Nei Rudo Rwuchipera?
“Zvinenge zviri nyore chaizvo kutanga kudanana pane kuramba muchidanana.”—DR. KAREN KAYSER
ZVICHIDA kuwedzera kwemichato isina rudo hakushamisi. Kuroorana ukama hwevanhu hwakaoma kunzwisisa, uye vazhinji vanopinda mahuri vasina kunyanya kugadzirira. “Tinosungirwa kuratidzira unyanzvi noruzivo rwakati patinotora rezenisi rokutyaira,” akadaro Dr. Dean S. Edell, “asi muchato unogona kutorwa nesiginecha.”
Nokudaro, nepo mhuri dzakawanda dzichibudirira uye dziine mufaro zvechokwadi, dzinoverengeka dziri kuva nemarwadzo epfungwa. Zvichida mumwe kana kuti vose pane vakaroorana vacho vakapinda mumuchato vachitarisira zvinhu zvinofadza asi vasina unyanzvi hunodiwa nokuda kwoukama hwenguva refu. “Vanhu pavanotanga kuva pedyo nepedyo,” anotsangura kudaro Dr. Harry Reis, “vanonzwa vaine chivimbo chakasimba kune mumwe nomumwe.” Vanonzwa sokunge mumwe wavo ndiye “munhu chete pasi pano anoona zvinhu sezvavanoita. Mafungiro iwayo dzimwe nguva anopera, uye kana adaro, anogona kuvhiringa muchato zvikuru.”
Zvinofadza kuti michato yakawanda haisviki padanho iroro. Asi ngatimbofungai nezvezvikonzero zvishoma zvakakonzera rudo kupera mune zvimwe zviitiko.
Kuodzwa Mwoyo—“Izvi Handizvo Zvandaitarisira”
“Pandakaroorwa naJim,” anodaro Rose, “ndaifunga kuti taizodanana sevanhu vomumabhuku—dzichingova nyaya dzorudo nokufunga zvinoda mumwe.” Asi, pashure penguva yakati, “mudiwa” waRose akanga asisaratidziki seanonyanya kukwezva. “Ndakapedzisira ndava kuodzwa mwoyo naye zvakaipa,” anodaro.
Mabhaisikopu mazhinji, mabhuku, nenziyo dzakakurumbira zvinopa mufananidzo usiri wechokwadi worudo. Pavanenge vachidanana, murume nomukadzi vangafunga kuti zvido zvavo zvose zvazadziswa; asi pashure pemakore mashomanana varoorana, vanosvika pakuti zvechokwadi vanofanira kuve vairota! Chipi nechipi chisingaiti senyaya dzorudo dzomumabhuku chingaita kuti muchato waizobudirira uite sewakundikana.
Zvechokwadi, zvimwe zvinotarisirwa mukuroorana zvakafanira chaizvo. Somuenzaniso, zvakafanira kutarisira rudo, hanya, uye tsigiro kubva kune munhu wawakaroorana naye. Asi, zvishuvo izvi zvingasazadzika. “Ndinonzwa sokunge kuti handina kuroorwa,” anodaro Meena, mumwe achangoroorwa wokuIndia. “Ndinonzwa kusurukirwa uye ndaraswa.”
Kusapindirana—“Hapana Chatinombowirirana Pachiri”
“Ini nomurume wangu takanyatsosiyana nokure pazvinhu zvinenge zvose,” anodaro mumwe mukadzi. “Hapana zuva rinopfuura ndisina kuzvidemba kuti ndakasarudzirei kuroorwa naye. Hatitopindirani zvachose.”
Hazviwanzotora nguva kuti vaviri vakaroorana vazive kuti havana kufanana sezvavairatidzika kuva pavaipfimbana. “Kuroorana kunowanzoita kuti unhu uhwo vaviri vakakwanisa kuvanzirana muupenyu hwavo hwose hwavairarama vari voga huve pachena,” anonyora kudaro Dr. Nina S. Fields.
Somugumisiro, vachata vamwe vakaroorana vangagumisa kuti havapindirani zvachose. “Pasinei nezvimwe zvakafanana muzvavanoda nounhu, vanhu vazhinji vanoroorana vaine misiyano yakakura mumaitiro, tsika, uye mafungiro,” anodaro Dr. Aaron T. Beck. Vakaroorana vazhinji havazivi kugadzirisa kwavangaita misiyano iyoyi.
Makakatanwa—“Tinongogara Tichiitirana Nharo”
“Taishamiswa nokurwa kazhinji kwataiita—tichishamarara, kana kuti zvakatoipisisa, kupfundumwara tinyerere kwemazuva,” anodaro Cindy, achirangarira mazuva epakuvamba eimba yake.
Mumhuri, kusabvumirana hakudzivisiki. Asi kungabatwa sei? “Mumhuri yakanyatsoti tsvikiti,” anonyora kudaro Dr. Daniel Goleman, “murume nomukadzi vanonzwa vakasununguka kutaura chavanonyunyuta. Asi kazhinji kazhinji mukuzarirwa nehasha kunyunyuta kunoitwa nenzira inoparadza, senzira yokurwisa unhu hwomumwe.”
