Ubudlova—Ungazivikela

IHHOVISI lezangaphakathi laseBrithani muva nje lisungule indlela entsha yokuqeqeshela imisebenzi yasejele, ebizwa ngokuthi “ukulawula nokubopha.” Lesimiso sokuqeqesha sihlukaniswe ngezihloko ezintathu:

■ Ukulawula nokubopha umuntu ngomsebenzi owenziwa njengeqembu

■ Amasu okuphunyuka ezisebenzi ezingazodwa

■ Ukusingatha ubudlova obuhleliwe, njengezibhelu

Lezifundo “azihloselwe ukusetshenziswa njengendlela enobudlova yokulwa ungahlomile,” kuchaza umkhulumeli weHhovisi Lezangaphakathi. “Noma iyiphi enye indlela yokulawula nokuxazulula isimo kumelwe izanywe kuqala.” Ngamanye amazwi: Gwema Ukudazisana! Ubaluleke kangakanani umqondo onjalo?

Kuthiwani Ngokuzivikela?

Nakuba ulwazi lokuzivikela ngokuvamile lusekelwa, usizo lwalo ekuzivikeleni ezigebengwini aluvunywa njengokuthile okungase kukhethwe abantu abaningi. Incwadi iViolence—A Guide for the Caring Professions iyachaza:

“Ngokuvamile ukufundiswa kwamakhono ayinkimbinkimbi okuzivikela kuye kwaba nokusekelwa okuncane, hhayi kuphela ngenxa yokuthi injongo esemqoka yokuqeqesha ibhekwa njengevimbelayo kodwa futhi ngenxa yokungasebenzi kwayo okuvamile. . . . Ngaphezu kwalokhu izinqubo ezinjalo zingase zibe nemigoqo ekusebenzeni kwazo ezindaweni ezinjengezindawo ezibiyelwe neziminyene, futhi ngokuvamile kuyofaka lowo oqeqeshwayo ekulimaleni okukhulu phakathi nokuqeqeshwa kunokuba eyohlangabezana nakho ekuphileni kokuba ingcweti yezingozi zokuhlaselwa.”

KuyiSelf Defence in Action, uRobert Clark, umqeqeshi wesizwe weNgqungquthela yaseBrithani yeJiu Jitsu, uyaqhubeka, ethi: “Njengazo zonke izinto ezifundwa okokuqala, [ulwazi lokuzivikela] luyodinga umzamo omkhulu wokuqala ngaphambi kokuba ukwenziwa kwakho kujwayeleke futhi kwenziwe ngokuzenzakalelayo. Lapho uhlaselwa, ngeke ube nesikhathi sokucabanga ngokuthi yimuphi umnyakazo olandela muphi.”

ISuzy Lamplugh Trust, isikhwama somnikelo esasungulwa ukuze kukhunjulwe owesifazane oneminyaka engama-25 ubudala owanyamalala ngokuyisimangaliso phakathi nesikhathi somsebenzi wakhe wokuziphilisa eLondon ngo-1986, ngokufanayo itusa ukuzivikela njengekhambi lokugcina.

Uma ulwazi lokuzivikela lungelona ikhambi lokuchiliza isenzo sobudlova esingalindelekile, khona-ke yini eyikhambi?

Ukubhekana Nabaphangi

Isihluthulelo sokubhekana nabaphangi siwukugwema ukuzenza isisulu. Njengoba usayitsheni wamaphoyisa eLeeds, eNgilandi, aphawula: “Ukuphanga kuwumsebenzi womuntu osizakala ngethuba alitholayo, lokho kumelwe kukhunjulwe.” Ngakho uma izimo zikuphoqelela ukuba ube sendaweni engalondekile, hlala uqaphile. Musa ukunikeza abaphangi ithuba. Yenza ngokuvumelana nesimiso seBhayibheli: “Umuntu onengqondo uyibona kusengaphambili ingozi, ayicashele; kodwa oyisiwula uyaqhubeka, bese ethwala kanzima.”—IzAga 22:3, An American Translation.

