Intsha Iyabuza . . .

Ubani Othi Uthando Lokuthatheka Nje?

“NGABE wake waba nalo yini uthando lokuthatheka ngothile lapho weve eminyakeni eyishumi nambili?” Intatheli yePhaphama! yayibhekise umbuzo wayo eqenjini labantu abadala, abasukela eminyakeni engama-21 kuya kwengama-70. Kuyini ukusabela okusheshayo? Uhleko—nokuvuka kwezinkumbulo.

“Kwaba njalo ngami!” kuphendula uJerry.a “Ngase ngeve eminyakeni eyishumi nambili, futhi nganginothando lwangempeia lokuthatheka ngentombazane endala kunami ngeminyaka eyisithupha. Yayiyinhle—inamehlo amakhulu ansundu! Kodwa imizwa yami ngayigcina iyimfihlo. Ngisho nomama akazange abone ukuthi ngangiyithanda intombazane.”

“Nganginothando lokuthatheka olukhulu ngothisha wami wemisebenzi yobuciko,” kukhumbula uValerie, manje osengowesifazane oshadile. “Wayebukeka kahle.” Okungamelwe ashiywe ngaphandle, uJane, unina wabantwana ababili, uthi: “Lapho ngiseminyakeni eyeve eshumini elinambili, nganginothando lokuthatheka ngomculi wami engimthandayo. Ngangivuka ekuseni kakhulu ukuze ngithole isihlalo esisohlwini oluphambili emakhonsathini akhe. Ngelinye ilanga mina namantombazane ambalwa saze sagijimela ngisho nasekamelweni lakhe agqokela kulo! Kodwa lapho ekugcineni ngimbona, ngavele ngama lapho ngikhamise umlomo.” Phela, ngisho nelungu eliphambili leqembu lethu likhumbula linothando lokuthatheka ngosaziwayo kwezamabhayisikobho!

Yebo, buza noma iliphi iqembu lasebekhulile, futhi uyothola ukuthi cishe bonke bake baba nothando lokuthatheka, lapho besebancane. Ngokuvamile lolothando lwalugxile kubantu ababengenakubashada—othisha, osaziwayo abaculayo, nabangane abadala kunabo. Oyisazi sokusebenza kwengqondo uKathy Moricca uthi: “Uthando lokuthatheka luyingxenye yokukhula. Cishe bonke abantu abasha banalo.” Futhi abaningi bayaphumelela othandweni lwabo lokuthatheka—ukuziqhenya nekhono labo lokuba namahlaya kusale kunjalo. Ngempela, eminyakeni eminingi kamuva abaningi ngokuvamile bangakuhleka nje okuhlangenwe nakho.

Nokho, uma ubhajwe kunoxhaka wothando lokuthatheka, kubonakala kunokuncane ongahleka ngakho. “Ngangikhungathekile,” kukhumbula uJerry, “ngoba angikwazanga ukwenza noma yini ngakho. Ngangazi ukuthi wayemdala kakhulu kunami, kodwa ngangimthanda. Lokhu kwasiguqula ngempela isimo sami.” UValerie uyanezela: “Ngangizibona ngishade nothisha wami. Sasiyoba nezingane ezine futhi sihlale ekhaya elihle. Kwakunzima ngempela ukumkhipha engqondweni.”

Kuyalimaza ukunakekela othile ongeke neze umthole. Futhi ukutshelwa ukuthi lokho okuzwayo kuwuthando lokuthatheka lobungane nje kwaphela nakho akukwenzi uzizwe ungcono, ngokuqondene nawe, imizwa yakho ingokoqobo! ‘Kungani abantu bengangikholelwa uma ngithi ngithandana nothile?’ uyazibuza.

Isimo Sothando Lokuthatheka

Umphostoli uJohane uthi ‘uthando luvela kuNkulunkulu.’ (1 Johane 4:7) Ngakhoke akusona isono ukuba nemizwa enamandla ngothile—uma nje leyomizwa kungeyona eyokuziphatha okubi noma engaqondile (njengakothile oshadile). Nokho, uthando lobuKristu lusekelwe esimisweni, hhayi enkanukweni. (Qhathanisa neyoku-1 Korinte 13:4-7.) Futhi iBhayibheli aliluhlanganisi uthando olunjalo nentsha, kodwa namaKristu avuthiwe ngokomoya, noma ‘apheleleyo.’—Efesu 4:13-15.

