Kusavimbika—Zvibereko Zvakwo Zvinokuvadza

“Ndaenda,” rakadaro inzwi parunhare. Sezvingabvira mashoko anorwadza zvikurusa ayo Pata ati amboudzwa nemurume wake. “Handina kugona kudavira kunyengedzwa kwacho,” anodaro. “Chandainyanyotya zvikuru nguva yose—kuti murume wangu aizondisiya achienda kune mumwe munhu—ndicho chakazoitika chaizvo.”

ZVECHOKWADI, Pat ane makore 33 aida kuti imba yavo ibudirire; murume wake akanga amuvimbisa kuti aisazofa akamusiya. “Takavimbisana kugara pamwe chete, pasinei zvapo nekuti kwauyei,” anoyeuka kudaro Pat. “Ndakanga ndagutsikana kuti airevesa. Ipapo . . . ozondiitira izvi. Zvino ndasara ndega. Handina chero kana katsi zvayo—hapana chandinacho!”

Hiroshi haazombofa akakanganwa zuva razvakabuda pachena kuti mai vake vaiita gumbo mumba gumbo kunze. “Ndaingova nemakore 11,” anoyeuka kudaro. “Amai vakauya vachimhanya ndokupinda mumba. Baba vaiva mumashure mavo chaimo, vachiti, ‘Mira. Ngatitaurirane.’ Ndakagona kuona kuti chimwe chinhu chakanga chaminama zvakaipisisa. Baba vakanga vakuvadzwa zvikuru. Havasati vanyatsopora. Uyezve, vakanga vasisina munhu wekuvimba naye. Saka vakatendeukira kwandiri. Pafunge: murume ane makore anopfuura 40 achiuya kuzonyaradzwa nekunzwirwa urombo nemwanakomana wake ane makore 11!”

Dzingava nyaya dzinokatyamadza dzavhiringidza umambo, vezvematongerwe enyika, nyanzvi dzemumafirimu, uye vatungamiriri vezvitendero kana kuti kunyengedzwa nekuchemedzwa mumhuri dzedu pachedu, kusatendeseka pakati pevanhu vakaroorana kuri kupfuurira kuwanda zvinosuruvarisa. “Upombwe,” inodaro The New Encyclopædia Britannica, “hunoratidzika sehwazara pasi rose uye, mune zvimwe zviitiko, hwapararira sekuroorana.” Vamwe vaongorori vanofungidzira kuti pakati pe50 ne70 muzana yevanhu vakaroorana pane imwe nguva vakava vasina kutendeseka. Muongorori wenyaya dzekuroorana Zelda West-Meads anotaura kuti kunyange zvazvo kusavimbika kwakawanda kusingabudi pachena, “uchapupu hwacho hwose hunoratidza kuwedzera kuri kuita nyaya dzacho.”

Kuzarirwa Neshungu

Kunyange zvazvo dzichikatyamadza, nhamba dzouwandu hwekusavimbika nekurambana hadziratidzi zvakakwana zviri kuitika muupenyu hwevanhu hwezuva nezuva. Kunze kwezvinobatanidzwa zvikuru zvemari, funga nezvemarwadzo epfungwa asingataurwi nenhamba idzodzo—guvi remisodzi yokuchema uye kuvhiringidzika kusingayereki, nhamo, kufunganya, uye kurwadza kwakakomba kuri kutamburwa, pamwe chete neusiku husingaverengeki hunopedzwa nenhengo dzemhuri dzichirwadziwa zvinoshayisa hope. Vanosangana nazvo vacho vangapukunyuka miedzo yacho, asi sezvingabvira vangava nemavanga enguva refu. Kurwadziwa nekukuvadzwa hakupore nyore nyore.

“Kuputsika kwemba kakawanda kunoparira kubuda kwehasha,” rinotsanangura kudaro bhuku rinonzi How to Survive Divorce, “hasha idzo dzimwe nguva dzingadzikatidza maonero ako. Unofanira kuitei? Unofanira kuzvitora sei? Ungazvikunda sei? Ungachinja kubva pakuva nechokwadi kuenda pakusava nechokwadi, kubva pakushatirwa kuenda pakuva nemhosva kana kuti kubva pakuvimba kuenda pakufungira.”

Ndiwo manzwire akaita Pedro paakaziva nezvekusatendeseka kwemudzimai wake. “Kana paine kusavimbika,” anodaro, “ipapo unonzwa kuvhiringidzika kwazvo neshungu.” Pfungwa yekuremerwa nepfungwa yakaomera kwazvo vanosangana nayo kuinzwisisa—tisingatauri vasingabatanidzwi, vasinganyatsonzwisisi mamiriro ezvinhu acho. “Hapana munhu,” anodaro Pat, “anonzwisisa zvechokwadi manzwire andinoita. Pandinofunga nezvemurume wangu aine mumwe mukadzi, ndinorwadziwa zvechokwadi, kurwadza kusingatsananguriki kune munhu upi neupi.” Anowedzera kuti: “Pane dzimwe nguva dzandinombofunga kuti ndava kupenga. Rimwe zuva ndinonzwa kuti ndinogona kuzvidzora; zuva rinotevera racho ndinonzwa ndisingakwanisi. Rimwe zuva ndinomusuwa; zuva rinotevera racho ndinoyeuka zvose zvaakaronga nekunyepa nekunyadziswa.”

