Okwenza Kube Nzima Ukuthola Uthando Lweqiniso

Kunezeluleko eziningi ngokuphathelene nezothando. Izazi zezokwelapha nabeluleki banikeza iziqondiso. Izinhlelo zethelevishini ngokuvamile ziyayidingida le ndaba.

IZINGOSI eziningi ze-Internet zithi zinikeza ukukhanya maqondana nendlela yokuthola uthando. Ungase utshelwe ukuthi uzothola “izimfihlo ezivusa amadlingozi nezimangalisayo” futhi uzofunda “kochwepheshe abaxhumanisa abantu kwezothando,” “izazi zokuhlalisana kwabantu,” “odokotela bezothando,” kungasakhulunywa ngodokotela bezifo zengqondo, izazi zokusebenza kwengqondo kanye nezazi zezinkanyezi.

Indaba yothando iyimbangela enkulu yokuthengwa kakhulu kwezincwadi ngisho nomagazini, ezinye zazo ezenza izithembiso eziyihaba kakhulu. Ngokwesibonelo, enye incwadi ithi ingakubonisa ukuthi “ungenzenjani ukuze uthandane nanoma ubani.” Enye ithembisa ukukwembulela ukuthi ungamthola kanjani “umngane ongenasici ngenyanga eyodwa nje.” Ingabe inyanga yinde kakhulu? Ngakho enye yembula indlela ongenza ngayo ukuba uthandwe phakade “ngemizuzu engu-90 noma ngaphansi.”

Izeluleko eziningi zitholakala ngemali. Futhi abantu abaningi bakhokha kabili. Bakhokha imali yokuthola iseluleko. Kuthi uma leso siqondiso singaphumeleli, njengoba kuvame ukuba njalo, bese bekhokha ngokomzwelo.

Nokho, kunomthombo owodwa wezeluleko okuthi lapho izeluleko zawo zisetshenziswa ziphumelele nakanjani. Ngaphezu kwalokho, idingida le ndaba ngokwethembeka, ngaphandle kokwenza izithembiso ezinkulu nezingenangqondo. Nakuba yabhalwa kudala, ayiphelelwa yisikhathi. UMlobi wayo uhlakaniphe ngendlela engenakuqhathaniswa futhi uthando lwakhe lungefaniswe nalutho. Mhlawumbe kakade unayo ikhophi yalesi sipho esikhethekile—iBhayibheli Elingcwele. Kungakhathaliseki ukuthi izimo noma isizinda sethu siyini, iBhayibheli lisifundisa lokho esidinga ukukwazi ngothando. Futhi iseluleko salo asibizi mali.

Ingabe iBhayibheli liyosenza sikwazi ukuba nobuhlobo obuhle nabo bonke abantu? Cha. Abanye abantu ngeke basithande, kungakhathaliseki ukuthi sizama kangakanani. Uthando lweqiniso alunakuphoqelelwa. (IsiHlabelelo SeziHlabelelo 8:4) Kodwa, ngokusebenzisa iseluleko seBhayibheli, siyothuthukisa amathuba okuhlakulela ubuhlobo obunothando nabanye, ngisho noma kungase kuthathe isikhathi nomzamo. Lesi sici sothando kuzoxoxwa ngaso esihlokweni esilandelayo, kodwa okokuqala, cabanga ukuthi kungani kuya ngokuya kuba nzima ukuthola uthando lweqiniso kulezi zinsuku.

Uthando “Luyophola”

Esiprofethweni sakhe esikhulu “sesiphelo sesimiso sezinto,” uJesu wazibikezela ngokunembile izimo nenkambo nezici zosuku lwethu. Wathi izwe laliyogcwala ukungabi namthetho nezimpi—okuyizinto eziphambene ngempela nothando! Waphinde wathi ‘abaningi . . . bayokhaphelana, bazondane’ waphinde wathi “uthando lwabaningi luyophola.” (Mathewu 24:3-12) Awuvumi yini ukuthi izwe liye laya ngokuya liphelelwa uthando, nokuthi uthando lwangempela alukho, ngisho nasemikhayeni imbala?

Enezela emazwini kaJesu, umphostoli uPawulu wanikeza imininingwane ngesimo sokuhlalisana kwabantu “ezinsukwini zokugcina.” Wabhala ukuthi abantu bayoba “abazithandayo, abathanda imali, abazazisayo, abazidlayo, abahlambalazi, abangalaleli abazali, abangabongiyo, abangathembeki, abangenalo uthando, abangafuni sivumelwano, abanyundeli, abangenakho ukuzithiba, abanolaka, abangenalo uthando lokuhle, abakhapheli, abanenkani, abakhukhumele, abathandi benjabulo kunokuba abathandi bakaNkulunkulu.” (2 Thimothewu 3:1-4) Emazweni amaningi le mikhuba iye yavama kakhulu.

