Ukufuna Kwami Ngokuphumelelayo Injongo Yokuphila
KWAKUWUNYAKA ka-1951. Izixuku zabantu zazishaye uhide ukuze zibone osaziwayo abaningi bemidlalo yasesiteji neyamabhayisikobho njengoba kwakulandelana izimoto zekhethelo zibheke eFine Arts Theatre eBeverly Hills, eCalifornia. Kwakudlala okokuqala ngqá umdlalo othi A Place in the Sun, osekelwe kunoveli edumile kamzala wami uTheodore Dreiser ethi An American Tragedy. Kwakuwumdlalo we-Paramount Pictures owawungenele umncintiswano wonyaka we-Academy Award futhi wawuqondiswa uGeorge Stevens, omunye wabaqondisi babo abanekhono. Wawunosaziwayo abavelele abathathu bangalesosikhathi, u-Elizabeth Taylor, uMontgomery Clift, noShelley Winters. Kungani ngangilapho kwenye yalezozimoto zekhethelo, ngiguduza ezixukwini zabantu abaklabalasayo? Futhi kungani ngangizizwa ngingafanelekile kangaka kuleyondawo? Ake sibuyele ekuqaleni ukuze sibone ukuthi konke lokhu kwenzeka kanjani.
Ngazalwa phakathi nenye yezinkathi eziphawuleka kakhulu emlandweni—ngo-October 1914. Ngomhla ka-20 kuleyonyanga cishe seligamenxe ihora lesine ntambama, ngazalelwa ekhaya eSeattle, eWashington, ngosizo lukadokotela.
Ngalezozinsuku umkhaya wakithi wawuhlala e-Alki Beach esigcemeni esibizwa ngokuthi iBonair. Ngokushesha umkhaya wakithi wakhula waba abantu abahlanu, okungukuthi, abazali bami, umfowethu omdala nomncane, kanye nami. Sasihlala endlini enhle enkulu, ebhekene nebhishi, eyayinendawo enhle lapho umuntu ayengabona khona imikhumbi nezikebhe zihamba emanzini ePuget Sound phakathi nengxenye engezansi yaseSeattle namanye amadolobha akulowomzila.
Ngemva kokuwa kwezomnotho ngo-1929, isimo sezomnotho saba sibi kangangokuba sathengisa ikhaya lethu e-Alki Beach ukuze sithole isitolo sokudla esasisesigcemeni saseSeattle iHighland Park, esathola ngaso inzuzo encane phakathi neminyaka yoKuwohloka Kwezomnotho.
Umama washona ngo-1938, eshiya ubaba yedwa ukuba anakekele isitolo. Ngamjoyina ebhizinisini, futhi saliphendula imakethe yokudla yesimanje. Ngokushesha saba nebhizinisi elichumayo.
Khona-ke kwahlaselwa iPearl Harbor ngo-December 7, 1941, futhi ngokushesha ngemva kwalokho ngazithola ngibhekene nokubuthelwa empini kanye neMpi Yezwe II. Kwadingeka silithengise ibhizinisi, elalingenisela ubaba imadlana yokuziphilisa, futhi ngangena ngokuzithandela ebuthweni lempi ezinsukwini ezimbalwa nje ngaphambi kokuba ngibuthelwe kulo. Ngamafuphi, ukungena ebuthweni lempi kwaphazamisa unembeza wami, futhi ngikhumbula indlela engangithandaza ngayo kuNkulunkulu ukuba ngingabulali muntu. Ngemva kokuqeqeshwa okuyisisekelo, ngabelwa e-Transportation Corps. Ekugcineni ngaqokelwa ukuba usigaxamabhande.
Ukusebenzelana Kwami NoTheodore Dreiser
Manje kwase kungu-1945, futhi ngabelwa e-Port of Embarkation yaseLos Angeles, lapho ngakhonza khona njengonogada wezimpahla emikhunjini eyayiqashwe ibutho lempi ukuthutha izimpahla namabutho ambalwa uwayise ezindaweni ezithile ePacific. Phakathi nezabelo ngezinye izikhathi ngangivakashela umzala wami uTheodore Dreiser nomkakhe, uHelen. Babenendlu enkulu eNtshonalanga Hollywood futhi babengamukela kahle kakhulu ngezikhathi ezinjalo. UDreiser wayekhaliphile futhi wayethanda ukungibuza ukuthi ngicabangani ngezindawo engangizivakashela.
