Iyo habaye ukutumvikana mu bubakanye

NTA mugabo canke umugore yiyumvira neza yoryoherwa n’ukutumvikana n’uwo bubakanye, ariko ivyo vyama vyashitse. Ehe ingene bitangura, umwe mu bubakanye aravuga ikintu kigashavuza uwundi. Baca batangura kuvugira hejuru, imitsi ikaranda, bigaca bivyura ibihari bikomeye birimwo ugutukana. Hanyuma baca baguba, maze n’akagagazo n’akantu, umwe wese akanka kuvugisha uwundi. Mu nyuma, ishavu rirahwama hanyuma bagasabana imbabazi. Amahoro aragaruka, n’imiburiburi gushika basubiye kutumvikana.

Ukutumvikana kw’abubakanye usanga kuvugwa cane mu dukino twinshi two kujajura no mu nkuru zo mu biganiro bica kuri televiziyo, mugabo mu vy’ukuri nta gitwengeje kirimwo. Kukaba nkako, hari umugani wo muri Bibiliya uvuga uti: “Ibisunitswe n’impwemu bimeze nk’ugucumita kw’inkota” (Imigani 12:18). Ego cane, amajambo ababaza arashobora gusiga inkovu mu mutima n’igihe nyene ukutumvikana kuba kwaheze. Ugutongana kurashobora mbere gushikana umuntu ku gukora ivy’ubukazi.​—Kuvayo 21:18.

Ego ni ko, kubera yuko abantu badatunganye, rimwe na rimwe usanga bidashoboka ko abubakanye birinda ingorane (Itanguriro 3:16; 1 Ab’i Korinto 7:28). Naho ari ukwo, ugutata kwa misi yose kandi gukomeye nta wovuga yuko ari ikintu gisanzwe. Abahinga berekanye yuko igihe abubakanye bama baryana bituma bahakwa cane kwahukana. Ni co gituma bihambaye ko mwe n’uwo mwubakanye mwiga gutorera umuti ukutumvikana kwanyu mu mahoro.

Nimusuzume ingene ibintu vyifashe

Nimba umubano wanyu usinzikajwe n’imitongano, nimugerageze kumenya ukuntu bihora bigenda iyo mutonganye. Bihora bigenda gute igihe mwe n’uwo mwubakanye hari ikintu mutumvikanyeko? Ibiganiro vyanyu vyoba bica bita inzira bikavamwo ugutukana n’ukwagirizanya vy’urutavanako? Nimba ari ukwo vyifashe, mwokora iki?

Banza usuzume utibesha ingene wewe ubwawe ushobora kuba utuma iyo ngorane ikomera. Woba ushavura ningoga? Woba uri umuntu akunda gutera ibihari? Uwo mwubakanye yokuvugako iki kuri ivyo? Kurimbura ico kibazo ca nyuma birahambaye kubera yuko mwe n’uwo mwubakanye mushobora kuba mutabona kumwe ico ari co kuba umuntu akunda gutera ibihari.

Nk’akarorero, dufate yuko uwo mwubakanye asa n’uwudakunda guserura ukuntu yiyumva, mu gihe wewe woba uvuga utarya umunwa kandi ata co winona. Hari aho wovuga uti: “Nkiri muto, ukwo ni ko abo mu muryango wacu bose baganira. Si uguharīra!”. Kandi kumbure kuri wewe si uguharīra. Ariko birashoboka yuko ivyo wewe ubona ko ari ukuyaga utarya umunwa kandi ata co winona, uwo mwubakanye we yoba abibona nk’uguharīra kubabaza kandi kurimwo ugusotorana. Kumenya gusa yuko mwe n’uwo mwubakanye mutandukanye mu kuntu muganira, birashobora kubafasha kwirinda gutahurana ukutari kwo.

