Achichepere Akufunsa Kuti . . .

Kodi Ndingaiŵale Motani Imfa ya Atate?

“Atate wanga anafera pasofa. Ndinawapeza ali pompo. Iwo anali atadwala nthenda ya mtima. Zinandiwopsa kwambiri chifukwa chakuti ndinali kuwakonda kwambiri. . . . Amayi wanga amalirabe usiku. Kuchita zinthu popanda atate nkosiyana ndi mmene zinthu zinaliri kale.”—Emily.

“IMFA ya kholo kapena chiŵalo chokondedwa cha banja ili vuto losautsa kwambiri kwa wachinyamata,” mlembi Kathleen McCoy akutero. “Iye angasweke mtima kwakanthaŵi chifukwa cha chisoni, liwongo, kutekeseka ndi mkwiyo.” Ngati munatayikidwa kholo, ndiye kuti mukudziŵa mmene zimenezo zimapwetekera.

Komabe, nkwachibadwa kukhala wopsinjika mtima kwambiri pamene munthu amene timakonda amwalira. Baibulo limanena kuti pamene kholo Yakobo anauzidwa kuti mwana wake Yosefe wamwalira, “anang’amba malaya ake,” chifukwa cha chisoni chachikulu. Ndipo ngakhale kuti “ana aamuna ake onse ndi ana aakazi onse anauka kuti amtonthoze: . . . anakana kutonthozedwa.” (Genesis 37:34, 35) Mofananamo inu mungamve ngati kuti kupweteka mtimako kuli kwakukulu kwambiri kwakuti sikudzatha konse.

M’kupita kwa nthaŵi, kudzatha. Koma mfungulo yake ndiyo kuyang’anizana ndi kupweteka mtima kwanuko, mmalo mokunyalanyaza. Mwachitsanzo, John wachichepere sanasonyeze moonekera kuti anali wachisoni ndi imfa ya chiŵalo cha banja. Komabe, anayamba kuchita ndewu kusukulu. John akufotokoza kuti: “Ndikuyenda ndi chinthu chopweteka mumtima. Ndinayesa kuchitulutsa mwa kuchita ndewu koma ndalephera.”

Achichepere ena amayesa kuletsa kupweteka mtimako mwa kuchita zinthu mwaukali. Pamene ena awafunsa mmene akupezera, ena amapeŵa mafunso otero mwa kusonyeza chisangalalo chongonamizira. Kuchita zimenezo kungabise kwa kanthaŵi kupweteka mtimako, koma osati kwa nthaŵi yaitali. Miyambo 14:13 imati: “Ngakhale m’kuseka mtima uŵaŵa.”

Zosangalatsa ndi zimene nkhani ina ya m’magazini a achichepere inanena kuti: “M’kufufuza kwina, azaka 13 mpaka 19 amene anapondereza chisoni, mkwiyo kapena liwongo lawo lachibadwa pambuyo pa imfa ya wachibale . . . anapezeka kuti kaŵirikaŵiri anali kudziloŵetsa m’khalidwe lowononga, longa kugwiritsira ntchito molakwa anamgoneka ndi zakumwa zoledzeretsa, kuchita zaukadzifere (zonga kuyendetsa galimoto mothamanga kwambiri) ndi kupulupudza.” Mwamwaŵi, pali njira zabwino zolimbanira ndi chisoni.

“Mphindi Yakulira”

Mlaliki 7:2 amanena kuti: “Kumka ku nyumba ya maliro kupambana kumka ku nyumba ya madyerero; pakuti kujako ndi matsiriziro a anthu onse; ndipo omwe ali ndi moyo adzakumbukirapo.” Imfa ingakhale yowopsa. Ndipo pamene bwenzi kapena wokondedwa wamwalira, ena angayese kupeŵa kupweteka kwa imfa mwa kupita ku “nyumba ya madyerero” ndi kumwerekera m’chisangalalo. Komabe, Solomo akulimbikitsa kuyang’anizana nayo imfa ndi kupita ku “nyumba ya maliro” mmalo moizemba. Solomo akuwonjezera kuti: “Chisoni chiposa kuseka; pakuti nkhope yakugwa ikonza mtima.”—Mlaliki 7:3.

