Intsha Iyabuza . . .
Ukukhipha Isisu—Ingabe Kuyikhambi?
“Lapho imiphumela yokuhlola ibonisa ukuthi ngikhulelwe,” kukhumbula uJudy, “isoka lami ngokushesha lafuna ukuba ngikhiphe isisu. Laze langinikeza nemali yokukwenza.” UJudy wayeneminyaka engu-17 ubudala.a
LAPHO uMarta oneminyaka engu-15 ubudala ethola ukuthi wayekhulelwe, waxoxa nomeluleki emtholampilo othile wokukhipha izisu. “Wangichazela konke,” kusho uMarta. “Wangitshela ukuthi ngangingasikhipha isisu, noma wayengangisiza ukuba ngithole inhlangano yokutholwa kwabantwana noma ikhaya lokubanakekela, uma kuyilokho engangikufuna.”
E-United States kuphela kukhulelwa amantombazane asenkathini yokuthomba angaphezu kwesigidi unyaka ngamunye. Phakathi kwawo kunentsha, ethi nakuba iqeqeshwe njengamaKristu, ingawulaleli umyalo kaNkulunkulu wokuba ‘idede ebufebeni,’ noma ebulilini bangaphambi komshado. (1 Thesalonika 4:3) Lokhu kuziphatha okubi kubangela ukuhlupheka okukhulu okungadingekile. Nokho, eningi yalentsha iyazisola ngokuziphatha kwayo futhi ifune ukulungisa ukuphila kwayo. Kodwa njengoba ibhekene nethuba elisabisayo lokuba nomntwana ingashadile, enye ingase izibuze ukuthi ukukhipha isisu akulona yini ikhambi elilula lezinkinga zayo. Phela, unyaka ngamunye cishe amantombazane akhulelwe ayingxenye yesigidi e-United States akhetha ukukhipha isisu. Ingabe lokhu kuyikhambi elingcono ngempela lokukhulelwa okungafunwa?
Okwenza Abanye Bakhiphe Izisu
Kuyaqondakala ukuthi imizwelo ethile enamandla, ngisho nengqubuzanayo ingase ibe nethonya. Owesifazane osemusha uba nemizwa engokwemvelo ngomntwana okhula ngaphakathi kuye, kodwa angase futhi abe nokwesaba nokukhathazeka okuqondakalayo.
Ngokwesibonelo, uVicky oneminyaka engu-18 ubudala “wayefuna ukuya ekolishi, mhlawumbe athole ngisho neziqu eziphakeme.” Engqondweni yakhe, ukuba nomntwana kwakuyophazamisa amacebo akhe. (Umagazini i-’Teen ka-March 1992) UMarta naye waphetha: “Uma ungumama, uhlala ekhaya nomntanakho futhi ukhohlwe isikole. Ngangingakulungele lokho.” Ngokokunye ukuhlola, amaphesenti angu-87 entsha ekhipha izisu esaba ukuthi ukuba nomntwana kungakushintsha ngokuphawulekayo ukuphila kwawo ngendlela angazimisele ukuyamukela.
Ukwesaba ubunzima ngokwezimali nokukhathazeka ngokuthi umuntu angase ahluleke ukusingatha imithwalo yemfanelo yokuba umzali ongayedwa nakho kuyizizathu ezivamile ezenza abaningi bakhethe ukukhipha isisu. UVicky wakubeka ngalendlela: “Ngivela emkhayeni wabazali abahlukana, futhi umama wabakhulisa eyedwa abantwana bakhe abathathu. Ngambona ekhandleka . . . Ngangizibona ngigcina ngokuba umzali ongashadile njengomama.”
Ukucindezela kwabanye, ikakhulukazi isoka, nakho kungaphoqelela umuntu ekukhipheni isisu. Isoka likaJudy lamnqumel’ ugwayi katiki: “Uma ungasikhiphi isisu, angifuni ukuphinde ngikubone.” UNancy wacindezelwa unina nezinye izihlobo ukuba akhiphe isisu.
Umbono ovamile wokuthi ukukhipha isisu akuhileli ukubulala usana nawo unethonya elinamandla. UVicky uthi: “Ngangingafuni ukucabanga ngawo njengomntwana. . . . Ngafunda ukuthi phakathi nesonto lesihlanu lokukhulelwa, umbungu mncane kunozipho lwakho lukacikicane. Ngabambelela ngokuqinile kulowombono. Ngazitshela ukuthi uma ulingana nozipho lukacikicane nje, wawungeyena umntwana. Ngazama ukukushaya indiva ukuze ngiqhubeke ngikhiphe isisu.”
