Achichepere Akufunsa Kuti . . .

Kodi Nchifukwa Ninji Chiri Chovuta Kukhalabe Mabwenzi?

MTSIKANA wina analeka kulankhula ndi Sabina kokha chifukwa chakuti analephera kugoletsa pa maseŵera a baseball ku sukulu. Mtsikana wina anathetsa ubwenzi wawo chifukwa chakuti Sabina anakana kumthandiza iye kunyenga pamayeso. Mtsikana wachitatu anali kusuliza ndi kutukwana Sabina nthaŵi zonse pamaso pa ena. Chotero Sabina anadziŵa chowonadi chomwe kaŵirikaŵiri chimakhala chovuta: Kusungirira ubwenzi sikuli kopepuka nthaŵi zonse.

‘Sanasunge chinsinsi changa!’ ‘Iye amandinyalanyaza!’ ‘Anali kundijeda mseri!’ ‘Ndimadzimva wokhumudwitsidwa.’ Maubwenzi amphamvu ambiri athetsedwa pansi pa zodandaula zofananazo.

Maubwenzi Osalimba

Kodi nchifukwa ninji maubwenzi kaŵirikaŵiri amatsimikizira kukhala osalimba? Baibulo likunena kuti: “Onse anachimwa, napereŵera pa ulemerero wa Mulungu.” (Aroma 3:23) Chifukwa cha kupanda ungwiro, sitiri kokha okhoterera ku kulakwa koma sitiri m’chigwirizano ndi Mulungu ndi anthu anzathu. Ndife okanthidwa ndi malingaliro a liwongo ndi kupanda chisungiko, kufulumira kubwezera, kufulumira kuwopsyezedwa. Popeza kuti tiri okhoterera chotero ku mkwiyo, kukwiya msanga, kusaleza mtima, ndi nsanje—zizindikiritso zina za kupanda ungwiro—tiri okhoterera koposa “kudziwononga” koposa kusungirira zomangira zaubwenzi.—Miyambo 18:24.

Chotero ubwenzi wa achichepere ungakhale wosalimba. Chifukwa chimodzi chiri chakuti, unansi woterowo (makamaka pakati pa atsikana achichepere) kaŵirikaŵiri umakhala wathithithi kwambiri. Ndipo pamene kuli kwakuti kukhala ndi bwenzi logawana naye lingaliro lirilonse ndi kudzimva kulikonse kungakhale ndi zabwino zake, iko kulinso ndi zokhumudwitsa zake. Onani chimene ofufuza a ku Soviet Kon ndi Losenkov ananena kuti: “Chifuno champhamvu cha zidaliro zogawanidwa chingakhale magwero amphamvu a kusamvana ndi kukangana.”

Kukula kwa malingaliro komwe kumachitika mkati mwa zaka zanu zauchichepere kungagwirenso ntchito motsutsana ndi ubwenzi. Monga mmene wolemba mmodzi anachiikira icho, unamwali usanafike “maumunthu athu amakhala osazindikirika, zikondwerero ndi zonulirapo zathu zimakhala zosatsimikizirika; sitikhala ndi lingaliro lamphamvu la amene tiri.” Koma pamene tikuyandikira kumapeto kwa zaka zathu zauchichepere, “timayamba kukhala monga achikulire, anthu okhala ndi zonulirapo zathu ndi zolinga ndiponso zikondwerero. Izi . . . zingachipangitse kukhalabe chovuta kukhala oyandikana ndi mabwenzi akale omwe akukula mosiyana ndi mmene tikuchitira. Chotero kulekana kuli kosapeŵeka.”

Pomalizira pake, maubwenzi ena amazikidwa mokulira pa dyera koposa pa chikondi chenicheni, mokulira pa chilakolako cha kulandira kuposa kufunitsitsa kwa kupereka. Chokumana nacho cha Sabina (chotchulidwa poyambirirapo) chimasonyeza mmene maubwenzi oterowo angathere mosavuta pamene zoyembekezera zadyera sizinafikiridwe. Pamenepo, kodi nchiyani chimene mungachite ngati ubwenzi wokondedwa ukunyonyotsoka?

