Intsha Iyabuza . . .

Ingabe Ngiyophila Kahle Nginomzali Oyedwa Nje Kuphela?

NGAPHAMBI kokuba ziqede unyaka wazo we-18 ubudala, izingane ezingaphezu kwengxenye kuzo zonke ezaseUnited States ziyochitha eminye yeminyaka yazo ekhaya elinomzali oyedwa. Okwamanje, intsha eyizigidi ezingu-12—eyodwa kwezingu-5 eUnited States—kakade yenza kanjalo. Khona-ke umkhaya onomzali oyedwa uye wachazwa ngokuthi “isitayela semikhaya esanda ngesivinini esikhulu” eUnited States. Njengoba izibalo zakwamanye amazwe zingasalele emuva kakhulu, lokhu kungase kube yiqiniso ngisho nakuyo yonke imbulunga.

Ukwanda kwemikhaya enomzali oyedwa kuye kwenza okukhulu ekunciphiseni uphawu eyake yaba nalo ezikhathini zangaphambili. Kunjengokuba nje omunye omusha ekubeka, intsha eningi kufanele “ilwisane nemizwa eminingi” ukuze ibhekane nokuphila ekhaya elinomzali oyedwa. Enye ize yesaba ngisho nokuthi izokhubazeka noma ingaphili kahle ngandlela thize ngenxa yokuba nomzali oyedwa nje kuphela ekhaya. Ingabe ukwesaba okunjalo kufanelekile?

Isizathu Sokuba Kube Nemikhaya Enomzali Oyedwa

Bambalwa abangaphika ukuthi ukuba nobaba nomama abanothando ekhaya kuyisimo esifanelekayo. Umdali wethu wahlosa ukuba kube ngalendlela. (Genesise 1:27, 28) Eyabase-Efesu 6:1 ikwenza kucace ngokwengeziwe lokhu lapho ithi: “Bantwana, lalelani abazali benu eNkosini, ngokuba lokho kulungile. Yazisa uyihlo nonyoko.”

Kodwa ngenxa yesizathu esithile, kungenzeka awuzange ube nalo ilungelo lalesisimo esihle. Ngenxa yezimo ezingalindelekile, kungenzeka omunye wabazali bakho washona. (UmShumayeli 9:11) Izimo ezibuhlungu njengalezo zenzeka ngisho nangezikhathi zeBhayibheli, igama elithi “intandane” livela izikhathi ezingu-40 emiBhalweni. (Qhathanisa noDuteronomi 24:19-21.) Noma omunye wabazali bakho angase angabibikho okwesikhashana ngenxa yomsebenzi. Ngakolunye uhlangothi, ezinye izimo, ezinjengokungathembeki ezifungweni zomshado, kungenzeka zabangela ukuba abazali bakho bahlukane noma badivose. (Mathewu 19:3-6, 9) Kungenzeka ukuthi umama wakho, ngaphambi kokuba abe omunye woFakazi BakaJehova, wakhulelwa engakashadi futhi wakhetha ukukukhulisa eyedwa.

Kunoma ikuphi, awukwazi ukuzilawula izimo zomshado zabazali bakho, futhi asikho isizathu ngawe sokuthwala umthwalo wecala njengokungathi kufanele kusolwe wena; futhi akudingeki ukuba uzizwe unamahloni ngokuthi wakhulelwa ngaphandle komshado. Uma umama wakho eyisikhonzi esizinikezele sikaJehova uNkulunkulu, izono zakhe zangesikhathi esedlule zaxolelwa kudala. (Qhathanisa nabase-Efesu 2:2, 4.) Futhi ngisho nakuba engazange acele ukuxolelwa uNkulunkulu, lokhu akukuvimbeli wena ukuba ube ohlanzekile phambi kwamehlo kaNkulunkulu.—1 Korinte 8:3.

Kuyavunywa, uma ukhula ekhaya elinomzali oyedwa ungase ubhekane nezinkinga kanye nezinselele ezingavamile. Kodwa njengoba incwadi ethi How to Live With a Single Parent iphawula: “Eziningi zezinkinga izingane [ezinomzali oyedwa] ezinazo . . . zingase zibangelwe umbono ophambene nozilimazayo ezinawo ngazo.” Uvelaphi umqondo ophambene ngaleyondlela, futhi ungawuqeda kanjani?