Abanye futhi bathi, okungenani emazweni athuthukile ngokobuchwepheshe, ukukhipha isisu kuphephile—kucatshangelwa ukuthi kuphephe ngaphezu kokubeletha umntwana kosemusha okhulelwe. Khona-ke, ngemva kokucabangela zonke izici, ukukhipha isisu kungase kubonakale kufiseleka. Nokho, amaqiniso abonisa ukuthi abaningi abakhetha ukukhipha isisu bayazisola kamuva. Owesifazane othile uthi: “Ngakhipha isisu lapho ngineminyaka engu-20 ubudala. Manje sengineminyaka engu-34, kodwa kunzima ukuba ngibhekane nalokho engakwenza. Ngangimfuna umntanami, kodwa isoka lami lalingamfuni. Ngisenobuhlungu obungokomzwelo; lobubuhlungu uba nabo ukuphila kwakho konke.”
Izibazi Ezingokomzwelo
Kunokuba kube ikhambi elilula, ukukhipha isisu kungazandisa izinkinga zomuntu. Okungenani, kuphikisana nomuzwa wethu wangaphakathi wokulungile nokungalungile—unembeza uNkulunkulu awufaka esintwini. (Roma 2:15) Ngaphezu kwalokho, ukukhipha isisu kuphoqelela owesifazane osemusha ukuba abulale imizwelo yothando anayo ngomntwana omncane okhula ngaphakathi kuye. (Qhathanisa neyoku-1 Johane 3:17.) Yeka indlela okonakalisa ngayo!
UMarta uthi: “Kwakungemva kwamasonto ambalwa [ngemva kokukhipha isisu] lapho ngaqala ukuzizwa nginecala futhi nginamahloni ngandlela-thile ngalokho engangikwenzile.” Kwabanzima ngisho nakakhulu lapho kufika uFebruary—inyanga umntwana ayezozalwa ngayo. U-Eliasa uyaphawula: “Eminyakeni eyishumi nanhlanu edlule ngakhipha isisu. Ngemva kwalokho, ngacindezeleka kakhulu futhi kwadingeka ukuba ngelashwe emtholampilo izikhathi eziningana. Ngangifuna ngisho nokuzibulala.”
Yiqiniso, akubona bonke abesifazane abasebasha abasabela ngalendlela. Abaningi ngobuqotho bakholelwa ukuthi umbungu awuyena umuntu. Kodwa uMdali—“umthombo wokuphila”—uthini ngalendaba? (IHubo 36:9) IBhayibheli likwenza kucace ukuthi kuJehova uNkulunkulu umntwana ongakazalwa okhula esibelethweni ungaphezu kakhulu kokuba umbungu nje. Waphefumlela iNkosi uDavide ukuba ibhale: “Amehlo akho angibona ngiseyihlule; zonke izinsuku zami zalotshwa encwadini yakho.” (IHubo 139:16) Ngakho uMdali ubheka ngisho nombungu njengomuntu ohlukile, umuntu ophilayo. Ngenxa yalesisizathu, wathi umuntu wayeyolandisa ngokulimaza umntwana ongakazalwa. (Eksodusi 21:22, 23) Yebo, ngokombono kaNkulunkulu, ukubulala umntwana ongakazalwa kuwukubulala umuntu. Ngakho-ke, intombazane efuna ukuthokozisa uNkulunkulu ayinakubheka ukukhipha isisu njengokukhetha okwamukelekayo—kungakhathaliseki ukuthi icindezelwa kangakanani.b
Ukuthola Ukusekelwa
UJudy, okukhulunywe ngaye ekuqaleni, wakhetha ukungasikhiphi isisu. Uthi: “Udadewethu omdala wezwa ngakho, futhi zisuka nje, wangisekela, ikakhulukazi ngokomzwelo. Waze wathi uzoqhubeka engisekela ngemva kokuba sengibelethe umntwana. Yilokho engangidinga ukukuzwa ukuze ngenze enganginomuzwa wokuthi kwakusekujuleni kwenhliziyo yami. Ngaqhubeka ngabeletha.” Lokho kwakuseminyakeni engu-9 edlule. Lapho ebuka indodana yakhe eneminyaka engu-8 ubudala, uJudy uthi: “Ukukhipha isisu kwakuyoba iphutha elikhulu kunawo wonke ekuphileni kwami.”