Yiqiniso, uDreiser wayazi futhi ukuthi ngingumzala weLungu Lesigele uMartin Dies waseTexas, usihlalo we-Dies Committee, eyandulela i-Un-American Activities Committee. Iningi lababhali nabanye ochwepheshe bemidlalo yamabhayisikobho babehlinzelwa ezibini ngenxa yokuhlobana namaKhomanisi, futhi noDreiser akazange asinde, njengoba kwakwaziwa ukuthi wayethanda abaseRussia. Ngakho ngesinye isikhathi ngisaqala ukumvakashela, wangibuza: “Ingabe uhambisana nalowamzala wakho, uMartin Dies?” Ngamqinisekisa ukuthi ngangingasebenzelani nakancane noMartin noma nanoma iyiphi inhloso yakhe yezombangazwe, okwenza ubuhlobo bami noDreiser baba nokuthula.
Ngemva kokuba iJapane icele umaluju, ngo-September 2, 1945, nganquma ukuhlala isikhashana ebuthweni lempi, ngoba ngase ngiqala ukubona izingxenye zomhlaba eziningi ezithakazelisayo. Ngokushesha ngakhushulelwa esikhundleni sokuba usigaxamabhande ophakeme futhi ngamiswa njengesikhulu sezimpahla komunye wemikhumbi emikhulu yamabutho. Lapho ngiseJapane, ngathatha iholide ngasuka eYokohama ngaya eHiroshima, idolobha elalicekelwe phansi ibhomu le-athomu.
Ekuseni ngosuku engafika ngalo eHiroshima, ngabona abantu ababesalele epaki ngenxa yokuntula izindlu. Ngokungangabazeki, ngaphatheka kabuhlungu ngesikhathi ngihambahamba lapho, njengoba kwakusobala ukuthi cishe wonke umuntu engangihlangana naye wayelahlekelwe izihlobo nabangane kulowokhukhulela-ngoqo. Usizi engalubona ebusweni babo, kanye nendlela ababesizonda ngayo noma engangicabanga ukuthi basizonda ngayo thina esigqoke inyufomu, kwakuyinto edabukisa inhliziyo.
Ngiqala Ukufuna Injongo
Ngenxa yeHiroshima nokudlanga kwezifo nobumpofu engabubona, ngaqala ukucabanga ngenjongo yokuphila. Ukuba semikhunjini olwandle kwanginikeza isikhathi esiningi sokucabanga ngezinto ezinjalo. Ngezinye izikhathi, ngangixoxa nomfundisi owayesemkhunjini ukuze ngibone ukuthi wayengayiphendula yini eminye yemibuzo yami ephathelene nokungabi nabulungisa ekuphileni. Akukho noyedwa kulabobefundisi owayenezimpendulo ezanelisayo.
UTheodore Dreiser washona ngo-December 1945, ngemva kokuchitha isikhathi eside efuna injongo yokuphila. Endabeni yakhe enesihloko esithi “UMdali Wami,” wagcina evumile ukuthi ngalesosikhathi wayesekude nokuthola ikhambi njengoba kwakunjalo ekuqaleni. Umkakhe ongumfelokazi, uHelen Dreiser, naye ongumzala wami, wayebhala umlando wakhe siqu, owawuzoba nesihloko esithi My Life With Dreiser. Wayenginxusa ukuba ngize eHollywood ngizomsiza ekulungiseni incwadi yakhe elotshwe ngesandla nokusingatha ezinye izindaba zebhizinisi nezinkampani ezihlukahlukene ngokuqondene nokunyatheliswa kwezincwadi zikaTheodore, ezazikhiqizwa emazweni amaningi. Ngakho ngo-December 1947, ngashiya ebuthweni lempi futhi ngaqala ukuhlala kwaDreiser eNtshonalanga Hollywood.
Kodwa angizange ngiyeke ukufuna injongo yokuphila. UHelen Dreiser naye wayefuna ukuqonda izinto ezingokomoya ekuphileni, ngakho-ke saqala ukuvakashela amaqembu ahlukahlukene, sifuna okuthile okunengqondo. Akukho nelilodwa kulamaqembu elalinezimpendulo ezanelisayo.
