Intsha Iyabuza . . .

Bangakwenza Kanjani Lokho Kimi?

“UGina ngangimbheka njengesibonelo njengoba engudadewethu omdala.a Wayevame ukungiyisa emabhayisikobho futhi angisize ngomsebenzi wami wesikole wasekhaya. Ngangingazi ukuthi wayenezinkinga kwaze kwaba ngobunye ubusuku lapho kumenyezelwa ukuthi wayekhishiwe ebandleni lobuKristu. Ngashaqeka. Ngangingakukholelwa. Akazange angitshele ukuthi wayenezinkinga.”—uTerry.

“UBill wayengumfowethu omdala. Ngangibheke kakhulu kuye njengesibonelo esihle. Wayethandeka kakhulu—enogazi, ehlekisa. Lapho sesidlile njengomkhaya, wayengasenza sonke sife yinsini! Kodwa uBill wayehlala ethukuthele. Waqaia ukuba undinga-s’thebeni nezingane ezitotoswayo zezicebi futhi wahileleka ezidakamizweni. Lokho kwamenza wahlanya kancane kancane. Ngokushesha waqala ngisho nokulwa nabazali bethu. Ngambona ngisho esunduza noMama ngesinye isikhathi! Ngelinye isonto sahlela uhambo lokuqala lomkhaya lokuyohlala ematendeni. Ngangibheke phambili ngempela kulo! Khona-ke uBill weqa, engasinikezi-mkhondo walapho ayeye khona. Nganginovalo ngaye, ngikhathazekile. Kodwa futhi ngangimcasukele; ngicasukile ngenxa yokuthi uBaba kwadingeka aluhlehlise uhambo lwethu, ngicasukile ngenxa yokuthi uBill njalo wayemosa izinto.”—uDon.

KUYADUMAZA lapho umfowenu noma udadewenu omdala eyihlongandlebe, eqa, eboshwa, noma ngandlelathile ehlazisa umkhaya wakini.

Ngokuvamile ububheke kulowomfowenu noma udadewenu omdala njengesibonelo. Ukumbona ehla esikhundleni sokuhlonipheka kungaba okuhlangenwe nakho okukhungathekisayo. Kungase ngisho kubangele ukwesaba ngokuphathelene nawe. ‘Ingabe lokhu kuzokwenzeka kimi?

Ukucasuka kungase futhi kube omunye umzwelo onamandla okumelwe ulwisane nawo. Uyamcasukela umfowenu noma udadewenu oyihlongandlebe ngenxa yakho konke ukulimala nobuhlungu akubangela wena nomkhaya wakini. “UMama noBaba babemelwe amakhanda ngokuthi bazokwenzani,” kukhumbula uDon. “Babekhathazekile ngempela ngalendaba.” Ungase futhi ucasuke ngokuthi umfowenu noma udadewenu onhlanhlathayo abazali bakho sebenaka yena yedwa—njengokungathi wena awusekho! Ungase ngisho ulingeke ukuba wenze okuthile ukuze udonse ukunaka kwabazali bakho.

Ngakolunye uhlangothi, ungase ubacasukele abazali bakho njengoba beqala ukuthatha isinyathelo esiqinile sokujezisa lowo oyihlongandlebe. Uyazibuza: ‘Ingabe bekumelwe bamphathe ngesandla esiqine kangaka?’ Ungase ngisho udinwe ukuzwa abazali bakho bemthethisa. Enye intsha ize ngisho ibe nomuzwa wokuhaha, izibuza ukuthi kuyoke kwenzeke yini ibe nokuphila okukhululekile okunjengalokho umfowabo noma udadewabo abonakala ekujabulela manje. Noma ungase nje uzizwe unamahloni ukuba kudingeke uchaze izimo ezidumazayo kubangane bakho.

Khona-ke, kungani abafowethu nodadewethu abadala ngezinye izikhathi besidumaza? Futhi ungakuvimbela kanjani ukuba kungakuthinti ukuphila kwakho ngokungafanele?

