Nzira Yokugonana Nayo Nokubatwa Chibharo
Makore makumi matatu namatatu akapfuura Mary akabatwa chibharo pakutyisidzirwa nebanga. Nhasi, mwoyo waMary unorova uye zvanza zvake zvinodikitira apo anoedza kukurondedzera. “Ndicho chinhu chinozvidzisa zvikurusa icho mukadzi anogona kusangana nacho,” iye anodaro, achida kuchema. “Chinhu chakashata, chinotyisa.”
KUBATWA chibharo kunogona kuva chimwe chezvinoitika zvendangariro zvinonyangadza zvikurusa muupenyu hwomunhu, uye tapuro dzacho dzinogona kugara kwoupenyu hwose. Mune kumwe kunzvera, vanodokuva chikamu chimwe muvatatu vavapukunyuki vakabvunzurudzwa vakanga varangarira kuzviuraya, uye voruzhinjisa zvikuru vakataura kuti chinoitika chacho chakanga chavachinja kwechigarire.
Tapuro dzacho dzinogona kurwadza zvikurukuru kana mukadzi akaziva mudenhi wake. Nyajambwa womubati chibharo anozivikanwa angasagamuchira tsigiro kubva kuna vamwe nemhaka yokuti zvimwe angasaudza munhu upi noupi chakaitika kana kuti angataura asi hapana munhu anokudavira kuti kwakanga kuri kubatwa chibharo. Sezvo akakuvadzwa nomumwe munhu waakanga achivimba naye, angazvipomera mhaka zvikuru uye angapanikira mano ake okutonga vamwe.
Gamuchira Betsero
Vapukunyuki vazhinji vokubatwa chibharo vanotanga kuita chiito nokukatyamadzwa nokuramba. Mumwe mukadzi akabatwa chibharo nguva pfupi pamberi pebvunzo inokosha yokukoreji. Akabvisa mundangariro make zvokubatwa chibharo kutozosvikira pashure pokunge anyora bvunzo. Mumwe mupukunyuki wokubatwa chibharo akati: “Ndaisagona kuzvibvumira ndimene kuyeuka kupi nokupi kwako nemhaka yokuti muzivikanwi wangu anovimbwa akava mudenhi wangu ndakatarira achizvichinja amene kuva mudenhi. Handina kuziva kuti unogona kubatwa chibharo nomumwe waunoziva. Kunganzwika sokusina mufungo, asi kudavira ikoko kwakandisiya ndisina tariro. Ndakanzwa ushoma zvikuru.”
Vakadzi vakati vanopfuurira kuramba chakaitika kupfurikidza nokusaudza mumwe munhu pamusoro pokubatwa chibharo kwavo. Vanodzvinyirira denho yacho kwamakore, uko kunononotsa muitiro wokupora uye kunoparira zvimwe zvinetso zvendangariro izvo mupukunyuki angasaona kuti zviri kubva mukubatwa chibharo.
Kunaya hakusati kuchiwanzotanga kutozosvikira wataura kuvamwe. Shamwari inovimbwa nayo inogona kukubetsera kuona kuti chakaitika kwauri zvamazvirokwazvo kwakanga kuri kubatwa chibharo uye kuti yakanga isiri mhaka yako. Chimwe chirevo chekare chinoti: “Shamwari inoda nguva dzose; hama inoberekerwa kuti ibatsire pakutambudzika.” (Zvirevo 17:17) Uyewo, vafudzi vomudzimu vanogona ku“va soutiziro pamhepo, sechivando pakunaya kukuru kwemvura.” (Isaya 32:2; 1 VaTesaronika 5:14) Kuna vamwe vanyajambwa, kusvika sangano rinobata navanyajambwa vokubatwa chibharo kana kuti munhu akarovedzwa kupa nhungamiro kuvanyajambwa vokubatwa chibharo kungadikanwa kuti vabetserwe vabate nokunzwa kwavo uye vanzwisise.
Vapukunyuki kazhinji kazhinji vanotya kutaura pamusoro pokubatwa chibharo kwavo nemhaka yokunzwa kwavo kwokuva nemhaka, zvikurukuru kana vakanyandurwa muvatano mukati mokudenha. Vanganzwa vaderedzwa uye vasina basa uye vanozvipomera mhaka ivo vamene nokuda kwokubatwa chibharo—kunyange zvazvo pasina mumwe munhu kunze kwomubati chibharo anofanira kupomerwa mhaka.
“Kuva neshamwari yakanaka yokutaura nayo kwakaita musiano,” akadaro Mary, uyo akavimba nomuKristu biyake. “Ndaisagona kutaura naye ndokusanzwa ndine tsvina uye kusanzwa ndichisemburwa pamusoro pokuva akabatwa chibharo.”
