Amazwi Angavamile Ukududuza

UMA wake waluzwa usizi olujulile, ingabe ngezinye izikhathi ake akulimaza amazwi ashiwo abanye? Nakuba abantu abaningi bebonakala bazi ukuthi yini okumelwe bayisho ukuze baduduze, abantu abaningi abashonelwe bangawakhumbula amazwi angazange asize. UUrsula MommsenHenneberger, eloba kwethi Kieler Nachrichten yaseJalimane, wathi abanye abazali “balimala kakhulu lapho abantu bangaphandle bethi: ‘Kodwa usenabo abanye abantwana, akunjalo?’” Uyaphendula: “Abanye bangase babe yinduduzo kodwa abasivali isikhala somunye.”

Umeluleki wezokushonelwa. uKathleen Capitulo watshela iPhaphama!: “Nanka amanye amazwi okumelwe agwenywe,:‘ Ngiyazi ukuthi uzizwa kanjani.’ Iqiniso lendaba liwukuthi akekho owazi ngempela . . . ukuthi omunye umuntu uzizwa kanjani. Nokho ungenza abakuzwayo kube . . . okuvamile. Ungabaqinisekisa ngokuthi imizwa yabo ingokwemvelo.”

UAbe Malawski, njengoba abikwa encwadini ethi Recovering From the Loss of a Child, “unomuzwa onamandla wokuthi kudinga umuntu owake washonelwa umntwana ukwazi ukuthi yini ukushonelwa umntwana.” Wathi: “Ungaba nabantwana abayishumi nanhlanu, futhi ngeke kwenze mehluko. Awunakusivala isikhala somntwana.” Endabeni yokuphuphunyelwa isisu noma yomntwana ozalwe esefile, nanka amanye amazwi, nakuba eqotho, angakhi: “Ngokushesha uzophinde ukhulelwe futhi ukhohlwe yikho konke lokhu.” “Kungcono ngalendlela. Kakade umntwana ubezokhubazeka.” “Yisibusiso esinganakekile.” Esikhathini esibucayi sokushonelwa, lamazwi, kungakhathaliseki ukuthi abehloselwe okuhle kangakanani, awanakulususa usizi.

Amazwi abuhlungu angokwenkolo ashiwo abanye abefundisi angokunye okucasulayo kwabashonelwe. Amazwi athi ‘uNkulunkulu ubefuna enye ingelosi’ aveza uNkulunkulu njengononya nonobugovu futhi kufana nokuhlambalaza. Ngaphezu kwalokho, akunangqondo futhi akusekelwe eBhayibhelini.

Ingabe umKristu Kumelwe Akhale?

Kuthiwani ngamaKristu alahlekelwa umntwana ngokufa? Ngezinye izikhathi abanye bacaphuna amazwi kaPawulu kwabaseThesalonika: “Ningadabuki njengabanye abangenalo ithemba.” (1 Thesalonika 4:13) Ingabe uPawulu wayenqabela ukudabuka nokukhala? Cha, wayemane esho ukuthi umKristu onethemba akadabuki ngendlela efanayo nalabo abangenalo ithemba.—Johane 5:28, 29.

Ukuze sibonise leliphuzu, uJesu wasabela kanjani lapho uMariya emtshela ukuthi uLazaru wayefile? Indaba iyasitshela: “Ngakho uJesu embona [uMariya] ekhala, nabaJuda abafika naye bekhala, wabubula emoyeni, wakhathazeka.” Khona-ke, ngenkathi eyiswa lapho indoda efileyo yayilele khona, “uJesu wakhala izinyembezi.” Ngakho ingabe akulungile ukudabuka? Ingabe kubonisa ukuntula ukholo esithembisweni sikaNkulunkulu sovuko? Cha, kunalokho kubonisa uthando olujulile ngomuntu ofileyo.—Johane 11:30-35; qhathanisa noJohane 20:11-18.

Amanye amazwi angaphazamisa kakhulu yilawo adumazayo aqinisekisa oshonelwe, Isikhathi singumthobi omkhulu.’ Futhi, gwema umbuzo othi, ‘Usungcono manje?’ Njengoba omunye umama waseBrithani asho: “Labo ababuza ukuthi, ‘Usungcono manje?’ abaqondi ngempela ukuthi yini ukulahlekelwa othile osondelene naye njengomntwana. Ngeke sibe ngcono kuze kube yilapho simthola ovukweni.” Mhlawumbe amazwi kaShakespeare ayafaneleka: “Wonke umuntu angaluchitha usizi ngaphandle kwalowo onalo.”