Khalani Okhulupirika

Joanna anaikizira mmodzi wa mabwenzi ake chinsinsi—nkhani yaumwini yomwe anampempha mwachindunji kuti asawuze aliyense. Masiku oŵerengeka pambuyo pake, iye anapeza kuti ena oŵerengeka anadziŵa zonse ponena za nkhaniyo. Pozindikira kuti bwenzi lake linamunyenga, Joanna ananena kuti: “Ndinamkhululukira iye, koma sindikanathanso kumukhulupirira. Ubwenzi wathu sudzakhalanso monga poyamba.” Kukhulupirika kulidi mbali yofunika koposa ya ubwenzi. Baibulo limatiwuza kuti Davide ndi Jonatani anafikira pa kupanga lumbiro la kukhulupirika kwa wina ndi mnzake! (1 Samueli 20:15-17) Koma ngati bwenzi liulula chinsinsi, kodi ubwenzi umenewo watha?

Osati kwenikweni. Zowona, kuulula choikiziridwa sikungalekereredwe. Koma kodi chingakhale chifukwa chakuti kunali kupanda nzeru kumbali yanu kuika katundu wa chidziŵitso cholemetsa pa bwenzi lanu pa nthaŵi yoyambayo? “Wamiseche sangasunge konse chinsinsi,” ukuchenjeza tero mwambi. “Dzipatuleni kwa anthu olankhulalankhula.” (Miyambo 20:19, Today’s English Version) Achichepere kaŵirikaŵiri sakhala ndi uchikulire wa kusunga chinsinsi. Dr. Jane Anderson, katswiri wa matenda a maganizo a achichepere, akutikumbutsa mowonjezereka kuti: “Ngakhaledi bwenzi labwino pa nthaŵi zina lingayesedwe kuvumbula chinsinsi ngati chikampatsa [mwamunayo kapena mkaziyo] kumveka ndi kutchuka. Ichi sichimapangitsa [mwamunayo kapena mkaziyo] kukhala munthu woipa—kuli kokha kusakhwima.” Yankho lingakhale lakuti inu mudzidalira munthu wachikulire pamene muli ndi vuto lalikulu.

Bwanji ngati ndinu amene mwaikiziridwa nkhani yachinsinsi? Khalani okhulupirika ndipo “musavumbule chinsinsi cha wina, kupanda apo adzakudzudzulani pamene amva za icho ndipo kupanda nzeru kwanu kudzakhala kosaiwalika.”—Miyambo 25:9, 10, The New English Bible.

‘Ndikudzimva Kukhala Wokhumudwitsidwa’

Nthaŵi iriyonse pamene Joe anafuna kukhala ndi wina wake—kapena kukhala yekha—bwenzi la Joe linkakhumudwa. Monga chotulukapo chake, Joe anayamba kudzimva wodidikizidwa ndi wokwiyitsidwa.

Kuchitira bwenzi lanu ngati kuti anali katundu wanu weniweni kungaipitse ubwenziwo. Zowona, chiridi chachibadwa kudzimva wokhumudwa ndi wopanda chisungiko pamene bwenzi lapafupi liyamba kuyanjana ndi ena. Koma kodi kukhala wochinjiriza motsendereza kungawongolere mkhalidwewo? Osati mogwirizana ndi Miyambo 25:17 (NEB), imene imanena kuti: “Khalani wa apa ndi apo m’maulendo anu ku nyumba ya mnansi wanu, ngati akuwonani mobwerezabwereza, adzakudani.”

Yesu Kristu anali woyandikana koposa kwa wophunzira wake Yohane. (Yohane 13:23) Komabe, Yesu sanawapatule ena koma analengeza izi ponena za ophunzira ake onse: “Muli abwenzi anga.” (Yohane 15:14) Mofananamo, ngakhale patakhala maubwenzi achifupi koposa pali malo ofunira maunansi ena. Ndithudi, Baibulo limafulumiza Akristu ‘kufutukuka’ m’maubwenzi awo.—2 Akorinto 6:13.

Bwanji ngati ndinu amene mukukhumudwitsidwa ndi bwenzi lopondereza? Pamenepo “nena mlandu wako ndi mnzako,” ndipo lolani bwenzi lanu kudziŵa mmene mukudzimverera. (Miyambo 25:9) Kutenga kwanu chikondwerero mwa anthu ena ndi zinthu zina kungakhale kopweteka kwa bwenzi lanu. Mwamunayo kapena mkaziyo angawope kuti ichi chimasonyeza kutha kwa ubwenzi wanu. Litsimikizireni bwenzi lanu kuti mmenemo simmene ziriri ndipo kuti mukungolakalaka kufutukula unansi wanu.

