Lapho Ithemba Nothando Kushabalala
INTOMBAZANE yaseCanada eneminyaka engu-17 ubudala yabhala ukuthi kungani ifuna ukufa. Phakathi kwezinye izizathu, yathi: ‘Ngizizwa ngingedwa futhi ngesaba ngekusasa lami; ngizizwa ngingelutho kubantu engisebenza nabo; impi yenuzi; ukuphela kongqimba lwe-ozone; angibukeki, ngakho ngeke ngimthole umyeni futhi ngiyogcina ngingedwa; ngicabanga ukuthi leli lizwe alinakho okuthile okuhle, ngakho kungani kumelwe ngilindele into engekho; ukufa kwami kuyosusa umthwalo kwabanye; akekho oyophinde angizwise ubuhlungu.’
Ingabe lokhu kungezinye zezizathu ezenza ukuba intsha izibulale? ECanada, “ngaphandle kwezingozi zezimoto, ukuzibulala kuvamile kakhulu kubantu abasha.”—The Globe and Mail.
Ephepheni lakhe elithi “Ukuphila Okufushane: Ukuthambekela Kwentsha Ezibulalayo,” uProfesa Riaz Hassan, waseFlinders University eNingizimu Australia, uthi: “Kunezizathu eziningana ezingokwenhlalo ezithintene nale ndaba futhi ezibonakala ziyimbangela yokwanda kokuzibulala kwentsha. Lezi zizathu ziwukungaqashwa kwentsha; izinguquko emkhayeni wase-Australia; ukwanda kokusetshenziswa kabi kwezidakamizwa; ubudlova bentsha obukhulayo; impilo engokwengqondo; negebe elikhulayo phakathi ‘kwenkululeko ecatshangelwayo’ kanye nokuzibusa.” Leli phepha liyaqhubeka liphawula ukuthi ukuhlola okuningi kuveza ukuthi abantu abanathemba ngekusasa nokuthi “intsha eningi ibheka ikusasa layo nelezwe ngokwesaba nangexhala. Ibona izwe elichithwe impi yenuzi nelonakaliswe ukungcoliswa nokubhujiswa kwendawo ezungezile, umphakathi onobulwane, onobuchwepheshe obungalawuleki nokuntuleka kwemisebenzi okudlangile.”
Ukuhlola kukaGallup intsha eneminyaka engu-16 kuya kwengu-24 ubudala, kuveza ukuthi igebe elikhulayo phakathi kwabacebile nabampofu, amanani andayo emikhaya enomzali oyedwa, ukwanda kokusetshenziswa kwezibhamu, ukuhlukunyezwa kwezingane “nokungabi nethemba ngekusasa” okwandile kungezinye izimbangela zokuzibulala.
I-Newsweek ibika ukuthi e-United States, “ukuba khona kwezibhamu kungenzeka kuyisici esivelele [ekuzibulaleni kwentsha]. Ukuhlola okwaqhathanisa intsha eyazibulala eyayingaphazamisekile ngengqondo nezingane ezingazange zizibulale kwembula umehluko owodwa vó: ukuba nesibhamu esinezinhlamvu endlini. Yeka ukuthi uyiphutha kanjani umqondo wokuthi izibhamu azibabulali abantu.” Futhi izigidi zamakhaya zinezibhamu ezinezinhlamvu!
Ukwesaba nomphakathi ongakhathaleli ngokushesha kungafaka intsha engozini yokuzibulala. Cabanga ngalokhu: Amacala obudlova enziwa kwabaneminyaka engu-12 kuya kwengu-19 angaphezu kokuphindwe kabili kunamacala enziwa kubantu jikelele. Ukuhlola kubonisa ukuthi “abesifazane abasebasha abaneminyaka engu-14 kuya kwengu-24 basengozini yokuhlaselwa,” kubika umagazini i-Maclean’s. “Ngokuvamile abesifazane bahlaselwa futhi babulawe abantu abathi bayabathanda.” Uba yini umphumela? Lokhu kwesaba nokunye “kuqeda ukuzithemba nomuzwa wokulondeka kula mantombazane.” Kokunye ukuhlola, cishe ingxenye eyodwa kwezintathu yalabo abadlwengulwa okwakhulunywa nabo babeke bacabanga ukuzibulala.
