Ukuxoxa Kuwubuciko

UKUDLA, ukulala, ukusebenza, lokhu kuyizidingo zomuntu eziyisisekelo. Nokho, kunesinye isidingo okufanele saneliswe. Yisiphi?

Cabangela amazwi endoda ethile eyachitha iminyaka emihlanu ivalelwe yodwa, iphucwe esinye sezidingo zokuphila komuntu eziyigugu kakhulu. Iyavuma: “Ngangilangazelela ubungane, othile engangingakhuluma naye, ngixoxe naye. Ngaqala ukuqaphela ukuthi kwakumelwe ngenze okuthile ukuze nginqande isizungu. Njengoba ngangivalelwe ngedwa futhi ngingakhulumi, ingqondo yami yayingathinteka.”

Yebo, sinesidingo esingokwemvelo sokukhulumisana. Ukuxoxa kuyasigcwalisa lesosidingo. Abacwaningi uDennis R. Smith noL. Keith Williamson bayaphawula: “Sidinga abantu esingathulula kubo isifuba ngobuqotho, esingahlanganyela nabo okusijabulisa kakhulu nesikwesaba ngempela, esingakhuluma nabo.”

Kudingeka Sikhulume!

Abantu banesiphiwo esimangalisayo sokukhuluma. Yebo, siklanyelwe ukuba sixoxe. Indoda ethile yaphawula: “UNkulunkulu wasidalela ukuba sibe nobudlelwane. Uma ungenalo ithuba lokukhuluma, noma uma othile ekuphuca ikhono lakho lokukhuluma, kunjengesijeziso. Lapho uxoxa, kwenzeka into eyigugu. Uzizwa ungcono, futhi uyazuza ngokwazi ukuthi abanye bacabangani futhi bazizwa kanjani.”

U-Elaine, oyinkosikazi yombonisi ojikelezayo, uthi: “Amazwi aveza imizwa. Asinakucabanga ukuthi umngane wethu womshado uyazi ukuthi uyigugu kangakanani kithi. Kumelwe kushiwo; indlebe idinga ukuwezwa lamazwi. Kudingeka sixoxe.”

UDavid, oyindodana yomdala ongumKristu, uveza imizwa yakhe ngalendlela: “Ngezinye izikhathi ngiyakhungatheka futhi ngingayazi ngempela indlela engizizwa ngayo. Ukuthambekela kwami kokuqala kuwukuba ngizithulele, bese kwakheka ukucindezela ngaphakathi. Ngiqaphela ukuthi uma ngikhuluma nothile, kuba njengembobo yokukhipha ukucindezela. Njengoba ngikhuluma, nginethuba lokuthola ukuthi ngizizwa kanjani ngempela ngami futhi ngiyakwazi ukuthola ikhambi.”

Izithiyo Zokuxoxa

Ngempela, ukuxoxa kugcwalisa isidingo esithile. Nokho, kunezithiyo zokuxoxa. Eqinisweni, kwabanye ukuxoxa kuba umzukuzuku—umsebenzi okufanele ugwenywe.

UGary uthi: “Cishe kukho konke ukuphila kwami, ngangikuthola kulula ukugwema ukuxoxa nabanye abantu.” Uyachaza: “Imbangela ukuntula kwami ukuzethemba. Ngisasaba ukuthi lapho ngixoxa nabantu, ngizwakala ngiyisiwula noma ukuthi othile angase angibukele phansi ngenxa yalokho engikushilo.”

U-Elaine uchaza ukuthi inkinga yakhe amahloni. Uyachaza: “Ngakhulela emkhayeni esasingaxoxi kuwo. Ubaba wayesabisa kakhulu. Ngakho njengoba ngikhula, ngaba nomuzwa wokuthi akukho lutho engangingalusho.” Yebo, amahloni angaba isithiyo esikhulu sokujabulela ukuxoxa. Phela, angakwenza uthule sengathi ufile!

“Kunjengobhadane,” kusho uJohn, umdala ongumKristu ovumayo ukuthi uhlushwa ukuzinyeza. “Uma unqotshwa amahloni, uyazihlukanisa. Ngisho noma kunabantu abayikhulu endlini, ngeke uxoxe. Futhi ulahlekelwa kakhulu!”

