Intsha Iyabuza . . .

Ngingabaqinisekisa Kanjani Abazali Bami Ukuthi Ngikulungele Ukushayela?

Uphumelele! Oh, ubungeve unovalo. Futhi isikhulu sikahulumeli esiyisidlakela ebesikuhlola asizange neze simoyizele. Nokho, ukwazile ngandlelathile ukufaka imoto kayihlo ezindaweni ezifanelekile nokupaka njengochwepheshe. Yebo, manje ungumshayeli oneqholo onezincwadi zokushayela!

Nokho, ngandlelathile abazali bakho akubonakali bejabula kanye nawe. Lapho ucela uyihlo ukuba akuvumele usebenzise imoto ngalempelasonto, wamane wambandaza, “Ngizocabanga ngakho.” Futhi lapho umphoqelela ukuba akuphendule, wathi, “Cha!”

“Akulungile lokho!” uyasho. “Nginazo izincwadi!”

UNALEZOZINCWADI zokushayela ezintsha ezifakwe kahle epasini lakho, amaphupho akho okushayela imoto yomkhaya angabonakala esondele ekufezekeni. Kodwa lapho abazali bakho bebonakala benganasithakazelo ngalelothemba, kungaba buhlungu. Njengoba isaga sasendulo sikubeka: “Ithemba elilitshazisiweyo ligulisa inhliziyo; isifiso esigcwalisiweyo singumuthi wokuphila.” (IzAga 13:12) Ungabaqinisekisa kanjani abazali bakho ukuthi usukulungele ukushayela?

Umbono Wabazali Bakho

Ukuthola izincwadi zokushayela kungokuthile kokujatshulelwa. Kodwa ukushayela akulona igunya. Yilungelo, okungamelwe linqunywe nje kuphela iziphathimandla zasendaweni yakini kodwa futhi nangabazali bakho. Futhi abazali bakho kungenzeka ukuthi besaba ukuba ube ngomunye wabafa emgwaqweni. Omunye umama wathi: “Ngesonto elidlule indodana yami yaphumelela ekuhlolweni kwayo kokushayela. Kusukela ngalesosikhathi, ngiyaqwasha. Izolo, ubeqala ngqá ukushayela imoto yami ehamba yedwa. Bekuwuhambo olude kakhulu ekuphileni kwami.”

Izici ezingokwezimali nazo kumelwe zicatshangelwe. Izinkampane zomshuwalense wezimoto ngokuzenzakalelayo zinyusa imali ekhokhwayo lapho oweve eminyakeni eyishumi elinambili enezelwa ohlwini lwabashayeli bomkhaya. Ukuba khona komunye umshayeli kusho ukuphela nokuguga kwezinto okwengeziwe emotweni—nezinto ezengeziwe ezilungiswayo. Futhi nakuba impilo yakho nokuphepha kukhathalelwa kuqala abazali bakho, umqondo wokupotoka kwefender entsha ekhazimulayo yemoto yabo akungabazeki ukuthi kubasanganisa ikhanda.

Ukuzibonakalisa Uthembekile Ezintweni Ezincane

Isimiso esashiwo uJesu Kristu siyafaneleka: “Othembekile kokuncinyane uthembekile nakokukhulu; ongalungile kokuncinyane kalungile nakokukhulu.” (Luka 16:10) IThe Family Handbook of Adolescence itshela abazali: “Isikhombo esingcono kakhulu sokubona ukuthi omusha anganikezwa yini umthwalo wemfanelo wokushayela, wumlando wakhe wokusingatha umthwalo wemfanelo kwezinye izici. Lapho oseve eminyakeni eyishumi elinambili engathenjwa ngokulandela imithetho futhi enokwethenjelwa ezintweni eziningi, ngokunokwenzeka zona lezimfanelo ezifanayo ziyolawula ukuziphatha kwakhe lapho eshayela.” Ngakho ngaphambi kokuba ucele ukuba ‘udinga imoto ngoMgqibelo ebusuku,’ zibuze ukuthi ulakhe ngezinga elingakanani irekhodi lokuba othembekile nonokwethenjelwa phambi kwabazali bakho.

