Intsha Iyabuza . . .

Kungani Kunzima Kangaka Ukuhlalisana Ngokuthula Nomfowethu Nodadewethu?

UMBANGO wezelamani—mdala njengoKayini noAbela futhi uvame kakhulu kubantu abasha. Akukhona ukuthi umzonda ngempela umfowenu noma ingane yakwenu. Phela, ungase ngisho uvume ukuthi uyamthanda udadewenu noma umfowenu, njengoba kwenza intsha elandelayo:

“Ngezinye izikhathi odadewethu nabafowethu bayaxabana futhi ngithi ngiyabazonda, kodwa ngisuke ngingaqondile lokho, siyathandana ngempela.”

“Ngicabanga ukuthi ngiyamthanda umfowethu ngisho noma ngingakubonisi ngempela.”

“Ekujuleni kwenhliziyo yami, lapho ngingenakukuzwa khona manje, ngicabanga ukuthi ngiyamthanda umfowethu. Ngandlela-thile, ngiyamthanda.”

Noma kunjalo, ngokusobala ubutha bucashe ngaphansi kwalobudlelwane bezelamani. Umphumela ungaba yini? Intombazane eneminyaka eyi-15 yavuma: “Mina nodadewethu; nomfowethu, silwa njalo—ngokuvamile sibanga ubala! Lokho kulwa kwakuphazamisa wonke umuntu ekhaya, futhi sonke sasingajabuli.” Ezinye izelamani zize zinobutha obusobala. (Enye intombazane eyeve eminyakeni eyishumi nambili yadweba isithombe sabafowabo nodadewabo behliselwa embizeni yetiyela elishisayo.)

Kungani kuvame ukuba kube nokungezwani kwezelamani?

Endabeni ekumagazini iSeventeen, isazi sezokwelapha somkhaya uclaudia Schweitzer sinikeza isizathu sokuthi kungani izelamani ngokuvamile zilwa: “Umkhaya ngamunye unesilinganiso esithile somnotho, omunye ngendlela yemizwelo omunye ngokwezinto ezibonakalayo.” Lesihloko siyaqhubeka: “Uma izelamani zilwa, ngokuvamile zibanga lomnotho, ohlanganisa yonke into kusukela othandweni lomzali kuye emalini nezingubo zokugqoka.”

Yebo, ukuba nomfowenu noma udadewenu ngokuvamile kusho ukuhlanganyela izinto. Ngokwesibonelo, uCamille oneminyaka eyi-18 nabafowabo nodadewabo abahlanu, kumelwe bahlanganyele amakamelo okulala amathathu. “Ngezinye izikhathi ngifuna ukuba ngedwa,” kusho uCamille, “futhi ngifune ukubavalela ngaphandle, kodwa bahlale bekhona.” Yebo, ngisho noJesu Kristu wayekudinga ukuba yedwa ngezinye izikhathi. (Marku 6:31) Ngakho kungase kukucasule ukungena komfowenu noma udadewenu ekamelweni lakho engangqongqozanga, noma uma ungenalo ikamelo lakho wedwa.

Lena kungaba inkinga ebuhlungu ngokukhetheke emikhayeni yokutholwa lapho abantwana kumelwe bahlanganyele izinto nabanye abebengabazi. “Akekho owabuza umfowethu noma mina ukuthi siyafuna yini ukuhlala nomfowethu noma udadewethu wokutholwa” kwasho enye intombazane ngokucasuka. “Bavele bathuthela ekhaya ngelinye ilanga futhi baqala ukwenza sengathi yonke into eyabo. . . . Ngifisa sengathi bangaphindela lapho bavela khona.”

Kukhona futhi ukuhlanganyela amalungelo nemisebenzi yasendlini. Intsha esikhulile ingase ingakuthandi ukuba kulindeleke ukuba yenze ingxenye enkulu yomsebenzi. Abantwana abancane bangase bacasulwe ukuchachazelwa udadewabo noma umfowabo omdala noma babe nomona lapho omdala ethola amalungelo afiselekayo. ‘Udadewethu ufunda ukushayela kodwa mina angikwazi,’ kukhala intombazane eyeve eminyakeni eyishumi nambili yaseNgilandi. ‘Ngizizwa nginomhawu futhi ngizame ukumenzela izinto zibe nzima.’

Singanqanyulwa kanjani lesiyingi somhawu? Qala ngokuzama ukunqoba noma ikuphi ukuthambekela kobugovu. Lokho kusho ‘ukungazifuneli okwakho, kodwa ufunele omunye.’ (1 Korinte 10:24) Kunokuba niphikisane ‘ngamalungelo’ omuntu siqu, ‘lungelani ukupha.’ (1 Thimothewu 6:18, NW) Lokhu kungase kube nzima. Kodwa omunye umcwaningi uyasikhumbuza: “Izinzuzo zokuba nodadewenu nabafowenu [kuhlanganise nabokutholwa!] zingaphezu kokulahlekelwa. Ukuba khona kodadewabo nabafowabo kwakha isimo lapho ingane ingafunda khona ukuhlalisana nezinye izingane. Ifunda izifundo zokupha nokwamukela, ukupha abanye lokho enakho.”

Ukuminyana Kakhulu Ukuba Kungahlalwa Kahle

UDiane oneminyaka eyishumi nesikhombisa wakhula nabafowabo abane nodadewabo abathathu. Uthi: “Uma nibonana usuku ngalunye, kusukela ekuseni lize liyoshona . . . Futhi uma ubona umuntu ofanayo zonke izinsuku enza into efanayo ekucasulayo—lokho kungakucasula.” Nokho, ngezinye izikhathi amaphutha ethu siqu ayasibhebhethela isimo. UAndre osemncane uthi ngaye: “Indlela oziphatha ngayo ekhaya ileyondlela oyiyo ngempela. Uma uphumela ngaphandle futhi uhlangana nabanye abantu, ngesinye isikhathi uzenza onesimo esihluke kakhulu. Kodwa uma usekhaya endaweni oyijwayele, uziphatha ngendlela oyiyo ngempela.” Ngeshwa, ‘ukuziphatha ngendlela oyiyo ngempela’ ngokuvamile kusho ukungabi nobumnene, ukungabi namusa nokungabi nendlela yokwenza.

