Lapho Kubonakala Sengathi Wonke Amehlo Athe Njó Kuwe
UJerry usebenzisa igama elithi “ukuhlukunyezwa” lapho ekuchaza. Uthi: “Njalo lapho ngingena ekilasini, ngangivele ngijuluke ngibe manzi, umlomo wami kube sengathi ugcwele ukotini, futhi ngangingacabangi nokuthi ngingakwazi ukukhuluma—ngisho noma ukuphila kwami kuxhomeke kukho. Khona-ke ngangizwa ukushisa okukhulu kukhuphuka ngezingalo nemilenze kuyofika ebusweni bese ngibheja ngiba bomvu wonke umzimba—ngenxa yovalo.”
UJERRY unovalo ngokuba phakathi kwabantu, isimo esibonakala ngokwesaba okukhulu ukucosumbulwa abanye nokuhlazeka obala. “Umuntu onovalo ngokuba phakathi kwabantu ucabanga ukuthi wonke amehlo athé njó kuye,” kusho incwajana enyatheliswa yi-Anxiety Disorders Association of America. “Lokhu kukhathazeka kungenza umuntu abe nexhala, ukushaya kwenhliziyo ngamandla, ukuphaphatheka, iphika nokujuluka abe manzi té.”
Abanye bangase bathambekele ekukushayeni indiva ukwesaba kwabanye ukuba phakathi kwabantu, bathi kufanele banganaki ukuthi banamahloni bese “bezibandakanya nabanye abantu.” Yiqiniso, ukulwa nokwesaba ukuba phakathi kwabantu kuhlanganisa ukubhekana nokuba kwakho novalo. Kodwa-ke, kunomehluko omkhulu phakathi kwamahloni nokwesaba ukuba phakathi kwabantu. UJerilyn Ross uthi: “Ngokungafani namahloni nje avamile, ukwesaba komuntu ukuba phakathi kwabanye kunamandla kangangokuba kuphazamisa ukuphila kwansuku zonke emsebenzini, esikoleni nakukho konke ukusebenzelana nabanye abantu.”
Ukuhlola kubonisa ukuthi ukuphila kwezigidi zabantu kuphazanyiswa uvalo ngokuba phakathi kwabanye abantu.a Cabangela okunye ukwesaba okuhlobene nalesi simo esiphazamisayo.
Izinto Ezesatshwayo Ngokuba Phakathi Kwabantu
Ukukhuluma obala. UDoug ukhumbula eshaywa uvalo lapho ayesanikeza inkulumo emfushane phambi kweqembu lomakhelwane. Uthi: “Ngokungazelele ngaqala ukujuluka. Inhliziyo yami yayishaya ngamandla. Ngangithuthumela, ngiqhaqhazela. Ngezwa sengathi umphimbo uyavaleka, kwaba nzima ukukhuluma.” Kuyavunywa ukuthi cishe bonke abantu bayethuka lapho bemi phambi kwezilaleli. Kodwa umuntu owesaba ukuba phakathi kwabantu ufikelwa ukwesaba okukhulu nokuphikelelayo, okungajwayeleki. Empeleni, uDoug wagcina ebheka ngisho nethuba nje lokukhuluma njengeliwusongo ekuphileni kwakhe.
Ukudla phambi kwabanye. Njengoba abantu abanovalo ngokuba phakathi kwabanye becabanga ukuthi bayacosumbulwa, ngisho nokudla okuvamile kungaba uvivinyo olukhulu. Bakhathazeka ngokuthi izandla zizoba nedumbe, ukuthi bazochitha ukudla noma bageje umlomo, ngisho nanokuthi bazogula. Lezi zinto zingenzeka ngokoqobo. Incwadi ethi Dying of Embarrassment iyaphawula: “Lapho uba nexhala ngokuthi uzokwenza okuthile okuhlazisayo, kulapho-ke lapho ukhathazeka ngokweqile. Lapho ukhathazeka ngokweqile, kulapho ungase uqale ukuqhaqhazela ngempela noma wenze izinto ngokuxhamazela. Le nkinga ingakhula kuze kube seqophelweni lapho kuba nzima khona ukudla noma ukuphuza okuthile ngaphandle kokuchitha.”
Ukubhala phambi kwabanye. Njengoba besaba ukuthi isandla sizoqhaqhazela noma ukuthi kuzobonakala ukuthi babhala kabi, abaningi abesabayo ukuba phakathi kwabanye bashaywa uvalo lapho kufanele basayine isheke noma babhale okuthile lapho kunomuntu obabhekile. Ngokwesibonelo, uSam wayekhungatheka lapho umqashi wakhe efuna ukuba asayine encwadini phambi kukanogada uma efika emsebenzini usuku ngalunye. USam uthi: “Ngangihluleka. Ngangiba nedumbe kangangokuba kwakudingeka ngisibambe isandla ukuze ngibhale kahle emgqeni, kanti nengikubhalile kwakungafundeki.”
Ukusebenzisa ucingo. UDkt. John R. Marshall uthi abantu abaningi ayebelapha bayavuma ukuthi babekugwema ngazo zonke izindlela ukusebenzisa ucingo. Uthi: “Babekhathazeka ngokuthi bazohluleka ukuphendula kahle. Abanye babesaba ukuthi ngenxa yokuthi babengeke bazi ukuthi bathini, babeyothula dú bese ukukhathazeka kwenza iphimbo labo lishintshe, livevezele, noma linswininize, lapho sebephelelwe yingxoxo. Babesaba ukuthi babengase bangingize, noma ngandlela-thile ehlazisayo kubonakale ukuthi banovalo.”