Kupanda Ulemu

Ofufuza Youniss ndi Smollar apeza kuti “machitidwe opanda ulemu” ali pakati pa zochititsa zofala zambiri za kukangana m’maubwenzi a achichepere. Zodandaula zakuti ‘amalankhula mawu oipa kwa ine!’ kapena kuti ‘amandichititsa manyazi pamaso pa ena!’ ziri zofala. Mosapita m’mbali, chimapweteka kuchitiridwa mopanda chifundo ndi winawake amene timakonda. Komabe, njira imene timachitiridwa kaŵirikaŵiri imasonyeza njira imene timachitira ena. Yesu ananena kuti: “Chifukwa chake zinthu zirizonse mukafuna kuti anthu achitire inu, inunso muwachitire iwo zoterozo.” Kodi mwinamwake inu mufunikira kugwiritsira ntchito Lamulo Lalikulu moposerapo pang’ono mu ubwenzi wanu?—Mateyu 7:2, 12.

Funso lina lomwe mungakhoze kulingalira liri lakuti kaya inu mwadzikhazikitsa inumwini monga chandamale cha kusekedwa—mwinamwake chifukwa cha kulankhula mopambanitsa kapena mopusa. (Miyambo 15:2) Ngati ndi tero, mungafunikire kusintha. Pamene Yesu anali pa dziko lapansi, analidi ndi ulemu kwa adani ake. Koma chimenecho sichinali chifukwa chakuti Yesu anapitapita akumapempha anthu kumchitira iye m’njira yoteroyo. Ayi, iye anadzisamalira yekha m’njira yomwe inaitanira kuchitiridwa mwaulemu ndi ena. Mwa kukhazikitsa chitsanzo chauchikulire Wachikristu ‘m’kulankhula ndi m’mayendedwe,’ inu mungakwaniritse chinthu chofananacho inumwini.—1 Timoteo 4:12.

Chotero, bwanji ngati kuchitiridwa kopanda ulemu kuli kosayenerera nkomwe? Kachiŵirinso, ndiyo nthaŵi ya kulankhula. ‘Kutembenuzira tsaya lina’ sikumatanthauza m’chenicheni kupirira ndi kuchitiridwa kosalungama mwakachetechete. (Mateyu 5:39; yerekenani ndi 2 Akorinto 11:20.) Chotero bwanji “osalankhula chowonadi” ndi bwenzi lanu, ndi kumulola mwamunayo kapena mkaziyo kudziŵa mmene machitidwe ake amakuyambukirirani? (Aefeso 4:25) Ifikireni nkhaniyo mwabata, ndi cholinga cha kukonza ubwenzi wanu—osati kubwezera.

“Yesani kupeŵa chinachake chonga: ‘Umandiyesa wopusa!’” inayamikira tero nkhani ya mu magazine ya ’Teen. “M’malo mwake, lunjikitsani mmene inu mumadzimverera: ‘Ndimadzimva wopwetekedwa ndi wochititsidwa manyazi pamene ndisekedwa kapena kunyalanyazidwa pamaso pa atsikana ena. Chimandipangitsa kudzimva monga susamala konse ponena za ine. Kodi tingalankhule za icho?”

Samantha anakakamizika kukhala ndi kukambitsirana kosamalitsa koteroko ndi bwenzi lake. Iye anapeza kuti bwenzi lake linali kulankhula zoipa ponena za iye mseri. Samantha anasankha kulankhula kwa iye ponena za icho. “Poyamba ndinali kuchita mantha,” iye akukumbukira tero, “koma chinali choyenerera.” Samantha anadziŵa kuti kusamvana kwinakwake kunaloŵetsedwamo ndi kuti ndemanga za bwenzi lake sizinali zoipa monga momwe zinasimbidwira. (Miyambo 15:22) “Tsopano ndife mabwenzi abwino koposa,” akusimba choncho Samantha.

Movomerezeka, sikusemphana konse pakati pa mabwenzi komwe kumakhala ndi mapeto achimwemwe oterowo. Ndipo ngati bwenzi lanu siliri lofunitsitsa kupanga masinthidwe kapena likutsimikiza kukhala ladyera, losalingalira, kapena losakondweretsedwa m’maganizo anu, pamenepo ingakhale nthaŵi yabwino kufuna ubwenzi kwinakwake. (Miyambo 17:17) Komabe, kaŵirikaŵiri, ndi kugamulapo ndi kukangalika ku mbali ya nonse aŵirinu, ubwenziwo ungawongoleredwe. Ndipo pamene mulingalira chisangalalo chozama ndi chikhutiritso chimene ubwenzi wabwino umabweretsa, kodi kuyesayesa koteroko sikuli koyenerera?—Miyambo 27:9.

[Chithunzi patsamba 14]

Munthu wopondereza amachitira bwenzi lake monga katundu waumwini