Mhlawumbe ubaba uba yisisulu semizwelo engacatshangelwa. Omunye ubaba owayeshonelwe wacasuka lapho abantu bembuza: “Unjani umkakho?” Wathi: “Abakaze babuze ukuthi injani indoda. . . . Akulungile, kuyakhetha. Indoda kuyithinta njengoba kuthinta umfazi. Nayo iyadabuka.”

‘Qina’?

Ezindaweni eziningi kufundiswa umqondo wokuthi ikakhulukazi amadoda akumelwe abonise imizwelo yawo nokudabuka kodwa kumelwe ‘aqine.’ Umlobi oyiNgisi wekhulu le-18 leminyaka uOliver Goldsmith wakhuluma ‘ngokuba yindoda osizini.’ Kodwa ingabe lokho kuba yindoda kuyindlela engcono kakhulu yokukhululeka komuntu osizini?

Encwadini yakhe ethi The Bereaved Parent, uHarriet Sarnoff Schiff ucaphuna indaba yomyeni wakhe: “Nansoke indoda, ubaba, eyabuka umntanayo engcwatshwa futhi ngokwesivumelwano wayecelwe umphakathi ukuba ‘aqine.’” Uyanezela: “Walahlekelwa kakhulu ngalokho kuqina. Njengoba isikhathi sasiqhubeka, esikhundleni sokuba aphume esimweni sakhe sokuba lusizi, wangena shi ekudabukeni.”

Indoda yachaza imizwa yayo, futhi abanye bangase bazifanelanise nayo. “Ngazizwa sengathi ngihamba eqhweni lasenhla nenyakatho. Ngikhathele kakhulu. Ngiyazi ukuthi uma ngithi ngiyacambalala ngizozumeka. Ngiyazi ukuthi uma ngizumeka ngizoqhuqha ngife. Anginandaba. Angisenakulwa nokukhathala kwami.”

Ngakho, sithini iseluleko sikaHarriet Schiff? “Ukukhohlwa yileso sisho esidala esihle sobudoda futhi ukhale. Mazehle izinyembezi. . . . Ziyasiza ekususeni ukudabuka.” Abalobi bethi Surviving Pregnancy Loss banikeza iseluleko esisebenza kokubili kwabesilisa nakwabesifazane: “Ukungabunaki ubuhlungu kungase kutuswe kakhulu abathile, kodwa kuwukwenza ngokuvumelana nosizi kuphela ekugcineni okungenza umuntu akhululeke kulo.” (Omaluleke sizenzele.) Ngaphandle kwalokho, kunengozi yokubuyela kulokho okubizwa ngokuthi “ukukhala okunganele,” okungase kube lemiphumela ewusizi eminyakeni eminingi ezayo.

Ukukhala okunganele kuwukukhala okungaphelele, uma umuntu ezibamba engakhali esikhundleni sokukuvumela ngenjongo yokwamukela ukwahlukana. Okungenani kungazibonakalisa ngezindlela ezintathu—njengokukhula okucindezelwe, okuthatha kade, nokwesikhathi eside. Yini engenziwa ukuze kusizwe?

Kungase kudingeke iseluleko sochwepheshe. Udokotela osekelayo womkhaya noma umeluleki ongokomoya angaba yimpendulo. Amalungu omkhaya aqondayo nawo angaba usizo. Umuntu udinga usizo ukuze aqhubeke luze ludambe usizi.

Ngakho, uJess Romero uyavuma ukuthi wakhala obala ekulahlekelweni yindodana yakhe nomkakhe ekuphahlazekeni kwendiza. Watshela iPhaphama!: “Ngemva kwamasonto athile udadewethu wangikhipha esibhedlela wangiyisa ekhaya lakhe, futhi njengoba ngangingena ngabona isithombe sendodakazi yami odongeni. Umyeni wakhe wabona ukuthi sangithinta futhi wathi, ‘Qhubeka ukhale.’ Ngakho ngakhala. Ngakwazi ukuzethula olunye usizi olwalunqwabelene kimi.”

Nakuba ukukhala kungase kubathobe abanye abadabukile, kunekhambi elilodwa kuphela elihlala njalo ngabantu abaningi abashonelwe—ukuphinde babone othandekayo wabo. Ngakho ingabe likhona ithemba ngabafileyo? Ingabe luyoba khona uvuko? Siza ufunde isihloko sokugcina kuloluchungechunge.