Intsha Iyabuza . . .

Kungani Njalo Kuyiphutha Lami?

“Umzimba kababa kunezinto ongezwani nazo kanti usebenza nabantu ababhemayo. Ngezinye izikhathi lapho efika ekhaya, usuke esephatheke kabi. Udukelwa yizinto abese esola mina. Lapho ngimtshela ukuthi iphutha lakhe, uyathukuthela futhi angitshele ukuthi bekungafanele ngimphikise.”—Intombazane eyevile eshumini nambili.

INGABE ngezinye izikhathi uba nomuzwa wokuthi uyisisulelo somkhaya wakini? Ingabe kubonakala sengathi kungakhathaliseki ukuthi yini eyonakalayo, kusolwa wena? Kubonakala kanjalo kuJoy oneminyaka engu-14 ubudala. Uhlala emkhayeni onomzali oyedwa futhi ngokuvamile unakekela umfowabo nodadewabo abancane. “Ngisuke ngisegumbini elingaphansi lapho beqala ukulwa,” kukhononda uJoy. “Benza izinto ngobuwula nangendlela engavuthiwe, kodwa uma ubaba efika ekhaya, uyangithethisa ngoba kade ngingekho ukuze ngibalamule.”

Uma abazali bakho bethi uyatetema, uyivila, noma uyidlabha noma bekubiza ngamanye amagama ayiziswana akwenza ubonakale sengathi wenza amaphutha njalo, ngezinye izikhathi kungase kubonakale sengathi balindele ngisho nokuba uhluleke. Umkhaya wakubo kaRamon wawumbiza ngokuthi uprofesa ongacabangi—isidlaliso ayesizonda kakhulu. Nawe ungase usizonde isidlaliso noma igama eliyiziswana eliveza ukushiyeka kwakho, ngisho noma lishiwo ngothando. Kunokuba likushukumisele ukuba uthuthuke, igama elinjalo lingamane ligcizelele umuzwa wokuthi njalo unephutha.

Ukusolwa kungaba buhlungu kakhulu uma kubonakala kubangelwa ukukhetha iphela emasini. “Ngiyingane ephakathi ekhaya,” kusho osemusha okuthiwa uFrankie, “futhi njalo ngiphathwa kabi kunabo bonke.” Kungase kubonakale sengathi izingane zakini zihlala zingenacala kodwa kusolwa wena njalo lapho kuphakama inkinga.

Okwenza Abazali Bakusole

Yiqiniso, kumane kungokwemvelo ukuba abazali bakhuze abantwana babo lapho benza iphutha. Phela, ukukhuza okunempilo nokuzuzisayo kungenye yezindlela abazali abesaba uNkulunkulu abakhulisa ngazo abantwana babo “ngesiyalo nangokuqondisa umqondo kukaJehova.” (Efesu 6:4) Nokho, ngezinye izikhathi ngisho nabazali abakahle kakhulu bangasheshe bathinteke noma bafinyelele ngisho naseziphethweni okungezona. Khumbula okwenzeka lapho uJesu esemncane. Wayedukile. Kwatholakala ukuthi wayesethempelini likaNkulunkulu, exoxa ngeBhayibheli. Noma kunjalo, lapho abazali bakhe bemthola, unina wabuza: “Mntwana, usiphatheleni ngalendlela? Bheka mina noyihlo besikufuna sicindezelekile ngokwengqondo.”—Luka 2:48.

Njengoba uJesu ayephelele, sasingekho isizathu sokwesaba ukuthi wayengahileleka ezenzweni zobuhlongandlebe. Kodwa njengabo bonke abazali abanothando, unina wazizwa enomthwalo wokunakekela umntanakhe futhi wasabela ngokhahlo, mhlawumbe enovalo lokuthi inhlalakahle yomntanakhe yayisongelwa. Ngokufanayo, abazali bakho bangase basheshe bathinteke ngezinye izikhathi, hhayi ngoba bezama ukuba nokhahlo noma ukuba nonya, kodwa ngenxa nje yokuthi bayakukhathalela ngempela.

Qaphela futhi ukuthi siphila ‘ezikhathini ezibucayi okunzima ukubhekana nazo.’ (2 Thimothewu 3:1) Njengoba besebenza futhi benakekela ikhaya, abazali bakho bacindezeleka kakhulu, futhi lokhu kungayithinta indlela abakuphatha ngayo. (Qhathanisa nomShumayeli 7:7.) Esinye isisebenzi sezempilo yengqondo saphawula: “Kweminye imikhaya, lapho kuvela inkinga, abazali bangaphelelwa isineke futhi benze izinqumo ngokuphamazela ngisho noma ngokuvamile bengabantu abakahle.”

Abazali abangabodwa bangase bathambekele kakhulu ekukhipheleni intukuthelo yokukhungatheka kwabo kubantwana babo, ngenxa nje yokuthi abanaye umngane womshado abangaxoxa izindaba naye. Kuyavunywa, ukubhekana nentukuthelo yokukhungatheka komzali akumnandi. ULucy oneminyaka engu-17 ubudala uthi: “Uma ngenze okuthile futhi kufanele ngijeziswe, kulungile. Kodwa uma ngijeziswa ngoba umama engajabulile, lokho akukuhle neze.”

