Ukubheka Ngalé Kosuku Lomshado
1, 2. Imishado eJapane inakuphi ukungafani okufundisayo?
UMAGAZINI iTime (kaDecember 6, 1982) waphawula ukuthi eJapane imishado ‘iwumsebenzi wama-R17 000 000 000,’ efinyelela “inani elethusayo lama-R22 000 ngombhangqwana.” Kodwa “izinga lokudivosa laseJapane liphakeme ukwedlula noma nini ngaphambili; emithathu emibhangqwaneni eyishumi iyadivosa.”
2 Ngokuphambene, iphephandaba iHokuu Shimbun lathi ngomshado woFakazi BakaJehova ababili eNoshiro: “Bobabili bangamaKristu ashisekayo, futhi ngokusekelwe kuleyomfundiso bayacabanga, ‘Umshado ungaba ngovamile kodwa futhi ube nesibusiso sabo bonke.’” Ngokuqhathanisa nemishado ebizayo, enobukhazikhazi ejwayelekile, ubulula balomshado bawenza waba undab’ izekwayo. Leliphephandaba laphawula, “Noma kunjalo, lomshado wawugcwele injabulo yokufisela lombhangqwana okuhle esikhathini esizayo.”
3. Usuku lomshado wakho lungayithinta kanjani injabulo yakho?
3 Isimo sombhangqwana ngasemshadweni nezimfuneko zawo singayithinta ngokuqondile injabulo yawo yesikhathi esizayo. Ngani? Ngokwesazi sengqondo uDr. Sally Witte, “ukuhlola kubonisa ukuthi akukhona kuphela ukwenzeka kwezinto ezimbi kuwe okucindezelayo, kodwa nezinto ezinhle futhi.” Ompetha bempilo yengqondo babonisa ukuthi ukushada kuletha ukucindezeleka okwengeziwe kuwe kunokulahlekelwa umsebenzi wakho. Ngokusobala, lapho umshado umkhulu kakhulu kunokuba ozothile, ubiza ngokweqile kunokuba ovamile, ukucindezeleka okuzwayo kuyoba nzima kakhulu.
4. Yini eyenzeka ngokuvamile ngemva kwemishado enobukhazikhazi?
4 Futhi, abaningi abashadayo kulezinsuku babhekisa ukunakekela okukhulu—nokulindela okungekhona okoqobo—emshadweni okuthi kamuva ube indumalo enkulu. Owesifazane owayesanda kushada walandisa: “Kwase kuyizinyanga, wonke umuntu engangimazi wayebonakala ejabulile, hhayi mina nje kuphela. Kodwa umshado wabe usudlula cishe ngomzuzwana, futhi uma sifika ekhaya sivela emgidini, ngangidabukile.” Insizwa ecashunwe encwadini Getting Married yathi:
‘Isikhathi sokuthembisa sifanele sibe esikhazimula kakhulu nesijabulisayo. Khona-ke kulindeleke ube nomshado omkhulu, onobucwazicwazi. Lokho kuhle kakhulu. Bese uya eholideni labasanda kushada, futhi lokho kuhle ngokwedlulele. Uzithembisa ukuthi into ethile eyisimanga iyokwenzeka ngokushesha nje uma usushadile. Khona-ke ngokushesha kukhona lokho kuthula. Ngokushesha ushiywa wedwa nalona owesifazane futhi naye ushiywa nawe.’
5. Imuphi umbono ofanele amaKristu okumelwe abe nawo ngemishado yawo?
5 Sonke singavuma ukuthi umbhangqwana kumelwe ubheke phambili emshadweni wawo njengethuba elithokozisayo, elikhethekile, nelibalulekile, ngoba uthatha isinyathelo esikhulu ekuphileni kwawo. Nokho uyonikela enjabulweni yawo uma ugwema ukugcizelela idili lomshado kakhulu kangangokuba usithibeze lokho ngempela okubaluleke kakhulu, ukuphila okulandelayo njengamaKristu ashadile.