Ibuka kandi yuko kuja mu bihari bitama birimwo ukuvugira hejuru. Paulo yandikiye abakirisu ati: “Gutongana no gutukana bibavemwo” (Abanyefeso 4:31). Ijambo “gutongana” ryerekeza ku gushira ijwi hejuru, “gutukana” na ryo rikerekeza ku majambo avugwa. Twisunze ivyo, mbere n’ubwongoshwe burashobora kuvyura ibihari iyo bubabaza canke iyo burimwo agasuzuguro.

Ufise ivyo duhejeje kuvuga ku muzirikanyi, subira wihweze ingene uvyifatamwo igihe mutumvikanye n’uwo mwubakanye. Woba ukunda guharīra? Nk’uko twabibonye, inyishu nyakuri y’ico kibazo ivana ahanini n’ingene uwo mwubakanye abona ibintu. Aho guca uvuga yuko uwo mwubakanye ashavuzwa n’ubusa, nugerageze kwibona nk’uko we akubona, maze ugire ico uhinduye aho bikenewe. Paulo yanditse ati: “Ntihagire umuntu ababara ivyiwe, arikw ababare ivya mugenzi we”.​—1 Ab’i Korinto 10:24.

“Mwiyubare uburyo mwumva”

Ubundi buryo bwo gutorera umuti ukutumvikana tubusanga mu majambo Yezu yavuze agira ati: “Mwiyubare uburyo mwumva” (Luka 8:18). Ego ni ko, Yezu ntiyariko avuga ibijanye n’ukuganira hagati y’umugabo n’umugore. Yamara rero, iyo ngingo ngenderwako irafasha. Uwo mwubakanye woba umwumviriza neza ku rugero rungana iki? Woba hoho unamwumviriza? Canke woba uca umucira mw’ijambo mu gutanga umuti udashemeye w’ingorane utanategereye neza? Bibiliya ivuga iti: “Ūwishura atarumva bimubera ubupfu n’agatētereza” (Imigani 18:13). Igihe rero habaye ukutumvikana, mwe n’uwo mwubakanye mukwiye guca muyaga iyo ngorane kandi umwe wese akumviriza uwundi yitonze.

Aho gufatira mu rwara ukuntu uwo mwubakanye abona ibintu, niwihatire ‘kubabarana’ na we (1 Petero 3:8). Mu kigiriki co mu ntango, iryo jambo mu bisanzwe risobanura gusangira umubabaro n’uwundi muntu. Nimba uwo mwubakanye hari ikintu kimubabaje, na wewe ukwiye kubabara. Nugerageze kubona ico kintu ufatiye ku kuntu we akibona.

Biboneka yuko Isaka wa mugabo yashimwa n’Imana ari ko yabigenza. Bibiliya itubwira yuko umukenyezi wiwe Rebeka, yari yahagaritswe umutima cane n’ingorane yo mu muryango yerekeye umuhungu wiwe Yakobo. Yabwiye Isaka ati: “Numva ndundumiwe kubg’abo Bahetikazi, nopfuma mpfa! Yakobo yorongora Umuhetikazi nka ba bandi, noba nkibereyeh’iki?”.​—Itanguriro 27:46.

Ego ni ko, Rebeka ashobora kuba yararengeje urugero mu kubivuga, kubera yari mu maganya. Ubwo vy’ukuri yoba yari adundumiwe n’ubuzima bwiwe? Yoba vy’ukuri yari guhitamwo gupfa umuhungu wiwe aramutse yabiriye Umuhetikazi? Oya nawe. Ariko rero, Isaka ntiyafatiye mu rwara ukuntu Rebeka yiyumva. Ahubwo Isaka yarabonye yuko ivyari biraje ishinga Rebeka vyari bifise ishingiro, aca aragira ico akoze (Itanguriro 28:1). Urabigenza gutyo nyene ubutaha nihagira ikintu gihagarika umutima uwo mwubakanye. Aho kubona ko ari ikintu kidahambaye, niwumvirize uwo mwubakanye, wubahirize ukuntu abona ibintu, wongere wishurane impuhwe.

