Intsha Iyabuza . . .
Kungani UMama NoBaba Belwa Njalo?
Nginezinkinga eziningi emkhayeni wakithi, futhi angazi ukuthi ngenzeni. Ubaba uyathanda ukuthetha nganoma yini encane eyenziwe angase ayithethele. Futhi cishe umama uthetha ngayo yonke into encane eyenzekile. Uma ubaba engakutholi ukudla lapho efika ekhaya evela emsebenzini, uvele nje athethise umama.—Intombazane eneminyaka eyi-12 ubudala.
Ngiyakhathazeka ngokudivosa kwabazali bami. Yiqiniso, ngiyabathanda bobabili futhi ngifuna ukuba nabo bobabili ngazo zonke izikhathi, kodwa balwela izinto ezingokwezimali kanye nezinye izinto eziningi.—Umfana oneminyaka eyi-10 ubudala.
NGOKUBONA kwakho, abazali kufanele bathandane futhi bakhathalelane. Kufanele bahlakaniphele konke, bazi konke, babe nomusa, bacabangele. Kufanele babe neso elifanayo ngazo zonke izinto. Futhi uma benemibono enokungafani okuthile, kufanele baxoxe ngakho ngomoya opholile, ngokuthula, nokho ngamazwi aphansi ungabezwa. Akumelwe neze baphikisane.
Kodwa mhlawumbe okukumangalisayo yilokho okutholile ukuthi abazali abezwani ngezinye izikhathi—futhi lokhu abakwenzi njalo ngomoya ophansi nangokuthula. Laba abazali bakho, futhi ukubabona besezinhlungwini kukuthinta ngokujule ngokwengeziwe ngendlela engenakucathazeka ngamazwi. Omunye omusha wavuma ukuthi lapho abazali bakhe babevame ukulwa, “ngezinye izikhathi ngangizwa sengathi izibilimi zami ziyadabuka.”
Isizathu Sokuba Abazali Balwe
Ngempela bekuyoba kuhle kakhulu, uma omama njalo bebegcina ‘umthetho womusa usolimini lwabo’ futhi bangalokothi bakhiphe izwi elinokhahlo. (IzAga 31:26) Bekuyoba kuhle futhi uma obaba bebengalokothi ‘bacasukele’ omkabo. (Kolose 3:19) Kodwa iBhayibheli lithi: “Sonke siyakhubeka ngokuningi; uma umuntu engakhubeki ngazwi, lowo uyindoda epheleleyo.”—Jakobe 3:2.
Yebo, abazali bakho abaphelele. Njengomthetho, bangase ‘babekezelelane ngothando.’ (Efesu 4:2) Kodwa akumelwe kukumangaze, uma ngezikhathi ezithile, becasuka futhi bakubonakalise lokho ngokuhilizisana.
Khumbula futhi ukuthi lezi, “izikhathi ezinzima.” (2 Thimothewu 3:1) Ukucindezela kokuhlangabezana nezindleko zokuphila, ukukhokha izikweleti, ukubekezelela isimo sasemsebenzini—zonke lezizinto zibeka umthwalo onzima emshadweni. Futhi kunokucindezeleka okukhulu lapho bobabili abazali benomsebenzi wokuziphilisa. Ukunquma nje ukuthi ubani ozopheka futhi ahlanze ikhaya kungaba umthombo wempikiswano.
Indlela Ukulwa Kwabo Okungase Kukwenze Uzizwe Ngayo
Kungakhathaliseki ukuthi yini ebangela ukuxabana kwabazali bakho, kungase kukukhungathekise ukubezwa bephikisana. Umlobi uLinda Bird Francke uchaza ukuthi izingane zithambekele “ekuphakamiseleni abazali bazo ezingeni eliphakeme. Ingane encane ayicabangi ngonina noma uyise njengomuntu onezici zakhe noma ubuthakathaka, kodwa njengelungiselelo eliqine njengetshe elehliselwa emhlabenl ukuze nje linakekele futhi livikele yona.” Ukubona abazali bakho bexabana kuletha ukuqaphela okubuhlungu: kokuthi abazali bakho “abaqinile okwetshe” njengoba ubucabanga. Lokhu kunganyakazisa zona kanye izisekelo zokulondeka kwakho okungokomzwelo futhi kuvuse lonke uhlobo lokwesaba.