Mupei Tsigiro
Pane rumwe rutivi, kungava kusina kufanira uye kusina rudo kuti shamwari dzanyajambwa dzimuite kuti afungidzirezve kana kuti kukutora pavari vamene kuti vasarudze kana iye “akabatwa chibharo zvomenemene.” Usatongokarakadza kuti akakufarikanya kana kuti hwakanga huri utere. Chinhu chinokosha zvikurusa shamwari inogona kuita apo inobvunzwa nokuda kwebetsero ndechokumudavira. Muitei kuti ave nechokwadi. Teererai apo anenge achida kutaura, asi musamumanikidzira nokuda kwoudzame.
Kana kubatwa chibharo kwakaitika misi ichangobva kupfuura, shamwari dzinogona kubetsera nyajambwa kuwana betsero yokurapwa uye dzinogona kupa nzvimbo yakakotsekana yokugara. Mukurudzirei kushuma kubatwa chibharo kwake, asi muregei aite chisarudzo. Iye akava nomugariro umo akashaiwa kudzora kwose. Mubvumirei kuva nokudzora ikoko kupfurikidza nokumurega achisarudza zvokuita munguva inotevera.
Mhuri dzavananyajambwa vokubatwa chibharo dzinofanira kudzivisa sundo yokuita nehasha kumugariro wacho. Vangada kutsvaka mumwe munhu wokupomera mhaka nokuda kwokubatwa chibharo kana kuti kutsiva mubati chibharo, hakuna nokumwe kwako kunobetsera nyajambwa. (VaRoma 12:19) Kupomera mhaka mumwe munhu upi noupi kunze kwomubati chibharo nokuda kwechakaitika hakuna maturo, uye kutsvaka kutsiva kune ngozi. Kuchaparira mupukunyuki kunetseka pamusoro pechengeteko yavadikanwi vake panzvimbo pokunangidzira ngwariro pakupora kwake.
Mhuri dzinofanirawo kungwarira kuti vapukunyuki vazhinji vanorangarira vatano nenzira yakasiana pashure pokubatwa chibharo. Mundangariro dzavo, vatano yakava chombo, uye vangava nechinetso nevatano kwenguva yakati, kunyange nomumwe munhu wavanoda nokuvimba. Nokuda kwechikonzero ichocho, murume haafaniri kumanikidzira mudzimai wake kuva nevatano kutozosvikira agadzirira. (1 Petro 3:7) Mhuri dzinogona kubetsera kupfurikidza nokuvaka kuzviremekedza kwomudzimai muduku uye kumuratidza kuti achiri kudiwa uye anoremekedzwa pasinei zvapo nechakaitika kwaari. Tsigiro inopfuuridzirwa ichadikanwa sezvo mupukunyuki anopfuura dzimwe nguva nomunhano dzakareba kukunaya mundangariro.
Kugonana Norutyo Nokuora Mwoyo
Vakadzi vakabatwa chibharo vanotaura kuti kuita kwavo kukurusa rutyo. Vanyajambwa vazhinjisa vokubatwa chibharo havana kukarira kupukunyuka denho yacho. Gare gare vangatya kubatwa chibharo zvakare kana kuti vangatotya kuona mubati chibharo netsaona.
Rutyo runonzwiwa mukati mokubata chibharo runogona kumutsidzirwa noruzha, kunhuhwa, uye nzvimbo zvakafanana. Kana mukadzi akabatwa chibharo mumukoto, angatya kupinda mumukoto. Kana akabatwa chibharo pamusha, angasatongonzwazve akakotsekana ipapo uye angamanikidzirwa kutama. Kunyange kunhuhwidza zvinonhuwira zvakafanana neizvo mubati chibharo akanga apfapfaidza kunogona kumutsa yeuko dzisingafadzi.
Nepo kubatwa chibharo kushomanene kuchiguma nokuva napamuviri, vanyajambwa vazhinji vanotyiswa nebviro yacho. Vazhinjiwo vanonetseka nenzira yakarurama kana vakabata zvirwere zvinopomeranwa muvatano. Inenge hafu inova nokunzwa kwokuora mwoyo, kusava netariro, uye kusava namaturo, uko kunogona kugara kubvira pamavhiki anoverengeka kusvikira kumwedzi inoverengeka. Vangarwisanawo nedenho yefunganyo, kutya, uye kupanikira.
Kunyange zvazvo vakadzi vangasakwanisa kudzivisa kubatwa chibharo, imwe nguva vangagona kudzora mifungo yavo, kunzwa, uye zviito kudenho. Vanogona kudzidza kutsiva mifungo yakashata nemirangariro yakanaka yavo vamene.
