‘lzikhathi Zethu Ezinzima’—Uthinteka Kanjani Umkhaya Wakho?

“Noma lingaba mpofu kangakanani, akukho ndawo enjengekhaya.”

WABHALA kanjalo umqambi uJohn Howard Payne. Kodwa lokho kwakuyiminyaka eyi-160 edlule. Ezweni lanamuhla kuye kwaba nesimo esihlukile. “Ikhaya elimnandi” ngokuvamile liyindawo yempi. Uthando lwemvelo okumelwe silindele ukuluthola phakathi komkhaya alukho emikhayeni eminingi impela. Kodwa kungani? Ingabe kukhona okungavamile ngezinkinga ezinjalo zemikhaya esikhathini sethu?

Umkhaya Wekhulu Lama-20 Leminyaka

Emakhulwini eminyaka edlule umkhaya ngokuvamile wawuyiqembu lomkhiqizo wokonga. Okungukuthi, bonke—abazali nabantwana—babebambisana ekwakheni indlu, ekwenzeni ifenisha, ekulimeni amasimu nasekweluseni imfuyo. (Genesise 37:2; IzAga 31:16) Kodwa ngokuqala kwenguquko yezomsebenzi, izinto zashintsha.

Ikakhulukazi, njengoba amazwe aseNtshonalanga, ethuthuka ngokwengeziwe kwezomsebenzi, imikhaya eminingi yathuthela emadolobheni iyofuna umsebenzi wezimboni. Manje abantu kwafuneka bashiye amakhaya usuku ngalunye bayosebenza. Imikhaya yaba nesikhathi esinciphayo sokusisebenzisa ndawonye. Izinto ezinjengezembatho nefenisha zathengwa kunokuba zenziwe. Futhi njengoba incwadi iThe Family, Society, and the Individual iphawula:

“Lezizinguquko, njengoba kungase kulindelwe, ziye zaba nomphumela ophawulekayo . . . ekuphileni kwasekhaya. Umkhaya awusakhiqizi lutho njengeqembu lokonga. Kusukela ekudlulisweni kwemithetho yemfundo ephoqelelwe neyokuvikela ukukhandlwa kwezingane, izingane ziye zaba umthwalo kunokuba inzuzo.” Namuphi umphumela ezindleleni zokukhulisa izingane? “Isimo sobuzalamizi seqembu lomkhaya sashintsha, futhi isiyalo nenhlonipho ngegunya kwaba izinto ezingasesona isisekelo sokuphila okuhle.”

Izinguquko ezinjalo ziye zasho ukucindezeleka okungavamile, futhi kwezinye izimo, okukhulu emikhayeni yalelikhulu lama-20 leminyaka. Futhi lena akuyona inkinga yamazwe aseNtshonalanga kuphela. Ukwakhiwa kwamadolobha nezemisebenzi eziwumphumela kuye kwaphazamisa indima yomkhaya engokwesiko ngisho nakokuthiwa amaZwe Asathuthukayo. Kwezinye izimo amakhosikazi aye akwenyanya ukungabhekwa njengabasizi. Ngakho enye inkosikazi eNsundu yathi: “Kungani amadoda esiyekelela ukuba sithwale umthwalo? Ngiya ensimini ngitshethe igeja ngibelethe nomntwana. Ayithwali lutho. Bese ngibuya negeja, umntwana, nomgqomo wamanzi ekhanda lami. Futhi ayithwali ngxenye yomthwalo. Imali ichithelwa ophuzweni, hhayi kithina noma kubantwana. Sihlanganyela umsebenzi, noma senze omningi wawo, kepha ithatha yonke imali isitshele ukuthi ingeyayo—ukuthi iyisebenzele. Kuyihlaya.”

