Woba Umarana Umwanya n’Umuryango Wawe?

“BA SEBIBONDO b’Abayapani Barakundwa—Naho Bama mu Buzi Bwabo Ntibakine n’Ababana Babo.” Haciye imyaka mikeyi uwo mutwe w’ikiganiro userutse mu kinyamakuru Mainichi Shimbun. Ico kiganiro cavuze yuko abana 87,8 kw’ijana b’Abayapani bagize uruhara mw’itohoza ryagizwe na Leta, baraseruye icipfuzo co kuzobungabunga ba se muri kazoza. Ariko mu nomero y’Icongereza y’ico kinyamakuru ico kiganiro nyene caraje gifise uwundi mutwe. Wavuga ngo: “Ba Se n’Abahungu Babo Ntibitanaho.” Ico kiganiro nticari nka kimwe co mu nomero y’Ikiyapani, coco cavuga ikindi kintu caserutse muri iryo tohoza nyene, c’uko umusi umwe wose w’akazi, ba se b’Abayapani bamarana n’abana babo iminuta 36 gusa. Ugereranije na bo, usanga ba se b’abana mu Budagi bwo mu Burengero bamarana n’abana babo iminuta 44 ku musi wo hagati mu ndwi, muri Reta Zunze Ubumwe na ho bakamarana na bo iminuta 56.

Si ba se gusa bamarana n’abana babo umwanya muto. Abanarugo bakora hanze y’i muhira baguma barushiriza kuba benshi. Nk’akarorero, abanarugo benshi birerana abana bategerezwa gukora akazi kugira ngo batunge urugo rwabo. Ico bivamwo ni uko umwanya abavyeyi—ni ukuvuga ba serugo na ba inarugo nyene—bamarana n’abana babo ugabanuka.

Mu bushakashatsi bwagizwe mu 1997 ku miyabaga irenga 12 000 b’Abanyamerika, basanze abakiri bato bafitaniye n’abavyeyi babo ubucuti bwa hafi badakunda kurwara akabonge, kugira ivyiyumviro vyo kwiyahura, kuja mu vy’ubukazi canke gufata ibintu biyayura umutwe. Kandi umwe mu bashakashatsi bari muri iryo tohoza rinini yavuze ati: “Ntushobora kugiranira ubunywanyi bwa hafi n’abana bawe kiretse mu gihe bakuronka aho bagukenereye hose.” Kumarana umwanya n’abana bawe be no guseruranira akari ku mutima birafise akamaro cane.

Umukokwe Ubangamira ivy’Ukuyaga

Imiryango abayigize bakunda canecane kubura akanya ko kuyaga ni iyiba irimwo umuvyeyi ataba i muhira ugasanga akorera akazi ahantu ha kure. Birumvikana ko uwo mukokwe uri mu vy’ukuganira udasangwa gusa mu miryango ifise umuvyeyi aba kure y’i muhira. Abavyeyi bamwebamwe, naho boba baba i muhira, baja ku kazi imbere y’uko abana babo bikangura hanyuma bagahinguka bamaze kuja kuryama. Kugira ngo abavyeyi bamwebamwe birihe umwanya babura wo kubonana n’abana babo, bamarana umwanya n’umuryango ku mawikendi no ku misi y’akaruhuko. Bavuga yuko bamarana n’abana babo ico bita umwanya “w’agaciro.”

Yamara none, twovuga yuko habonetse umwanya muto ariko bakawukoresha neza biba bihagije? Umushakashatsi umwe yitwa Laurence Steinberg yishura ati: “Mu bisanzwe abana bamarana n’abavyeyi babo umwanya munini, usanga bakora neza kuruta abana bamarana na bo umwanya muto. Bisa n’ibigoye cane kuronka igisubirira uwo mwanya ubura. Ivy’umwanya w’agaciro vyarashizwe hejuru birenze.” Ukwo ni ko nyene umugore umwe wo muri Birimaniya avyibaza. Umunega wiwe—akaba yari Umuyapani nyawe—imisi yose agodoka isaha indwi canke umunani z’ijoro. Naho amarana umwanya n’umuryango wiwe mu mawikendi, umukenyezi wiwe avuga ati: “Kuba i muhira ku misi ya Gatandatu no ku y’Iyinga ntibishobora kuzibira umukokwe wo kutaba kumwe n’umuryango ku yindi misi y’umushamvu. . . . Mbega woshobora kureka gufungura ku misi yo hagati mu ndwi hanyuma ivyo wofunguye mu mushamvu ukabirira hamwe ku ya Gatandatu no ku y’Iyinga?”

