Intsha Iyabuza . . .

Ngingabenqaba Kanjani Ubulili Esikoleni?

“Izingane zikhuluma ngobulili nsuku zonke esikoleni. Amantombazane aze ayenge abafana, futhi alale nabo esikoleni.”—U-Eileen, oneminyaka engu-16.

“Esikoleni sethu, ongqingili benza imikhuba engcolile umgangela phambi kwezinye izingane futhi abacabangi ukuthi kuyihlazo.”—UMichael, oneminyaka engu-15.a

INGABE ofunda nabo bakhuluma ngobulili njalo? Ingabe abanye babo badlulela ngale kokuxoxa ngabo nje? Uma kunjalo, ungase uzizwe ngendlela efanayo nentombazane ethile eyaqhathanisa ukuba sesikoleni “nokusebenza endaweni okuqoshelwa kuyo amabhayisikobho angcolile.” Iqiniso liwukuthi esikoleni intsha eningi inamathuba amaningi okuxoxa—ngisho nawokuhlanganyela ubulili.

Ungase uzwe ofunda nabo bekhuluma “ngokuxhunywa nothile (hook up)”—inkulumo echaza ukuhlanganyela ubulili nomuntu ongathandani naye. Kokunye abantwana baxhumana nabathile abangabajwayele kangako. Ngezinye izikhathi bahlanganyela ubulili nabantu abangabazi nhlobo, abahlangane nabo nge-Internet. Noma ngabe yikuphi, umgomo wokuxhunywa nothile uwukuhileleka ebulilini ngaphandle kokufaka ezothando. UDanielle oneminyaka engu-19 uthi: “Akusho lutho ngaphandle nje kokuthi abantu ababili banelisa izinkanuko zabo zenyama.”

Akumangalisi ukuthi, ukuxhumana sekuyindaba esematheni ezikoleni eziningi. “Ngemva kwempelasonto ngayinye, kugcwala izingxoxo zezenzo zakamuva zabaye baxhumana ngempelasonto, lapho abangane beningiliza khona ingcaca ngemikhuba yabo,” kubhala intombazane eneminyaka engu-17 ephephandabeni lesikole.

Uma uzama ukuphila ngezindinganiso zeBhayibheli, ukuba phakathi kwabantu abaxoxa ngobulili nje kuphela kungakwenza uzizwe ulahliwe. Uma ungazihlanganisi nabo, ungase ube yihlaya. Lokho kulindelekile ngezinga elithile, ngoba iBhayibheli lithi lapho abanye bengayiqondi inkambo yakho, bangase ‘bakuhlambalaze.’ (1 Petru 4:3, 4) Noma kunjalo, akekho othanda ukuhlekwa. Pho, ungabenqaba kanjani ubulili esikoleni kodwa ngesikhathi esifanayo uzizwe uziqhenya ngokwenza kanjalo? Okokuqala, kubalulekile ukuqonda ukuthi kungani isilingo sobulili sinamandla kangaka.

Zazi Wena

Ngesikhathi sobusha, ubhekana noshintsho olukhulu, emzimbeni nangokomzwelo. Njengoba udlula kulesi sikhathi, uba neziqubu zenkanuko yobulili enamandla. Qiniseka ukuthi lokhu kungokwemvelo. Ngakho uma uzizwa ukhangwa kakhulu abobulili obuhlukile esikoleni, ungaphethi ngokuthi umubi ngokwemvelo noma awudalelwanga ukuziphatha kahle. Ungaba msulwa uma ukhetha ukwenza kanjalo!

Ngaphandle kwempi yangaphakathi ehambisana nobusha, kukhona okunye okudingeka ukwazi. Ngenxa yokungapheleli, bonke abantu bathambekele kokubi. Ngisho nomphostoli uPawulu wavuma: “Ngibona emalungwini ami omunye umthetho olwa nomthetho wengqondo yami futhi ongithumbela emthethweni wesono osemalungwini ami.” UPawulu wathi ukungapheleli kwakhe kwamenza wazizwa ‘elusizi.’ (Roma 7:23, 24) Kodwa wayinqoba impi, nawe ungayinqoba!

