Intsha Iyabuza . . .

Kungani Kunzima Kangaka Ukuhlala Ningabangane?

ENYE Intombazane yayeka ukukhulumisa uSabina ngenxa nje yokuthi wehluleka ukuphumelela emdlalweni wasesikoleni webaseball Enye intombazane yanqamula ubungane bayo noSabina ngenxa yokuthi wenqaba ukuyisiza ekukopeleni ekuhlolweni. Intombazane yesithathu yayimgxeka futhi imethuka njalo uSabina phambi kwabanye. Ngakho, kaningi uSabina wafunda iqiniso elibuhlungu: Ukulondoloza ubungane akulula ngaso sonke isikhathi.

‘Wembule imfihlo yami! ‘Akanginaki!’ ‘Uhlekisa ngami ngingekho!’ ‘Ngizizwa ngicinaniswa.’ Ubuhlobo obuningi obuseduze buye baphela ngokuqhuma kokukhononda okunjalo.

Ubuhlobo Obulimala Kalula

Kungani ngokuvamile ubungane bubonakala bulimala kalula? IBhayibheli lithi: “Bonke bonile, basilalelwe inkazimulo kaNkulunkulu.” (Roma 3:23) Ngenxa yokungapheleli, akukhona nje kuphela ukuthi sithambekele ekwenzeni amaphutha kodwa asivumelani nakho kokubili uNkulunkulu kanye nabantu esikanye nabo. Sihlushwa imizwa yokuba necala nokungalondeki, sisheshe sithukuthele, sisheshe sibe nomuzwa wokusongelwa. Njengoba futhi sithambekele ekuthukutheleni, ekubeni nenhliziyo encane, ekungabekezelini, nasemoneni—ezinye zezimpawu zokungapheleli—sithambekele kakhulu ‘ekulimazaneni’ kunasekulondolozeni izibopho zobungane.—IzAga 18:24.

Ngakho ubungane bentsha eyeve eshumini elinambili bungalimala kalula. Phakathi kokunye, ubuhlobo obunjalo (ikakhulukazi phakathi kwamantombazane asemancane) ngokuvamile buba obuseduze kakhulu. Futhi nakuba ukuba nomngane ongahlanganyela naye yonke imicabango nemizwa yakho kungaba nezinzuzo zakho, kunayo futhi imiphumela yakho engemihle. Phawula lokho abacwaningi baseSoviet uKon noLosenkov abakuphawula: “Isidingo esijulile sezimfihlo ezihlanganyelwayo singaba umthombo wamandla okungezwani nokuxabana.”

Ukukhula okungokomzwelo okwenzeka phakathi neminyaka yakho yokweva eshumini elinambili nakho kungasebenza ngokumelene nobungane. Njengoba omunye umlobi ekubeka, ngaphambi kwesikhathi sokuthomba “ubuntu bethu abucaci kahle, izithakazelo nemigomo yethu akubonakali kangako; asinawo umuzwa oqine kangako walokho esiyikho ngempela.” Kodwa njengoba sifinyelela ngasekupheleni kweminyaka yethu yokweva eshumini elinambili, “siqala ukuba njengabantu abadala ngokwengeziwe, abantu abanemigomo kanye nezithakazelo zabo siqu. Lokhu . . . kungakwenza kube nzima ukuhlala sisondelene nabangane abadala abakhula ngokungafani nathi. Ngakho-ke ukukhula ngokwehlukana kungokungenakugwenywa.”

Ekugcineni, obunye ubungane busekelwe kakhulu ebugovwini kunasekuthandaneni, esifisweni sokwamukela kunasekuzimiseleni ukupha. Okuhlangenwe nakho kukaSabina (okukhulunywe ngaye ekuqaleni) kubonisa indlela okulula ngayo ukuba lokho okuthiwa ubungane kuphele lapho amathemba obugovu engafinyelelwa. Khona-ke, yini ongayenza uma ubungane obazisayo buphazamiseka?