Akigoro Kavuye ku Mutima Karakenewe

Kuguma umuntu aseruranira neza akari ku mutima n’abo mu muryango wiwe vyoroshe kuvuga ntivyoroshe gukora. Ico ukwibeshaho gusaba hamwe n’ukuronsa umuryango ivyo ukeneye ntivyorohereza serugo canke inarugo akora akazi kumarana umwanya n’umuryango wiwe. Igihe abenshi usanga ivyabo bisaba ko baba kure y’i muhira, baraganira ubudahengeshanya n’ababo mu kubatera akamo kuri terefone canke mu kubandikira amakete. Ariko baba babana i muhira canke ntibabane, akigoro kavuye ku mutima karakenewe kugira ngo mu muryango bagume baseruranira akari ku mutima.

Abavyeyi baterwa ubuyega no kuganira n’abo mu muryango wabo birabazanira inkurikizi zibabaje. Hariho serugo umwe yamarana n’umuryango wiwe akanya gato, eka no gusangira ntibanasangire, biraheza bimuzanira inkurikizi zikomeye. Umwana wiwe yacitse inkazi, umukobwa wiwe na we afatwa yiba mu mangazini. Igihe kimwe ku musi w’Iyinga mu gitondo, bugingo se w’abo bana yariko yitegurira kuja ku kibuga bakinirako urukino bita golf, umuhungu wiwe yariyadukije arakankama ati: “Mbega mawe ni we muvyeyi wenyene ari muri uru rugo?” Uwo muhungu yarize avuga ati: “Mawe ni we afata ingingo zose muri uru rugo. Da, wewe ntiwigera . . . . ”

Ayo majambo yatumye uwo se azirikana. Amaherezo yafashe ingingo y’uko mu gutangura akwiye kuza arasangira n’umuryango wiwe akavunamusase. Ubwa mbere yasangira n’umugore wiwe gusa. Buhorobuhoro, abana bagiye barabiyungako, hanyuma ku meza hacika ahantu ho guseruriranira akari ku mutima. Ivyo vyatumye uwo muryango uza urasangirira hamwe utwo ku mugoroba. Urumva rero ko uwo mugabo yari mu nzira yo gukiza urugo rwiwe ntirusenyuke ngo rugireko.

Imfashanyo Iva mw’Ijambo ry’Imana

Bibiliya iremesha abavyeyi gufata umwanya wo kuganira n’abana babo. Biciye ku muhanuzi Musa, Abisirayeli babwirijwe ngo: “Ni mwumve, yemwe Bisirayeli: [Yehova] Imana yacu ni we [Yehova] wenyene; kandi mukundishe [Yehova] Imana yanyu imitima yanyu yose, n’ubugingo bganyu bgose, n’inkomezi zanyu zose. Ayo mabgirizwa mbageze uyu musi, az’ahore ku mitima yanyu: muze mugire umwete wo kuyigisha abana banyu; muze muyahoze mu kanwa iyo mwicaye mu nzu, n’iyo muriko muragenda mu nzira, n’iyo muryamye, n’iyo muvyutse.” (Gusubira mu Vyagezwe 6:4-7) Ni vyo, muri twebwe abafise ibanga ryo kuba abavyeyi barakwiye kwibwiriza kumarana umwanya n’abo mu muryango wabo niba dushaka gushira amajambo y’Imana mu mizirikanyi no mu mitima y’abana.