“Panzvimbo pokuzviudza umene kuti une utera, kusava nebasa, kana kuti asingabatsiri zvakadini, dzidza kuzviudza umene kuti uri kuita zvakanaka zvakadini uye kuti wavandudzika zvakadini kubvira pavhiringidziko yakatevera nokukurumidza pashure pedenho,” akadaro Linda Ledray mubhuku rinonzi Recovering From Rape. “Zuva rimwe nerimwe raunonzwa wakurirwa zvishoma nemifungo yakashata nokunzwa, zviudze umene, ‘ndiri kudzidza kuwanazve kudzora.’”
Rutyo runogonawo kubatwa narwo kupfurikidza nokudzidza kuzivisa chaizvoizvo chiri kuruparira. Apo nyajambwa anoziva chinoparira rutyo, anogona kuzvibvunza amene kuti, Rutyo rwacho ichairwoirwo zvakadini? Somuenzaniso, kana akaona mumwe munhu akafanana nomubati chibharo, anogona kuzviyeuchidza amene kuti haasati ari mubati chibharo uye kuti haasati ari kuzomukuvadza.
Mumwe mutoo unorumbidzwa wokubata nawo norutyo kuva nomufungo kwenguva dzose. Mukadzi anoronga ndaza yemibato kana kuti migariro yaanotya, kuvambira kuchinotyisa zvishoma kusvikira kuzvikurusa. Ipapo anozvifungidzira amene ari mumugariro unotyisa zvishoma kutozosvikira kusisaoneki sokunotyisa. Anopfuurira kufungidzira mugariro mumwe nomumwe wendaza kutozosvikira agadzikana apo anofunga pamusoro pemigariro yose.
Nebetsero yeshamwari, ipapo anogona kufambira mberi kukuita mibato muupenyu chaihwo, zvakadai sokubuda mumba manheru kana kuti kuva oga. Anogona pakupedzisira kudzora rutyo rwake zvokuti harusati ruchitongotapurazve rudungwe rwake rwezuva nezuva. Zvisinei, rutyo rwemibato yakati—yakadai sokufamba nomumukoto wakasviba usiku—ndorwenguva dzose, uye hakungavi nechikonzero chokuedza kukurira kusagadzikana mumigariro yakadaro.
Kutsamwirwa
Vapukunyuki vokubatwa chibharo vanovawo nokunzwa kwokushatirwa, uko pakutanga kunganangidzirwa kuvanhu vose asi, sezvo nguva inopfuurira, kazhinji kazhinji kunova kunonangidzirwa pamubati chibharo. Vanhu vakatsamwa kazhinji kazhinji vanonangidzira kutsamwa kwavo nokusasarudza. Vamwe vangaita chiito kupfurikidza nokuvanza kunzwa kwavo. Zvisinei, kutsamwa kunogona kurongwa nenzira ine mufungo, uye nzira iyo munhu anobata nokunzwa kwake inogona kumubetsera kunaya. Magwaro anoti: “Shatirwai [kutsamwa], bva musingaiti chivi.”—VaEfeso 4:26, NW.
Kutanga, vapukunyuki havafaniri kutya kuratidzira kutsamwa. Vanogona kutaura pamusoro pako navamwe. Kuva anobatanidzwa mumuitiro wapamutemo kana kuti kuchengeta zvinyorwa kunogona kuva nzira yokubuda nayo. Vanogonawo kukurira kutsamwa kwavo nemibato yomuviri, zvakadai setenisi, racquetball, bhora ramaoko, kufamba, kumhanya, kutasva bhasikoro, kana kuti kushambira, uko kune betsero yakawedzerwa yokubetsera kukurira kuora mwoyo.
Unogona kudzorazve upenyu hwako.
Chii Chichagumisa Kubata Chibharo?
Kugumisa kubata chibharo kunopfuura nhau yavakadzi vanovanda vabati chibharo kana kuti kuvarwisa. “Ndiye murume anobata chibharo uye murume ane simba rakawanda rokugumisa kubata chibharo,” akadaro Timothy Beneke mubhuku rake rinonzi Men on Rape.
Kubatwa chibharo hakusati kuchizoguma kutozosvikira vanhu varega kubata vakadzi sezvinhu zvevatano uye vadzidza kuti ukama hunobudirira hahusati huchitsamira pakudzora kwamasimba masimba. Pamwero womunhu mumwe nomumwe, varume vakura vanogona kutaura uye kupesvedzera vamwe varume. Vose vari vaviri varume navakadzi vanogona kuramba kubvumira majee evatano, kutarira mabhaisikopo anoratidzira kudzvinyirira muvatano, kana kuti kutsigira vashambadziri vanosimudzira vatano kuti vatengese zvinhu. Bhaibheri rinopa zano, kuti: “Upombwe, netsvina yose, kana kuchiva, ngazviregwe kurehwa pakati penyu, sezvinofanira vatsvene; nezvakaipa, nokutaura zvoupenzi, nokunemera, izvo zvisina kufanira; asi zviri nani kuonga.”—VaEfeso 5:3, 4.