Imikhaya Ewohlokile—Ukuphila Okuwohlokile?

‘Imikhiqizo yomkhaya owohlokile,’ ‘umkhaya ohlukene,’ ‘umkhaya oyingxenye,’ ‘umkhaya ohlukene phakathi’—mhlawumbe uke wawezwa lamagama amabi kubizwa ngawo umkhaya wakini. Futhi nakuba ethuntubezwa ukusetshenziswa njalo kwawo, izinkulumo ezinjalo zingayilimaza ngokujulile imizwa yakho.

Indlela abanye abakuphatha ngayo ingavusa futhi imizwa ephambene ngomkhaya wakini. Ngokwesibonelo, abanye othisha baye babonisa ukungabi naluzwela okunenzondo kubafundi abanomzali oyedwa. Abanye baze baziwa ngisho nangokuthi bakholelwa ukuthi leyontsha ngokuzenzekelayo inokuphila komkhaya okuyinqaba futhi bayashesha ukusola isimo sasekhaya nganoma iyiphi inkinga yokuziphatha. Ukwenziwa njalo ukuba ube nomuzwa wokuthi umkhaya wakini uyinqaba, ngokuqondakalayo kungakwenza ukhathazeke ngenhlala-kahle yakho engokomzwelo.

Kodwa ingabe ngokuzenzekelayo usengozini yokuba ungakhaliphi ngokwengqondo noma ngokomzwelo ngenxa nje yokuthi uhlala ekhaya elinomzali oyedwa? Akunjalo neze! IJournal of Marriage and the Family yavuma ukuthi “ukulahleka komzali kungaletha inkathi yokuthuthuka kancane” ekuqaleni. Nokho, lokhu ngokuvamile “kulandelwa isikhathi lapho ingane ifica ontanga yayo, noma ize ngisho ibedlule.” (Omalukeke sizenzele.) Lesihloko saphetha: “Ukucabangela okungakhethi kokuthi ngokuvamile umkhaya onomzali oyedwa unemiphumela emibi, ehlala isikhathi eside kubo bonke abantwana akunabo ubufakazi bokukuqinisekisa.” Esinye isihloko kulo leliphephabhuku elifanayo labika ngokufanayo ukuthi ukucwaninga “akuwusekeli nakancane umqondo othandwayo wokuthi ‘amakhaya awohlokile aveza ukuphila kwabantu abasha okuwohlokile.’”

Nakuba amaqiniso anjalo engase abe nesikhuthazo esithile, imizwa ephambene isengalokhu ibonakala ngezikhathi ezithile. Ungalwa kanjani nayo ngokuphumelelayo?

Ukunqoba Imizwa Ephambene

Isinyathelo sokuqala singaba ukufunda ukwamukela isimo okuso. Yiqiniso, ukudabuka kanye nomuzwa wokulahlekelwa kumane nje kungokwemvelo uma abazali bakho bedivosile noma uma umzali othandekayo efile. USarah oneminyaka engu-13 ubudala, obazali bakhe badivosa lapho eneminyaka eyishumi, uthi: “Ungahlali ukhathazekile ngenxa yesimo okuso, unemicabango yokuthi ‘ukube’, noma unomuzwa wokuthi izinkinga onazo zingenxa yekhaya lakini elinomzali oyedwa, noma ukuthi izingane zasemakhaya anabazali ababili ziphila ntofontofo.”

Ngokwesibonelo, ngisho nomkhaya “ovamile” akwenzeki ungabi nazo izinkinga. Futhi kunokuba ubheke umkhaya wakini njengoyinqaba, ungase uwubheke nje njengowehlukile, njengokuthile okungekubi ngempela kodwa okumane nje kwehlukile. Okubaluleke ngendlela efanayo ukungavumeli izinkulumo—noma ukungabikho kwazo—ezishiwo abantu abanezisusa ezinhle ukuba zivuse imizwa ebuhlungu. Ngokwesibonelo, abanye bangase banqikaze ukusebenzisa amazwi anjengokuthi “baba,” “umshado,” “ukudivosa,” noma mhlawumbe “ukufa” lapho benawe, besaba ukuthi lamazwi ayokuphatha kabi noma akudumaze. Kwenqabe ukulandela umshungu. UTony oneminyaka engu-14, ongazange amazi uyise omzalayo, uthi: “Lapho ngiphakathi kwabanye ababonakala beziluma ulimi lapho kuziwa emagameni athile, ngivele nje ngiwasebenzise ngokungesabi.” Uyenezela: “Ngifuna bazi ukuthi anginawo amahloni ngesimo engikuso.”