Igishimishije ni uko rya tohoza tumaze kuvuga ryaba mu 1997 ryagizwe ku miyabaga barenga 12 000 b’Abanyamerika ryahishuye yuko “mu bantu bababa 88 kw’ijana . . . bavuze ko bafise idini barimwo, agaciro gahabwa idini n’isengesho kababereye uburinzi.” Abakirisu b’ukuri baratahura yuko inyigisho ibereye y’ivy’idini itangirwa i muhira irinda urwaruka ibintu nk’ukumogorera ibiyayura umutwe, ukurwara akabonge, ukwiyahura, ubukazi, n’ibindi n’ibindi.

Hari abavyeyi bumva ko bigoye kuronka umwanya wo kumarana n’imiryango yabo. Ivyo canecane ni ko usanga bimeze ku banarugo bareze abana ari bonyene, kuko boshima kumarana n’abana babo umwanya mugabo bakaba bategerezwa gukora akazi. Bashobora gute kuronka umwanya w’agaciro wo kumarana n’umuryango wabo n’aho kuwuronka bitoroshe? Bibiliya ihimiriza iti: “Ugumye ubgenge buroranye n’[“ububasha bwo kwiyumvira,” NW].” (Imigani 3:21) Abavyeyi barashobora gukoresha “ububasha bwo kwiyumvira” kugira ngo baronderere umwanya umuryango wabo. Bobigira gute?

Nimba uri inarugo akora akazi ukaba wama wumva urushe inyuma y’akazi, ubona gute usavye abana bawe ngo mutegurire hamwe ibifungurwa? Umwanya nk’uwo mwoba mumaranye wobaha akaryo ko kurushiriza gufatana mu nda. Mu ntango, ushizemwo abana bawe vyoshobora gufata igihe ciyongereye. Ariko bidatevye, uzosanga biryoshe, kandi mbere binatume mucungura umwanya.

Ushobora kuba uri se w’abana afise urutonde rurerure cane rw’ibintu vyo gukora mu mawikendi. Ni kuki none tumwetumwe muri utwo dukorwa utodukorera hamwe n’abana bawe? Murashobora kuganira mu gihe muriko murakorera hamwe, kandi ico gihe nyene ukabamenyereza no mu bintu vy’ingirakamaro. Inkeburo Bibiliya ibaha y’uko mwokwigisha abana banyu amajambo y’Imana irabaremesha kuganira na bo “iyo mwicaye mu nzu, n’iyo muriko muragenda mu nzira,” eka ku karyo kose kabonetse. Museruraniye n’abana banyu akari ku mutima igihe mukorera hamwe, vyoba bigaragaje “ubgenge buroranye.”

Kumarana umwanya n’abo mu muryango wawe bizovamwo ivyiza biramba. Hari umugani wa Bibiliya uvuga uti: “Ubgenge bubana n’abemera inama nziza.” (Imigani 13:10) Niwafata umwanya wo kuganira n’umuryango wawe, uzoheza ushobore kubaha ubuyobozi buranga ubukerebutsi mu ngorane za misi yose bahura na zo. Mwene ubwo buyobozi butangwa ico gihe burashobora gucungura umwanya munini, bukanakinga umubabaro wo mu mutima mwohava mugira muri kazoza. Vyongeye, birashobora kubongerereza agahimbare, mwebwe n’abana banyu. Kugira ngo mutange ubuyobozi mwene ubwo, murakeneye kuvoma muri rya tangi ry’ubwenge dusanga mw’Ijambo ry’Imana, ari ryo Bibiliya. Nimurikoreshe kugira ngo mwigishe abana banyu mwongere muyobore intambwe z’urugo rwanyu.—Zaburi 119:105.

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Abakiri bato bafitaniye n’abavyeyi babo ubucuti bwa hafi ntibakunda kurwara akabonge

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Igihe abo mu muryango baseruranira akari ku mutima neza bibazanira ivyiza vyinshi

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Mu gihe ukorera hamwe n’umwana wawe, urashobora kuza uraseruranira na we akari ku mutima kandi ukamumenyereza mu bintu vy’ingirakamaro