Vabereki vanogona kudzidzisa ruremekedzo nokuda kwavakadzi kupfurikidza nomuenzaniso. Vanogona kudzidzisa vanakomana vavo kurangarira vakadzi seizvo Jehovha Mwari anoita. Mwari haasaruri. (Mabasa 10:34) Vabereki vanogona kudzidzisa vanakomana vavo kuva shamwari dzavakadzi ndokunzwa vakasununguka vari pavari seizvo Jesu akaita. Vanogona kudzidzisa vanakomana vavo kuti vatano chiito chechidakadaka chorudo chakachengeterwa bedzi mukwanyina womumwe. Vabereki vanogona kuratidzira zvakajeka kuti masimba masimba haasati achizoshivirirwa, uye udzori pana vamwe haukosheswi. (Pisarema 11:5) Vanogona kukurudzira vana vavo kukurukura nhau dzevatano vakasununguka navo, uye kudzivisa dzvinyiriro yevatano.
Chinetso Chichakurumidza Kuguma
Zvisinei, kubatwa chibharo hakusati kuchizoguma pasina chinjo yemagariro munzanga yenyika. “Kubatwa chibharo hachisati chichingova bedzi chinetso chomunhu mumwe [asi] chinetso chemhuri, chinetso chenzanga, uye chinetso chorudzi,” akadaro munzveri Linda Ledray.
Bhaibheri rinopikira nzanga yapasi pose isina masimba masimba, umo munhu asatizve achizo‘dzora munhu kusvikira kukuvadziko yake.’ (Muparidzi 8:9; Isaya 60:18) Nguva ichauya nokukurumidza apo Jehovha Mwari asati achizoshivirirazve kushatiswa kwesimba kupi nokupi, kubatanidza kubatwa chibharo.—Pisarema 37:9, 20.
Munzanga itsva iyoyo yenyika, vanhu vose vachadzidziswa kuva norugare uye vachadanana pasinei zvapo neganda, dzinza, kana kuti rudzi. (Isaya 54:13) Uye panguva iyoyo, vanyoro vachararama vasingatyi shamwari kana kuti vavasingazivi uye vacha“farikanya kwazvo norugare rukuru.”—Pisarema 37:11.
[Bhokisi/Mufananidzo uri papeji 9]
Kana Ukabatwa Chibharo
□ Tsvaka ngwariro yokurapwa.
□ Kana uchida, kumbira kuti mupi zano wavanyajambwa vokubatwa chibharo akuperekedze kumiitiro yokurapa neyemitemo kana achiwanika.
□ Dana mapurisa nokukurumidza sezvaunokwanisa kuita. Vapi zano vanorumbidza kushuma nokuda kwekotsekano yako uye nokuda kwekotsekano yavamwe vakadzi. Kushuma hakuna kufanana nokusungisa, asi kana ukasarudza kusungisa gare gare, nhau yako ichashaiswa simba nomushumo wakanonotswa.
□ Chengetedza ufakazi. Usageza, kuchinja zvipfeko, kugeza kana kuti kukama bvudzi, kana kuti kuparadza zvitsikiriro zveminwe kana kuti zvetsoka kutozosvikira mapurisa aongorora.
□ Varapi vachatora ufakazi uye vachanzvera nokuda kwezvirwere zvinopomeranwa muvatano nokuva napamuviri. Kana vakagovera mishonga yokudzivirira kubata pamuviri, zvimwe inozivikanwa samapiritsi anonwiwa pashure pevatano, maKristu anofanira kungwarira kuti mishonga yakadaro inogona kuparira muviri kupfupfudza zai rakaberekeswa.
□ Ita zvaunofanira kuita kuti unzwe wakakotsekana—chinja makii, gara neshamwari, isa bhuroka pasuo rako—kunyange kana kungaratidzika kuti uri kunyanyisa kuita chiito kana kuti kwete.
□ Kupfuura zvose, tarira kuMagwaro nokuda kwenyaradzo, uchinyengetera kuna Jehovha, kunyange kudana zita rake zvinonzwika, mukati uye pashure pokudenhwa. Tsamira pavakuru navamwe vasonganiri vapedyo vari muungano nokuda kwetsigiro. Pinda misangano kana kuchitongobvira, uye tsvaka kufambidzana namaKristu biyako muushumiri.