Vechiduku Vanobvunza Kuti . . .
Ko Kurambana Kwavabereki Vangu Kuchashatsa Upenyu Hwangu Here?
VAROMBO mune zvemari, vakaora mwoyo, vakakombamira kukusazvibata nokukundikana kweroorano—mamwe magorokotera anoita mufananidzo wakaipa wakadaro wavana vavabereki vakarambana. Naizvozvo kana vabereki vako vakarambana kana kuti vakaparadzana, nomutoo unonzwisisika ungava uchitya nguva yako yemberi.
Zvamazvirokwazvo, kurambana kwavabereki vako kungatove kuchiratidzika kuva kuri kushatsa upenyu hwako. Imwe pwere inonzi Denny inoyeuka, kuti: “Ndakanga ndisingafari uye ndakaora mwoyo pashure pokurambana kwavabereki vangu. Ndakatanga kuva nezvinetso kuchikoro uye ndakakundikana rimwe gore. Pashure paikoko ndakati, ‘Kunobetsereiko?’ Naizvozvo ndakava chisetso chekirasi uye ndakapinda mukurwa kuzhinji.” Dzimwe pwere dzakatodavidza kupfurikidza nokutendeukira kuzvinwiwa zvinoraradzisa, mirimo, kana kuti vatano—kana kuti kupfurikidza nokuita zvisarudzo zvechimbichimbi zvine ngozi.
Kunyange zvazvo zvakadaro, neiko kurambana kuchishatsa upenyu hwepwere dzakawanda zvikuru? Uye ungagona sei kudzivisa kukurega kuchishatsa hwako?
Chinoitwa Nokurwadzwa Kwendangariro
Pashure pokurambana, dzimwe pwere dzinoratidzira kuvhiringidzika kwadzo nokushatirwa kwadzo kupfurikidza nokuzvibata nenzira dzadzisati dzaizotongofunga nezvadzo kare. Kune dzimwe pwere, kuzvibata nomutoo wakaipa inzira yakashata yo“kuranga” vabereki vadzo nokuda kwokurambana. Mune zvimwe zvinoitika ndiko kudanidzira kunosiririsa nokuda kwengwariro inobva kuvabereki vanoratidzira kuva vanorashikirwa nefariro nokukurumidza muvana vavo. Tina wezera ramakore 15 anochema, kuti: “Amai vakanga vasati vari pamusha.” “Pakanga pasina chirango uye pasina mirau, imba bedzi isina chinhu. Ndomapindire andakaita mumirimo nomuvatano.”
Kunyange zvazvo zvakadaro, neiko vabereki padzimwe nguva vachirega havo kushandisa chirango pashure pokurambana? Kazhinji kazhinji, kunongova hakwo nemhaka bedzi yokuti ivowo, vari kutambura kurwadziwa kwendangariro kukuru. Mumwe mukadzi akarambwa akabvuma neiyi nzira: “Zvamazvirokwazvo ndakaregeredza vana vangu. Pashure pokurambana, ini ndimene ndakanga ndiri chinetso, ndakanga ndisingagoni chaizvo kuvatarisira.”
Kudikanwa Kwokugamuchira Mutoro
Kuzvibata kunokatyamadza kungasanoparirwa navabereki vako. Asika chii chinopedzwa chaizvoizvo, panzvimbo pokuwedzera dzvinyiriro kumugariro unotodzvinyirira? Munhu bedzi “anorangwa” kupfurikidza nokuita chakaipa ndiye muiti wechakaipa. Akabvuma kudaro mumwe mukomana wezera ramakore 19 uyo, pashure pokurambana kwavabereki vake, akabatanidzwa mumirimo, utere, nokuba: “Ndichiri kutambura nemhosho idzodzi.”—Enzanisa naVaGaratia 6:7.
Pangiro yeBhaibheri iri pana VaHebheru 12:13 ino mufungo: “Gadzirirai tsoka dzenyu nzira dzakarurama, kuti icho chinokamhina chirege kushodoka.” Kunyange uko chirango chavabereki chinenge chisipo, hapana pembedzo yomufambiro wakashata, zvikurukuru kana iwe wakadzidziswa nheyo dzakarurama. “Naizvozvo uyo unoziva kuita zvakanaka, akasazviita, iye une zvivi.” (Jakobho 4:17) Gamuchira mutoro nokuda kwezviito zvako uye shandisa kuzviranga. (1 VaKorinte 9:27) Dzivisa zviito zvaungazvidemba pamusoro pazvo nokuda kwenguva yasara youpenyu hwako.