Gcina amehlo akho eqalaza ngaphesheya komgwaqo ongaphambili futhi ngezikhathi ezithile ujeqeze ngemuva. Bheka phambili ngaphambi kokuba ungene esakhiweni—lindela ingozi. Zama ukukugwema ukuhamba wedwa ebusuku. Uma usendaweni yomhlangano, linda ukuze uhambisane nomngane uma usugoduka. Lapho ushayela imoto yakho, qiniseka ngokuthi yonke iminyango ikhiyiwe. Uma ingakhiyiwe, isigebengu singangena kalula lapho umiswa uphawu lomgwaqo.

Kodwa kuthiwani uma, naphezu kokuqapha kwakho, uzithola ngokungazelele usunqwamene nomuntu ophethe ummese noma isibhamu? Khumbula: Ukuphila kwakho kuyinto eza kuqala kuwe. Ayikho impahla engadlula ukubaluleka kwakho. Ngakho uma umhlaseli wakho efuna imali, mnike. Abanye abantu abahlala ezindaweni eziyingozi baphatha ‘imali yomphangi’—imadlana esesikhwameni ukuze yanelise umphangi.

Futhi khumbula: Yehlisa umoya. Khuluma ngokuqinile futhi ukhulume ngezwi lakho elivamile. Mjamele emehlweni umuntu, futhi uzame ukungalahlekelani namehlo akhe. Ungaphenduli ukwedelelwa noma izinsongo ngendlela efanayo. Sebenzisa iseluleko seBhayibheli: “Impendulo ethambileyo iyabuyisa ukufutheka.” ‘Yibamnene kubo bonke.’ (IzAga 15:1; 2 Thimothewu 2:24) Lungela ukuxolisa ngisho noma ingase ingabi khona ngempela into yokuyixolisela.

Ukudlwengulwa Nokulondeka Kwekhaya

“Abadlwenguli abaningi bayamangala ngendlela okulula ngayo ukudlwengula owesifazane,” kubhala uRay Wyre kuyiWomen, Men and Rape. “Ukukhubazeka kwakhe okubangwa ukwesaba kubhekwa njengokuntuleka kokwenqaba lokho ngokuvamile okuba isaba somdlwenguli sokuqhubeka nokuhlasela.” Ngakho, ungalokothi uvumelane naye ngokungenzi lutho! Kwenze kucace ukuthi ngeke uvume. Ungasebenzisa noma yini eseduze kwakho ukuze ugweme ubulili. Ngisho noma ungesona isilwi esinamandla, unesikhali esinamandla—iphimbo lakho.

Memeza kakhulu ngangokunokwenzeka. Lokho kuvumelana neseluleko seBhayibheli. (Duteronomi 22:23-27) Omunye osemusha, wahudulelwa endaweni eyipaki engenamuntu, wamemeza kakhulu futhi wenqaba. Lokhu kwamethusa umhlaseli wakhe kangangokuthi wabaleka. Ukumemeza kungase kumethuse umhlaseli wakho futhi kungase ngaleyondlela kukunikeze ithuba lokubaleka, noma kwenze abanye baqaphele ingozi okuyo futhi beze bazokusiza.a

EBrithani, amacala amaningi okudlwengula enzeka ezindlini, ngokuvamile ekhaya lowesifazane ohlaselwayo. Inani elandayo lalokuhlasela lenzeka phakathi nezikhathi zokugqekeza. Khona-ke, kunengqondo, ukuqiniseka ngokuthi ikhaya lakho lilondeke ngangokunokwenzeka. Ngokuphathelene nalokhu, yini ongayenza?

Kumelwe uqikelele ukuthi zonke izindawo okungenwa kuzo zilondekile ngokusebenzisa okokuvala amafasitela nokokuhluthulela iminyango okuqinile. Ukuhluthulela okunjalo kudinga ukusetshenziswa kwesihluthulelo sakho ukuze uphendule insimbi yesihluthulelo lapho uhamba nokuphendulwa kwesihluthulelo lapho ungaphakathi. Ngaphezu kwalokho, kungase kube ukuhlakanipha ukuthola iketanga lasemnyango. Kodwa khumbula, isu lokuhluthulela elinjalo liqine njengensika yomnyango nanjengesihluthulelo okufakwe kuso iketanga.