Lapho usemusha, “izinkanuko zobusha” ngokuvamile zibusa imicabango yakho nezenzo. (2 Thimothewu 2:22) Ngempela, ukuthomba kwembula imizwa emisha nenamandla. Kuthatha iminyaka eminingi ngabaningi bethu ukufunda indlela yokulawula izifiso ezinjalo. Ngokuthakazelisayo, incwadi ethi The Individual, Marriage, and the Family iyaqhubeka iphawula: “Ngenxa yokugcizelela komphakathi wethu ukubaluleka kothando, umuntu omusha . . . uphupha ngokuthandana nothile kuseyisikhathi eside ngaphambi kokuba alungele noma ngisho abhekane nomqondo ofanelekile wothando.”

Yeka ukuthi kudumaza kanjani ukuba nemizwa yothando evela ngokushesha—futhi kungekho muntu ongayichitha! Futhi, ngokuvamile “amantombazane ayashesha ukukulungela nokwakha ubungane eminyakeni yangaphambili kunabafana,” njengoba kuphawula umagazini iSeventeen. Ngenxa yalokho, “ngokuvamile athola abesilisa afunda nabo bengavuthiwe futhi bengajabulisi uma beqhathaniswa nothisha” noma namanye amadoda amadala kunawo, angenakuwashada. Khonake intombazane ingase icabange ukuthi uthisha oyisilomo, umculi wepop, noma omunye nje umngane omdala kunayo ungumuntu “ophelele.” Nokho, abafana nabo bangaba nothando lokuthatheka olufanayo.

Nokho, amathuba othando lwangempela olwakheka ngalowothisha obukekayo noma umculi ovusa inkanuko cishe awekho. Khonake, ngokusobala, noma iluphi uthando oluzwiwayo ngalabo bantu abakude kanjalo lusuka ikakhulukazi emcabangweni kunasesimweni esingokoqobo. Akumangalisi ukuthi ngokweThe Individual, Marriage, and the Family, uthando olunjalo lokuthatheka luvame “ukuhlala isikhashana”! Noma kunjengoba umagazini i’Teen ukubeka: “Ngentsha eningi eyeve eshumini elinambili, uthando lokuthatheka luvame njengomkhuhlane.” Nokho, enye intsha, iyaqhubeka namaphupho ayo, igomela ngokuthi izwa uthando lwangempela.

Uthando Lokuthatheka—Ingabe Lunengozi Noma Alunayo?

Uyabuza, ‘Kodwa uma cishe wonke umuntu ezwa uthando lokuthatheka, iyini ingozi? Nokho, ‘cishe wonke umuntu’ uke waphathwa umkhuhlane. Iqiniso liwukuthi, uthando lokuthatheka lungalimaza.

Ngesizathu esisodwa, abantu abaningi abathandwa ngokuthatheka abeve eshumini elinambili abanakho ukuzihlonipha kobuKristu. Indoda ehlakaniphile yathi: “Ubuwula bubekwa ezindaweni eziningi eziphakemeyo.” (Umshumayeli 10:6) Ngakhoke umculi uthandwa kakhulu ngoba enezwi elihle noma enokubukeka okukhangayo. Kodwa ziyini izimiso zakhe zokuziphatha? Ingabe indlela yokuziphatha yabaningi osaziwayo abakhonziwe berock akuyona eyobuwula? lBhayibheli futhi lixwayisa amaKristu: “Ukuthanda izwe kungubutha kuNkulunkulu.” (Jakobe 4:4) Bekungeke yini kubulimaze ubungane bakho noNkulunkulu uma ubeka inhliziyo yakho kumuntu onokuziphatha okulahlwa uNkulunkulu? Futhi kungokungalungile ukungenisa imizwa yothando lobulili ngothile oshadile.—IzAga 5:15-18.