Ngakolunye uhlangothi, umdala okuthiwa uDaniel uthi: “Anginankinga yokuxoxa. Kodwa ngingaqapheli, ngiphazamisa othile futhi ngibuse ingxoxo. Lokhu ngikuqaphela lapho ngibona indlela umkami angibuka ngayo, bese ngicabanga, ‘Oh, bandla, kwangiphinda lokho.’ Ngiyazi ukuthi uphelelwa injabulo kuyo yonke ingxoxo.”

Zinganqotshwa kanjani lezizithiyo kanye nezinye eziphazamisa ingxoxo? Yiziphi izimfanelo ezidingekayo zokwazi lobubuciko? Zingasetshenziswa kanjani?

‘Ngingathini?’

‘Ngingaxoxa ngani?’ ‘Angazi lutho.’ ‘Akekho ofuna ukuzwa engikushoyo.’ Nakuba ungase ube nalemicabango, kungenzeka ayilona iqiniso. Wazi okuningi kakhulu kunokuba uqaphela, futhi okunye kwalokho kwaziswa cishe kuyabathakazelisa abanye. Ngokwesibonelo, mhlawumbe ubusanda kuvakashela endaweni ethile. Abantu bangase bathande ukwazi ukuthi leyondawo ihluke kanjani endaweni abahlala kuyo.

Ngaphezu kwalokho, ungalwandisa futhi kufanele ulwandise ulwazi lwakho lwezindaba ezihlukahlukene ngokufunda. Kuwumkhuba omuhle ukuba nesikhathi sokufunda okuthile nsuku zonke. Izincwadi zoFakazi BakaJehova ziqukethe ukwaziswa kweBhayibheli nezinye izindaba ezivamile. Lapho ungenisa ukwaziswa okwengeziwe, kulapho uba nokuningi ongaxoxa ngakho. Isibonelo esihle umbhalo wansuku zonke encwajaneni ethi Ukuhlolisisa ImiBhalo Nsuku Zonke esetshenziswa oFakazi BakaJehova. Usuku ngalunye, lokho kukunikeza okuthile ongacabanga ngakho futhi ukusebenzise lapho uxoxa.

Ukuxoxa akusho ukuthi umuntu kumelwe akhulume unomphela. Bobabili abaxoxayo kufanele baveze imibono yabo. Vumela omunye umuntu ukuba akhulume. Uma ethulile, ungase umkhuthaze ngemibuzo enobuhlakani. Ake sithi uxoxa nomuntu osekhulile. Ungambuza ngezenzakalo zesikhathi esidlule nendlela izwe noma ukuphila komkhaya okuye kwashintsha ngayo kusukela esemusha. Uyokujabulela ukumlalela, futhi uyofunda.

Yiba Isilaleli Esihle

Ukulalelisisa kuyimfanelo eyigugu ekuxoxeni. Indlela esibalalela ngayo abanye ingasekela labo abenza umzamo wokuthola usizo ngemithwalo yabo. Indoda ethile, eyayizibheka ‘njengengelutho,’ yayikhungathekile futhi yashayela umngane wayo ucingo icela usizo. Ngisho noma kwakuyisikhathi esingesihle ngempela, lomngane walalela ngomusa—amahora amabili! Lendoda manje ibheka leyongxoxo njengesikhathi senguquko ekuphileni kwayo. Yini eyashintsha isimo? “Ukuba nje isilaleli esihle,” kuvuma lomngane olalelayo. “Angikhumbuli ngikhuluma amazwi okuhlakanipha. Ngamane ngabuza imibuzo efanele, ‘Kungani uzizwa ngaleyondlela?’ ‘Kungani lokho kukukhathaza?’ ‘Yini engasiza?’ Waphendula yonke imibuzo ayenayo lapho ephendula eyami!”

Izingane ziyabazisa abazali ababa nesikhathi sokuxoxa nazo. Enye insizwa okuthiwa uScott iyaphawula: “Kuhle lapho abazali bakho beza kuwe futhi befuna ukwazi ukuthi ucabangani. Muva nje ubaba ubenza lokho, futhi kuyasiza ngoba kunezinye izinto ongenakuzisingatha ngokwakho.”

“Kumelwe wakhe isimo esizokwenza izingane zakho zikhulume nawe,” kusikisela indoda ethile. Ichitha isikhathi njalo nengane ngayinye ezinganeni zayo ezine ngoba inomuzwa wokuthi ukulalelisisa kwabazali ngozwela kubalulekile ukuze intsha ibe nobuntu obunokulinganisela. Yini eyitusayo? Lapho amathuba evela futhi ingane ifuna ukukhuluma, kulungele ukulalela. Ithi: “Kungakhathaliseki ukuthi ukhathele noma ucindezeleke kangakanani, ungabathiyi! Lalela.”