Incwadi ethi The Private Life of the American Teenager iyaqhubeka iphawula: “Ngokuvamile kunzima kakhulu ukuhlalisana nabantu abanezinye zezici zethu zobuntu nabakwazi konke ukushiyeka kwethu nokucindezeleka kwethu.” Yiqiniso, uma umfowenu noma udadewenu enemfanelo enhle nawe onayo, ungase usondelane nalowo. Kodwa kuthiwani uma ninezimfanelo ezingafani? izAga 27:19 zithi: “Nangasemanzini ubuso bubhekana nobuso, injalo inhliziyo yomuntu kumuntu.” Lapho sibona izimfanelo zethu ezimbi zibonakala kumfowethu noma udadewethu, ngokuvamile siyasicasukela isikhumbuzo esinjalo futhi sibe nobutha.”

Ungakulondoloza kanjani ukuthula? Ngokulandela iseluleko seBhayibheli ‘sokubekezelelana ngothando.’ (Efesu 4:2) Kunokuba ukhulise amaphutha nobuthakathaka bomfowenu noma bukadadewenu, sebenzisa uthando lobuKristu, ‘olusibekela inqwaba yezono.’ (1 Petru 4:8) Esikhundleni sokuthatha kalula amalungu omkhaya ube ocasulayo noma ononya, lahla “ulaka, nokuthukuthela, nobubi, nokuhlambalaza,” futhi ‘ukukhuluma kwakho makubenomusa njalo.’—Kolose 3:8; 4:6.

‘Umama Uthanda Wena Kakhulu!’

Nokho, cishe umbango omkhulu kakhulu phakathi kwezelamani owothando lwabazali bazo. Uprofesa wokusebenza kwengqondo uLee Salk uyavuma: “Ayikho indlela umzali angathanda ngayo abantwana bakhe bonke ngokufana nse ngoba bangabantu abahlukene futhi ngokungenakuvinjelwa bathola ukusabela okungafani kithi [bazali].”

Lokhu kwakunjalo ngezikhathi zeBhayibheli. Inzalamizi uJakobe (uIsrayeli) “wathanda uJosefa kakhulu kunabantwana bakhe bonke.” Abafowabo bakucasukela lokhu ikakhulukazi lapho uJakobe enzela uJosefa “ingubo enemikhono emide,” ngokusobala uhlobo lwengubo eyayigqokwa umuntu osesikhundleni. (Genesise 37:3) Ngokuhamba kwesikhathi umona wabo waphenduka waba inzondo ebulalayo. Ngokufanayo kungase kube buhlungu uma abazali bakho bebonakala bethanda omunye wabafowenu noma wodadewenu. Kodwa abanye bakhiphela isibhongo kubafowabo noma kodadewabo!

Ukunqoba Umona

Ngokuvamile umona wezelamani ungumphumela weqiniso lokuthi “imicabango yomuntu mibi kwasebusheni bakhe.” (Genesise 8:21) Futhi “enhliziyweni kuvela izizindlo ezimbi.” (Mathewu 15:19) Owesifazane osemusha ogama lakhe linguLynn ukhumbula indlela ayenomona ngayo nodadewabo omncane kangangokuthi lapho ephuka ingalo, uLynn wamsola ngokuthi wayeyiphule ngamabomu! Siyini isizathu ayesicabangela? Ukuze angamsizi ekusongeni amashidi. Ngokusobala, imizwa yobutha kaLynn yayiwumphumela wemicabango edukisayo yenhliziyo yakhe kunokuba ibe umphumela wezimo zangempela.

Kungaba n j alo futhi uma umuntu enomona ngokuthi udadewabo noma umfowabo uthandwa abazali. “Umhawu ungukubola kwamathambo.” (izAga 14:30) Futhi ngokuvamile akukho sizathu sangempela sokuba nomhawu. Endabeni kaJakobe, khumbula ukuthi uJosefa wayeyindodana yomkakhe othandekayo owayeseshonile uRaheli. Eqinisweni wazizwa esondele ngokukhethekile kulendodana yakhe! Nokho uthando lukaJakobe ngoJosefa lwalungawashiyi ngaphandle amanye amadodana akhe, ngoba wabonisa ukukhathalela kwangempela ngenhlalakahle yawo. (Genesise 37:13, 14) Ngokufanayo nabazali bakho bangase basondelane nomunye wabafowenu noma odadewenu, mhlawumbe ngenxa yezithakazelo abazihlanganyelayo. Nokho, lokhu akusho ukuthi abakuthandi. Ngakho uma uzwa umhawu noma umona, yazi ukuthi inhliziyo yakho engaphelele ikunqobile. Sebenzela ukunqoba imizwa enjalo.

Ukuba nomfowenu noma udadewenu akusho umbango wezelamani—ikakhulukazi uma wenza umzamo wangempela wokusebenzisa izimiso zeBhayibheli.a Iqiniso, ukuba nabafowenu noma odadewenu kunezinkinga zakho. Kodwa Izinzuzo zakho ziyazidlula izinkinga zakho.’

[Umbhalo waphansi]

[Isithombe ekhasini 17]

Ukuhlanganyela ikamelo nomfowenu noma udadewenu kungadala ukungezwani kwangempela