Kamuva, lapho siseGresham, e-Oregon, sivakashele unina kaHelen, ngethulwa komunye woFakazi BakaJehova owayedlala u-ogani lukagesi kwamanye amahhotela amakhulu asePortland. Saxoxa ngenkolo, futhi zabonakala zinengqondo izinto eziningi ayezisho. Lapho esikisela ukuthi omunye wezikhonzi abakanye nazo asivakashele lapho siphindela eLos Angeles, ngavumela phezulu.
Lapho siphindela eLos Angeles, savakashelwa ngokushesha omunye woFakazi BakaJehova. Wahlela ukuba sibe nesifundo seBhayibheli samasonto onke nomunye uFakazi nomkakhe, bobabili ababengamaphayona (izikhonzi zesikhathi esigcwele). Lesisifundo asiqhubekanga kahle ekuqaleni ngenxa yemibono engase nginayo, kodwa yaqedwa ngokushesha ukubonisana okunengqondo ngeBhayibheli.
Manje kwase kusekuqaleni kuka-1950, futhi kwase kunesithakazelo esikhulu ezincwadini zikaDreiser ngalesosikhathi. I-Paramount Pictures yayilungiselela ukukhiqiza izithombe zebhayisikobho ezisekelwe kumanoveli amabili kaDreiser athandwa kakhulu: Ethi An American Tragedy, eyayizobizwa ngokuthi A Place in the Sun, yayizokhululwa ngo-1951, nethi Sister Carrie, eyayizokhululwa kamuva njengebhayisikobho enesihloko esithi Carrie. Lezizithombe zebhayisikobho zazingene ku-Paramount Academy Award iminyaka emibili ilandelana. Ngakho kwakuwunyaka obalulekile kuHelen, futhi njengoba ayeseqedile ukubhala incwadi yakhe enesihloko esithi My Life With Dreiser, waya eNew York City, lapho ayezohlangana khona nabaphathi be-World Publishing Company, eyayizonyathelisa incwadi yakhe.
Ngangiqiniseka Ukuthi Ngangiyitholile Injongo Yokuphila
Lapho uHelen esahambile, ngaqhubeka nesifundo sami seBhayibheli, ngokuhamba kwesikhathi ngafunda ukuthi kunjani ukuhamba indlu ngendlu ukhuluma ngeBhayibheli. Ngesikhathi uHelen Dreiser ebuya eNew York, ngangiqiniseka ukuthi ekugcineni ngangiyitholile injongo yokuphila, engangiyifuna. Kodwa yeka indlela engashaqeka ngayo lapho uHelen ethi wayengasafuni ukuzwa lutho ngesifundo seBhayibheli! Cishe abangane bakhe baseNew York bamtshela ukuthi ayekufunda eBhayibhelini kwakungathandeki ezweni. Walimisa ngesihloko: “Sibekela yonke into eceleni.” Ngakho wenqaba ukuphinde afunde nathi iBhayibheli.
Manje kwase kusobala ukuthi kwakungenakuvumelana neqiniso ukuba ngiqhubeke ngisebuthweni lempi. Ngangizimisele ukubhapathizwa njengomunye woFakazi BakaJehova. Kwahlelwa ukuba ngibhapathizwe ngokukhethekile ekhaya likaFakazi othile owayenechibi lokubhukuda. Njengoba ngase ngizinikezele kuJehova, ngabhapathizwa ngo-August 19, 1950. Khona-ke ngabhalela abebutho lempi ngibazisa ukuthi njengoba ngase ngiyisikhonzi esimisiwe, ngangingasenakukwazi ukukhonza ebuthweni lempi. Nakuba ukushiya kwami umsebenzi kwenqatshwa ekuqaleni, ezinyangeni ezimbalwa kamuva, ngakhululwa ngenhlonipho.