Ake ucabange: Ingabe ukhangwa abantu abazidlayo, abangabongiyo, abangathembekile, abayokunyundela noma bakukhaphele? Ingabe uthanda abantu abazithandayo, abathanda imali noma injabulo? Ngenxa yokuthi abantu abazidlayo bavumela ubugovu nezifiso zabo siqu kunqume futhi kulawule ubuhlobo babo nabanye, noma isiphi isithakazelo abasibonisa kwabanye kungenzeka esobugovu. Ngokuhlakanipha, imiBhalo iyeluleka: “Laba ubafulathele.”—2 Thimothewu 3:5.

Phawula nenkulumo ethi abantu abaphila ezinsukwini zokugcina bayoba “abangenalo uthando,” noma njengoba enye inguqulo ikubeka, “bayontula uthando oluvamile ngemikhaya yabo.” Ngokudabukisayo, siyanda isibalo sabantwana abakhulela emakhaya anjalo. Ngokuvamile, okufundwa yilaba bantwana ngokuphathelene nothando bakuthola emithonjeni yezindaba. Kodwa ingabe imithombo yezindaba inikeza umbono ofanele ngothando, umbono oyoveza ubuhlobo obungcono?

Uthando Lwasemaphusheni Noma Olwangempela?

Ngezinga elithile iningi lethu lithonywa yimithombo yezindaba. Omunye umcwaningi wabhala: “Kusukela sibancane, sigajwa ngemifanekiso yezinganekwane nemibono engasuki engqondweni yobulili, ezothando nokubonisana uthando kwezokukhangisa—emabhayisikobho nakumathelevishini, ezincwadini nakomagazini, emisakazweni nasemculweni oqoshiwe, kwezentengiselwano, ngisho nasezindabeni.” Uphinde achaze: “Okuningi kwalokho okuvezwa yimithombo yezindaba mayelana nobulili, uthando nezindaba zothando kudala noma kugxilise amathemba angelona iqiniso iningi lethu elingakwazi ukuwasusa ngokuphelele engqondweni. Isenza singaneliswa yilabo esithandana nabo ngisho nayithi ngokwethu.”

Yiqiniso, izincwadi, amabhayisikobho nezingoma akuvamile ukuveza umbono onembile ngothando. Kodwa vele phela, injongo yabo iwukujabulisa abantu kuphela, hhayi ukubafundisa. Ngakho-ke, ababhali bakhiqiza inqwaba yezindaba ezihlukahlukene zasemaphusheni nezothando ezizobenzela imali eningi. Nokho, ngokudabukisayo, kulula ukuphambanisa indaba eqanjiwe nokungokoqobo. Ngakho, kuvamile ukuba abantu badumale lapho ubuhlobo babo bungahambisani nokwabalingiswa bezindaba eziqanjiwe. Manje singalihlukanisa kanjani iphupho nento engokoqobo, uthando lwemithombo yezindaba nothando lwangempela? Cabanga ngokuqhathanisa okulandelayo.

Uthando Lwasezincwadini Nothando Lwangempela

Kungakhathaliseki ukuthi izincwadi, amabhayisikobho noma imidlalo yeshashalazi, izindaba zothando zingahlukahluka, kodwa umongo obalulekile, ushintsha kancane. Umagazini i-Writer uthi: “Ukubhala ngezothando kuvame ukuncika kulokho osekuke kwabhalwa. Kunesizathu salokho. Indaba evamile yokuthi umfana uqonywa yintombazane/imale/baphinde babuyelane, iye yatholakala iphumelela kangangokuba abafundi bezincwadi bazifunda bephindelela, kungakhathaliseki ukuhlelwa kwendaba noma ukuthi eyakudala.” Ake siyihlolisise le ndlela ethandwayo.

Umfana uqonywa yintombi: Inkosana ebukekayo ihlangana nowesifazane omuhle futhi bayathandana. Umlobi ophumelelayo weluleka abanesifiso sokuba ababhali bezindaba zothando uthi “kufanele kube sobala kumfundi wakho ukuthi kusukela le miphefumulo iqala nje ukubonana ivele ifanelane.”

Ukuthandana lapho niqala ukubonana kusho ukuthi uthando lwangempela lumane nje luwumuzwa—umzwelo onamandla angalawuleki akubamba lapho uhlangana nomaqondana—nokuthi uthando olunjalo luyazenzekela nje futhi akudingi mzamo omkhulu noma ulwazi ngalowo muntu. Nokho, uthando lwangempela, lungaphezu nje komuzwa. Kuyavunywa, kuhileleke imizwa, kodwa uthando luyisibopho esijulile esihlanganisa izimiso nezindinganiso futhi lokho akuyeki ukukhula, uma nje kukhuliswa futhi kunakekelwa kahle.—Kolose 3:14.