Isithakazelo Esiqotho Siyamukelwa

Abantu abaningi badinga ukusekelwa ngokomzwelo ukuze bakhululeke futhi baveze imibono yabo engxoxweni. Insizwa ethile yakhala: ‘Ngidinga ukukhuluma nothile, kodwa ngizoya kubani? Akulula ukuba ngikhulume. Ngidinga othile ozoba nesithakazelo kimi!’ Isithakazelo sangempela, esiqotho singadala ukuthembana nokulondeka okwenza kube lula ngomuntu ukukhuluma futhi athulule isifuba kothile.

Indoda ethile iyalandisa: “Eminyakeni eminingi edlule, lapho nginobunzima bokubhekana nezimo zomkhaya, ngazama ukuxoxa nomngane. Wamane wathi, ‘Gwinya itshe, konke kuzolunga.’ Kwakungekho kubonisana, kungekho ngxoxo, futhi akuzange kusize. Eqinisweni kwamane kwangenza ngaqhela. Ngokuphambene nalokho, kamuva ngaxoxa nombonisi woFakazi BakaJehova. Ngazi ukuthi wayenozwela ngendlela angibuka ngayo, ukubukeka kobuso bakhe, nobumnene bakhe. Ngenxa yalokho, ngazithola ngikhululeka futhi ngixoxa ngempela ngoba wayenesithakazelo esiqotho. Wathi: ‘Sizokwenza konke okusemandleni ukuze sikusekele esimweni obhekene naso.’ Abantu abanjalo bakwenza usabele!”

Ingabe abanye bethu banganuleka futhi bahilele abanye engxoxweni ezuzisayo? Lapho sibona othile emele eceleni, enamahloni okuxoxa, siyazama yini ukuhilela lowomuntu engxoxweni yethu? UJohn, okukhulunywe ngaye ekuqaleni, uthi: “Ngiyawuqonda lowomuzwa ngoba ngiyamzwela, futhi ngizwa ubuhlungu kanye naye!” Uyanezela: “Yeka indlela okubaluleke ngayo ukuba simsondele futhi simhilele. Singenza nomthandazo buthule ngalendaba.”

UDan uthi ngomngane wakhe othile: “URoy wayengalithembi neze ikhono lakhe lokuxoxa kangangokuthi lapho iqembu lixoxa, wayemela eceleni ngaso sonke isikhathi. Ngakho ngangimbuza umbuzo, ‘Roy, ubuthini ngalokhu nalokhuya?’ Khona-ke wayeqala akhulume. Ngenxa yalokho, abanye babona isici sobuntu bakhe ababecabanga ukuthi asikho.” UDan uyanxusa: “Ungadangali lapho kunzima ukuxoxa nomuntu nokumenza akhulume ngokukhululekile. Zitshele ukuthi kunomuntu omuhle ngaphakathi ofuna ukukhuluma. Qhubeka uzama ukumenza akhululeke futhi usebenzele kukho.”

Ngokuba nesithakazelo sothando, esiqotho kwabanye, uyazuza—ngisho noma unenkinga yamahloni. UJohn wathola ukuthi lokhu kwakumsiza ukuba anqobe ukuthambekela kokuzihlukanisa. Uyachaza: “Uthando aluzifuneli izinzuzo zalo siqu.” (1 Korinte 13:5) “Ukuze ubonise uthando, kumelwe ukhulume nabanye futhi ubuze ngabo. Ukunqotshwa ukungafaneleki kwakho akusigcwalisi isidingo. Ngomthandazo unganqoba ukuthambekela kwakho.” Uyanezela: “Kunomvuzo omkhulu wokwenza kanjalo. Lapho ubona abanye besabela futhi uqaphela indlela abakhuthazeka ngayo, nawe uyakheka. Futhi lokho kufanele kukunikeze isibindi sokuqhubekela phambili ngokulandelayo.”

Ububele—Isisekelo Sokuxoxa

Ububele buphakathi kwezici zabantu eziyigugu kakhulu. Buyini ngempela ububele? UDkt. Bernard Guerney wasePennsylvania State University uthi ububele ‘ikhono lokuqonda imizwa nombono womunye umuntu—kungakhathaliseki ukuthi uvumelana naye noma cha.’ Bubaluleke kangakanani ububele ekuxoxeni? “Buyisisekelo! Isisekelo okwakhelwa kuso konke okunye.”