Owesifazane osemusha okuthiwa uNatisa naye uyalandisa: “Eminyakeni emihlanu edlule ngangihlezi emtholampilo wokukhipha izisu, ngilinde ithuba lami lokungena. Kunokuba ngingene, ngashintsha umqondo ngaphuma emtholampilo. Manje nginendodana enhle eneminyaka emine ubudala, ngilindele omunye umntwana, futhi ngishade noyise onothando.”
Noma ubani obhekene nokukhulelwa engashadile akufanele enze isinqumo ngokuphamazela. Nakuba izinto zingase zibonakale zizimbi, lisekhona ithemba. Kodwa ngokuqinisekile abanjalo bayakudinga ukusekelwa nesiqondiso esivuthiwe. Ukuthulula komuntu isifuba kubazali bakhe kuyisiqalo esihle, ikakhulukazi uma bengamaKristu. (IzAga 23:26) Yiqiniso, bayoqale bezwe ubuhlungu futhi bathukuthele. Nokho, ekugcineni cishe bayoshukumiseleka ukuba basize. Ngokwesibonelo, bangase bahlele ukuba athole ukunakekelwa kwangaphambi kokubeletha. Bangasiza futhi ukuba labo abangase bafaneleke basebenzise noma iziphi izinhlelo zikahulumeni ezitholakalayo. Okubaluleke nakakhulu, bangakhuthaza owonile ukuba athole usizo olungokomoya oludingekayo kubadala bebandla.—Jakobe 5:14, 15.
Abanye omama abangashadile baye bakhetha ukunikela ngabantwana babo ukuba batholwe abanye abantu, benomuzwa wokuthi abanakumnakekela kangcono umntwana. Nakuba ukunikela ngomntwana ukuba atholwe omunye ngokuqinisekile kungcono kunokumbulala, uNkulunkulu ubeka umthwalo wemfanelo kumzali ‘wokondla abangabakhe.’ (1 Thimothewu 5:8) Umzali ongashadile angase angakwazi ukunikeza umntanakhe okuphuma phambili ngokwezinto ezibonakalayo, kodwa angamnikeza okuthile okubaluleke kakhulu—uthando. (IzAga 15:17) Ngakho ngaphansi kwezimo eziningi, kungaba ngcono ngomama ongashadile ukuzikhulisela umntwana.
Kuthiwani ngomsebenzi wokukhulisa usana—kanye noshintsho olukhulu endleleni yokuphila okuyodingeka lwenziwe nakanjani? Konke lokhu kungase kubonakale kungaphezu kwamandla omuntu. Nokho, iBhayibheli linikeza iseluleko esiwusizo esingasiza abantu ukuba babhekane nalezizinselele. Omama abangashadile abaphendukayo bangazuza nasosizweni olungokomoya olusekelwe ngokuqinile eZwini likaNkulunkulu. Yebo, ngokusekelwa ngothando nesiqondiso esifanele, bangasisingatha ngokuphumelelayo isimo sabo.c Ukukhipha isisu akulona nakancane ikhambi!
[Imibhalo yaphansi]
a Amanye amagama ashintshiwe.
b Noma ubani owona esikhathini esidlule wabulala umntwana ongakazalwa akudingekile ukuba aphethe ngokuthi alisekho ithemba. Abanjalo bangaqiniseka ngokuthi uJehova uyabasekela abenzi bobubi abaphendukayo futhi ‘wenza ukuthethelela kube kukhulu.’ (Isaya 55:7) Nakuba kungase kusale izibazi ezingokomzwelo, umhubi uyaqinisekisa: “Njengokuba impumalanga yahlukene nentshonalanga, udedisile kangaka kithi iziphambeko zethu.”—IHubo 103:12.
c Bheka INqabayokulinda ka-March 15, 1981, kwesithi “Abazali Ababodwa—Ukuphumelela Kwabo Ezweni Lanamuhla.” Bheka nesithi “Intsha Iyabuza . . . Omama Abangashadile Bangasisingatha Kanjani Ngokuphumelelayo Isimo Sabo?” ku-Phaphama! ka-October 8, 1994.
[Isithombe ekhasini 26]
Amasoka avame ukuzama ukucindezela amantombazane ukuba akhiphe izisu