IJournal of Marriage and the Family iyabika: “Kuzo zonke izingane okwaxoxwa nazo zeminyaka yokuya esikoleni sabaqalayo Ekuhlolweni Kwezingane Kwesizwe ezingaphezu kwengxenye zathi zazizizwa zesaba lapho abazali bazo bexabana.” Intombazane esencane okuthiwa uCindy yakubeka ngalendlela: “Ubaba nomama balwa njalo. Ngiyaye ngesabe kakhulu futhi ngihambe ngiyolala. Ngiyazibuza ukuthi kazi kuyophela nini.
Ukulwa ngenxa yemali—okuyinkinga evamile yokuphikisana phakathi kwabangane bomshado—kungase kuvuse ukwesaba kokuthi umkhaya wakini ubhekene nenhlekelele engokwezimali. Futhi lapho kunguwena oyisisusa sengxabano (‘Uma ungasiqinisi isandla, izokonakala lengane’) ungase ngisho wesabe nokuthi ngandlelathile uwena okumelwe usolwe ngenxa yalokulwa.
Okunye okukhathazayo izimpi ezingapheli ezibangelwa izinto ezibonakala zincane. (‘Ngidiniwe ukufika ekhaya futhi ngithole ukudla kungakalungi’) Izingxabano ezishubile ezinjalo ezingapheli ngokuvamile zisuka entukuthelweni ejulile phakathi kwabazali bakho. Ngokuqondakalayo, ungase uqale ukukhathazeka ukuthi sebezokuya enkantolo yokudivosa. Usongo olubonakalayo lwalokho okungase kuqhume “lukwenza uzizwe ungathokomele ekhaya futhi ungafuni ukuzifaka engozini yokuletha abangane bakho kini.”—Trouble at Home, ngoSara Gilbert.
Izingxabano zabazali bakho zingase futhi zakhe izingxabano ezibuhlungu zokungathembani. Njengoba iJournal of Marriage and the Family ikubeka, “ukusondelana nomzali oyedwa kudala ingozi yokwenqatshwa omunye.” Wesaba ukusho noma ukwenza okuthile okungase kusikisele ukuthatha uhlangothi, ungase ukhathazeke ngaso sonke isikhathi lapho unabazali bakho, wesaba ukuthi uyodonseleka engxabanweni.
‘Ingabe Bazodivosa?’
Ngokunokwenzeka akunjalo. IBhayibheli libonisa ukuthi isilinganiso esithile sokucindezeleka sikhona kuyo yonke imishado. Kwaboku-1 Korinte 7:28, uPawulu uxwayisa ngokuthi labo abashadayo “bayoba nosizi enyameni yabo,” noma “ubuhlungu nosizi kulokhu kuphila okungokwenyama.” (The New English Bible) Ngakho iphuzu nje lokuthi abazali bakho bayaphikisana, ngisho nangendlela eshube kakhulu, alibonisi neze ukuthi abasathandani noma ukuthi sebezodivosa. IBhayibheli libonisa ukuthi ngisho nabantu abakhathalelana ngokujulile bangaba nazo izingxabano ngezikhathi ezithile.
USara, umka-Abrahama, uvezwa kwabesifazane abangamaKristu njengesibonelo sokuzithoba kwabesifazane. (1 Petru 3:6) Nokho, lapho ebona ukuthi uIshmayeli, indodana ka-Abrahama ngesigqilakazi uHagari, yayisongela inhlalakahle yenye indodana ka-Abrahama, uIsaka, waveza imizwa yakhe ngokuqinile. “Sixoshe lesisigqilakazi nendodana yaso,” kusho uSara, “ngokuba indodana yalesisigqilakazi ayiyikudla ifa kanye nendodana yami uIsaka!” (Genesise 21:9, 10) Ngokungangabazeki kwaqhuma ingxabano emshadweni! Kodwa akuzange kube khona umonakalo ohlala isikhathi eside. Empeleni, ngokwelulekwa uNkulunkulu, uAbrahama wavumelana nesicelo sakhe!