Ngakhale kuti uphungu umenewu unaperekedwa makamaka kwa mabwenzi ndi banja la wofedwa, kulinso kopindulitsa kwa wofedwayo kuyang’anizana ndi kupweteka kwa kutayikidwa kwake. Pali “mphindi yakulira.” (Mlaliki 3:4) Motero amuna ndi akazi owopa Mulungu m’nthaŵi za Baibulo anasonyeza chisoni chawo mmalo mochipondereza.—Yerekezerani ndi Genesis 23:2; 2 Samueli 1:11, 12.

Kuchita chisoni kuli ndi mapindu ambiri. Buku la The Art of Condolence limati: “Ofedwa afunikira kulola kupweteka ndi ululu wa kuvutika kwawo kuchitika. Kukaniza mchitidwewo kumaletsa kuchira.” Komabe, posonkhezeredwa ndi chikhulupiriro chofala chakuti amuna enieni samalira, anyamata ena amapeza vuto kwambiri kusonyeza chisoni chawo. Koma munthu wamkulu koposa onse amene anakhalako “analira” poyera pamene bwenzi lake Lazaro linamwalira. (Yohane 11:35) Ndipo misozi ili yoyenereradi pamene wina watayikidwa kholo. Chotero khalani omasuka kulira ndi kugwetsa misozi. (Yerekezerani ndi Yakobo 4:9.) Buku la Death and Grief in the Family limati: “Kulira kuli imodzi ya njira zofunika koposa zothetsera chisoni.”

Kulimbana ndi Chisoni Chanu

M’nthaŵi za Baibulo, Mfumu Davide inasonyeza chisoni chake kaamba ka bwenzi lake lapamtima, Jonatani, osati mwa kungolira chabe komanso mwa kulemba malingaliro ake. “Ndipsinjika mtima chifukwa cha iwe, mbale wanga Jonatani; wandikomera kwambiri,” Davide analemba motero m’nyimbo ya maliro yokoma yotchedwa “Uta.”—2 Samueli 1:18, 26.

Mofananamo kungakuthandizeni kulemba mmene mumamvera mumtima. Buku la Giving Sorrow Words limati: “Kulemba mmene mumamvera kungakuthandizeni kutulutsa zopweteka mtima. . . . Pamene mwakwiya, pamene mwamva chisoni, lembani zimenezo.” Mtsikana wina wazaka zapakati pa 13 ndi 19 wotchedwa Shannon akunena kuti: “Ndinali ndi dayale. Ndinalemba za mmene ndinkamvera. Ndinavumbula zopweteka mtima zanga zonse papepala. Ndinalemba zonse zimene ndinamva mumtima ndipo zimenezo zinandithandiza kwambiri . . . kuzilemba zonse.”

Chithandizo china ndicho maseŵera olimbitsa thupi. “Chizoloŵezi cha thupi chipindula,” Baibulo limatero. (1 Timoteo 4:8) Ndipo buku lina likunena motere pa kuchita chisoni: “Maseŵera olimbitsa thupi ali njira yabwino yotulutsira nyonga.” Kuthamanga kopatsa nyonga, kuyenda mokangaza, kapena kupalasa njinga kotsitsimula kungakuthandizeni kwambiri kuthetsa kupsinjika kumene kungabuke pamene muli ndi chisoni.

Lankhulani ndi Munthu Wina

Komabe, mufunikira kusamala kuti musadzipatule kwa ena kotheratu. (Miyambo 18:1) Miyambo 12:25 imati: “Nkhaŵa iŵeramitsa mtima wa munthu; koma mawu abwino aukondweretsa.” Kodi munthu wopsinjika mtima angapeze motani “mawu abwino” olimbikitsa amenewo? Pokhapo ngati alankhula ndi munthu wina ndi kufotokoza “nkhaŵa” yake. Bwanji osachita zimenezo inuyo? Masukani ndi kulankhula ndi munthu amene mumadalira!

Mwachibadwa, kholo lanu lowopa Mulungu ndilo limene moyenerera muyenera kukambitsirana nalo. Koma bwanji ngati nalonso lathedwa mphamvu ndi kupweteka mtima kwake kwakuti silikhoza kukuthandizani kwenikweni? Chabwino, mumpingo Wachikristu muli ziŵalo zokhwima zimene zingathandize. Miyambo 17:17 imati: “Bwenzi limakonda nthaŵi zonse; ndipo mbale anabadwira kuti akuthandize pooneka tsoka.” Pambuyo pa imfa ya amake, Morfydd wachichepere anadalira kwambiri mpingo wakwawo wa Mboni za Yehova. “Akulu onse anandichirikiza kwambiri,” iye akukumbukira motere, “koma makamaka mmodzi anali wofunitsitsa kumvetsera kwa ine nthaŵi zonse.”