Ukuhlangana nabantu. Abanye abanovalo ngokuba phakathi kwabantu besaba cishe zonke izimo ezihilela ukuhlangana nabanye. Ngokuvamile, bakusaba kakhulu ukubuka abanye emehlweni. “Abantu abesaba kakhulu lapho bephakathi kwabanye bavame ukungaqiniseki ukuthi babheke kuphi nokuthi benzenjani lapho abanye bebabheka,” kusho i-Harvard Mental Health Letter. “Bayakugwema ukubheka abanye emehlweni ngoba banomuzwa wokuthi abazi ukuthi kufanele bababheke nini nokuthi bawasuse nini amehlo. Bacabanga ukuthi abanye bazokusola ukubabheka kwabo.”
Kunokunye ukwesaba okuhambisana nokuba novalo ngokuba phakathi kwabantu. Ngokwesibonelo, abaningi bayesaba ukusebenzisa izindlu zangasese zomphakathi. Abanye bayesaba ukuthenga lapho begqolozelwe umthengisi. Omunye wesifazane uthi: “Ngiyazinyeza kangangokuba ngingabe ngisayibona nento engiyibhekile. Njalo ngihlala ngilindele noma ngicabanga ukuthi umthengisi uzovele athi angikhethe engikufunayo ngingamchitheli isikhathi.”
Bazama Kanjani Ukubhekana Nesimo?
Labo abangenayo le nkinga bakuthola kunzima ukuqonda ubuhlungu obubangelwa ukuba novalo ngokuba phakathi kwabantu. Othile onale nkinga uchaza isimo sakhe ngokuthi “ukuhlazeka okubi kakhulu umuntu angase akucabange!” Omunye uyavuma: “Ngicabanga ukuzibulala ngaso sonke isikhathi.”
Ngeshwa, abaningi abanovalo ngokuba phakathi kwabantu baphendukela otshwaleni bezama ukudambisa ukukhathazeka kwabo.b Nakuba bungase bulethe ikhambi lesikhashana, ekugcineni ukusebenzisa kabi utshwala kumane kunezele ezinkingeni zesisulu. UDkt. John R. Marshall uyaphawula: “Abantu abaningana engibelaphayo abangakujwayele ukuphuza baye baphuza baze baquleka—bezama ukudambisa imizwa ngaphambi noma phakathi nombuthano wokuzijabulisa, kodwa bazibangela ukuhlazeka okukhulu ngempela phambi kwabanye abebebasaba kakhulu.”
Mhlawumbe indlela evame kakhulu yokubhekana nesimo kubantu abanovalo ngokuba phakathi kwabanye iwukuba bagweme leso simo. Yebo, abaningi bamane bazibalekele izimo abazesabayo. “Ngangibalekela izimo eziningi ngangokunokwenzeka, ngisho nokukhuluma ocingweni,” kusho uLorraine, owesaba ukuba phakathi kwabantu. Nokho, ngokuhamba kwesikhathi, abaningi abanale nkinga bathola ukuthi ukugwema isimo kuyabagqilaza kunokuba kubavikele. ULorraine uthi: “Ngemva kwesikhathi esithile, isizungu nesithukuthezi kwakungithena amandla.”
Ukugwema isimo kungaba “ugibe umuntu azibekele lona,” kuxwayisa uJerilyn Ross. Uyanezela: “Isikhathi ngasinye lapho ugwema isimo kuba lula ukuwela kulolo gibe esikhathini esizayo—kuze kube yilapho kuba isenzo esizenzakalelayo.” Abanye abanale nkinga banomkhuba wokungavumi ukumenyelwa esidlweni noma benqabe amathuba omsebenzi ahilela ukusebenzelana nabantu. Ngenxa yalokho, abafundi ukubhekana nokwesaba kwabo futhi bakunqobe. Njengoba uDkt. Richard Heimberg ekubeka, “ukuphila kwabo kukhungethwe ukungamukelwa abakucabangelayo okungazange kwenzeke nokuhluleka emisebenzini abangakaze bayizame ngoba babeyigwema.”
Nokho, kunezindaba ezinhle ngokuphathelene nokushaywa uvalo lapho uphakathi kwabantu: Kuyelapheka. Yiqiniso, akunakwenzeka—futhi akuyona into efiselekayo—ukuqeda konke ukukhathazeka. Nokho, labo abanovalo ngokuba phakathi kwabantu bangafunda ukulawula ukwesaba kwabo, futhi iBhayibheli liqukethe iseluleko esihle esingabasiza.
[Imibhalo yaphansi]
a Kufanele kuvezwe ukuthi cishe wonke umuntu unokuthile akwesabayo lapho ephakathi kwabantu. Ngokwesibonelo, abantu abaningi baba nexhala lapho kufanele bakhulume phambi kwezilaleli. Nokho, ukwesaba ukuba phakathi kwabantu ngokuvamile kutholakala kulabo abesaba kangangokuthi kuze kuphazamiseke ukuphila kwabo okuvamile.
b Ukuhlola kubonisa ukuthi abantu abesaba ukuba phakathi kwabanye banezinga eliphakeme lokuluthwa utshwala nokuthi imilutha yotshwala isaba kakhulu ukuba phakathi kwabantu. Yikuphi okuza kuqala? Kuthiwa imilutha yotshwala eyizingxenye ezintathu kwezine yayishaywa uvalo noma yayisaba ukuba phakathi kwabantu ngaphambi kokuba iqale ukuphuza.
[Izithombe ekhasini 5]
Kumuntu onovalo ngokuba phakathi kwabantu, ukusebenzelana nabanye kuwuvivinyo olukhulu