Ngokuqhubekayo, iBhayibheli lithi: “Zilindeni ezithombeni.” (1 Johane 5:21) Lokhu kuyiqiniso ngisho nalapho okhonziwe ephila ukuphila okufanelekile. Uthi kuyini lapho zonke izindonga zekamelo lomuntu osemusha zihlotshiswe ngezithombe zomculi oyisilomo esingusaziwayo? Ingabe lokho akufani ngokuyingozi nokukhonza izithombe? “Angimkhonzi njengesithombe,” kusho enye intombazane esencane ngomculi wayo oyisilomo. Kodwa futhi iyavuma: “Ngaso sonke isikhathi ngicabanga ngalomuntu . . . lomuntu kumelwe ngimkhiphe engqondweni yami.”

Ngempela, abanye bavumela amaphupho abo ukuba eqe isizathu. Enye intombazane ibhala ngothando lwayo lokuthatheka nomculi odumile ithi: ‘Ngifuna ukuba abe yisoka lami, futhi ngiye ngathandaza ukuba kube iqiniso! Ngangivame ukulala nealbum yakhe ngoba kwakuwukuphela kwento eseduze nami eyayingangisondeza naye. Ngisezingeni lokuthi uma ngangingamtholi, ngiyozibulala.’ Ingabe inkanuko enjalo engenangqondo ingamthokozisa uNkulunkulu, osiyala ukuba simkhonze “ngokuqonda”?—Roma 12:3.

lBhayibheli kuzAga 13:12 lithi: “Ithemba elilitshazisiweyo ligulisa inhliziyo.” Ukuhlakulela ‘ithemba’ lothando ngobuhlobo obungenakwenzeka kungakwenza ugule ngokoqobo. Uthando olungabuyiswa lucashunwa odokotela njengembangela ‘yokucindezeleka, ukukhathazeka, nokucindezeleka okuvamile . . . ukuqwasha noma ukuphelelwa amandla, izinhlungu zesifuba noma ukucinana.’

Cabanga futhi, ngomonakalo owenzayo uma uvumela iphupho libuse ukuphila kwakho. UDr. Lawrence Bauman uphawula ukuthi obunye bobufakazi bokuqala bothando lokuthatheka oluphelayo ‘luwukuyekethiswa komzamo wesikole.’ Ukuzehlukanisa nabangane nomkhaya kungomunye umphumela ovamile wokubhajwa othandweni lokuthatheka. (Qhathanisa nezAga 18:1.) “Ngisho nomkhaya wakithi wawudumazekile ngokuziphatha kwami,” kuvuma enye intombazane esencane ‘eyayithanda’ umculi odumile kuze kube sephuzwini lokungamnaki omunye umuntu.

Ngisho nalapho ingekho imiphumela eyingozi, kukhona futhi ukuzehlisa ngokuzenza isiwula. “Ngizizwa ngidumazekile ukuba ngingakuvuma lokhu,” kusho umlobi uGil Schwartz, “kodwa ngangiziphatha njengenhlekisa phakathi nothando lwami lokuthatheka ngoJudy.” Esikhathini eside ngemva kokuba uthando lokuthatheka seluphelile, izinkumbulo zokulandela kwakho othile noma mhlawumbe ukuba umbukwane emphakathini zingephuza ukuphela.

Ngenhlanhla, njengabantu abadala okukhulunywe ngabo ekuqaleni, intsha eningi imane iqhubeke ikhula ngaphandle kothando lwayo lokuthatheka. Futhi isihloko esilandelayo siyosiza labo abangakwazi. Okwamanje, iseluleko esingcono kakhulu siwukuqaphela uthando lokuthatheka ngokwalokho oluyikho—iphupho lentsha.

Mhlawumbe kungase kube nokubaluleka okukhululayo ‘ekuthandweni nasekulahlekelweni.’ Nokho, ungaluvumeli uthando lokuthatheka olungenathemba ukuba lulawule ukuphila kwakho noma lumose umzwelo wakho. Umlobi uGil Schwartz uyakhumbula ukuthi lokhu kungokungasizi kanjani. Uyakhumbula, “Ngayo yonke inkanuko namasu engangiwabeka kuJudy, ngiyaqiniseka ukuthi akazange neze acabange ngami.”

[Umbhalo waphansi]

[Isithombe ekhasini 14]

Uthando lokuthatheka ngabantu abadala abangatholakali amalungu obulili obuhlukile luvame kakhulu