Hasha Nekufunganya

“Padzimwe nguva,” anobvuma kudaro mumwe mukadzi ane murume asina kuvimbika, “pfungwa inokurwadza ihasha dzakakomba.” Hadzisi hasha chete pamusoro pechakaipa chakaitwa nekukuvadzwa kwakaparirwa. Panzvimbo pezvo, sematsananguriro akaita mumwe mutori wenhau, “ipfunde-pfunde yezvaizodai zvakaita imba yacho inofara, uye iyo yakaparadzwa.”

Kunzwa usingazviremekedzi nekunzwa usingakwanisi zvakapararirawo. Pedro anoti: “Unonzwa zvakafanana neizvi: ‘Handinyatsokwezva here? Pane chimwe chinhu chandisina here?’ Unotanga kuzviongorora pachako kuti uwane mhosva yacho.” Mubhuku rake rinonzi To Love, Honour and Betray, Zelda West-Meads, weBritish National Marriage Guidance Council, anoratidza kuti: “Chimwe chezvinhu zvakaomesesa kubata nacho . . . kuderedzwa kwekuzviremekedza kwako.”

Kunzwa Uine Mhosva Nekuodzwa Mwoyo

Kunzwa uku kakawanda kunowanzoteverwa nekukurumidza nepfungwa yekunzwa uine mhosva. Mumwe mudzimai akaodzwa mwoyo anoti: “Ndinofunga kuti vakadzi vanotambura zvakanyanyisa nekunzwa vaine mhosva. Unozvipa mhosva wonetseka kuti: ‘Ndakatadzei?’”

Mumwe murume akanyengedzwa anoratidza rumwe rutivi rwewaanoti mukwidza nemateru epfungwa. Anotsanangura kuti: “Kuora mwoyo kunova chinhu chitsva chinongotanga kufanana nemamiriro ekunze akaipa.” Paakasiyiwa nemurume wake, mumwe mudzimai anoyeuka kuti aichema mazuva ose. “Ndinogona kuyeuka zvakajeka zuva randakatanga kupedza ndisina kumbochema mavhiki akati gare gare andisiya,” anotsanangura kudaro. “Zvakatora mwedzi yakati kuti ndipedze vhiki yekutanga ndisina kumbochema. Mazuva iwayo nemavhiki andaipedza ndisina kumbochema akava zviitiko zvinokosha zvairatidza kupora kwangu.”

Unyengeri Huviri

Zvisingacherekedzwi nevakawanda ndezvekuti kakawanda nyakuita upombwe anoitira waakaroorana naye mufa kaviri unorwadza. Pakudii? Pat anotipa mhinduro: “Zvakanga zvakandiomera. Akanga asiri murume wangu chete asiwo shamwari yangu—shamwari yepamwoyo—kwemakore akawanda.” Hungu, muzviitiko zvakawanda mudzimai anotendeukira kumurume wake kuti atsigirwe panomuka matambudziko. Zvino, azova kwete chete anoparira matambudziko makuru asi haasisiriwo mubetseri anodiwa zvikuru. Nechiito chimwe, aparira marwadzo akakomba uye atorera mudzimai wake munhu waanovimba naye.

Semugumisiro, pfungwa huru yekunyengedzwa nekuparadzwa kwechivimbo ndiko kumwe kwekunzwa kunotambudza kunowanwa nemurume kana kuti mukadzi asina mhosva. Mumwe anopa mazano panyaya dzekuroorana anotsanangura chikonzero nei kunyengedza wawakaroorana naye kuchigona kukanganisa pfungwa: “Tinozvishandisa nesimba guru, tinoisa tariro yedu, zvatinofungidzira nezvatinotarisira, mukuroorana . . . , tichitsvaka mumwe munhu watinogona kuvimba naye zvechokwadi, mumwe munhu watinonzwa kuti tinogona kuvimba naye nguva dzose. Kana kumuvimba ikoko kukangopera kamwe kamwe, zvinogona kufanana neimba yemakadhibhokisi yatorwa nemhepo.”

Sezvakataurwa zvakanyatsojeka mubhuku rinonzi How to Survive Divorce, vanorambana “vanoda kubetserwa kugadziridza kusagadzikana kwepfungwa . . . Vangada kubetserwa kusarudza zvavanogona kuita uye kuti vangazviita sei.” Asi zvisarudzo zvipi izvozvo?

‘Kuyanana ndiyo mhinduro yedu here?’ ungashamisika. ‘Kana kuti tinofanira kurambana here?’ Zvikurukuru kana ukama hwenyu sevakaroorana hwave husina kunaka, zviri nyore kungokurumidza kuguma wati kurambana ndiwo mushonga wematambudziko ako. ‘Uyewo,’ ungafunga kuti, ‘Bhaibheri rinobvumira kurambana nechikonzero chekusatendeseka kwewawakaroorana naye.’ (Mateo 19:9) Kune rumwe rutivi, mungafunga kuti Bhaibheri hariomereri pakurambana. Saka ungafunga kuti, zvaizova nani kuyanana ndokuvakazve nekusimbisa imba.

Kuramba kana kusaramba wawakaroorana naye asina kutendeseka chisarudzo chemunhu oga. Asi, ungaziva sei zvekuita? Chekutanga, tapota ongorora zvimwe zvingakubetsera kusarudza kana kuyanana kuchiita.

[Mashoko Omuzasi]