Ukukhetha iphela emasini kungesinye isici. Nakuba ngokuvamile umzali ebathanda bonke abantwana bakhe, akuyona into engavamile ukuba akhangwe kakhulu ingane eyodwa.a (Qhathanisa noGenesise 37:3.) Kubuhlungu ukuba nomuzwa wokuthi uyingane engeyona intandokazi. Kodwa uma kubonakala sengathi izidingo zakho zishaywa indiva noma uvame ukusolwa ngezinto ezenziwa izingane zakini, lokhu ngokuqinisekile kungakucasula. “Nginomfowethu, uDarren,” kusho uRoxanne osemusha. “Uyintandokazi kamama. . . . Njalo usola mina, kodwa akamsoli uDarren.”

Imikhaya Enezinkinga

Emikhayeni engenazinkinga ukubhacekwa ngecala kungase kwenzeke ngezikhathi ezithile. Kodwa emikhayeni enezinkinga abazali bangase babe nomkhuba oqhubekayo wokusola, wokuphoxa nokululaza. Ngezinye izikhathi lokhu kusolwa kuhambisana ngisho ‘nokufutheka okubi nentukuthelo nolaka nokuklabalasa nenkulumo echaphayo.’—Efesu 4:31.

Ingabe osemusha angasolwa ngokuphahluka kwabazali okunjalo? Kuyiqiniso ukuthi indodana noma indodakazi engalaleli ingaba ‘usizi’ kumzali. (IzAga 17:25) Nokho, iBhayibheli lithi kubazali: “Ningabacasuli [ngokwezwi nezwi, “ukuvusa ulaka”] abantwana benu.” (Efesu 6:4) Njengawo wonke amaKristu, umzali kumelwe abe nokuzithiba, ‘azigcine ezibambile ngaphansi kobubi.’ (2 Thimothewu 2:24) Ngakho lapho umzali ehluleka ukuzithiba, akanakusola umntanakhe.

Ukuchapha ngamazwi kungase kube ubufakazi bokuthi umzali ucindezelekile ngokomzwelo, noma uyazenyeza. Kungaveza nezinkinga ezinjengokucindezeleka emshadweni noma ukusebenzisa kabi utshwala. Ngokwencwadi ethile, abantwana babazali abayimilutha ngokuvamile baba izisulelo. “Akukho abakwenzayo okuba kuhle. Kungase kuthiwe ‘bayiziwula,’ ‘babi,’ ‘banobugovu,’ nokunye. Khona-ke amalungu omkhaya abheka lowo mntwana (noma abantwana) ‘njengenkinga’ abese engayinaki imizwa yawo nezinkinga eziwakhathazayo.”

Ukubhekana Nokubhacekwa Ngecala

UDkt. Kathleen McCoy uyaphawula: “Ukubiza umntwana ngamagama okweya, ukululaza nokugxeka . . . kungaba isici esiwumthelela sokuzenyeza kosemusha, ukucindezeleka nokuzikhipha inyumbazane.” Noma njengoba iBhayibheli likubeka, impatho enokhahlo ‘ingabathukuthelisa’ abantwana futhi ibenze ‘badangale.’ (Kolose 3:21) Ungase uqale ukuzibheka njengesehluleki esingento yalutho. Ungase futhi ube nemizwa ephambene ngabazali bakho. Ungase uphethe ngokuthi akukho ongakwenza ukuze ubajabulise nokuthi akunasizathu sokuzama. Ungaba nentukuthelo futhi ucasuke, okungakwenza ukuba wenqabe konke ukuyalwa—ngisho nokugxekwa okwakhayo.—Qhathanisa nezAga 5:12.

Ungabhekana kanjani nalesi simo? Okuningi kuyoxhomeka esimweni sakho siqu. Kungani ungasihlaziyi ngobuqotho? Ngokwesibonelo, ingabe ngempela kuyiqiniso ukuthi kusolwa wena njalo? Noma kungenzeka yini ukuthi ngezinye izikhathi abazali bakho bathambekele ekugxekeni ngokweqile futhi basho izinto ezingafanele? IBhayibheli lithi “sonke siyakhubeka izikhathi eziningi,” futhi lokho kuhlanganisa nabazali. (Jakobe 3:2) Ngakho ngisho noma abazali bakho besheshe bathinteke ngezikhathi ezithile, ingabe nawe kudingeka ukuba wenze okufanayo? Iseluleko seBhayibheli kweyabaseKolose 3:13 singasetshenziswa: “Qhubekani nibekezelelana futhi nithethelelana ngokukhululekile uma noma ubani enesizathu sokukhononda ngomunye. Njengoba nje uJehova anithethelela ngokukhululekile, yenzani kanjalo nani.”

Ukubonisa ububele kubazali bakho kungakusiza ukuba ukwenze lokhu. IzAga 19:11 zithi: “Ukuhlakanipha komuntu kubambezela intukuthelo yakhe; kuludumo lwakhe ukudlula esiphambekweni.” Uma uyihlo ebonakala ecasuka kalula lapho efika ekhaya evela emsebenzini futhi ekusola ngokuthile ongakwenzanga, ingabe sikhona isidingo sokwenza leyo ndaba ibe yinto enkulu? Ukuqaphela ukuthi kungenzeka ukhandlekile futhi ukhathele kungase kukusize ukuba ‘udlule esiphambekweni sakhe.’

Nokho, kuthiwani uma ukubhacekwa ngecala kungeyona nje into ekucasulayo eyenzeka ngezikhathi ezithile kuphela kodwa kuhlala kukhona futhi kubelesela? Isihloko sesikhathi esizayo siyodingida izindlela zokuthuthukisa isimo sakho.

[Umbhalo waphansi]

[Isithombe ekhasini 19]

Akuyona into engafanelekile ukuba umzali akhuze lapho kudingekile