Ukulungiselela Umshado Othokozisayo
6. Ngaphambi kosuku lomshado, yini etusekayo?
6 UJesu washo iqiniso elisobala abantu abangashadile abangalisebenzisa: “Ngokuba [yi]muphi kini othi efuna ukwakha umbhoshongo, angaqali ahlale phansi, abale izindleko ukuthi unakho okokuwuqeda na?” (Luka 14:28) Yebo, kunokuhlakanipha ukucabangela umsebenzi ngaphambi kokuba uwuqale. Kunjalo nangomshado. Abaningi abeluleki bemishado baluleka abantu babo ngokuthi abazoshada abathathe izifundo, noma baye ezikoleni, zokuzifanelanisa nokuphila komshado nokubhekana nezinkinga ezingavela. Omunye umeluleki wathi: “Ukuba abantwana abaphothula esikoleni esiphakeme babazi okukodwa ekhulwini ngokubambisana emshadweni njengoba bazi ngamacomputer, umshado ubungaba okuhlangenwe nakho okwanelisa kakhulu.”
7. Ungakutholaphi ukwaziswa okuwusizo ngokuphila komshado?
7 OFakazi BakaJehova baye banikeza isiqondiso esinengqondo kulendawo, isiqondiso esingasekelwe emibonweni yabantu eguquguqukayo ngalokho okuletha impumelelo ekuphileni komshado, kodwa eselulekweni esiphelele soMsunguli womshado. (IHubo 119:98-105) Kokubili INqabayokulinda nePhaphama! inikeza izihloko ezihlukahlukene ngokuphila komshado. Ungabubona kangcono ubuningi bezihloko ezinjalo ngokubheka ezihlokwaneni eziningi nezikhombo ngaphansi kwesihloko “Marriage” ezincwadini okuthiwa amaindexes ezincwadi zeWatch Tower Society, njengeindex ka-1976-80. Izihloko eziningi zomshado ziyafundwa ebandleni, okwenza ukuba abayoshada esikhathini esizayo bezwe imibono ewusizo evela emadodeni nabesifazane abangamaKristu abanokuhlangenwe nakho komuntu siqu futhi abangabafundi abakhuthele beZwi likaNkulunkulu.
8. Uma ulungiselela ukushada, iziphi izinyathelo eziwusizo obungazithatha?
8 Uma uhlela ukushada, kumelwe futhi ucabangele izihloko eziphathelene nalokho ezikhishwe kwezinye izincwadi zokufunda iBhayibheli. Ngokwesibonelo, incwadi Happiness—How to Find Ita inezahluko ezikhuluma ngezinkinga zemali, ubulili nokufinyelela impumelelo ekuphileni komkhaya. Incwadi Ukwenza Ukuphila Komkhaya Wakho Kujabuliseb iqukethe iseluleko esengeziwe esiwusizo esivela eZwini likaNkulunkulu eliphelele. Ezinye izahluko yilezi “Ukubekela Umshado Wakho Isisekelo Esihle,” “Ngemva Kosuku Lomshado,” “Indoda Ezuza Inhlonipho Ejulile,” “Umfazi Othandwa Kakhulu” nesithi “Uthando, ‘Luyisibopho Sokuphelela.’” Hlela ukufunda lokho kwaziswa nomngane wakho womshado wakusasa ngaphambi komshado wenu. Yeka ukuthi kungaba okuzuzisa kanjani futhi, ukuba nixoxe ngalokho kwaziswa nomzalwane ongumKristu ovuthiwe enimhloniphayo nonganikeza ukusikisela okuwusizo. (IzAga 4:1-9) Lokhu kuyonisiza nobabili ukuba nigcine amalungiselelo omshado wenu esesimweni esifanele ngokuqondene nalokho okubaluleke kakhulu, ukuphila kwenu ndawonye njengombhangqwana oshadile.
Lungelani Ukusebenza
9, 10. (a) Kungani umbono ongokoqobo ngomshado ubalulekile? (b) AmaKristu asizwa kanjani ukuba abe nawo?
9 Siphawulile ukuthi abaningi babheka usuku lomshado wabo belindele ukuthi “into ethile eyisimanga iyokwenzeka ngokushesha nje ngemva komshado.” Abantu abanalombono ongasizi ngalutho balindelwe ukudumazeka, ukukhungatheka nokungajabuli. Iqiniso liwukuthi umshado ojabulisayo uyasetshenzelwa, umsebenzi omkhulu kakhulu kunalowo owenziwe ngedili lomshado, kungakhathaliseki ukuthi wawumkhulu kangakanani. Emhlanganweni ‘wokwelashwa’ kwemishado owahlelwa uProfesa E. M. Pattison, owesifazane osemusha ogama lakhe linguBetty waphawula: “Nganginemicabango emangalisayo ngomshado, efakazelwa kuphela ukuhlala ndawonye. Kepha kwakungekho simangaliso emshadweni—ubuningi bomsebenzi onzima nje.