Zvisarudzo Zvechimbichimbi
Imwe nzira pwere dzinogona kushatsa nayo nguva yadzo yemberi pashure pokurambana kwavabereki vadzo iri kupfurikidza nokuita zvisarudzo zvechimbichimbi. Dzichishaiwa nhungamiro yakatsiga yavabereki, zhinji dzinorega chikoro—dzisingatongofungi kuti idzo dzichazviriritira sei dzimene rimwe zuva. Dzimwe dzinotora banza rokutanga rokutiza upenyu hwadzo husingafadzi hwapamusha. Imwe mhandara inonzi Lynn inoyeuka, kuti: “Ndichibva pamusha wakaputsika, ndakanzwa sokunge kuti ndakanga ndine nguva yekare yakashata, sokunge kuti ndakanga ndaita chimwe chinhu chisina kururama. Ndakashamisika kuti, ‘Ndianiko aizoda kundiroora?’ Naizvozvo apo mukomana anobva mumhuri yakanaka akandida, akandiroora, kunyange zvazvo upi noupi wedu akanga asati agadzirira roorano.” Nomutoo unorwadza, kurambana kwakakurumidza kutevera.
Kunyange zvazvo zvakadaro, kuno mufungo kudzivisa kuita zvisarudzo zvakakomba paunenge wakanyanyovhiringidzika zvokusagona kufunga zvakarurama. “Wakangwara unongwarira mafambiro ake.” (Zvirevo 14:15) Kana vabereki vako vachiratidzika kuva vakanyanyovhiringidzika pane iri pfundo zvokusagona kukuteerera, huregererei kutaura zvisarudzo zvako neshamwari yakura?
Kuitira Hanya Mutoo Wokurarama Nawo
Kusatongovapo kwababa pamusha (sezvakunowanzoitika) kungamutsazve imwe inoratidzika kuva tyisidziro yenguva yako yemberi. Kwenguva yokutanga ungazviwana umene uchizvidya mwoyo pamusoro pezvinhu zvawaichimborerutsa—zvokudya, zvipfeko, pokugara, mari.
Unorumwa nenzara here? Kwete chaizvoizvo. Vabereki vanowanzoita mitoo yakati kuti yokuriritira vana vavo pashure pokurambana, kunyange kungareva kuti Amai vanotofanira kushanda. Sezvineiwo, kunyange zvazvo zvakadaro, vabereki vanowanzokundikana kutsanangura kupi nokupi kwaikoku. Naizvozvo ungadikanirwa kuva mwanakomana kana kuti mwanasikana chaiyeiye kuvabereki vako ndokukurukura zvinetso zvako kwavari. (Zvirevo 4:3) Nomutoo wakaterama bvunza dziri gadziriro dzokutarisirwa kwako dzakaitwa. Kana vabereki vako vakanyanyotsamwa zvikuru zvokusagona kukurukura nhauyo, ratidzira kunzwira urombo. (1 Petro 3:8) Mirira nguva yakanaka yokubvunzazve.—Zvirevo 15:23.
Hunyanguvezvo, bhuku rinonzi Surviving the Breakup rinonyevera muhuchokwadi, kuti: “Zvaichimboriritira mhuri imwe zvino zvofanira kuriritira mhuri mbiri, kuchingombedzera kuderera mumupimo wokurarama nokuda kwomutezo uri wose wemhuri, pasinei hapo nomwero wepfuma.” Naizvozvo, kungatosanova kwokuti uchatofanira kuva akarovedzana nokurarama usina zvinhu zvawaichimbofarikanya—zvakadai sezvipfeko zvitsva. Asika Bhaibheri rinotiyeuchidza, kuti: “Hatina kuuya nechinhu panyika, hatigoniwo kubuda tine chinhu; asi kana tine zvokudya nezvokufuka, tichatenda nazvo.” (1 Timotio 6:7, 8) Zvimwe unogona kutobetsera mukuita kuronga kutsva kwemari inoshandiswa nemhuri. Yeukawo, kuti Jehovha ndi“baba vavanakomana vari nherera.” (Pisarema 68:5) Unogona kusimbisira kuti iye anoitira hanya zvikurukuru zvinoshaikwa zvako.
