IMIBUZO EBUZWA NGABASAKHULAYO
Ngikhangeleka Njani?
Kungani kumele ube lendaba lokuthi ugqokani? Kungenxa yokuthi izigqoko zitsho okunengi ngawe. Ezakho zitshengisa ukuthi ungumuntu onjani?
Yiwaphi amaphutha amathathu ayenziwa ngabantu endabeni zokugqoka futhi ungawabalekela njani?
Iphutha #1: Ukuvumela ezokuthengiselana zitsho ukuthi kumele ugqoke njani.
Omunye osakhulayo okuthiwa nguTheresa uthi: “Kwezinye izikhathi ngiyakhangwa yindlela ethile yokugqoka ngenxa yama-advert aphumayo atshengisa leyonto. Nxa ingqondo yakho ingagcwala ngabantu abagqoke ngendlela ethile, kubanzima ukuthi ungabalandeli.”
Amankazana ayisiwo wodwa aphanjaniswa ngama-advert. Elinye ibhuku elithi Everything Guide to Raising Adolescent Boys lithi: “Abafana labo bayaphanjaniswa yizinto eziphumayo ezimayelana lokugqoka. Bahlala bebona izinto ezikhangiswayo ezenzelwe ukuthi zibakhange.”
Okuncedayo: IBhayibhili lithi: “Umuntu ongelalwazi ukholwa loba yini ayizwayo, Kodwa okhaliphileyo uyacabangisisa ngawo wonke amanyathelo akhe.” (IZaga 14:15) Yikho landela okutshiwo yivesi le ngokuhlola loba yini oyibona itshengiswa kuma-advert. Ngokwesibonelo nxa ungabona izigqoko okuthiwa ziyakhanga zibuze imibuzo elandelayo:
‘Ngubani ozuzayo nxa ngingalandela indlela le yokugqoka?’
‘Kuzakwenza ngikhanye ngingumuntu onjani?’
‘Yikho yini mina engiyikho lengikukholwayo?’
Icebo elingakunceda: Okweviki eyodwa khangelisisa ama-advert loba okunye nje okwezempucuko okutshengisa izigqoko. Kukukhuthazani? Kulokunye yini okutshiwo kuma-advert lawo okwenzelwe ukukukhuthaza ukuthi ugqoke ngendlela ethile? Omunye osakhulayo okuthiwa nguKaren uthi: “Abantu abanengi bafuna ukubukeka kuhle, bagqoke kuhle futhi bagqoke ngendlela etshengisa imizimba yabo emihle. Abantu abenza ama-advert abakunanzelelayo lokho badonsa abasakhulayo abanengi.”
Iphutha #2: Ukugqoka ngendlela ethile ukuze ufanane labanengi.
Omunye osakhulayo okuthiwa nguManuel uthi: “Nxa indlela ethile yokugqoka kuyiyo ethandwayo, wonke umuntu uyabe efuna ukugqoka ngaleyondlela. Nxa wena ungayekela ukwenza njalo abantu bayakukhangela ngelinye ilihlo.” Omunye osakhulayo okuthiwa ngu-Anna laye uyakuvuma lokho, uthi: “Umuntu ugqoka ngendlela ethile ukuze afanane labanye.”
Okungakunceda: IBhayibhili lithi: “Yekelani ukubunjwa ngumumo lo wezinto.” (KwabaseRoma 12:2) Yikho usebenzisa icebo lelo, khangela izigqoko olazo ubusuzibuza imibuzo elandelayo:
‘Kuyini okwenza ngikhethe izigqoko engizigqokayo?’
‘Ngikuqakathekisa kangakanani ukuthenga izigqoko ezamabizo athile?’
‘Ngigqokela ukubukwa ngabantu abathile yini?’
Icebo elingakunceda: Gqoka ngendlela ezakwenza usuthiseke kulokuthi ucabange ngokuthi into ethile yiyo ethandwayo. Kumbe yiyo ezakwenza abantu bakwamukele loba ukuthi yisidala futhi abantu bazakukhangela ngelinye ilihlo. Lokhu kuzakwenza ungakhathazeki ngokufuna ukufanana labanengi.
Iphutha #3: Ukucabanga ngokugqoka okukhanga abesilisa.
Enye inkazana okuthiwa nguJennifer ithi: “Kwezinye izikhathi uyezwa ulingeka ukugqoka okufitshane kakhulu, kumbe okubamba kakhulu loba okuveza umzimba.”
Okuncedayo: IBhayibhili lithi: ‘Ukuceca kwenu akungabi ngokwangaphandle kodwa akube ngokomuntu ofihlakeleyo wenhliziyo.’ (1 UPhetro 3:3, 4) Usebenzisa lokhu, cabanga ngokuthi kuyini okukhanga kakhulu, izigqoko ezenza ubukwe ngabantu kumbe ubuntu obenza abantu bakuthande.
Icebo elingakunceda: Okuqakathekileyo yikugqoka ngendlela elesithunzi. Kuliqiniso ukuthi lokho akwandanga lezinsuku kodwa cabanga ngalokhu okulandelayo:
Wake waxoxa lomuntu okhuluma kakhulu yini oyabe elokhu ekutshela ngaye kuphela? Okudanisayo yikuthi uyabe engakwazi ukuthi akwenzayo kuyakudina.
Lokho esikugqokayo kungafanana lalokho esikukhulumayo, kungenza kukhanye angani sifuna abantu bakhangele thina kuphela, njalo lokho kungenza abanye bangafuni ukuba seduze kwethu
Nxa ungagqoka ngendlela engelasithunzi, uyabe usufanana lomuntu lowo. Kuyabe kungani uthi ‘ngikhangelani’ futhi kungenza ukhanye uzithanda kakhulu kumbe uzikhangelela phansi. Kuyabe kusenza lokuthi ukhanye womele ukubukwa lanxa lokho kungenza ubukwe ngabantu abangayisibo.
Zama ukugqoka ngendlela elesithunzi. Omunye osakhulayo okuthiwa nguMonica uthi: “Ukugqoka ngendlela elesithunzi akutsho ukuthi sekumele ugqoke njengogogo wakho. Kutsho ukuthi uyazihlonipha wena njalo uyabahlonipha labanye.”