Umbiko waseNew Zealand uveza omunye umbono ngokuzibulala kwentsha, uthi: “Izindinganiso zezwe zokuthanda izinto ezibonakalayo ezilinganisa impumelelo yomuntu ngengcebo, ukubukeka kahle ngokomzimba namandla zenza intsha eningi izizwe ingelutho futhi ilahliwe emphakathini.” Ngaphezu kwalokho, i-Futurist ithi: “[Intsha] inesifiso esinamandla sokuzanelisa okusheshayo, ifuna zonke izinto futhi izifuna ngokushesha. Izinhlelo ezizithanda kakhulu imidlalo ye-TV ewuchungechunge. Ingathanda ukuba izwe ligcwale abantu abanjalo abahle, abagqoka imfashini yamuva, abanemali eningi nesithunzi futhi kungadingeki ukuba isebenze kanzima.” Izifiso ezinjalo ezikhohlisayo, ezingagcwaliseki, zibonakala zibangela ukuphelelwa ithemba futhi zingaholela ekuzibulaleni.
Imfanelo Esindisa Ukuphila?
UShakespeare wabhala: “Uthando lududuza njengokuvela kwelanga ngemva kwemvula.” IBhayibheli lithi: “Uthando alupheli nanini.” (1 Korinte 13:8) Leyo mfanelo iyisihluthulelo senkinga yokuthambekela kwentsha ekuzibulaleni—ukulangazelela kwayo uthando nokukhulumisana. I-American Medical Association Encyclopedia of Medicine iyaphawula: “Ngokuvamile abantu abazibulalayo bazizwa benesizungu esikhulu, futhi ngezinye izikhathi ithuba lokukhuluma nomuntu onozwela, oqondayo lanele ukuvimbela lesi senzo sokuphelelwa yithemba.”
Ngokuvamile intsha inesidingo esikhulu sokuboniswa uthando nomuzwa wokuthi iyadingeka. Ukwanelisa lesi sidingo kuya kuba nzima usuku ngalunye kuleli lizwe elingenaluthando nelibhubhisayo—izwe lapho intsha inokuncane noma ingenalutho lokulusho. Ukulahlwa abazali ngenxa yokuhlukana komkhaya nesehlukaniso kungaba isici esibangela ukuzibulala kwentsha. Futhi lokhu kulahlwa kubonakala ngezindlela eziningi.
Cabangela indaba yabazali okuqabukelayo ukubathola ekhaya benezingane zabo. Kungenzeka ubaba nomama bamatasa kakhulu emisebenzini yabo noma baphishekela ukuzijabulisa okuthile okungazihileli izingane zabo. Lokhu kunikeza izingane zabo umyalezo osobala wokuthi zilahliwe. Intatheli eyaziwayo nomcwaningi uHugh Mackay uphawula ukuthi “abazali baya beba nobugovu. Bazibeka kuqala ukuze balondoloze indlela yabo yokuphila. . . . Uma silimisa ngesihloko, ukuba nabantwana kuphumile emfashinini. . . . Ukuphila kunzima futhi abantu sebezinaka bona kuphela.”
Kanti-ke kweminye imiphakathi amadoda azibheka njengamaqhawe angase angathandi ukubonakala enakekela izingane. Intatheli uKate Legge ikubeka kahle lokhu: “Amadoda athambekele ekwenzeni umsebenzi womphakathi ngokuvamile akhetha umsebenzi wokutakula noma wokucima umlilo kunokunakekela izingane . . . Akhetha ukuba amaqhawe ngemisebenzi yokulwa nezimo ezingaphandle kunokunakekela abanye abantu.” Kuyiqiniso, omunye wemisebenzi ehilela abantu namuhla ukuba umzali. Ukungayikhulisi kahle ingane kufana nokuyilahla. Lokhu kungabangela ukuba indodana noma indodakazi yakho izinyeze futhi ingakwazi ukusebenzelana nabantu. I-Education Digest iyaphawula: “Uma zizinyeza, izingane azinaso isisekelo sokwenza izinqumo eziyoba yinzuzo kuzo.”