Esinye isixwayiso esiwukuhlakanipha siwukufuna zonke izinto ezichaza abantu abafikayo ekhaya. Cela ukubona amakhadi abo eID.

Ubudlova abehli. Ngempela, izibalo ezivela emhlabeni wonke zembula ukuthi buyanda. Ukwenza konke esingakwenza manje ukuze sizivikele thina nabathandekayo bethu kuwukuhlakanipha, kodwa akuyixazululi ngokuphelele inkinga. Yini ngempela eyikhambi?

[Umbhalo waphansi]

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Lokho Ongakwenza

■ Hlela uhambo lwakho, ikakhulukazi uma kusebusuku, ukuze ugweme imigwaqo engakhanyi nemigwaqo esehlane. Futhi, khumbula ukuthi ungagijima ngejubane elikhulu uma uhamba ngezicathulo ezingaphakeme kunangamaxhumela.

■ Ungalokothi uvume ukugibela emotweni yomuntu ongamazi. Ungayengelwa ukuba uphume emotweni yakho nganoma iyiphi indlela yokukhohlisa. Noma yikuphi ukulungiswa kwemoto kwenziwa kangcono umuntu omaziyo futhi ekwenzela endaweni elondekile, hhayi ngumuntu ongamazi eceleni komgwaqo.

■ Hamba eduze nonqenqema lomgwaqo, kude nezakhiwo lapho kungase kube khona umhlaseli ocashe ngasemnyango noma ephasishi.

■ Uma ubona isixuku sabantu ababonakala besoleka ngaphambili, wela umgwaqo ukuze ubagweme, noma ushintshe indlela. Uma ulandelwa, ngena phakathi nomgwaqo. Uma ingozi ibonakala iphikelela, gijima futhi umemeze ukuze uthole usizo.

■ Phatha ialamu elibanga umsindo ngesandla, hhayi esikhwameni. Umsindo ungaxosha obezokuhlasela.

■ Gwema ukungena ekheshini uma unomuzwa wokuthi kunengozi kubantu abaphakathi. Lapho usekheshini, yima eduze nezinkinobho ezicindezelwayo. Uma kungena umuntu obonakala esoleka, kungase kube ukuhlakanipha ukuphuma.

■ Faka amakhadi akho okuthenga nezinye izinto ezibalulekile endaweni ehlukile emzimbeni wakho. Ngalendlela, ngisho noma isikhwama sakho semali sihlwithwa, ngeke ulahlekelwe kangako.

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Qaphela “Uku‘steamer’”

EBrithani, “ukusteamery” yigama elisha elichaza isenzo sentsha engena njengeqembu esitolo, ebhasini, noma esitimeleni, yesabisa labo ehlangana nabo. Yethembele emandleni eqembu angasho lutho ukuze isongele futhi yebe, ngezinye izikhathi ngobudlova. Ngakho, ngokuhlakanipha, musa ukugqoka okokuzihlobisa okwenziwe ngamatshe ayigugu noma ezinye izinto eziyigugu lezo ezingabonakala kalula futhi zihlwithwe. Phatha isikhwama semali esinemadlana encane—ugcine amaphepha abalulekile namakhadi okuthenga kwenye indawo—futhi lungela ukubanika yona. Uma ngaphandle kokuhilizisana unikeza “amasteamer” okuthile, angase akushiye futhi adlule ngokushesha.

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Ingabe uyolwa ukuze ungathathelwa imali yakho futhi mhlawumbe ulahlekelwe nawukuphila kwakho?

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Lapho uhlaselwa ngokobulili, into engcono kakhulu ngowesifazane ukuba ayenze UKUMEMEZA

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Izihluthulelo zohlobo oluphambili zibalulekile ekuvikeleni ikhaya lakho

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Bheka okuchaza abantu abafika ekhaya lakho ngaphambi kokuba uvumele othile ukuba angene