Umkhaya wekhulu lama-20 leminyaka uye wezwa umphumela wokuthile okungakaze kubonwe ngaphambili emlandweni—ithelevishini. Kulinganiselwa ukuthi ngesikhathi omusha eneminyaka eyi-18, uyobe esebukele ithelevishini amahora ayizi-15 000 uma kuqhathaniswa namahora acishe abe yizi-11 000 asetshenziselwa ekilasini. Ebudaleni beminyaka eyi-14, umntwana waseMelika osesilinganisweni usuke esebone abantu abayizi-18 000 bebulawa kuTV. Namuphi umphumela? Incwadi iChildstress!, kaM. S. Miller, iyaphendula: “Izazi zengqondo eziningi namajaji abeka ithelevishini icala ngobudlova abantu abasha ababulingisayo. Lapho oneminyaka eyisishiyagalolunye ubudala ebamba ibhange laseNew York City inkunzi ngesibhamu sokudlala, ethatha amadollar ayikhulu, wathi kwakungenxa yokuthi ‘ngabona abantu bekwenza kuTV.’” Umagazini iThe Family Coordinator uyanezela: “Nakuba umphumela oqondile walokhu kubekwa engozini kwabasha ungenasiqiniseko, kuyakhanya ukuthi kunezinto eziningi eziboniswa kumathelevishini lezo ngokungenakugwenywa eziyoba nomphumela othile ekuphileni nasendleleni yamuva yokuphila komusha.”

Ngaphandle kokungabaza, umkhaya wekhulu lama-20 leminyaka uye wabona indlela engavamile neyingqayizivele yezimo zokuphila eziye zawubeka ebunzimeni nasemathonyeni angakaze abonwe ngaphambili emlandweni wesintu. Kepha ingabe lokhu kuye kwaphumela ezinkingeni zomkhaya ezinikeza ubufakazi obusekelayo bokuthi siphila “ezinsukwini zokugcina”?

Ngokuningiliza okuphawulekayo, umphostoli uPawulu wabikezela ukuthi ‘izinsuku zokugcina’ zaziyophawulwa “izikhathi ezinzima.”a Wawuyoba yini umphumela walezo “zikhathi ezinzima” ekuphileni komkhaya? UPawulu uyaphendula: “Abantu bazakuba . . . abangalaleli abazali, nabangabongiyo, nabahlazisayo, nabangenaluthando.”—2 Thimothewu 3:1-3.

‘Ukungalaleli abazali’

Abantwana bayinyama negazi labazali babo futhi badinga ukubabonga ngenxa yezibusiso ezingenakubalwa. Kuyinto ethusayo uma abasha behluleka ukubonisa abazali udumo, inhlonipho nokunakekela abakufaneleyo. Njengoba esinye isazi seBhayibheli sakubeka: “Kuwuphawu lwempucuko eyonakele ngokwedlulele uma omusha elahlekelwa yiyo yonke inhlonipho ngasebekhulile, futhi ehluleka ukuqaphela isikweletu angenakusikhokha nomsebenzi oyisisekelo awukweleta labo abamnikeza ukuphila.” Ingabe ngempela kunjalo emikhayeni yekhulu lama-20 leminyaka?

“Ngesaba umntanami,” kukhala omunye umama ekukhulumeni ngobunye ubufakazi obungathi sína kunabo bonke babantwana abahlubuka abazali babo—ukuphathwa kabi kwabazali. Kokunye ukuqhuma kobudlova, indodana eneminyaka eyi-17 ubudala yalona owesifazane yamenyelisa ihlombe ngokumkhahlela kobulwane. Buvame kangakanani ubudlova obunjalo kubazali? Ekubikeni imiphumela yokucwaninga ngobudlova basekhaya eUnited States, incwadi Behind Closed Doors yaphawula: “Oyedwa kubantwana abathathu abaphakathi kweminyaka emithathu neyishumi nesikhombisa ubudala ushaya abazali bakhe unyaka ngamunye.” Ingabe ngokuvamile akukhona ukuntuleka kwenhlonipho okukhulu lapho umntwana ephakamisela abazali bakhe isandla?—Qhathanisa abase-Efesu 6:1-3.

Abantwana bahlubuka abazali babo nangezindlela ezingezona ezobudlova. Ngawo-1960 kwakuwukugqoka kobuhippie nezinwele ezinde. Kodwa lapho abadala belingisa lezozitayela, abantu abasha babephoqelekile ukuba bavele nezindlela ezintsha zokuhlubuka. Incwadi iChildstress! iyachaza: “Kukho konke okusunguliwe, izindlela ezizanyiwe neziyiqiniso zokweyisa ziyakhula ngobukhulu—imilaliso, ukuphuza, ukubalekela isikole nokubaleka ekhaya. Njengoba isizukulwane somkhulu sibabaza, ‘Anginakuthanda ukuqala ukukhulisa abantwana kulolusuku nenkathi.’”

