Intsha Iyabuza
Kuthiwani Uma Ingane Yakithi Izibulele?
Ukuphila kukaKaren kwashintsha mhla uyise emazisa izindaba ezibuhlungu. Uyise wamane wathi: “USheila akasekho.” UKaren noyise bamane basingathana, bobabili bezama ukuqonda lesi senzo esingenangqondo kangaka. Udadewabo kaKaren wayezibulele.a
LAPHO osemusha eshona, abaduduzi abanezisusa ezinhle bavame ukugxila kubazali. Babuza abafowabo noma odadewabo kamufi bathi: “Abazali benu babhekana kanjani nalesi simo?” kodwa bangase bakhohlwe ukubuza, “Nibhekana kanjani nina nalesi simo?” Kungesizathu esihle-ke izingane zakubo kamufi zibizwa ngokuthi izihlobo ezishonelwe ezilitshelwe.
Ukuhlola kubonisa ukuthi osemusha uthinteka kakhulu lapho kushona ingane yakubo. UDkt. P. Gill White encwadini yakhe ethi Sibling Grief—Healing After the Death of a Sister or Brother uthi: “Ukulahlekelwa okukhulu kangako kuyithinta kakhulu impilo, ukuziphatha, umsebenzi wesikole, ukuzethemba nokukhula kwezingane ezisaphila.”
Intsha esikhulile nayo iyathinteka. UKaren okukhulunywe ngaye ngenhla, wayeneminyaka engu-22 lapho uSheila, udadewabo omncane, ezibulala. Nakuba kunjalo, ngezinye izikhathi usizi ayebhekana nalo lwalubonakala lungabekezeleleki. Uthi: “Anginakusho ukuthi ngangizwa ubuhlungu ukudlula abazali bami, kodwa ngicabanga ukuthi bona babebhekana nabo kangcono kunami.”
Ingabe uye washonelwa ingane yakini njengoKaren? Uma kunjalo, ungase uzizwe njengomhubi uDavide, owabhala: “Ngikhungathekile, ngikhothame kwaze kwedlulela; usuku lonke ngihambahambé ngidabukile.” (IHubo 38:6) Ungabhekana kanjani nosizi lwakho?
“Ukube nje . . . ”
Ukuzibulala komfowenu noma udadewenu kungakushiya nomuzwa wecala elikhulu. Ungase uthi: ‘Ukube nje ngenza okuthile okuhlukile, ngabe ingane yakithi isaphila namanje.’ Kungase kubonakale sengathi kunobufakazi bokusekela lowo mbono. UChris, owayeneminyaka engu-21 lapho umfowabo oneminyaka engu-18 ezibulala, wayekukholelwa lokho. Uthi: “Yimi engagcina ukukhuluma nomfowethu, ngakho ngicabanga ukuthi kwakufanele ngazi ukuthi kukhona okungahambi kahle. Ngicabanga ukuthi ukube nje nganginobungane kakhudlwana, wayengase angithululele isifuba.”
Usizi lukaChris lwandiswa iqiniso lokuthi yena nomfowabo babengazwani. Ezwa ubuhlungu obukhulu, uChris uyakhumbula: “Incwadi ayishiya yathi ngangingaba umfowabo ongcono. Ngisho noma ngangazi ukuthi wayengaphilile kahle, lokho akusho kusangidla namanje.” Ngokuvamile, umuntu uhlushwa nakakhulu yilo muzwa wokuba necala lapho ekhumbula amazwi abuhlungu abatshelana wona nengane yakubo ngaphambi kokuba ishone. UDkt. White, ocashunwe ngaphambili, watshela i-Phaphama!: “Abaningi abashonelwe izingane zakubo baye bangitshela ukuthi basahlushwa yilo muzwa wecala namanje ngenxa yengxabano ababa nayo ezinyangeni noma eminyakeni ethile ngaphambili.”
Uma uhlushwa umuzwa wecala ngokuzibulala kwengane yakini, zibuze lokhu, ‘Ubani onikezwe igunya eliphelele lokulawula izenzo zomunye umuntu?’ UKaren uthi: “Ubuhlungu umuntu ayezama ukububalekela—nendlela ehlasimulisayo abuqeda ngayo—wawungeke ubuvimbele.”
Kodwa kuthiwani uma ubonakala ungakwazi ukukhohlwa amazwi angacabangeli noma anonya owawasho enganeni yakini? IBhayibheli lingakusiza ukuba ube nombono omuhle. Lithi: “Sonke siyakhubeka izikhathi eziningi. Uma umuntu engakhubeki ngezwi, lowo uyindoda epheleleyo.” (Jakobe 3:2; IHubo 130:3) Ngempela, ukufukamela imicabango yokuthi wakhuluma noma waphatha ingane yakini ngokhahlo kuyomane kwandise usizi lwakho. Nakuba leyo micabango ingase ibe buhlungu kakhulu, iqiniso elisalayo ukuthi awubanga imbangela yokuzibulala kwengane yakini.b
Ukubhekana Nosizi
Abekho abantu ababili ababa lusizi ngendlela efana nsé. Abanye bakhala phambi kwabantu, futhi akukho okubi ngalokho. IBhayibheli libika ukuthi uDavide ‘wadinda isililo esikhulu’ ngemva kokushona kwendodana yakhe u-Amnoni. (2 Samuweli 13:36) Ngisho noJesu “wakhala izinyembezi” lapho ebona usizi olwabangelwa ukufa komngane wakhe uLazaru.—Johane 11:33-35.