Thembeka

UJoanna wembula imfihlo komunye wabangane bakhe—indaba yakhe siqu amcela ngokuqondile ukuba angayitsheli-muntu. Ezinsukwini ezimbalwa kamuva, wathola ukuthi kwakunabaningana abanye abase bazi konke ngayo. Ephawula ukuthi umngane wakhe wayengathembekanga kuye, uJoanna wathi: “Ngamxolela, kodwa ngangingeke ngisamethemba futhi. Ubungane bethu ngeke buphinde bufane.” Ngokuqinisekile ukwethembeka kuyingxenye ebalulekile yobungane. IBhayibheli lisitshela ukuthi uDavide noJonathani baze ngisho benza isifungo sokwethembeka komunye nomunye! (1 Samuweli 20:15-17) Kodwa uma umngane edalula imfihlo, ingabe lobobungane sebuphelile?

Hhayi ngempela. Kuyiqiniso, ukwembula imfihlo ngeke kuvunwe. Kodwa ingabe kungaba ukuthi kwakungahlakaniphile ngawe kwasekuqaleni ukuthwesa umngane wakho ngalokho kwaziswa? “Ohamba encetheza uyambula izimfihlakalo,” kuxwayisa isaga. “Ungahlangani naye ovula kakhulu umlomo wakhe.” (IzAga 20:19) Ngokuvamile intsha ayinakho ukuvuthwa kokugcina imfihlo. UDkt. Jane Anderson, oyisazi sezifo zengqondo zentsha, usikhumbuza okunye: “Ngisho nomngane omuhle ngezinye izikhathi angalingekela ekwambuleni imfihlo uma izomenza anakwe noma abe nesikhundla. Lokhu akumenzi abe umuntu omubi—umane nje akavuthiwe.” Ikhambi lingase libe ukuthi wena uthembele kumuntu omdala ovuthiwe lapho unenkinga engathi sína.

Kuthiwani uma kunguwena ophathiswe indaba eyimfihlo? Thembeka “ungambuli imfihlakalo yomunye, funa okuzwayo akuhlazise, nodumo lwakho lungabuyi.”—IzAga 25:9, 10.

‘Ngizizwa Ngicinanisiwe’

Noma nini lapho uJoe ayefuna ukuba nothile—noma nje ukujabulela ukuba yedwa—umngane kaJoe wayecasuka. Ngenxa yalokho, uJoe waqala ukuba nomuzwa wokucindezeleka nokukhungatheka.

Ukuphatha umngane njengokungathi uyimpahla yakho wedwa kungabucinanisa ubungane. Yiqiniso, kumane nje kungokwemvelo ukuzizwa ulimele noma ungalondekile lapho umngane oseduze eqala ukujwayelana nabanye. Kodwa ingabe ukumgodla ngokweqile kuyasithuthukisa isimo? Hhayi ngokwezAga 25:17, ezithi: “Unyawo lwakho malungavami endlini yomakhelwane wakho, funa adinwe nguwe abuye akuzonde.”

UJesu wayesondelene ngokukhethekile nomfundi wakhe uJohane. (Johane 13:23) Nokho, uJesu akazange abakhiphele ngaphandle abanye kodwa wathi ngokuphathelene nabo bonke abafundi bakhe: “Ningabahlobo bami.” (Johane 15:14) Ngokufanayo, ikhona indawo yobunye ubuhlobo ngisho nasebunganeni obuseduze kakhulu. Ngempela, iBhayibheli likhuthaza amaKristu ukuba ‘anuleke’ ebunganeni bawo.—2 Korinte 6:13.

Kodwa kuthiwani uma kunguwena ocinaniswa umngane ongafuni ukuba ube nabanye abangane? Khona-ke “mela indaba yakho nomakhelwane wakho,” futhi wenze umngane wakho ayazi indlela ozizwa ngayo. (IzAga 25:9) Ukuba kwakho nesithakazelo kwabanye abantu nakwezinye izinto kungase kube buhlungu ngempela kumngane wakho. Angase esabe ukuthi lezi izimpawu zokuphela kobungane benu. Qinisekisa umngane wakho ukuthi lokho akunjalo futhi umane nje unesifiso sokuba nendawo eyengeziwe yokuphefumula ebuhlotsheni benu.