10 Ukufunda iZwi likaNkulunkulu kumelwe kusize ekulungiseleleni amaKristu izinto ezingokoqobo zokuphila emshadweni. Ngani? Okokuqala, ngenxa yokuthi siyazi ukuthi bonke abantu baye bazuza ngefa ukungapheleli kuAdamu. AmaRoma 3:23 ayasiqinisekisa: “Ngokuba bonke bonile, basilalelwe inkazimulo kaNkulunkulu.” Ngokuqiniseke ngokufanayo, umuntu ongaphelele oyoba umngane wakho womshado uyoshiyeka kokunye okulindele. Lapho nje indlela yokuphila kwansuku zonke iqala, umyeni wakho angase abe ongabekezeli, abe nolaka kancane, ngandlela thile abe yivila noma athande ukudebeselela izibopho zakhe ezingokomBhalo njengenhloko yomkhaya wenu. Noma, njengoba uhlala nomkakho, ukusondelana komshado kungase kumembule njengothanda ukuziqhenya, othanda ukubusa, ngezinye izikhathi ogxekayo noma ngokumangalisayo abe nesithakazelo sokuba nezinto.
11, 12. Ukuba kwakho umKristu kuwusizo kanjani ekuthuthukiseni isimo sokuphila komshado?
11 Ukuba kwenu nobabili ngamaKristu anokholo ekupheleleni kweseluleko sikaNkulunkulu kunikeza isisekelo sokuthuthuka. Ningase nikwazi ukuxoxa ngokungacunulani kepha ngobuqotho, ngezici lapho ngamunye engajabulela ukubona ukuvumelana okuseduze neseluleko sikaNkulunkulu. Sebenzisani ukuhlakanipha nokuqonda ekukhetheni isikhathi sokuxoxa izinto ezinjalo, ningakwenzi lapho omunye ngokusobala ecasukile. Niyofeza okuhle kakhulu uma, ngesikhathi sezingxoxo ezinjalo, nizama ngokuzimisela ukugwema ukuphikisa umbono womunye. Kunalokho, ngempela lalela futhi uvume isikhalo noma isicelo somngane wakho womshado.—IzAga 15:28; 18:13.
12 Ngezinye izikhathi izindaba ezinjalo zimane ziziphakamele nje lapho indoda nomfazi behlanganyela esifundweni sabo somkhaya semiBhalo. Sona kanye isimo esinjalo singaba usizo, ngoba sigcizelela ukuthi ngamunye unesifiso esiqotho sokwamukela iseluleko sikaNkulunkulu kanye nesifiso sokuthokozisa umngane wakhe womshado. Lesisithakazelo esingokomBhalo sokuthokozisa umngane wakho womshado sivumelana nalokho umphostoli uPawulu akubhala: “Yilowo nalowo [madoda] makathande umkakhe njengokuba ezithanda yena, kepha umfazi makahloniphe indoda yakhe.”—Efesu 5:33; qhathanisa neyoku-1 Korinte 13:4-7.
Hlakulelani Ukwethembana Emshadweni Wenu
13. Siyini isimo ngokwethembana phakathi kwabangane bomshado?
13 Niyosizakala kakhulu ekuxazululeni noma yiziphi izinkinga zomshado noma ukuxabana uma nobabili nihlakulela imfanelo entuleka kweminingi imishado yezwe—ukwethembana. Isimo esidabukisayo esivamile kuleyomishado sifana nalokho okwakukhona okwesikhashana kwaIsrayeli: “Ningamethembi umngane, ningakholwa ngumhlobo; gcina iminyango yomlomo wakho kuye olala ngasesifubeni sakho.” (Mika 7:5; Jeremiya 9:4, 5) Kwakungekho kwethembana phakathi kwendoda nomfazi, ngamunye esaba ukuthi ngisho nezindaba zangasese zazingasakazwa ngokungenaluthando noma zisetshenziswe kabi. Uma ukungathembani okunjalo kukhona, iliphi ithemba elikhona lokuthi abangane bomshado bayobambisana ekulungiseni ukungezwani nasekuthuthukiseni izibopho zomshado ngemva kokudlula kosuku lomshado wabo?