Ngokwesibonelo, ubulokhu uthola amamaki esikole anjani? Kungase kungabonakali kukhona ukuhlangana phakathi kokuphasa izibalo nokuthola izihluthulelo zemoto. Kodwa uma isikole ungasibheki ngokungathi sína, kungani abazali bakho kumelwe bacabange ukuthi uyolandela imithetho yomgwaqo ngokungathi sína? Futhi, cabangela imisebenzi yasekhaya oyabelwe. Uma abazali bakho bengenakuthembela kuwe ukuba ukhiphe izibi ngesikhathi, ingabe bangathembela ukuba ube sekhaya ngesikhathi uma uthathe uhambo lokuzijabulisa ngemoto yabo? Futhi kuthiwani ngekamelo lakho? Uma umama engaboni phansi ngoba izimpahla zakho zisakazeke yonke indawo phansi, angathambekela yini ekubeni akuvumele ushayele imoto yakhe ecoceke kakhulu?

Indlela okhathalela ngayo ukuphepha ezintweni ezincane ingase nayo inqume ukuthi uyanikezwa yini imoto yomkhaya noma cha. Uma ungumuntu obudedengu ebhodini elinamasondo lokudlala, ebhayisekilini, noma enkundleni yomdlalo webhola lomnqakiswano, abazali bakho bayocabangisisa ngaphambi kokukunika lelithuluzi elingabulala. Yebo, kungadingeka wenze ushintsho oluthile oluyisisekelo ngaphambi kokuba abazali bakho bakucabangele ngisho nokukunikeza izihluthulelo zemoto.

Umshayeli Othukuthele

Incwadi ethi Licensed to Kill ithi: “Esihlalweni somshayeli . .  semoto kunemizwelo engalawuleki emibi kunayo yonke yesintu—inzondo, ukungabekezeli, ukungacabangeli nobugovu, uma sibala nje embalwa. . .  Kubonakala sengathi lapho umuntu esesihlalweni somshayeli semoto yakhe, uzizwa njengokungathi ugonyiwe ekulimaleni, futhi kanjalo ukhululekile ukuba adedele intukuthelo yakhe ecindezelwe nokukhungatheka ngaphandle kokuzikhathaza ngempumelelo.”

Nokho, ngokuvame kakhulu abashayeli abanonya bayayithola imiphumela—ngendlela yezingalo nemilenze egogekile, ukonakala kobuso, amathambo aphukile navithizekile, futhi ngezinye izikhathi ukufa. Khona-ke, uyosabela kanjani lapho omunye umshayeli engena budedengu phambi kwakho, akushayele ihutha ngokukufundekela, noma ashayele kancane okonwabu kuyilapho wena ujahile? AmaKristu ayalwa ukuba ‘embathe ubuntu obusha.’ Lokhu kusho ukususa ‘konke okubabayo, nentukuthelo, nolaka, nomsindo, nokuhlambalaza.’—Efesu 4:24, 31.

Kodwa uma uthambekele ekuthukutheleni noma ekubonakaliseni ukungabekezeli, abazali bakho ngokufanele bangase besabe ukuthi ngeke uyilawule imizwa enjalo emgwaqweni.

Ukuthuthukisa Amakhono Akho Okushayela

UDkt. Robert B. McCall ubuza abazali: “Ingabe niyagculiswa yikhono, isimo sengqondo, ukubekezela, ijubane, ukungabangi izingxabano, nokuzifaka engozini [komntwana wenu osevile eminyakeni eyishumi elinambili]?” Abazali abaningi abagculiswa.

Ngakho-ke kumelwe uthuthukise amakhono akho okushayela ngaphezu kokufunda ukupaka phakathi kwezinye izimoto. Uma kukhona, ingabe uye wakuthatha ngokungathi sína noma yikuphi ukuqeqeshelwa ukushayela okunikezwa esikoleni? Kumelwe uyazi imithetho yomgwaqo—ungayibambi nje ngekhanda wenzela ukuphumelela ekuhlolweni. Futhi, khumbula ukuthi njengoba nje amandla okuqonda omuntu eqeqeshwa ‘ngokujwayela ukuwasebenzisa,’ amakhono okushayela atholakala ngokuhlangenwe nakho. (Heberu 5:14) “Prakthiza, prakthiza, prakthiza,” kweluleka umshayeli onguchwepheshe uLyn St. James kumagazini iSeventeen. “Zinikeze isikhathi esiningi sokuba uzizwe ungatatazeli esihlalweni somshayeli.”