Kana izvi zvaitika, kukurukurirana kunoita senhandare yehondo umo maonero anodzivirirwa nokutsunga kwakasimba uye mashoko ari zvombo panzvimbo pemidziyo yokukurukurirana. Chimwe chikwata chenyanzvi chakati: “Chinhu chinonyanya kukuvadza panharo dzinowedzera zvokusadzoreka ndechokuti varoorani vanowanzotaura zvinhu zvinotyisidzira musimboti wakabatanidza muchato wavo.”
Kushaya Hanya—“Takanda Mapfumo Pasi”
“Ndakanda mapfumo pasi pakuedza kuita kuti imba yedu ibudirire,” akabvuma kudaro mumwe mukadzi mushure memakore mashanu okuroorwa. “Ndinoziva kuti hauchambobudiriri. Saka chandinongova nebasa nacho vana vedu.”
Zvinonzi chinonyatsopesana norudo chaicho harusi ruvengo asi kushaya hanya. Chokwadi, kusava nehanya kunogona kungoparadza muchato sezvinongoita kuvengana.
Zvisinei, zvinosuruvarisa kuti vamwe vakaroorana vanojaira muchato usina rudo zvokuti vanorasa tariro yose yokuti zvinhu zvingachinja. Somuenzaniso, mumwe murume akati kuva akaroora kwemakore 23 kwakanga kwakafanana “nokuva pabasa rausingadi.” Akawedzera kuti: “Unoita nepaunogona napo mumamiriro acho ezvinhu.” Saizvozvowo, mumwe mudzimai anonzi Wendy haasisina tariro yokuvandudza ukama nomurume wake waakaroorana naye kwemakore manomwe. “Ndakaedza kakawanda zvikuru,” anodaro, “uye nguva dzose aindidzosera shure. Ndakapedzisira ndaodzwa mwoyo. Handidi kuzvidzokororazve. Panowedzera tariro yangu, ndinongorwadziwa. Ndingasva ndarega kutarisira chimwe chinhu—ndorega kunakidzwa nezvinhu, asi zvakatombonakira kuti handiodzwi mwoyo.”
Kuodzwa mwoyo, kusapindirana, makakatanwa, uye kusava nehanya zvinongova zvimwe zvezvinokonzera muchato usina rudo. Zviri pachena kuti kune zvakawanda—zvimwe zvishoma zvacho zvakanyorwa mubhokisi riri papeji 5. Pasinei nechinokonzera, pane tariro nokuda kwevakaroorana vanoita sevari muchizarira chomuchato usina rudo here?
[Bhokisi/Mufananidzo uri papeji 5]
MICHATO ISINA RUDO—ZVIMWE ZVINOIKONZERA
• Mari: “Mumwe munhu angafungidzira kuti kuronga mari kungabatsira kubatanidza vakaroorana sezvavanoshanda pamwe chete, kuunganidza zvavanowana nokuda kwezvinokosha zvokurarama nazvo, vodya dikita ravo. Asi panowo, chaizokwanisa kubatanidza vaviri pakushanda pamwe kwavanoita chinowanzovaparadzanisa.”—Dr. Aaron T. Beck.
• Kuva Vabereki: “Takaona kuti 67 muzana yevakaroorana inodzikira zvinonyatsooneka pakugutsikana neimba kana mwana wavo wokutanga aberekwa, uye makakatanwa anowedzera kakapetwa kasere. Izvi zvinokonzerwa nokuti vabereki vaneta uye havasisina nguva yakawanda nokuda kwavo pachavo.”—Dr. John Gottman.
• Unyengeri: “Kusatendeseka kunowanzosanganisira unyengeri, uye unyengeri, chaizvoizvo, kurambwa kwechivimbo. Sezvo chivimbo chiri icho chimwe chezvinhu zvinokosha mumhuri inogara, zvinoshamisa here kuti unyengeri hunogona kuparadza ukama hwevakaroorana?”—Dr. Nina S. Fields.
• Zvepabonde: “Panozosvika vanhu pakudimurisa muchato, kusasangana pabonde kwemakore akawanda kwakatekeshera zvinoshamisa. Mune zvimwe zviitiko ukama hwepabonde hauna kutombobvira hwavapo, uye mune zvimwe, pabonde paingova pokungoita, kungopedza shungu dzomumwe dzomuviri.”—Judith S. Wallerstein, nyanzvi yezvokurapwa kwepfungwa.
[Bhokisi/Mufananidzo uri papeji 6]
VANA VANOKANGANISWA SEI?
Mamiriro omuchato wenyu angakanganisa vana venyu here? Maererano naDr. John Gottman, uyo akaongorora vakaroorana kweanenge makore 20, mhinduro ndihungu. “Muongororo mbiri dzakatora imwe neimwe gumi remakore,” akati, “takaona kuti vacheche vanoberekwa nevabereki vasingafari vane mwoyo inokurumidza kurova pavanenge vachitamba zvavo uye havagoni kuzvinyaradza. Nokufamba kwenguva, makakatanwa omumhuri anokonzera kusagona muchikoro, pasinei nokuti mwana wacho ane musoro wakapinza sei.” Mukupesana, Dr. Gottman vanoti, vana vevakaroorana vakanyatsoti tsvikiti “vanoita zvakanaka kwose muchikoro nomunzanga, nokuti vabereki vakavaratidza mabatirwo anoitwa vamwe vanhu noruremekedzo uye kudzora kugumbuka.”