Ngaphezu kwalokho, kuthatha isikhathi ukwazi omunye umuntu. Ukuphetha ngokuthi usuthole umaqondana lapho nje niqala ukubonana, kufana nephupho futhi ngokuvamile kuholela ekudumazekeni. Okunye futhi, ukuphetha ngokushesha ngokuthi usuthole uthando lweqiniso kungase kuvale ingqondo yakho ingabuboni ubufakazi bokuthi akulona uthando lweqiniso. Ukukhetha umngane womshado ofanelekayo kudinga okungaphezu nje kwemizwa enamandla ebangelwa ukuthatheka. Ngakho zinike isikhathi. Ngempela, ukuhlola okuhlukahlukene kuye kwembula ukuthi ukukhetha umngane womshado ongafanele kungaba nomthelela omubi emsebenzini wakho, empilweni yakho yengqondo neyomzimba, futhi kungathinta ngisho nobude bokuphila kwakho.

Umfana waliwa yintombi: Isikhulu esibi sithumba intombi enhle sibaleke nayo. Inkosana iqala uhambo oluyingozi lokuyofuna le ntombi. Owesifazane ongumkhulumeli we-Romance Writers of America uthi: “Umgomo wendaba yothando kufanele uphathelane nabantu ababili abathandanayo kodwa abakuthola kunzima ukwenza ubuhlobo babo buphumelele.” Kumanoveli amaningi ubuhlobo buyogcina buphumelele—abafundi abaningi bayakwazi lokho. Izingqinamba, ngokuvamile ezingahlangene nobuhlobo babo, ziyanqotshwa.

Ekuphileni kwangempela ngokuvamile abantu banezinkinga abazibangelwa abanye abantu nalezo ezidalwa yibo. Zingase zihlanganise imali, umsebenzi, izihlobo nabangane. Izinkinga ziyaphakama futhi uma oyedwa engekhona lokho obekulindelwe omunye. Kubalingiswa abaqanjiwe, ngokuvamile amaphutha aba mancane nje, kodwa ngokuvamile akunjalo ekuphileni kwangempela. Ngaphezu kwalokho, uthando lweqiniso alukwenzi kube lula nje ukunqoba uvivinyo noma ukungaboni ngaso linye, isizinda, izifiso nobuntu. Kunalokho, uthando lusho ukubambisana, ukuzithoba, ubumnene, isineke nokubekezela—izimfanelo umuntu angazalwa nazo.—1 Korinte 13:4-7.

Umfana uyayithola intombi: Inkosana yophula intombi enhle bese ixosha isikhulu. Lo mbhangqwana uyashada uphile kahle ukuphila kwawo konke. Umhleli wamanoveli weluleka ababhali bakusasa: “Isiphetho kufanele kube ukuhlala ngokujabula ukuphila kwabo konke. . . . Umfundi kufanele aneliseke ukuthi umbhangqwana undawonye futhi uyajabula.” Izincwadi zothando azivamile ukuba nabalingiswa asebeneminyaka beshadile. Phakathi naleso sikhathi kungenzeka ukuthi ukungezwani kanye nezinye izinselele nezinkinga kuye kwavivinya ubuhlobo babo. Njengoba izibalo zezehlukaniso zibonisa, ngokuhamba kwesikhathi imishado eminingi iyehluleka ngaphansi kovivinyo.

Yebo, uthando lwasezincwadini lulula kakhulu, uthando lwangempela ludinga ukusetshenzelwa. Ukuqonda umehluko phakathi kwalokhu kokubili kuyokuvikela ekulindeleni izinto eziwubuntwana nezingenakwenzeka. Kuyokuvimba ekwenzeni izinqumo zokuzibopha ngokuphamazela ongase uzisole ngazo ngokuhamba kwesikhathi. Esihlokweni esilandelayo sizohlola ukuthi ungaluhlakulela kanjani uthando lweqiniso olungenabugovu nokuthi ungaba kanjani umuntu othandekayo.

[Amazwi acashunwe esihlokweni ekhasini 5]

Abantu abanothando oluncane nabo bathandwa kancane

[Amazwi acashunwe esihlokweni ekhasini 7]

Uthando lwasezincwadini lulula kakhulu; uthando lwangempela ludinga umzamo

[Ibhokisi/Isithombe ekhasini 6]

Amaqhawe Namaqhawekazi Ezothando

E-United States, ukudayiswa kwamanoveli ezothando kwenza imali engaphezu kwezigidi eziyizinkulungwane eziyisithupha nengxenye zamaRandi. Cishe ingxenye yamanoveli adayiswayo kulelo zwe awezothando. Ngokwezibalo ezikhishwa i-Romance Writers of America, izinto ezintathu eziyinhloko ezibhekwa abafundi emaqhaweni, amaphesenti angu-90 abo okungabesifazane, yizikhwepha, ukubukeka nokuhlakanipha. Izici ezithandwa kakhulu emaqhawekazini ukuhlakanipha, isimo salowo muntu kanye nobuhle.

[Izithombe ekhasini 6, 7]

Imithombo yezindaba kuyaqabukela iveza umbono wangempela ngothando