Ukungahloniphi

Abacwaningi uYouniss noSmollar bathola ukuthi “izenzo zokungahloniphi” ziphakathi kwezinye izimbangela ezivamile zokuxabana ebunganeni bentsha. Ukukhononda kokuthi ‘ungibiza ngamaganyana ayiziswana!’ noma ukuthi ‘uyangiphoxa phambi kwabanye!’ kuvamile. Kuyavunywa, kuyadumaza ukuphathwa ngonya othile esimthandayo. Nokho, ngokuvamile indlela esiphathwa ngayo ibonisa indlela esibaphatha ngayo abanye. UJesu wathi: “Ngakho-ke konke nokungakanani enifuna ukuba abantu bakwenze kini, kwenzeni nani kanjalo kubo.” Ingabe kungenzeka ukuthi udinga ukusebenzisa loMthetho Wegolide ngokuthe xaxa ebunganeni benu?—Mathewu 7:2, 12.

Omunye umbuzo ongase uwucabangele uwukuthi ingabe awuzange yini wena uzenze isisulu sokugconwa—mhlawumbe ngokukhulumela futhi noma kobuwula. (IzAga 15:2) Uma kunjalo, ungase udinge ukwenza izinguquko. Lapho uJesu ayesemhlabeni, wayehlonishwa ngisho nayizitha zakhe. Kodwa lokho kwakungengoba uJesu ayehamba ephoqelela abantu ukuba bamphathe ngaleyondlela. Cha, waziphatha ngendlela eyayenza ukuba abanye bamphathe ngenhlonipho. Ngokubeka isibonelo sokuvuthwa kobuKristu “ngezwi, nangenkambo,” nawe ngokwakho ungenza okufanayo.—1 Thimothewu 4:12.

Nokho, kuthiwani uma ukuphathwa ngokungenanhlonipho kungenazizathu ngokuphelele? Nalapho, kuyisikhathi sokukhuluma. ‘Ukuphendula esinye isihlathi’ akusho ngempela ukubekezelela ukuphathwa ngokungafanele ungakhulumi. (Mathewu 5:39; qhathanisa neyesi-2 Korinte 11:20.) Ngakho kungani ‘ungakhulumi iqiniso’ nomngane wakho, futhi umenze azi indlela izenzo zakhe ezikuthinta ngayo? (Efesu 4:25) Yisingathe ngomoya ophansi indaba, unesisusa sokubuyisela ubungane benu—hhayi ukuziphindiselela.

“Zama ukugwema ukusho okuthile okunjengokuthi: ‘Ungiphathisa okwesidwedwe!’” kutusa isihloko esikumagazini i’Teen. “Kunalokho, gxila endleleni wena ozizwa ngayo: ‘Ngizizwa ngilimele futhi ngidumazekile lapho ngigconwa noma nginganakwa phakathi kwamanye amantombazane. Kungenza ngizizwe sengathi awungikhathaleli. Ingabe singaxoxa ngakho?’”

USamantha waphoqeleka ukuba abe nengxoxo enjalo engathi sína nomngane. Wathola ukuthi umngane wakhe wayemhleba. USamantha wanquma ukuba akhulume naye ngakho. “Ngangesaba ekuqaleni,” uyakhumbula, “kodwa kwakuwufanele umzamo.” USamantha wathola ukuthi kwakukhona ukungaqondani okuthile nokuthi izinkulumo zomngane wakhe zazingezimbi njengoba ayezwile. (IzAga 15:22) “Manje singabangane abangcono,” kubika uSamantha.

Kuyavunywa, akukhona konke ukuxabana phakathi kwabangane okuba nokuxazululwa okujabulisa kanjalo. Futhi uma umngane wakho engazimisele ukwenza izinguquko noma ezibonakalisa eyigovu, engacabangeli, noma engenasithakazelo emizweni yakho, khona-ke kungaba isikhathi sokufuna umngane kwenye indawo. (IzAga 17:17) Nokho, ngokuvamile ngokuzimisela nangokusebenza engxenyeni yenu nobabili, ubungane bungasindiswa. Futhi lapho ucabanga ngenjabulo ejulile nokwaneliseka okulethwa ubungane obuhle, ingabe akuwufanele yini umzamo onjalo?—IzAga 27:9.

[Isithombe ekhasini 14]

Umuntu ongafuni ukuba umngane wakhe abe nabanye abangane uphatha umngane njengempahla yakhe yedwa