Kungani Amadoda Eshaya Abesifazane?

ABANYE ochwepheshe bathi abesifazane basengozini enkulu yokubulawa abayeni babo kunayinoma yibaphi abanye abahlaseli behlangene. Kuye kwenziwa ucwaningo oluhlukahlukene ngomzamo wokunqanda igagasi lokuxhashazwa kwabangane bomshado. Yindoda enjani eshaya umkayo? Yakhula kanjani? Ingabe yayinobudlova lapho besathandana? Umuntu oshaya umkakhe usabela kanjani lapho elashwa?

Into ochwepheshe abayifundile ukuthi abantu abashaya omkabo bayahlukahluka. Kolunye uhlangothi kunendoda okuqabukelayo ibe nobudlova. Ayisebenzisi sikhali futhi ayinawo umlando wokuxhaphaza umkayo. Kuyona, ubudlova buyinto engavamile futhi bubonakala bubangelwa yizici zangaphandle. Ngakolunye uhlangothi, kunendoda esinomkhuba ovamile wokushaya umkayo. Imhlukumeza ngokuqhubekayo, futhi abukho nobufakazi bokuzisola.

Kodwa-ke, ukuthi kunezinhlobo ezihlukahlukene zabantu abashaya omkabo akusho ukuthi ezinye izinhlobo zalesi senzo azilutho. Empeleni, noma yiluphi uhlobo lokuhlukumeza ngokomzimba lungabangela ukulimala—ngisho nokufa. Ngakho, ukuthi ubudlova benye indoda abuyona into evamile noma abububi kakhulu kunobenye indoda akubenzi buthetheleleke. Ayikho neze into okuthiwa ukuhlukumeza “okwamukelekayo.” Pho, yiziphi izici ezingase zibangele ukuba indoda imhlukumeze ngokomzimba owesifazane eyafunga ukuthi izomazisa konke ukuphila kwayo?

Ithonya Lomkhaya

Akumangalisi ukuthi iningi lamadoda ahlukumeza ngokomzimba lakhulela emikhayeni eyayihlukumeza ngokwayo. UMichael Groetsch, osechithe iminyaka engaphezu kwamashumi amabili ecwaninga ngokuxhashazwa kwabangane bomshado, uyabhala: “Abahlukumezi abaningi bakhulela ‘ezinkundleni zempi’ zasekhaya. Lapho beseyizinsana futhi beyizingane, bakhulela endaweni enobutha lapho kwakuyinto ‘evamile’ khona ukuhlukumeza ngokomzwelo nangokomzimba.” Ngokukachwepheshe othile, indoda ekhulele esimweni esinjalo “ingafunda inzondo kayise ngabesifazane isencane kakhulu. Umfana ufunda ukuthi indoda kufanele ibuse abesifazane ngaso sonke isikhathi nokuthi lokho ingakwenza ngokubethusa, ibalimaze futhi ibalulaze. Ngesikhathi esifanayo, ifunda ukuthi indlela eqinisekile yokuvunyelwa uyise iwukuziphatha njengaye.”

IBhayibheli likwenza kucace ukuthi ukuziphatha komzali kungaba nethonya elikhulu enganeni, ithonya lokuhle noma lokubi. (IzAga 22:6; Kolose 3:21) Yiqiniso, isimo somkhaya asiyivuni indoda ehlukumezayo, kodwa singaveza ukuthi imbewu yobudlova yatshalwa kuphi.

Ithonya Lesiko

Kwamanye amazwe, ukushaya owesifazane kubhekwa njengento eyamukelwayo, evamile. Umbiko weZizwe Ezihlangene uthi: “Ilungelo lendoda lokushaya noma lokuhlukumeza umkayo ngokomzimba liyinkolelo egxilile emiphakathini eminingi.”

Ngisho nasemazweni lapho kungamukeleki khona ukuhlukumeza okunjalo, abantu abaningi banokuziphatha okunobudlova. Indlela engenangqondo yokucabanga kwamanye amadoda kule ndaba iyashaqisa. Ngokwe-Weekly Mail and Guardian yaseNingizimu Afrika, ucwaningo olwenziwa eKapa lwathola ukuthi amadoda amaningi áthi awabaxhaphazi omkawo ayenomuzwa wokuthi ukushaya owesifazane kwakwamukeleka nokuthi ukuziphatha okunjalo akubona ubudlova.

Ngokusobala, umbono onjalo osontekile uqala ebuntwaneni. Ngokwesibonelo, ucwaningo oluthile lwabonisa ukuthi eBrithani abafana abangamaphesenti angu-75 abaneminyaka engu-11 nengu-12 ubudala, banomuzwa wokuthi kwamukelekile ukuba indoda ishaye umkayo uma icasukile.

Ukuhlukumeza Akunazaba

Izici ezingenhla zingase ziveze imbangela yokuxhashazwa kwabangane bomshado, kodwa azikuvuni. Kalula nje, ukushaya umngane wakho womshado kuyisono esikhulu kuNkulunkulu. EZwini lakhe, iBhayibheli, siyafunda: “Amadoda kufanele abe athanda omkawo njengemizimba yawo siqu. Lowo othanda umkakhe uzithanda yena, ngoba akekho umuntu owake wazonda inyama yakhe siqu; kodwa uyayondla futhi ayinakekele ngesisa, njengoba noKristu enza kulo ibandla.”—Efesu 5:28, 29.