Kwumviriza no guca mu kajisho

Hari umugani wo muri Bibiliya uvuga uti: “Kwitonda, [canke, “guca mu kajisho”, NW] kw’umuntu kumutera guteba kuraka” (Imigani 19:11). Iyo ibihari vyashushe, biroroha cane ko uca ukora ibintu gihuruduka igihe cose uwo mwubakanye avuze ijambo ricumita. Ariko rero, ivyo nta kindi bimara atari ukwunyura ibintu. Ku bw’ivyo, iyo uriko urumviriza uwo mwubakanye, niwiyemeze kutumviriza gusa amajambo avuga, ariko utahure n’inyiyumvo ayavugana. Ubwo bwitonzi canke ukwo guca mu kajisho kuzogufasha kurengera ibikubabaza, maze umenye umuzi w’iyo ngorane.

Nk’akarorero, dufate yuko umukenyezi wawe akubwiye ati: “Ntiwigera umarana nanje umwanya!”. Hari aho woca ugomba gushavura ugaca uhakana ivyo akwagirije mu kumuha ibimenyamenya bidafashe. Hari aho womwishura uti: “Mu kwezi guheze twamaranye umusi wose”. Mugabo wumvirije witonze, ushobora gusanga umukenyezi wawe atariko vy’ukuri agusaba ko mumarana iyindi minuta canke ayandi masaha. Ahubwo ashobora kuba yipfuza ko umusubiriza umutima mu nda, agasa nk’aho akubwira yuko yumva atitwararitswe kandi adakundwa.

Dufate ko uri umukenyezi maze umugabo wawe akaba aseruye yuko arajwe ishinga n’ikintu uherutse kugura. Akubajije asa n’uwutavyumva ati: “Vyagenze gute ngo ukoreshe amahera menshi gutyo?”. Hari aho woca ushaka kwisigura mu kwerekana uko ivy’ubutunzi bw’umuryango vyifashe, canke mu kugereranya ico kintu waguze na kimwe mu vyo na we yaguze. Ariko rero, uguca mu kajisho kuzogufasha kubona yuko umugabo wawe ashobora kuba atariko avuga amahera wakoresheje. Ahubwo ashobora kuba yababajwe n’uko waguze ikintu kizimvye utabanje kumugisha inama.

Birumvikana yuko abubakanye bose bashobora kuba bafise uburyo bwabo bwo gutorera umuti ingorane y’umwanya bakwiye kumarana, be n’ubwo gushinga ingene ingingo zerekeye kugura ibintu zofatwa. Iciyumviro kiri ng’aho ni uko igihe hari ibintu bitumye mutongana, uguca mu kajisho kuzotuma muteba kuraka maze kubafashe kubona aho ingorane iri vy’ukuri. Aho guca ukora ibintu gihuruduka, nukurikize inkeburo yatanzwe n’umwanditsi wa Bibiliya, Yakobo, yo ‘kwihutira kwumva, guteba kuvuga no guteba kuraka’.​—Yakobo 1:19.

Igihe ugize ico uvuga, niwibuke yuko ingene uvugisha uwo mwubakanye bihambaye. Bibiliya ivuga yuko ‘ururimi rw’abanyabwenge ruvura’ (Imigani 12:18). Iyo mwe n’uwo mwubakanye mwaranze imitsi kubera ibihari, ivyo uvuga vyoba bibabaza canke bivura? Vyoba bizibira inzira yo gusubiza hamwe, canke birayugurura? Nk’uko twamaze kubibona, kwishurana uburake canke kwishura gihuruduka nta kindi bimara atari ugutera imitongano.​—Imigani 29:22.

Igihe ukutumvikana kuvuyemwo indwano yo guterana amajambo, ca ugira akigoro gakomeye kugira ngo urabe ingene wotunganya iyo ngorane. Niwibande ku cateye iyo ngorane, ntiwibande ku muntu. Nurazwe ishinga n’ikibereye, aho kurazwa ishinga no kumenya uwuriko avuga ukuri. Uraba maso ivyo uvuga ntibihave bisongera isibe. Bibiliya ivuga iti: “Ijambo ribabaza rivyura ishavu” (Imigani 15:1). Emwe, ivyo uvuga be n’ingene ubivuga birashobora gutuma mwe n’uwo mwubakanye mwumvikana canke mutumvikana.