Akubona nje abantwana abancane kuphela abahluleka ukubonisa abazali babo uthando nenhlonipho ebafaneleyo. Kunelinye iqembu—abadala abaphatha kabi asebekhulile. Ngayiphi indlela? IPsychology Today iyachaza: “Ukuphatha kabi asebekhulile kungaba ngokomzimba, ukuxhaphaza (ngokwesibonelo, ukudla imali yomzali ebekiwe), ukungabanaki (ukwehluleka ukubanika ukudla noma imithi) noma ngokwengqondo (ukubagcona). Ababaphatha kabi futhi bavame ukusongela ukuxoshela abazali babo emgwaqweni noma ukubafaka esibhedlela sengqondo noma endaweni yokunakekelwa uma bekhononda ngokuphathwa kabi.”

Kudabukisa ngokukhethekile ukuthi abaningi abantwana asebekhulile abazizwa benomthwalo wemfanelo ngakubazali asebegugile. Ngokwesibonelo, uF. Ivan Nye, ephepheni lokucwaninga elakhishwa kuJournal of Marriage and the Family, waphawula: “Iningi labasabelayo [kulokhu kuhlola kokucwaninga] liyawubona umthwalo wokuxhumana nezihlobo nokusiza ezimweni eziphuthumayo ezingokwezimali, nokho amaphesenti angaphezu kwama-30 awavumi ukuthi umthwalo onjalo (ongokwezimali) ukhona futhi abangaphansi kwamaphesenti angama-40 babo bobubili ubulili babonisa ukungavumelani okunamandla nabanye abehluleka ukufeza izibopho ezinjalo.” Lokhu kwaholela uNye ukuba aphethe ngokuthi “ubuhlobo” “busendleleni yokunyamalala esimweni esiyinkambiso futhi bungase bube” umsebenzi wokuzikhethela womkhaya. Ingabe lokhu akusona yini “isibonakaliso sempucuko eyonakele ngokwedlulele”?—Qhathanisa u-1 Thimothewu 5:3-8.

Akubona bonke abantwana abeya igunya labazali. Kodwa imibiko ngabasha bevukela abazali babo isakazeke kabanzi ngokwanele ukuba iqinisekise ngokungenakungatshazwa ukuthi lokho umphostoli uPawulu akubikezela kuba yiqiniso namuhla: “Abantu bazakuba . . . abangalaleli abazali, nabangabongiyo, nabahlazisayo.”

“Abangenaluthando”

Akuzona izingane kuphela ezithintwa yilezizikhathi “ezinzima.” UPawulu futhi wabikezela: “Abantu bazakuba . . . abangenaluthando.”—2 Thimothewu 3:2, 3.

Kungokwemvelo ukulindela umkhaya wakho ukuba ube ngosekela kakhulu kunawo wonke amaqembu. “Ikhaya elimnandi” kumelwe liphefumule umoya wothando—uthando ngoshade naye nangabantabakho. Nokho, umphostoli uPawulu wathi ukuntuleka ‘kothando’b kwakuyophawula ‘izinsuku zokugcina.’ Futhi ngokuvumelana namazwi akhe, ezimweni eziningi kakhulu, “ikhaya elimnandi” likude nokuba “mnandi.” Kanjani?

Esihlokweni esandulelayo siye saphawula ukuvama kokuntuleka kothando lwemvelo okwesabekayo—ukuphathwa kabi komfazi. Ngokuqinisekile akukho mfazi ofanelwe ukukhahlelwa, ukufakwa isibhakela noma ukuphathwa kabi ngenye indlela. Yeka ukuphambana neseluleko esingokomBhalo sokuba amadoda athande omkawo “njengemizimba yawo”! Lokho kungokwemvelo. Ukushaya umfazi akunjalo!—Efesu 5:28-33.

Mhlawumbe okumangaza ngisho nangokwengeziwe izimo eziningi ezibikiwe zokushaywa kwamadoda. Kwesinye isimo indoda “yayinezibazi nemihuzuko engapheli” eyayibangelwa umfazi ‘owayeyiqinela ngokuklabalasa, ukudazuluka ngomsindo nobudlova obungokomzimba.’ Ezinye izazi zokuhlalisana kwabantu zilinganisela ukuthi eUnited States iyodwa, amadoda angaba yizi-282 000 ashaywa ngabafazi bawo unyaka ngamunye. Ingabe lokhu akusona isibonelo esishaqisayo sokuntuleka kothando lwemvelo emikhayeni eminingi yekhulu lama-20 leminyaka?—Qhathanisa abase-Efesu 5:22-24, 33.