Endulo iBhayibheli labikezela ukuthi “ezinsukwini zokugcina” zalesi simiso sezinto abaningi babeyoba “abaxhaphazayo,” “abangenalo uthando lwemvelo,” “nabanolaka.” (2 Thimothewu 3:1-3; The New English Bible) Ukwanda kokuhlukunyezwa kwabangane bomshado kumane kungesinye isibonakaliso sokuthi siphila kuyo kanye inkathi echazwa yilesi siprofetho. Kodwa yini engenziwa ukuze kusekelwe izisulu zokuxhashazwa ngokomzimba? Ingabe likhona ithemba lokuthi abahlukumezi bangakushintsha ukuziphatha kwabo?

[Amazwi acashunwe esihlokweni ekhasini 5]

“Umuntu oshaya umkakhe unjengesigebengu esishaya umuntu ngesibhakela.”—When Men Batter Women

[Ibhokisi ekhasini 6]

Ukuziqhayisa Ngobudoda Inkinga Yembulunga Yonke

Igama lesiNgisi elithi “machismo [ukuziqhayisa ngobudoda]” lathathwa eLatin America. Libhekisela ekuziqhayiseni ngobudoda okweqisayo futhi liveza isimo sengqondo sokuthanda ukuxhaphaza abesifazane. Kodwa ukuziqhayisa ngobudoda akutholakali eLatin America kuphela, njengoba imibiko elandelayo ibonisa.

EGibithe: Ucwaningo lwezinyanga ezintathu e-Alexandria lwabonisa ukuthi ubudlova basekhaya buyimbangela eyinhloko yokulimala kwabesifazane. Buyisizathu esenza ukuba amaphesenti angu-27,9 abo bonke abesifazane bagcine besezikhungweni zosizo oluphuthumayo.—Résumé 5 of the Fourth World Conference on Women.

EThailand: Edolobhaneni elikhulu elisemaphethelweni eBangkok, amaphesenti angu-50 abesifazane abashadile ashaywa njalo.—Pacific Institute for Women’s Health.

EHong Kong: “Inani labesifazane abathi baye bashaywa abayeni babo liye lenyuka ngamaphesenti angaphezu kuka-40 phakathi nonyaka odlule.”—South China Morning Post, July 21, 2000.

EJapane: Inani labesifazane abafuna indawo yokukhosela lenyuka lisuka kwabangu-4 843 ngo-1995 laya kwabangu-6 340 ngo-1998. “Abangaba ingxenye yesithathu bathi babefuna indawo yokukhosela ngenxa yobudlova babayeni babo.”—The Japan Times, September 10, 2000.

EBrithani: “Njalo ngemizuzu eyisithupha kukhona odlwengulwayo, oshaywayo noma ogwazwayo ekhaya ndawana-thile eBrithani. Ngokombiko weScotland Yard, “amaphoyisa athola izingcingo ezingu-1 300 zezisulu zobudlova basekhaya nsuku zonke—zingaphezu kuka-570 000 ngonyaka. Bangamaphesenti angu-81 abesifazane abahlaselwa ngabesilisa.”—The Times, October 25, 2000.

EPeru: Amaphesenti angu-70 azo zonke izenzo zobugebengu ezibikwa emaphoyiseni ahilela abesifazane abashaywa abayeni babo.—Pacific Institute for Women’s Health.

ERussia: “Ngonyaka owodwa, abesifazane baseRussia abangu-14 500 babulawa abayeni babo, kanti abanye abangu-56 400 bakhubazeka noma balimala kabi behlaselwa ekhaya.”—The Guardian.

EChina: “Yinkinga entsha. Ikhula ngokushesha, ikakhulukazi ezindaweni zasemadolobheni,” kusho uProfesa Chen Yiyun, umqondisi weJinglun Family Center. “Ukuthi omakhelwane babhekile akusabuvimbeli ubudlova basekhaya.”—The Guardian.

ENicaragua: “Ukuphathwa kwabesifazane ngobudlova eNicaragua kuyanda. Ucwaningo oluthile lwabonisa ukuthi nyakenye kuphela, abesifazane baseNicaragua abangamaphesenti angu-52 babhekana nobudlova obuthile obenziwa abayeni babo.”—BBC News.

[Ibhokisi ekhasini 7]

Izimpawu Zengozi

Ngokocwaningo olwaluqondiswa nguRichard J. Gelles e-University of Rhode Island, e-U.S.A., izici ezilandelayo ziyizimpawu zengozi yokuxhashazwa ngokomzimba nangokomzwelo ekhaya:

1. Indoda yake yathinteka ebudloveni basekhaya.

2. Ayisebenzi.

3. Isebenzisa izidakamizwa ezingemthetho okungenani kanye ngonyaka.

4. Lapho isahlala kubo, yayibona uyise eshaya unina.

5. Umbhangqwana awushadile; ukipitile.

6. Uma indoda isebenza, ihola imali encane.

7. Ayizange iphothule esikoleni esiphakeme.

8. Ineminyaka ephakathi kwengu-18 nengu-30 ubudala.

9. Omunye wabo noma bobabili baphatha izingane ngobudlova ekhaya.

10. Iholo lingaphansi kwemali edingekayo ukuze banqande ubumpofu.

11. Indoda nowesifazane banezizinda ezingokwesiko ezingafani.

[Isithombe ekhasini 7]

Ubudlova basekhaya bungazilimaza ngempela izingane