Muuyo Paroorano Yako Umene
Vabereki vako zvavakakundikana paroorano, kunonzwisisika kuti iwe unganetsekana pamusoro pekariro yako umene yokufarikanya roorano inobudirira. Sezvineiwo, kusafadza kweroorano hakuzati kuri chimwe chinhu chaunogara nhaka kuvabereki vako—twuhanzvadzi. Iwe uri munhu akasiana uye kuti roorano ipi neipi yomunguva yemberi inova yakadini kunotsamira, pasati pari pakundikano dzavabereki vako, asi patambanuko iyo iwe nomukwanyina wako munoshandisa Shoko raMwari. Kubva mumhuri isati ichifara hakuzati kuchidikanirwa kukuregeresa rimwe zuva kufarikanya roorano yakakotsekana kana ukaivakira parudo rusati rwuri rwoudyire. “Rudo [rwakadaro] harutongokundikani.”—1 VaKorinte 13:8.
Somuenzaniso, Annette akarerwa nababa vari chiradza, avo vaidzokorora vadzokororazve kusiya mhuri yavo. Annette anobvuma, kuti: “Ini ndinenge ndisina kukotsekana somuuyo wacho. Kunyange zvino, ini ndinokuvenga apo murume wangu anoenda kundoita chimwe chinhu asingandisimbisiri kuti ari kudzoka.” Hunyanguvezvo, Annette anotizve: “Ndakasarudza kuti pandinoroorwa, roorano yangu ichava ine rugare uye kuti ndairoorwa nomumwe munhu wandaiziva kuti ndingava anofara naye. Zvino ndinofara uye ndinonzwa kuti kuparadzana kwavabereki vangu hakuchandinetsi zvikurusa.”
Kuita Kuti Kukubetsere
Jeremia akacherechedza, kuti: “Zvakanaka kuti munhu atakure joko rake amene achiri muduku.” (Mariro 3:27) Aiwa, hapana “chakanaka” mukuona vabereki vachiparadzana. Asi kunobvira kuita kunyange kuti uite kuti ichi chinoitika chakashata chikubetsere.
Somuenzaniso, ungagombedzerwa kutora mitoro yakawedzerwa yeimba. Ikoku kungakubetsera kukudziridza unyanzvi huchabvumikisa kuva hunokosha gare gare muupenyu. Munzveri Judith Wallerstein akacherekedzazve, kuti: “Kukura kwokunzwa nokwoungwaru [pakati pavana vavabereki vakarambana] kwakachinjwa nenjodzi yemhuri kwakanga kuchikatyamadza uye padzimwe nguva kuchisunda. Pwere . . . dzakarangarira zvakakomba zvinoitika zvavabereki vadzo ndokuita mhedziso dzine mufungo nokuda kwenguva yadzo dzimene yemberi. Dzakanga dzichiitira hanya kuwana mitoo yokudzivisa nayo mhosho dzavabereki vadzo dzavakanga vaita.”
Paul muduku akawana ikoku kuva kwechokwadi. Vabereki vake vakaparadzana apo iye akanga ari muduku, uye iye akanga achiendiswa achidzoswa pakati pavabereki vanorwisana. Asi, iye akawana betsero dzakati kuti pakuva akatsungirira ikoku. “Ndinotsunga kusadzokorora mhosho dzavabereki vangu,” anodaro. Uye adzidza kurarama mumugariro usina kutsiga, anoti: “Ndinokwanisa kuchinjira kumugariro nyore nyore.” Keith, jaya rakararama nomukurambana kuviri kwavabereki varo, nenzira imwe cheteyo rakabudirira risina kuvadziko. Rinobvuma, kuti: “Ndine kusakotsekana. Asi ndinofunga kuti munhu ari wose anako. Uye handifungi kuti ndichaita zvakaitwa navabereki vangu nokuti ndakatsunga kushandisa ndangariro yangu zvakati kurei.”
Hapana panikiro pamusoro pakwo, kuparadzana kwavabereki kune chokwadi chokuita chiratidzo paupenyu hwako. Asika kuti chiratidzo ichocho ivanga rinopera kana kuti chironda chinonyeka zvikuru kwazvo kunotsamira pauri.
[Mufananidzo uri papeji 14]
Ko kariro dzomwana dzomufarwa womunguva yemberi dzinotapurwa sei apo vabereki vake vanorambana?