Isizathu Sokuba Abafowenu Nodadewenu Abadala Bahluleke Ngezinye Izikhathi

IBhayibheli likwenza kucace ukuthi ‘sonke’—ngisho nabafowethu nodadewethu esibheke kubo kakhulu njengezibonelo—‘sonile, sisilalelwe inkazimulo kaNkulunkulu.’ (Roma 3:23) Futhi intsha ikakhulukazi ayigomekile ekwenzeni ububi, njengoba ngokuvamile ingakwazi ukulawula imizwelo nezinkanuko zayo. Ngakho iBhayibheli lithi “ubuwula buboshelwe enhliziyweni yomntwana [noma, omusha].” (IzAga 22:15) Ngakho njengoba nje ukwehluleka kwabo ngokungangabazeki kukuphatha kabi, ngokunokwenzeka asikho isizathu ngawe sokukholelwa ukuthi ububi balowo enelamana naye babuqondiswe kuwe siqu ngandlela-thile, singekho futhi nesizathu ngawe sokuba namahloni ngokungafanele, njengokungathi lobobubi benziwe nguwe.

Kungenzeka ukuthi kube khona ukwehluleka okuthile engxenyeni yabazali bakho ekukhuliseni kwabo umfowenu noma udadewenu. Mhlawumbe bebetotosa kakhulu futhi behluleka ukumeluleka ngokufanelekile. (IzAga 13:24; 29:15, 17) Mhlawumbe futhi, behluleka ngandlela-thile ukubeka isibonelo esifanele. Ngisho nakuba kunjalo, akukho okungafezwa ngokuhileleka ezimpikiswaneni ezishubile nabazali bakho, uzama ukubasola ngezinkinga zalowo enelamana naye.

Ngokunokwenzeka kakhulu bekungekhona kangako ukwehluleka engxenyeni yabazali bakho ukunikeza ukuqeqesha, kodwa bekungukwehluleka engxenyeni yomfowenu noma udadewenu ukusabela ekuqeqesheni kobuzali.

Indlela Abazali Abazizwa Ngayo

Lokhu kungase kukusize ukuba uqaphele ukuthi kungani ukunhlanhlatha kwalowo enelamana naye kulimaza ngokukhethekile kubazali bakho. Baye basebenzisa isikhathi esiningi, umzamo, kanye nomzwelo ekukhulisweni komfowenu noma udadewenu. Bembona enza okungalungile, abanakwenza ngokunye ngaphandle kokuba nokungabaza okukhulu kanye nomuzwa wecala ngendlela abamkhulisa ngayo.

Khona-ke, akumangalisi ukuthi lapho inkinga isidlangile, abazali bakho bangase babonakale bengakunaki. Incwadi iHow to Survive Your Child’s Rebellious Teens, kaMyron Brenton, iyachaza: “Ingane eyihlongandlebe inakwa kakhulu abazali futhi ithathe amandla abo angokomzwelo amaningi kakhulu kangangokuba ezinye izingane azinakwa. ‘Ngangingaboni, ngigxile kakhulu endodakazini yami endala kangangokuba ngangingaqapheli ngisho nokuthi nganginenye indodakazi noma umyeni,’ yileyondlela omunye umama wengane ewumlutha wezidakamizwa akubeka ngayo.”

Kuyavunywa, akulungile uma abazali besabela ngalendlela. Kodwa ingabe akuqondakali? IBhayibheli lisitshela ukuthi iNkosi uDavide yayikhungatheke kakhulu ngenxa yokuhlubuka kanye nokufa okwalandela kwendodana yayo uAbisalomu kangangokuthi yalahlekelwa ukulinganisela kwayo okwesikhashana futhi akukho eyayingakwenza ngaphandle kokuba ikhale: “Hawu, ndodana yami Abisalomu, Abisalomu, ndodana yami, ndodana yami.” (2 Samuweli 19:4-6) Qiniseka ukuthi njengoba izinto zidamba—futhi ziyodamba ngokuhamba kwesikhathi—abazali bakho kancane kancane bayozuza ukulinganisela kwabo futhi babe sesimweni sokunakekela izidingo zakho kangcono.

‘Ingabe Ngizokwenza Okufanayo?’

Lombuzo uyikhathaza kakhulu intsha eningi, ikakhulukazi uma izithola ifuna ukwazi ngokuphathelene “nenkululeko” umfowabo noma udadewabo omdala ayinambithayo.