14. Kungani ukwethembana kubaluleke kangaka emshadweni, futhi lokhu singakubona kanjani emiBhalweni?
14 Ngokubaluleka kokwethembana, uProfesa Ned L. Gaylinc wabhala: “Kunezisekelo ezimbili emshadweni ophumelelayo, owanelisayo, nohlala njalo: uthando nokwethembana. . . . Ngaphandle kokwethembana umshado uba isivumelwano esiphukayo esinokuqina okungabazekayo.” Phawula indlela izAga 31:11 ezichaza ngayo umfazi omuhle: “Inhliziyo yendoda yakhe iyethemba kuye; ayiyikuswela inzuzo.” Yebo, umyeni wakhe, indoda endala emzini, kumelwe ukuba yayike yaphatha izindaba ezithile zebandla ngokufanelekile engazange izixoxe nomkayo. Lokhu kwakuwumusa ngoba umkayo akasindwanga izindaba okwakungamelwe azazi. (IzAga 31:23; 20:19) Ngaphandle kwalokho, kumelwe ukuba kwakukhona ubuhlobo obusobala nobokwethembana. Ngamunye wathemba uthando lomunye futhi wazizwa eqiniseka ukuthi wayengaveza imizwa yangaphakathi ngaphandle kokuba ehliswe noma ngaphandle kokuba izindaba ezinjalo zangasese zaziwe abantu.
15. Yini esingayifunda ngokwethembana emshadweni ngokusebenzelana kukaJesu nabalandeli bakhe?
15 Ukwethembana futhi kuboniswe phakathi kukaJesu nomakoti wakhe ongokomfanekiso amaKristu agcotshiwe. (Efesu 5:22-32; 2 Korinte 11:2) Kwakunezinto ezimbalwa angazange azitshele abaphostoli lapho bengenakukwazi ukuzithwala. Futhi uJesu akazange adalule usuku nehora losuku olukhulu lukaNkulunkulu; ngempela, uJehova wayengakwembulanga lokho ngisho naseNdodaneni. (Johane 16:12; Mathewu 24:36) Kodwa ngaphandle kwezinjalo izinto ezimbalwa, uJesu wayekhululekile kubo. Wayengaziwa njengofihla ngokweqile noma njengofihlayo nongenakubethemba labo abebeyohlanganisa umakoti wakhe ongokomoya. Wayekhuluma kalula nabo futhi isikhathi eside, enikeza ngisho izinto ababeyoziqonda kamuva kuphela.—Johane 13:7; Marku 8:17.
16. Ukwethembana kungawenza kanjani umshado ongcono?
16 Uma wena nomngane wakho womshado nihlakulela ukwethembana, kuyoqinisa izibopho zenu zomshado. Uyoba nokuqiniseka kokuthi ungaveza imizwa yakho yangempela. Futhi uma ningase nixoxe ngokungezwani okuthile noma indawo lapho omunye engase adinge ukuthuthuka khona, cishe akunakwenzeka ukuba kwenqatshwe ngokuqondile noma kuphumele ekucunukeni kokuzivikela. Kunalokho, uyokholelwa ngokwethemba ukuthi umngane wakho womshado uyakuthanda futhi ngobuqotho ubeka umbono noma ukusikisela okufuna ukucabangele ngokunengqondo.—IzAga 27:6.
17. Yini efiselekayo ngemishado yethu, kungakhathaliseki noma isidlulile noma isengaphambili?
17 Lokhu kwethembana kungandiswa futhi ngokukhumbula kwenu imizwa yobubele, neyothando lapho nisathembisene neyosuku lomshado. Ukukhumbula izinto ezijabulisa kanjalo kuyonisiza ukuba ninqobe noma ikuphi ukucasuka. Ngakho uma manje uthembisile noma ulungiselela umshado wakho, yenza lokhu ngendlela eyokushiya unezinkumbulo ezijabulisayo, ezinokuthula, eziqondile eziyophemba isisa neminye imizwa emihle esikhathini eside ngemva kokudlula kosuku lomshado wenu.—IsiHlabelelo seziHlabelelo 3:11.
[Imibhalo yaphansi]
a Eyakhishwa yiWatchtower Bible and Tract Society of New York.
b Eyakhishwa yiWatchtower Bible and Tract Society of New York.
c Director of Marriage and Family Therapy Education and Training, University of Maryland.
Ufundeni?
□ Yiziphi izinyathelo eziwusizo ezingase zibangele idili lomshado elihleleke ngokwengeziwe?
□ Uyini umphumela kamuva wemishado eminingi ebizayo?
□ Lokhu kungawathinta kanjani amathemba akho omshado ojabulisayo?
□ Ukuba kwakho umKristu kungakusiza kanjani enjabulweni yomshado?
□ Kungani ukwethembana phakathi kwabangane bomshado kubaluleke kangaka?