Baqonde Kahle Ofunda Nabo

Njengoba kubonisiwe ekuqaleni, ofunda nabo bangase bakhulume ngobulili ngaso sonke isikhathi noma baqhoshe ngezenzo zobulili abathi bahileleke kuzo. Kufanele uliqaphele ithonya labo elibi. (1 Korinte 15:33) Kodwa akufanele ubheke ofunda nabo njengezitha zakho. Ngani?

Ofunda nabo banezifiso ezifana nezakho. Nabo bathambekele ekwenzeni okubi. Kodwa ngokungafani nawe, abanye babo bangase babe “abathandi benjabulo kunokuba abathandi bakaNkulunkulu.” Noma bangase bavele emikhayeni ‘engenalo uthando’ ngamanye amalungu omkhaya. (2 Thimothewu 3:1-4) Abanye kulabo ofunda nabo bangase bangabi nesiqondiso sothando nokuqeqeshwa ngokokuziphatha okunikezwa abazali abanothando.—Efesu 6:4.

Ngaphandle komthombo ophakeme wokuhlakanipha wena onawo—iZwi likaNkulunkulu, iBhayibheli—ofunda nabo bangase bangawuqapheli umonakalo owumphumela wokuhluleka ukulawula inkanuko. (Roma 1:26, 27) Kunjengokungathi abazali babo babanike imoto enamandla base bebafaka emgwaqweni omkhulu ophithizelayo—kodwa bangabafundisa ukushayela. Ukugibela le moto kungase kujabulise okwesikhashana, kodwa nakanjani kuzolandela inhlekelele. Pho, yini ongayenza uma ofunda nabo beqala ukukhuluma ngobulili ukhona noma bekuphoqelela ukuba uhlanganyele nabo ekuziphatheni kwabo okubi?

Zenqabe Izingxoxo Ezingcolile

Uma ofunda nabo beqala ukuxoxa ngemikhuba emibi, ungase ulingekele ekutheni ulalele futhi uze uhlanganyele engxoxweni—ukuze ungabonakali ukuthi uhlukile. Kodwa cabanga ukuthi lokhu kungabatshelani. Ingabe isithakazelo sakho engxoxweni yabo sibonisa uhlobo lomuntu oyilo ngempela noma ofuna ukuba yilo?

Khona-ke, yini okufanele uyenze uma uzithola uhileleke engxoxweni ejika esikhaleni nje ibe yingxoxo yokuziphatha okubi? Ingabe kufanele uvele usukume uhambe? Akubuzwa! IBhayibheli lithi: “Unokuqonda lowo oboné inhlekelele wabe esecasha.” (IzAga 22:3) Ngakho-ke ngokushiya ingxoxo, akusho ukuthi uluhlaza—kodwa unokuqonda.

Ngempela, akufanele uzizwe kabi ngokushiya ingxoxo ephathelene nokuziphatha okubi. Ngokuqinisekile, zikhona ezinye izinhlobo zezingxoxo ongazishiya ngaphandle kokuba namahloni, ikakhulukazi uma ungenaso isithakazelo kulokho okuxoxwayo noma ungafuni nje ukuhlanganyela kukho. Ngokwesibonelo, ake sithi iqembu labathile ofunda nabo liqala ukukhuluma ngokuphanga isitolo. Ubungahlala ulalele abakucebayo? Uma ubungase uhlale, nawe ubuyobhekwa njengomunye wabo. Ngakho-ke, ngokuhlakanipha, ubungakhetha ukusuka uhambe. Yenza into efanayo lapho ingxoxo iphendukela ekuziphatheni okubi. Ngokuvamile, ungayithola indlela yokunyomuka ngaphandle kokuzibonakalisa ungumuntu olungile kunabanye futhi uzenze isisulu sokugconwa.