Ngakolunye uhlangothi, abanye abakhali ngokushesha—ikakhulu lapho ukufa kubazumile. UKaren uyakhumbula: “Imizwa yami yavele yafa. Ingqondo yami yavele yama nsi.” Lokhu kuvame kakhulu ukwenzeka lapho osemusha ezibulele. UDkt. White watshela i-Phaphama!: “Ukuzibulala kuyashaqisa, futhi kufanele ubhekane nalokho kushaqeka ngaphambi kokuba lusizi. Abanye ochwepheshe abanakekela abashonelwe bazama ukubenza bakhale futhi balile lapho bengakulungele ukwenza kanjalo. Basuke besendikindiki ngenxa yokushaqeka.”
Kuyothatha isikhathi ukwamukela iqiniso lokuthi ingane yakini ayisekho, futhi lokho kuyaqondakala, uma kucatshangelwa okwenzekile. UChris uthi: “Umkhaya wakithi unjengesitsha sezimbali esiye saphuka sabe sesinanyatheliswa futhi. Manje sibonakala ‘siphuka’ ngokushesha ngaphansi kokucindezeleka nje okuncane.” Ukuze sikusize ubhekane nalesi simo, zama okulandelayo:
◼ Gcina uhlu lwemibhalo yeBhayibheli eduduzayo, bese uyifunda okungenani kanye ngosuku.—IHubo 94:19.
◼ Xoxa nomuntu othululela kuye isifuba onozwela. Ukuxoxa ngakho kungakwethula umthwalo.—IzAga 17:17.
◼ Zindla ngesithembiso seBhayibheli sovuko.—Johane 5:28, 29.
Ungase uthole nokuthi ukubhala phansi okucabangayo—okungenani okwesikhashana—kungakusiza ukuba ube nombono omuhle ngosizi obhekene nalo. Kunganjani usebenzise leli bhokisi elisekhasini elilandelayo ukuze uzivivinye?
Qiniseka ukuthi “uNkulunkulu mkhulu kunezinhliziyo zethu futhi wazi zonke izinto.” (1 Johane 3:20) Uzazi kangcono kunanoma imuphi omunye umuntu izizathu nezimo okungenzeka ziye zabangela isimo esiye sacindezela ingane yakini. Ukwazi kangcono nawe—ngaphezu kokuba wena uzazi. (IHubo 139:1-3) Ngakho ungaqiniseka ukuthi uyakuqonda obhekene nakho. Uma usizi lubonakala lungaphezu kwamandla akho, khumbula amazwi eHubo 55:22: “Phonsa umthwalo wakho phezu kukaJehova, yena uyokusekela. Akasoze avumele olungileyo antengantenge.”
Induduzo Kwabalusizi
Ukuze uthole ukwaziswa okwengeziwe ngokubhekana nokufa kothandekayo, bheka incwajana ethi Lapho Ufelwa Othandakayo, enyatheliswe oFakazi BakaJehova.
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OKUDINGA UKUCATSHANGELWA
◼ Ubani ongaxoxa naye uma imizwa yakho ibonakala ingaphezu kwamandla akho?
◼ Ungamsekela kanjani osemusha obhekene nosizi?
[Imibhalo yaphansi]
a Amagama akulesi sihloko ashintshiwe.
b Isimo siyafana nalapho ukufa kubangelwa ukugula noma ingozi. Kungakhathaliseki ukuthi uyithanda kangakanani ingane yakini, awunawo amandla okulawula “isikhathi nesenzakalo esingalindelekile.”—UmShumayeli 9:11.
[Ibhokisi ekhasini 20]
Ukubhala okucabangayo kungaba usizo olukhulu ekubhekaneni nosizi. Ucabanga ngalokho, gcwalisa leli bhokisi bese uphendula nemibuzo elandelayo.
◼ Lezi yizinto ezintathu ezijabulasayo engizikhumbulayo ngengane yakithi:
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◼ Nakhu engifisa sengathi ngabe ngakusho enganeni yakithi lapho isaphila:
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◼ Yini ongayisho kosemusha ozilahla ngecala ngokufa kwengane yakubo?
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◼ Yimuphi kule mibhalo elandelayo owothola ududuza kakhulu, futhi ngani?
□ “UJehova useduze nalabo abaphukile enhliziyweni; futhi uyabasindisa abanomoya ochobozekile.”—IHubo 34:18.
□ “Akazange akudelele noma akwenyanye ukuhlupheka kohluphekile; akazange abufihle ubuso bakhe kuye, futhi wezwa lapho ekhalela usizo kuye.”—IHubo 22:24.
□ “Ihora liyeza lapho bonke abasemathuneni beyokhunjulwa futhi bayolizwa izwi [likaJesu] baphume.”—Johane 5:28, 29.