Kungase Kuphumele Ekuphelelweni Yithemba
Abacwaningi bakholelwa ukuthi ukuphelelwa yithemba kunengxenye enkulu ekuzibulaleni. UGail Mason, umbhali wezindaba zokuzibulala kwentsha e-Australia, waphawula: “Kucatshangwa ukuthi ukuphelelwa yithemba kuhlobene kakhulu nemicabango yokuzibulala kunokucindezeleka. Ngezinye izikhathi ukuphelelwa yithemba kuchazwa njengophawu lokucindezeleka. . . . Ngokuvamile kubonakala ngokudikibala kwentsha ngekusasa layo, futhi ikakhulukazi ngekusasa layo lezomnotho: futhi ngezinga elincane ngomuzwa wokuphelelwa yithemba mayelana nesimo sembulunga yonke.”
Izibonelo ezimbi zokungathembeki kwabaholi bomphakathi aziyishukumiseli intsha ukuba nayo ithuthukise ezayo izindinganiso zokuziphatha. Ngakho iba nesimo sengqondo sokuthi, “Azilime ziye etsheni.” I-Harper’s Magazine ikhuluma ngekhono lentsha lokubona ubuzenzisi, ithi: “Intsha, njengoba inekhono lokubona ubuzenzisi, empeleni iyizingcweti zokufunda izimo—kodwa hhayi ukufunda izincwadi. Izibona ngokucacile izimpawu zabantu ezivela ezweni okuyodingeka ukuba isebenze kulo ukuze iziphilise.” Futhi lezo zimpawu zivezani? Umlobi uStephanie Dowrick uyaphawula: “Asikaze sinikezwe ukwaziswa okuningi kangaka kokuthi kumelwe siphile kanjani. Asikaze sicebe noma sifundiswe kangcono kangaka, kodwa abantu yonke indawo baphelelwa yithemba.” Futhi zimbalwa kakhulu izibonelo ezinhle zokulingiswa ezikhundleni eziphakeme zezombangazwe nezenkolo. UDowrick ubuza imibuzo embalwa efanele: “Sikuthola kanjani ukuhlakanipha, ukusimama ngisho nenjongo kulokhu kuhlupheka okungenangqondo? Siluhlakulela kanjani uthando ngaphansi kwalesi simo esinobugovu, ulaka nokuhaha?”
Izimpendulo zale mibuzo uzozithola esihlokweni esilandelayo, futhi zingase zikumangaze.
[Amazwi acashunwe esihlokweni ekhasini 6]
“Intsha eningi ibheka ikusasa layo nelezwe ngokwesaba nangexhala”
[Amazwi acashunwe esihlokweni ekhasini 7]
“Ngezinye izikhathi ithuba lokukhuluma nomuntu onozwela, oqondayo lanele ukuvimbela lesi senzo sokuphelelwa yithemba”
[Ibhokisi ekhasini 6]
• Ukungakwazi ukulala kahle, ukuphelelwa isifiso sokudla
• Ukuzihlukanisa, ukwehlelwa izingozi njalo
• Ukubaleka ekhaya
• Ukushintsha okukhulu kokubukeka
• Ukusebenzisa kabi izidakamizwa noma utshwala
• Ukuba nolaka nonya
• Ukukhuluma ngokufa; imiyalezo ebhaliwe yokuzibulala; izithombe ezibonisa ubudlova, ikakhulukazi kumuntu ngokwakhe
• Imizwa yecala
• Ukuphelelwa ithemba, ukukhathazeka, ukucindezeleka, ukukhala ngezikhathi ezithile
• Ukupha komuntu abanye izinto zakhe
• Ukungakwazi ukugxilisa ingqondo isikhathi eside
• Ukuphelelwa isithakazelo emisebenzini ejabulisayo
• Ukuzigxeka
• Ukuziphatha okuxekethile ngokobulili
• Ukungaqhubi kahle esikoleni ngokungazelele, ukulova esikoleni
• Ukuzihlanganisa nehlelo noma iqembu lezigilamkhuba
• Ukujabula ngokweqile ngemva kokucindezeleka
Kusekelwe kuyi-Teens in Crisis (American Association of School Administrators) ne-Depression and Suicide in Children and Adolescents, kaPhilip G. Patros noTonia K. Shamoo
[Izithombe ekhasini 7]
Uthando olufudumele nobubele kungasiza osemusha ukuba azise ukuphila