Nakuba imibiko enjalo idumaza, okudabukisa ngisho nangaphezulu imibiko yokukhulayo ukuphathwa kabi kwezingane. Akukhona neze okungavamile ukufunda izihloko zamaphephandaba ezinjengezilandelayo:

“Umntwana owayephethwe kabi, esekhulile, ukhuluma ngezibazi.”

“Owesifazane Uvuma Ukuminzisa Abantabakhe Abane Belele.”

“Ukushaywa kwabasha, amazinga okufa ayanda eDenver nasesifundazweni.”

“Ukunganakwa Kwezingane ‘Kubulala Isimo Sothando SaseBrithani.’”

Asinakukutshela imininingwane eshaqisa ngokwengeziwe.

Kuvame kangakanani ukuphathwa kabi okunjalo kwabantwana? Ibika imiphumela yokucwaninga ngobudlova bemikhaya, incwadi ethi Behind Closed Doors yalinganisela ukuthi “izingane eziphakathi kwezigidi ezi-3,1 nezi-4 [eUnited States] ziye zakhahlelwa, zashaywa, noma zafakwa isibhakela umzali esikhathini esithile ekuphileni kwazo; . . . izingane eziphakathi kwezi-900 000 nesigidi eseve ngezi-800 000 eziphakathi kobudala beminyaka emithathu neyishumi nesikhombisa ziye zabhekana nomzali esebenzisa isibhamu noma ummese kuzona ngesinye isikhathi.”

Nakuba kuyiqiniso ukuthi abantwana, ikakhulukazi abancane, bangalimazeka futhi ngezinye izikhathi bafune okuningi, ngokuqinisekile akukho mntwana ofanelwe ukuphathwa kabi—ngokomzimba, ngokomzwelo noma ngayiphi enye indlela. Ngale kwalokho, njengoba iBhayibheli lisho: “Abantwana bayifa elivela kuJehova, isithelo sesisu singumvuzo.”—IHubo 127:3.

Akukho kungabaza ngokuthi umkhaya wekhulu lama-20 leminyaka uye wahaqwa ukucindezela nobunzima obungakaze bubonwe ngaphambili emlandweni wesintu. IU.S.News & World Report iyaphawula: “Kungani kunokwanda ezinkathazweni zomkhaya? UDr. Bertrand New, isazi sengqondo eWestchester Medical Center-New York Medical College, ukhomba izithiyo zomuntu nezingokomnotho, ubudakwa nobunzima umphakathi wesimanje obubeka emikhayeni eminingi.”—Omalukeke ngabethu.

Lokhukwanda kwengxabano yomkhaya kuyingxenye eyodwa nje yesibonakaliso esihlangene esiphawula ‘izinsuku zokugcina.’ Omagazini beNqabayokulinda besikhathi esizayo bayoxoxa ngokuningiliziwe ngezinye izici zamazwi kaPawulu ku-2 Thimothewu 3:1-5. Kodwa kunento eyodwa eqinisekile: Imibiko ngabantwana abahlubuka egunyeni labazali nokuwohloka kothando lwemvelo, njengoba uPawulu abikezela, kusakazeke ngokwanele ukuba kuhlanganise ingxenye yobufakazi obukhanyayo bokuthi siphila “ezinsukwini zokugcina” zalesisimiso sezinto.

Ngempela, siphila ‘ezikhathini ezinzima.’ Nokho, ‘lezizikhathi ezinzima’ akumelwe zonakalise injabulo yomkhaya wakho. UJehova uNkulunkulu uye walungiselela iziqondiso eziwusizo eBhayibhelini, eziyokwenza ukuphila komkhaya okujabulisayo, okuphumelelayo ngisho namanje uma zilandelwa. Ngaphezu kwalokho, uma ulandela lezoziyalo eduze, ungase ubalwe phakathi kwemikhaya ejabulayo eyojabulela ukuphila phakade ohlelweni olusha olulungile oluyokwenziwa uNkulunkulu, oseluseduze kakhulu manje.—2 Petru 3:13; IzAga 3:13-18.

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