Abanye beluleka ngokuthi oweve eminyakeni eyishumi elinambili kumelwe azuze okuhlangenwe nakho kokushayela okufinyelela ezinyangeni eziyisithupha ngaphambi kokuba athole izincwadi zokushayela ezingenamingcele. Ngaphezu kwakho konke, kunohide olude lwamakhono okumelwe uchwepheshe kuwo: ukujika, ukuhambisa imoto iqonde, izenzo zokubalekela ingozi, kanye nokusingatha imigwaqo eshelelayo, eyehlelayo, nokuminyana kwezimoto. Lapho uba nekhono ngokwengeziwe njengomshayeli, kuyilapho abazali bakho beyokwethemba ngokwengeziwe.

Abazali bakho futhi bayohlatshwa umxhwele uma uzibonakalisa ukhathalela ukuphepha. Nakuba ungase ubheke amabhande ezihlalo njengokuthile okucasulayo, abanye bathi anciphisa amathuba okufa engozini ngamaphesenti angama-50! Kuwukuhlakanipha futhi ukuba nesimiso sokuhlola izinto ezithile zokuphepha (izibuko, umoya emathayini, ukusebenza kweminyango, ukuvuza kwamafutha, njalonjalo) ngaphambi kokudumisa imoto.

“Ngingayisebenzisa Yini Imoto Ntambama, Baba?”

Uma uye wazibonakalisa ushayela ngokuphephile, abazali bakho bangase (mhlawumbe ngokuba madolonzima) bakuvumele ukuba ushayele imoto. Nokho, ukuvunyelwa okunjalo ngokunokwenzeka kuba nemingcele—okungenani okokuqala. Phakathi kokunye, abazali bakho nabo bayayidinga into yokuhamba, futhi awunakubalindela ngaso sonke isikhathi ukuba bachithe izinto abahlele ukuzenza ukuze banelise wena.

Okuningi kuyoxhomeka futhi endleleni osingatha ngayo inkululeko yakho osanda kuyithola. Ukubuyisa imoto yomkhaya ingenaphethiloli noma igcwele amathini kanamunedi namaphepha okuphatha phansi kuyindlela eqinisekile yokwephucwa amalungelo akho okushayela. Abazali bakho bangase bafune ukuningiliza (babhale phansi uma kudingekile) izimo zokusebenzisa imoto. Engxenyeni yakho, mhlawumbe ungavuma ukuyiwasha nokuyipholisha, ukuyigcwalisa ngophethiloli, nokuhlola amathayi namafutha ukuze uyisebenzise ngosuku oluthile kusihlwa. Uma unomsebenzi wangemva kwesikole, ungase usikisele ukusiza ngokukhokhela umshuwalense wemoto noma ezinye izindleko zemoto.

Njengoba bazi ukuthi iBhayibheli liyakulahla ‘ukuyekwa’ kwendodana noma indodakazi, abazali bakho bangase ngokufanelekile bafune ukwazi ukuthi uyaphi ngempela, uhamba nobani, nokuthi uyobuya nini. (IzAga 29:15) Ngaphezu kwakho konke, incwadi yokushayela ayiyona incwadi ekugunyaza ukuba ujabule ngokweqile noma uziphathe kabi nabobulili obuhlukile. Ngakho thembeka kubazali bakho, benze bazi ukuthi awufihli lutho. Futhi lapho nivumelana ukuthi uzobuya ngehora elithile, qikelela ukuthi uyawagcina amazwi akho. (Mathewu 5:37) Lokhu kuyokusiza nasesikhathini esizayo uma ufuna ukutsheleka imoto futhi.

Nokho, khumbula: Unomthwalo wemfanelo phambi kwabazali bakho nakuNkulunkulu wokulalela imithetho yomgwaqo. (Roma 13:1-5) Okubaluleke nangaphezulu, unomthwalo wemfanelo wokubonisa inhlonipho ngokuphila—ukuphila kwakho nokwabanye. (IHubo 36:9; 55:23) Ngakho cindezela isifiso sokubukisa noma sokuzifaka engozini ngokungenangqondo. Ungalokothi uxube ukuphuza nokushayela.a Shayela ngendlela enesizotha, ngokuhlakanipha, nangokuphephile—futhi abazali bakho bangakujabulela ukukunikeza ngokunengqondo imoto yomkhaya ukuba uyishayele!

[Umbhalo waphansi]

[Izithombe ekhasini 23]

Ngazo zonke izikhathi phindisela imoto yabazali bakho isesimweni esihle