UDkt. Guerney uchaza ukuthi ukuxoxa kubalulekile kubo bonke ubuhlobo obuhle. Yiqiniso, ukuphambana kwemibono kuvamile. Ukuze sikuxazulule futhi silondoloze ubuhlobo, kumelwe sizimisele ukuxoxa ngenkinga. Abaningi bayakugwema ukwenza lokho ngoba abakwazi ukukhuluma ngaphandle kokwenza omunye umuntu azithethelele noma athukuthele. NgokukaDkt. Guerney, “abantu abaningi baphambanisa ukwazisa nokuhlonipha isikhundla somunye umuntu nokuvumelana nalesosikhundla. Ngenxa yalokho, lapho bengavumelani, abakubonisi ukwazisa nenhlonipho. Ububele bukwenza ubone umehluko phakathi kokuvumelana nokwazisa.”

Ngokuzibeka esimweni somunye umuntu ngengqondo, uzizwa futhi ucabange ngendlela enza ngayo. Ngaphansi kwezimo ezinjalo, uyothola ukuthi ukuqonda, ukwazisa, nenhlonipho kungakhula, ngisho noma ningavumelani.

Cabangela uJanet, ongunina wezingane ezine. Ngesinye isikhathi wayedumele futhi ezizwa engelutho. Manje uyaqaphela ukuthi ububele bubaluleke kangakanani ekusizeni othile. Uyalandisa: “Ngikhumbula umyeni wami exoxa nami futhi echaza izindlela ezihlukahlukene engisiza ngazo, kuyilapho ngangicabanga ukuthi izenzo zami ziyize. Wangilalela ngothando ngempela nalapho sengikhala, wayesengakha. Kodwa ukuba walulaza ukucabanga kwami noma wathi, ‘Oh, akunangqondo lokho,’ noma washo okuthile okunjengalokho, ngangiyozithulela ngimshiye lapho. Kunalokho, ngalobobusuku saba nengxoxo ende, ezuzisayo.”

UDkt. Guerney uyaphetha: ‘Ububele bubonisa ukuthi uyakhathalela. Lokho kuqinisa ukukhulumisana, ukwenana okukhulu abantu abaningi abakufunayo futhi abakudingayo.’

Ungaphumelela!

Ungakwazi ukuphumelela ekuxoxeni. Siye sacabangela ezinye izimfanelo ezibalulekile zobuciko bokuxoxa, kodwa kukhona nezinye eziningi. Zihlanganisa ukuba nobungane, ikhono lokwenza amahlaya, nokuba nesu, uma sibala ezimbalwa. Kodwa njengengcweti, leyo ngokuziqeqesha nokuprakthiza ewuqedela ngekhono umdwebo wayo omuhle wobungcweti, kudingeka sizikhandle ukuze sihlakulele lezizimfanelo ezidingekayo.

Ngokwesibonelo, uDaniel uye waphumelela ekuxoxeni. Kanjani? Ngokufunda ukulawula ukuthambekela kwakhe kokuphazamisa nokubusa izingxoxo. Uyavuma: “Kudingeka ngenze umzamo oqotho wokungabusi ingxoxo. Kimina, lokho kusho ukuthiba ulimi lwami. Lapho ngizithola ngifuna ukunezela amazwana athile, ngiyazikhuza engqondweni! Uma ngicabanga ukuthi amazwi athile azoshintsha ingxoxo noma aphuce othile ikhono lokuxoxa, ngivele ngizithulele!”

Yini eyasiza u-Elaine? Ngemva kokuzuza ulwazi oluqondile lweBhayibheli, waqaphela ukuthi wayenokuthile okuyigugu nokufanelekayo angaxoxa ngakho. Uthi: “Ngiqaphela ukuthi uma ngingadonseli ukunakekela kimi kodwa ngixoxe nabanye ngezinto ezingokomoya, ngikhululeka kakhulu lapho ngixoxa. Kuyasiza nokufunda izincwadi ezisekelwe eBhayibhelini esizithola njalo. Lapho ngizifunda njalo, nginokuthile okusha engingakuhlanganyela nabanye futhi ngingaxoxa kalula.”

Zama ukuhlakulela lezizimfanelo ezibalulekile engxoxweni yakho. Khona-ke nawe ungalethela abanye ukuqabuleka nenjabulo futhi ube nokwaneliseka kokuba nobuciko obusigcwalisa ngempela isidingo sabantu.