Ukubona Izinzuzo

Kubalulekile futhi ukugwema ukugxila kulokho okwakungase kwenzeke noma okwakuvame ukwenzeka. (UmShumayeli 7:10) Kunalokho gxila ezicini ezinhle zokuphila kwakho. Ngokwesibonelo, ngokunokwenzeka umama wakho kumelwe asebenze.a Ngenxa yalokho, ngokunokwenzeka uye wathatha imithwalo yemfanelo eminingi ekhaya. UMelanie oneminyaka engu-17 ubudala uthi: “Ukuthatha imithwalo yemfanelo ekhaya kuyanikela ekuvuthweni kwakho ngokushesha ngokwengeziwe kunezingane ezingontanga yakho zasemikhayeni enabazali ababili, ezingase zibe nemithwalo yemfanelo engaphansi.” Izazi ziyavuma. Isazi sesayensi yezenhlalo saseYunivesithi yaseHarvard uRobert S. Weiss uthi intsha evela emakhaya anomzali oyedwa “ivame ukuvuthwa nokuzimela ngokwengeziwe,” futhi “iyazikhuza.” Lezi izimfanelo ezibalulekile, futhi isimo somkhaya wakini singakusiza ukuba uzizuze.

Nawe ungase ujabulele ukuba nezwi eliqashelwayo ezinqumweni zomkhaya, njengoba abazali abangabodwa ngokuvamile bebheka izingane zabo njengabagcini bezimfihlo abangethenjwa. Nokho, ngezinye izikhathi kungase kudingeke ukuba ukhumbuze umzali wakho ukuthi usemncane nokuthi izindaba ezingathi sína zingaxoxwa kangcono nothile onokuhlangenwe nakho okwengeziwe, njengomdala ongumKristu. Nokho, kusenezinye izindaba eziningi eningazixoxa kahle ndawonye, kuhlanganise nezinkinga zomuntu siqu okungenzeka ubhekane nazo. Ukwenza kanjalo kuyakusiza ukuba usondelane eduze nomzali wakho futhi kungase kuqede imizwa ephambene. UMelanie ophawulwe ekuqaleni, uthi: “Kusukela abazali bami badivosa, mina nomama siyakwazi ukuxoxa ngempela; siye saba abangane abasondelene eduze ngempela.”

Lokhu akusho ukuthi ngeke ubhekane nezinkinga. Kodwa ungazuza ngokubhekana nezimo ezisongela injabulo yakho. IBhayibheli lithi: “Kuhle kumuntu ukuba athwale ijoka ebusheni bakhe.” (IsiLilo 3:27) Ukuthwala ijoka lakho, noma umthwalo wezinkinga, kungase kuhilele ukubhekana nezimo ezisongela injabulo yakho ohlangabezana nazo ekhaya elinomzali oyedwa. Nokho, khumbula ukuthi awuwedwa lapho uthwala lelijoka. INkosi ethembekile uDavide yathi: “Ngokuba ubaba nomame bangishiyile, kodwa uJehova uzakungamukela.”—IHubo 27:10.

Nokho ngokuthakazelisayo, usizo olunjalo lwaphezulu lunganikezwa kahle umzali wakho osele. Ngokusabela emizamweni enjalo, ungakhula uphile kahle futhi uphile ukuphila kobuKristu okunomvuzo. UWayne, manje osengumdala ongumKristu, uyakhumbula: “Ngangineminyaka eyisishiyagalombili lapho ubaba efa, futhi kwadingeka ukuba uMama asebenze. Ngokuvamile wayebuya ekhaya ekhathele efile. Kodwa njalo wayeqikelela ukuba sibe nezifundo zeBhayibheli zasekhaya zasikhathi sonke futhi sonke siya emihlanganweni yobuKristu. Uma ngibheka emuva, ngibonga uJehova ngomama ozidela ngalendlela.”b

[Imibhalo yaphansi]

[Isithombe ekhasini 21]

Umkhaya onomzali oyedwa

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