Okokuqala, qaphela ukuthi nakuba kungenzeka ubukade ubheke kumfowenu noma udadewenu omdala, usenomthwalo wemfanelo phambi kukaNkulunkulu wokwenza lokho okulungile. UJakobe 4:17 uthi: “Owaziyo ukwenza okuhle engakwenzi kuyisono kuye.” (Qhathanisa nabaseGalathiya 6:5.) Ukuhahela lokho okubonakala kuyinkululeko anayo manje kuwubulima ngokuphelele. Umhubi uAsafa okwesikhashana waba nomuzwa onjalo ngaye. Kodwa ngemva kokuhlolisisa umphumela wezoni ezingamahlongandlebe ngokucophelela, waphetha ngokuthi abanjalo ‘basezindaweni ezibushelelezi’—baseduze nenhlekelele! (IHubo 73:18) Akudingeki ukuba wenze ububi wena ngokwakho ukuze wazi ukuthi bumane nje buholele enhliziyweni ebuhlungu.—Galathiya 6:7, 8.

Qaphela futhi ukuthi lokho umfowenu noma udadewenu omdala akwenzayo akubikezeli nganoma iyiphi indlela lokho wena oyokwenza. Njengoba uTerry (ocashunwe ekuqaleni) ekubeka: “Ngeke ngenze lokho udadewethu akwenzile. Angifani neze naye. Singabantu abehlukene.”

Ngokwesibonelo, cabangela ukulandisa kweBhayibheli ngokuphathelene noJosefa. Akekho noyedwa kubafowabo bakaJosefa abadala abayishumi owanikeza uJosefa isibonelo esihle sokusilingisa. Nokho, uJosefa akazange avumele isibonelo sabo esibi simthonye. Wabonisa ukuzinikela ezimisweni zokulunga futhi waba “owahlukaniswa nabafowabo” ukuze amukele amalungelo nezibusiso eziningi.—Duteronomi 33:16; Genesise 49:26.

Nawe ngokufanayo, ungazimisela ukuba ‘yisibonelo kwabakholwayo ngezwi, nangenkambo, nangothando, nangokukholwa, nangokuhlanzeka,’ kungakhathaliseki inkambo umfowenu noma udadewenu omdala aye wayithatha. (1 Thimothewu 4:12) Imizamo yakho yokwethembeka ingase ngisho ishukumisele umfowenu noma udadewenu omdala ukuba aqondise ukuphila kwakhe siqu.

Funda Emaphutheni Abo

Zama ukuzuza okuthile kulesimo esinzima. Ngokwesibonelo, ingabe umfowenu noma udadewenu ‘ubejwayelene nababi’—intsha esebenzisa ulimi olubi, esebenzisa izidakamizwa, esebenzisa kabi uphuzo oludakayo, noma ehlanganyela ekuziphatheni okubi? (1 Korinte 15:33) Mhlawumbe kudingeka ubhekisise labo ojwayelene nabo.

Cabanga futhi nangendlela umfowenu noma udadewenu omdala asabela ngayo eselulekweni sabazali benu. Ingabe wayephikisa, enenkani, eyihlongandlebe? Uma kunjalo, ingabe nawe ngokwakho ngezinye izikhathi uzithola uphendula abazali bakho noma unwabuluke lapho kudingeka wenze lokho abakucela ukuba ukwenze? Ingabe ungakukhathalela ngokwengeziwe ‘ukwazisa uyihlo nonyoko’?—Efesu 6:2.

Ngeke kube lula, kodwa wena nomkhaya wakini niyokuphepha lokhu okuhlangenwe nakho okubuhlungu futhi mhlawumbe nibone okuthile okuhle kuvela kukho. Okwamanje, ungalilahli ithemba lokuthi umfowenu noma udadewenu omdala uyolibona iphutha lendlela yakhe futhi athathe izinyathelo zokushintsha. (Qhathanisa noLuka 15:11-24.) Ungalokothi ukhohlwe ukuthi nakuba amalungu omkhaya engase akudumaze, uJehova ngeke ‘akuyeka, akasoze akushiya.’ (Heberu 13:5) Ngakho-ke, ukwethembeka kuJehova kumelwe kuze kuqala. Isifiso sakho sokumjabulisa siyokushukumisela ukuba uphile ukuphila okuhlanzekile nokumsulwa—ngisho nalapho umfowenu noma udadewenu omthandayo ekhethe ukwenza ngendlela ehlukile.

[Umbhalo waphansi]

[Isithombe ekhasini 19]

Ngokuvamile umfowenu noma udadewenu oyihlongandlebe abazali bamkhathalela kakhulu. Ngenxa yalokho ingane engenacala ingase izizwe inganakiwe