Bwanji osafunafuna chithandizo ndi chichirikizo chotero? Lolani munthu wina kudziŵa kuti mufuna wolankhula naye. Mwinamwake muli wokwiya, wamantha, kapena mukumva liwongo. Kapena mwangosukidwa kapena mukulakalaka kholo lanu. Kukambitsirana za kukhosi kwanu ndi munthu amene amamvetsera mwachifundo kungakuthandizeni kwambiri.

Kuchirikiza Kholo Lanu

Komabe, achichepere ena amawonjezera nsautso yawo mwa kutenga mathayo amene sakhoza kuwasamalira. Mkhalidwe panyumba ungaoneke kukhala wosokonezeka ndi wopanda dongosolo. Kholo lanu lotsalalo pazifukwa zabwino lingakhale lotekeseka, lokwiya msanga—ndi lachisoni. Poona kuvutika kwawo, inu mwachibadwa mungafune kuthandiza. Katswiri wina wa za chisoni akunena kuti “achinyamata . . . angapondereze chisoni chawo ndi lingaliro lolakwa la kuyesa kuthandiza makolo awo.” Mwina iwo “angayambe kuchita ngati ‘achikulire’ pamene akali achichepere, mwinamwake akumatenga ngakhale mathayo owonjezereka.”

Ndithudi, pangakhale palibe zimene mungachite kusiyapo kutenga mathayo ena owonjezereka chifukwa cha imfa ya kholo lanu. Koma zimenezi sizimakupangani kukhala mwamuna kapena mkazi wapanyumba. Kholo lanu lotsalalo likali woyang’anira, ndipo ndi bwino kuti mulichirikize, osati mwa kulanda malo awo, koma mwa kukhala wogwirizanika ndi womvera. (Aefeso 6:1) Kumbukirani kuti “nzeru ili ndi odzichepetsa.” (Miyambo 11:2) Kudzichepetsa kumaphatikizapo kudziŵa malire anu.

Zimenezi nzofunika kwambiri kuzikumbukira ngati kholo lanu lotsalalo liyamba kudalira pa inu kaamba ka uphungu kapena liyamba kukutulirani nkhaŵa za achikulire. Mumafuna kukhala wokoma mtima ndi wochirikiza, koma kudzichepetsa kudzakuthandizani kuzindikira kuti chidziŵitso chanu m’moyo chidakali chochepa. (Yerekezerani ndi Ahebri 5:14.) Chotero ngati muyamba kuthedwa mphamvu pang’ono, kambitsiranani nkhaniyo ndi kholo lanu mosabisa kanthu ndi mwaulemu. (Miyambo 15:22) Mwinamwake mungapereke lingaliro lakuti iwo akapemphe chichirikizo cha achikulire mumpingo.

Kulimbika kuti muiŵale imfa ya kholo kulidi kovuta. Koma dziŵani kuti, m’kupita kwa nthaŵi, chisoni sichidzakulamuliraninso ayi. (Yerekezerani ndi Genesis 24:67.) Nthaŵi ndi nthaŵi, mudzamvabe chisoni pokumbukira kholo lanu lakufalo. Komabe mulinso ndi zinthu zosangalatsa ndi zotonthoza zimene mungakumbukire. Musaiŵale kuti Yehova amakusamalani ndipo amamvetsetsa chisoni chanucho. Pamene musukidwa ndi kuona ngati mwasiyidwa, lingalirani za mawuwa a wamasalmo: “Pakuti wandisiya atate wanga ndi amayi wanga, koma Yehova anditola.”—Salmo 27:10.

Ndiponso, pitirizani kulingalira za chiyembekezo cha m’Baibulo cha chiukiriro ndi chiyembekezo cha kuonanso kholo lanu—padziko lapansi laparadaiso. (Luka 23:43; Machitidwe 24:15) Kim wachichepere amene anataya atate ake mu imfa akunena kuti: “Ndimaganiza za atate masiku onse. Koma ndidziŵa kuti iwo sakafuna kuti tisiye kapena kulola chilichonse kulepheretsa utumiki wathu kwa Yehova. Ndifuna kuti ndikapezekepo kuwalandira pamene adzabwera m’chiukiriro.”—Yohane 5:28, 29.

[Chithunzi patsamba 30]

Kulira kwa munthuwe kungathandizire kuchira