abazali bakho. Nokho, ungazama ukubathonyela kokuhle. Zama ukuba nethemba lokungcono kanye nokujabula ngangokusemaedleni akho. Khumbula, uthando “lubekezelela izinto zonke, lukholwa yizinto zonke, luthemba izinto zonke, lukhuthazelela izinto zonke.” (1 Korinte 13:7) Ungakuyeki ukuthandazela ukuba izinto zibe ngcono. (Filipi 4:6, 7) Umeluleki wemikhaya uClayton Barbeau utusa lokhu ngokuqhubekayo: “Yenza [abazali bakho] bazi ngokusuka kuwe ukuthi uthanda omunye nomunye wabo.” Lokho kukodwa kungase kuzenze ngcono izinkinga zomkhaya.

Ungase uzame futhi ukukhuthaza abazali bakho ukuba bathole usizo. Lokhu akumelwe kwenziwe lapho kusavutha ingxabano. IzAga 25:11 zikhuluma ‘ngezwi elikhulunywa ngesikhathi esiyiso.’ Ngokunokwenzeka lokho kuyoba ngesikhathi lapho izinto sezidambile futhi abazali bakho besesimweni sokulalela ngokwengeziwe. (Uma omunye umzali esathukuthele kakhulu, zama ukukhuluma nalowo obonakala ethambekele ngokwengeziwe ekuxoxeni izinto ngokunengqondo.)

Qala ngokubaqinisekisa ngothando lwakho. Khonake ngomoya ophansi bachazele indlela ukuhilizisana kwabo okukuthinta ngayo wena. Lokhu ngeke kube lula. Encwadini yakhe ethi Trouble at Home, uSara Gilbert uyavuma ukuthi imizamo enjalo ingase ihlangatshezwe ukuthi, “Akuyona indaba yakho leyo—hlukana nayo!” Nokho, weluleka ngokuthi “kumelwe ukwenze kucace ukuthi kuyiyo indaba yakho.” Batshele indlela ukulwa kwabo okukwesabisa, kukukhungathekise, noma kukuthukuthelise ngayo. Nakuba ungafuni ukuphazamisa ukuphila kwabo, kodwa ukulwa kwabo kuyakuphazamisa kakhulu ukuphila kwakho! Sikisela ukuba abazali bakho bafune usizo—mhlawumbe ngokuxoxa nomdala othenjwayo owumKristu.b

Njengoba ivezwe obala imiphumela yokulwa kwabo emshadweni, abazali bakho bangase bashukumiseleke ukuba bakucabangele ngokungathi sina ukuxazulula izinkinga zabo—futhi mhlawumbe ngisho nokuyeka ukulwa.

[Imibhalo yaphansi]

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Ingabe intsha ingazilamula ngokuphumelelayo izingxabano zabazali?