Rondera gutunganya ingorane, nturondere gutsinda

Igihe turondera gutunganya ukutumvikana, intumbero iba ari iyo gutora umuti si iyo kurondera intsinzi. None umuti mwowutora gute? Inzira idahusha ni ukurondera impanuro Bibiliya itanga no kuzishira mu ngiro, abanega canecane bakaba ari bo bakwiye kuba aba mbere mu kurondera izo mpanuro no kuzishira mu ngiro. Aho kwihutira gushikiriza ivyiyumviro bikomeye ku bibazo canke ku ngorane mufise, mubona gute mugerageje kuzibona mufatiye ku kuntu Yehova azibona? Nimusenge, mwongere murondere amahoro y’Imana azoshibamira imitima yanyu n’ivyiyumviro vyanyu (Abanyefeso 6:18; Ab’i Filipi 4:6, 7). Niwigore cane kugira ngo ntiwiyumvire ivyawe gusa ariko wiyumvire n’ivy’uwo mwubakanye.​—Ab’i Filipi 2:4.

Igikunda gutuma ibintu vyunyuka ni ukureka umubabaro be n’ishavu bikaganza ivyiyumviro vyawe be n’ibikorwa ukora. Ariko rero, kwemera kubogorwa n’impanuro Ijambo ry’Imana ritanga, bishikana ku mahoro, ku kwumvikana, no ku guhezagirwa na Yehova (2 Ab’i Korinto 13:11). Nimuyoborwe rero n’‘ubukerebutsi buva mw’ijuru’, mugaragaze kamere zishimwa n’Imana, muheze mwironkere imihezagiro ihabwa “ababanguranya”.​—Yakobo 3:17, 18.

Vy’ukuri, mwese mukwiye kwiga gutorera umuti ukutumvikana mu mahoro, naho nyene ivyo bisaba ko umuntu aheba ivyo yikundira (1 Ab’i Korinto 6:7). Nkako, nimushire mu ngiro impanuro Paulo yatanze yo kwiyambura ‘uburake, kujingitwa, urwanko rw’ubusa, gucokorana, no kutagira amajambo ateye isoni ava mu kanwa kanyu. . . . Mwiyambure umuntu wa kera n’ibikorwa vyiwe, mwambare wa muntu musha’.​—Ab’i Kolosayi 3:8-10.

Ariko ntiwumve, bizoshika uvuge ibintu hanyuma wicuze ico wabivugiye (Yakobo 3:8). Iyo bishitse, saba ikigongwe uwo mwubakanye. Shishikara kugira utwigoro. Uko haca igihe, mwe n’uwo mwubakanye hari aho mwobona ko mwagize iterambere rinini mu kuntu mutorera umuti ukutumvikana.

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Intambwe zitatu zo guhwamika ibihari

• Niwumvirize uwo mwubakanye.​—Imigani 10:19

• Ubahiriza ukuntu abona ibintu.​—Ab’i Filipi 2:4

• Ishurana urukundo.​—1 Ab’i Korinto 13:4-7

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Ico wokora ubu

Nubaze uwo mwubakanye ibibazo bikurikira, maze wumvirize inyishu aguha utamuciriyemwo. Uhejeje, uwo mwubakanye na we ace abigenza gutyo.

• Noba ndi umuntu akunda gutera ibihari?

• Noba vy’ukuri numviriza igihe uriko uravuga, canke nca nsanga nishuye imbere y’uko uheza kuvuga?

• Amajambo mvuga woba uhora wumva yumvikanisha ko ntababara inyiyumvo zawe canke ko nashavuye?

• Twokora iki kugira ngo twempi turyohore uburyo tuyaga, na canecane igihe hari ikintu tutumvikanako?

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Woba wumviriza?

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“Numva ntitwararitswe kandi ntakundwa”

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“Ntiwigera umarana nanje umwanya”

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“Mu kwezi guheze twamaranye umusi wose”