Ngalesosikhathi, i-Paramount Pictures yayisizokhulula i-Place in the Sun, futhi mina noHelen samenyelwa esidlweni sangasese santambama nguGeorge Stevens, umqondisi. Satshelwa ukuthi isithombe sokuqala emhlabeni sasizobukiswa eFine Arts Theatre eBeverley Hills, futhi kwalungiselelwa ukuthi lapho sifika nje khona, uHelen, njengenkosikazi yomlobi, wayezokhuluma ngesimiso esixhunywe emsakazweni wesizwe. Lobu kwakuzoba ubusuku obubaluleke kakhulu kumzala, futhi kwakulindeleke ukuba ngimphelezele. Ngakho lapho isikhathi sifika, saqasha imoto yekhethelo, futhi sasivunule siconsa, sabhekisa amabombo enkundleni yezithombe zebhayisikobho. Sasishaya kancane phakathi kwezixuku ezazishaye uhide emgwaqweni, ezazinethemba lokubona abanye osaziwayo okwakulindeleke ukuba babekhona kulombukiso.
Ngazizwa kanjani ngengxenye yami kulowombukiso wokuziqhayisa? Ezikhathini ezidlule, ngangike ngabona izenzakalo ezinjalo emabhayisikobho futhi ngazibuza ukuthi kazi kunjani ukuvelela ngaleyondlela. Kodwa manje, njengoba ngase ngithole ulwazi lweqiniso, ngazizwa ngingafaneleki. Mhlawumbe ngaqaphela ukuthi uJehova wayengazamukeli izinto ezinjalo uma ngicabanga ngalokho okushiwo iBhayibheli kweyoku-1 Johane 2:16: ‘Ukugabisa ngokokuziphilisa komuntu . . . akusuki kuBaba, kodwa kusuka ezweni.’ Kwakulula ukubona ukuthi ubukhazikhazi obunjalo babungavumelani nokuphila kwami okusha kobuKristu. Nakuba ngasijabulela lesisithombe sebhayisikobho esihle, ngazizwa ngikhululekile lapho sesiphelile.
Ngokushesha ngemva kwalokho, uHelen Dreiser wahlaselwa isifo sohlangothi. Ukuhlasela kwaso okwesibili kwamenza wangabe esakwazi ukusingatha izindaba zebhizinisi. Udadewabo uMyrtle Butcher wafaka isicelo sokuba umnakekeli wakhe futhi wafuna ukumyisa kwakhe eGresham, e-Oregon. Angizange ngiphikisane nalesisicelo, njengoba ngacabanga ukuthi kwakuyoba ngcono ukuba uHelen abe nodadewabo, owayezomnikeza ukunakekela ayekudinga kakhulu. Ngakho manje ngangingasasebenzi. Ngangizokwenzenjani? Nganginokholo esithembisweni sikaJesu esikuMathewu 6:33: “Khona-ke, qhubekani nifuna kuqala umbuso nokulunga kwakhe, futhi zonke lezi ezinye izinto ziyonezelwa kini.”
Njengoba kwase kudingeka ngizinakekele mina kuphela, sekuyizinyanga ezimbalwa ubaba eshonile, ngangifuna ukukhonza uJehova isikhathi esigcwele. Cishe ngokuphazima kweso, ngavuzwa ngetoho, elanginikeza lokho kanye engangikudinga ukuze ngiqale ukukhonza uJehova njengomshumayeli wesikhathi esigcwele wezindaba ezinhle zoMbuso kaNkulunkulu. Njengoba uJesu asho, uJehova uye wanginakekela kuyo yonke leminyaka engaphezu kwengu-42 ngisenkonzweni yakhe yesikhathi esigcwele.
Ehlobo lango-1953, ngaya okokuqala ngqá emhlanganweni wezizwe woFakazi BakaJehova, eYankee Stadium eNew York City, futhi yeka ukuthi lokho kwaba okuhlangenwe nakho okujabulisa kanjani! Cishe ngalesosikhathi ngase ngiqede unyaka wami wokuqala njengephayona, futhi nakuba ngangijabula kakhulu kulowomsebenzi wokushumayela ivangeli, nganginesifiso sokuba nengxenye enkudlwana enkonzweni yoMbuso. Ngaphambidlana ngangifake isicelo senkonzo yesikhathi esigcwele endlunkulu yeNhlangano, futhi kulomhlangano ngafaka nesicelo sokuqeqeshelwa ukuba isithunywa sevangeli e-Watchtower Bible School of Gilead. Ngokushesha ngemva kokubuyela eLos Angeles, yeka indlela engamangala ngayo lapho ngithola isimemo sokuyokhonza endlunkulu yeNhlangano, ebizwa ngokuthi iBethel!