Khona-ke, ngokunokwenzeka kakhulu, ukuxabana kwabazali bakho kubonakala kukukhulu kakhulu kuwe kunanjengoba kunjalo kubo. UMargaret osemncane wakuthola lokhu lapho ezama ukungenela ngokuthetha ekuhilizisaneni kwabazali bakhe, “Yekani ukulwa!” wamane watshelwa ukuthi, “Simane nje siyaphikisana.”
Khona-ke izingxabano eziningi zasekhaya zihlala isikhathi esifushane futhi zikhohlwe ngokushesha—ikakhulukazi uma abazali bakho besaba uNkulunkulu futhi besebenzisa iseluleko ‘sokuphathana ngobumnene, ukuhawukelana, ukuthethelelana, njengalokho noNkulunkulu wasithethelela ngoKristu.’ (Efesu 4:32) Yebo, ngokunokwenzeka abazali bakho bayozixazulula izinkinga zabo ngaphandle kosizo oluvela kuwe.
“Baqala Ngokuphikisana, Bese Beshayana”
Nokho, akuzona zonke izinkinga zasemshadweni ezixazululeka kalula kanjalo. Ukuhlolwa kweminye imikhaya eyizi-2 000 yaseU.S. okwathatha iminyaka eyisikhombisa kwembula ukuthi “njalo ngonyaka cishe umbhangqwana owodwa kweyisithupha yaseUnited States uhileleka okungenani ekwenzaneni isenzo esisodwa sobudlova kumlingane womshado. . . . Ngokunokwenzeka kakhulu lesi isilinganiso esingaphansi kwaleso esiyikho ngempela.” Omunye umfana oweve eshumini nambili uchaza ngamafuphi izingxabano zabazali bakhe ngalendlela: “Baqala ngokuphikisana, bese beshayana.”
Uma kunjalo kini, khona-ke ngempela kunezinkinga ezingathi sína emshadweni wabazali bakho. Kungase ngisho kube khona ukusongelwa kwangempela kokulondeka kwakho okungokomzimba—noma okwabazali bakho. Kukhumbula uMarie, owesifazane osemusha onomama owayexabana njalo nobaba oyisidakwa: “Ngangesaba. Ngacabanga ukuthi wayezolimaza umama noma umama amlimaze.”
Okunye okumelwe kukhathalelwe ngokungathi sína abazali abakugwemayo ukubonisa ubudlova obungokomzimba kodwa abahlaselana ngamazwi ‘ababayo, nentukuthelo, nolaka, nomsindo, nokuhlambalaza.’ (Efesu 4:31) Ngokufanayo, abazali abajikijelana ngamazwi asikisela ukungeneliseki ngokobulili noma ngisho ukungathembeki emshadweni banikeza izimpawu ezisobala zokuthi kungenzeka kunezinkinga ezingathi sína zomshado.
Eminye imikhaya ize ngisho ibe nezimbangela ezikhethekile zokuxabana, njengokudakwa noma ukusebenzisa kabi izidakamizwa. Noma kungaba ukuthi omunye umzali ungumKristu kanti omunye akakholwa. UJesu Kristu wabikezela ukuthi isimo esinjalo ‘sasiyobanga ukwahlukana’ emkhayeni. Kungase kube khona ukucindezeleka okungathi sína emshadweni.—Mathewu 10:35, NW.
Khona-ke, yini okumelwe uyenze uma umshado wabazali bakho ubonakala usesimweni esibucayi ngempela? Ingabe kukhona okuthile ongakwenza ngaphandle kokubukela ngokungenalusizo? Lena kuzoba indaba yesihloko esilandelayo.
[Isithombe ekhasini 18]
Izingxabano zasemshadweni zibonakala zicindezela entsheni
[Isithombe ekhasini 19]
Ukusebenzisa izimiso zeBhayibheli kubuyisela ukuthula