Kuyavunywa, kungase kungabi lula ngaso sonke isikhathi ukuzikhipha esimweni esithile. Ngokwesibonelo, intsha eyabelwe ukuhlala eduze kwakho ekilasini ingase izame ukukuhilela ezingxoxweni zobulili. Kuleso simo ungase uyitshele ngokuqinile kodwa ngomoya omuhle ukuba iyeke ukukuphazamisa. Uma lokho kungasizi, ungenza lokho okwenziwa uBrenda. Uthi: “Ngokuhlakanipha ngacela uthisha ukuba angihlalise kwenye indawo ekilasini.”

Sebenzisa Ukuqonda

Ngokuhamba kwesikhathi, abanye ofunda nabo bayobonisa isithakazelo sokwazi ukuthi kungani ungahlanganyeli ezingxoxweni zabo ezimbi. Uma bekubuza ngezimiso zakho zokuziphatha, phendula ngokuhlakanipha. Kuyavunywa, abanye bangase babuzele nje ukukuhleka kunokuba baqonde umbono wakho. Kodwa uma izisusa zalowo okubuzayo zibonakala ziqotho, khuluma ngokuziqhenya ngezinkolelo zakho. Intsha eningi iye yasebenzisa incwadi Intsha Iyabuza—Izimpendulo Ezisebenzayo ukuze isize efunda nabo ukuba baqonde izinzuzo zokuphila ngezindinganiso zeBhayibheli.b

Zimisele

Yini okufanele uyenze uma omunye umfundi enesibindi sokuzama ukukuthinta noma ukukuqabula? Uma umvumela ukuba enze lokhu, ungase umnike isibindi sokuqhubeka nalo mkhuba. IBhayibheli lichaza insizwa eyavumela owesifazane oziphethe kabi ukuba ayibambe ayiqabule. Yamvumela ukuba akhulume nayo ngendlela esikisela ubulili. Waba yini umphumela? “Ngokushesha iyamlandela, njengenkunzi iyohlatshwa.”—IzAga 7:13-23.

Ngokuphambene, cabanga ngendlela uJosefa abhekana ngayo nesimo esifanayo. Umkankosi yakhe wamnxenxa ngokuphindaphindiwe, kodwa wenqaba ngokuqinile. Lapho ekugcineni ezama ukumbamba, wathatha isinyathelo esiwujuqu, wabaleka.—Genesise 39:7-12.

NjengoJosefa, kungase kudingeke izinyathelo eziqinile uma ofunda naye noma umuntu omaziyo ezama ukukuthinta ngendlela engafanele. “Uma umfana ezama ukungithinta, ngimtshela ukuthi akangiyeke,” kusho u-Eileen. “Uma engangizwa, ngiyamthethisa ngimtshele ukuthi angangithinti.” Maqondana nabafana esikoleni, u-Eileen uyanezela: “Ngeke bakuhloniphe ngaphandle kokuba ubenze bakuhloniphe.”

Nawe uyohlonishwa yilabo ofunda nabo uma wenqaba ukulalela izingxoxo zokuziphatha okubi, ubachazela ngenhlonipho ngezindinganiso zakho zokuziphatha lapho kufaneleka khona, futhi ukwenqabe ngokuqinile ukuyengelwa ekuziphatheni okubi. Inzuzo eyengeziwe ukuthi uyozizwa kangcono ngobuwena. Okubaluleke nakakhulu, uJehova uyokwamukela!—IzAga 27:11.

[Imibhalo yaphansi]

LOKHO OKUDINGA UKUCATSHANGELWA

◼ Yini ongase uyisho ukuze ushiye ingxoxo yokuziphatha okubi?

◼ Yini oyoyisho noma uyenze uma ofunda naye esikisela ukuba uziphathe kabi naye?

[Isithombe ekhasini 27]

Uma ingxoxo iphendukela ekuziphatheni okubi, vele uhambe

[Isithombe ekhasini 28]

Kwenqabe ngokuqinile ukuyengelwa ekuziphatheni okubi