Ngangena eBethel ngididekile ngo-October 20, 1953, ngizibuza ukuthi kwakuzoba njani nokuthi ngangizojabula njengoba ngangijabula ngiseyiphayona. Kodwa eminyakeni engu-41 ngisenkonzweni yaseBethel, angikaze ngizisole nanini ngokuthi ngenza lesosinqumo. Amalungelo amaningi engiye ngawajabulela lapha eBethel aye anginikeza injabulo enkulu kunanoma iyiphi engangingayithola kunoma iluphi olunye uhlobo lwenkonzo yoMbuso.
UHelen Dreiser washona ngo-1955, futhi ngamiswa njengomabi futhi ekugcineni njengomgcinimafa wakhe. Lapho ebhala incwadi yefa lakhe, uTheodore Dreiser washiyela konke kumkakhe, futhi ukusingatha indawo yakhe kwakuhilela amalungelo kuzo zonke izincwadi zakhe ezingokomthetho. UHelen wayengitshele ukuthi uDreiser wayelifunda njalo iBhayibheli, futhi lapho ngihlolahlola umtapo wezincwadi zakhe, ngaphawula ukuthi ngezinye izikhathi wayebhala amaphuzu eceleni eBhayibhelini lakhe avela kwezinye izinguqulo zeBhayibheli.
UDreiser NoFakazi BakaJehova
Yiqiniso, ngangingazi lutho ngoFakazi BakaJehova lapho ngixoxa noDreiser, kodwa ngathola kamuva ukuthi wayenolwazi ngokuma kokungathathi-hlangothi koFakazi BakaJehova. Encwadini yakhe enesihloko esithi America Is Worth Saving, wabancoma ngokuma kwabo endabeni yokungashayeli ifulegi indesheni. UDreiser wayengesabi ukuma aqine entweni ayeyikholelwa, futhi ukuba ngangazi iBhayibheli njengoba ngilazi manje, ngokunokwenzeka sasiyoba nezingxoxo ezithakazelisa kakhulu naye.
Uma ngibheka emuva eminyakeni engu-45 selokhu ngaqala ukufunda iBhayibheli noFakazi BakaJehova, ngingasho ngokuqinisekile ukuthi ngiyitholile injongo yokuphila engangiyifuna. Imibuzo yami ngokungabi nabulungisa ekuphileni yaphenduleka kahle ngokufunda ukuthi unkulunkulu nombusi walelizwe uSathane uDeveli, kunokuba kube uNkulunkulu onothando, umninimandla onke, uJehova. (Johane 14:30; 2 Korinte 4:4; 1 Johane 4:8) Futhi yeka isizathu sokujabula okuyiso ukufunda ukuthi uMbuso kaNkulunkulu wamiswa emazulwini ngo-October 1914 nokwazi ukuthi ngokushesha uzobusa emhlabeni futhi uqede imisebenzi kaDeveli!—1 Johane 3:8; IsAmbulo 20:10.
Okwamanje, ukwazi uMbusi Wendawo Yonke uJehova, ukuba nobuhlobo bomuntu siqu naye, nokuba nokuphila okunenjongo enkonzweni yakhe yoMbuso kungase kufaniswe neparele elatholwa umthengisi ohambweni lwakhe. Leloparele laliyigugu kakhulu kangangokuba masinyane wathengisa konke ayenakho ukuze alithole.—Mathewu 13:45, 46.
Njengoba ngathola igugu elinjalo, ngiyawazisa amazwi omhubi uDavide, owathandaza: “Ukuba ngihlale endlini kaJehova izinsuku zonke zokuphila kwami ukubona ubuhle bukaJehova, ngibuke ithempeli lakhe.” (IHubo 27:4)—Njengoba ilandiswa nguHarold Dies.
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Ngamafuphi, ukuya ebuthweni lempi kwaphazamisa unembeza wami
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Ukukhonza eBethel kusukela ngo-1953