How to Help Our Unbelieving Relatives

1-2. What may have affected our relationships with our relatives when we first learned the truth?

JESUS said to a man who wanted to become his follower: “Go home to your relatives, and report to them all the things Jehovah has done for you.” (Mark 5:19) In saying that, Jesus acknowledged a natural human trait​—the desire to share good news with our loved ones.

² Do you recall how you felt when you first learned the good news? You likely could not keep it to yourself! Your loved ones, however, may not have responded positively. Or the way you presented the truth may have caused friction between you and them. If so, how can you maintain or restore good relationships with your relatives without compromising Christian standards?

3. What will we discuss in this article?

³ In this article, we will see: (1) How compassion can motivate us to take a personal interest in our unbelieving relatives,a even if they do not respond; (2) how to look beyond negative words and actions; (3) how our patient and hopeful attitude can help our relatives recognize the truth; and (4) how we can show them that we love them.

LET COMPASSION MOTIVATE YOU TO HELP THEM

4. How did Jesus respond to those who were indifferent to his message?

⁴ Jesus did not quickly give up on those who were indifferent to his message. He compared himself to a worker in a vineyard who spared no effort in order to get an unproductive fig tree to bear fruit. (Luke 13:6-9) When Jesus gave that illustration, he had been trying to cultivate faith among his fellow Jews for more than three years. Why did he keep trying to help them? Jesus had compassion for people, and that helped him to be patient with them.

5. What motivated Jesus to show compassion to his fellow Jews?

⁵ Jesus felt compassion for his fellow Jews because the religious leaders had failed to help them develop true faith in God. Jesus saw that the people were “as sheep without a shepherd.” (Mark 6:34) Shortly before his death, Jesus even wept over Jerusalem because he knew that most of its inhabitants would lose their lives because of a lack of faith. (Luke 19:41-44) When we develop similar warm feelings for our relatives, we will be motivated to help them.

6. Why should we be patient with our unbelieving relatives? (Galatians 6:9)

⁶ Read Galatians 6:9. Even if our relatives are not yet interested in our beliefs, we should be patient with them and not give up in “doing what is fine.” We know that it takes time for a person to overcome deep-seated prejudice and to build faith. At one time, were you like those who had “no hope and were without God in the world”? (Eph. 2:12) If so, no doubt someone came to your aid. Are you not also moved to help fill the spiritual needs of your family, if possible?

LOOK BEYOND NEGATIVE WORDS AND ACTIONS

7. What may have prevented Jesus’ half brothers from putting faith in him?

⁷ Jesus’ half brothers likely heard about the miracles Jesus performed in Galilee. (Luke 4:14, 22-24) At first, though, they did not put faith in him. (John 7:5) Why? The Bible does not say. But it reveals at least two things that held back some Jews from becoming Jesus’ disciples. Some were afraid of being rejected by the community. (John 9:18-22) Others had known Jesus from his youth and could not imagine him as God’s representative. (Mark 6:1-4) Jesus’ half brothers may also have been affected by this kind of thinking. Could similar factors affect our loved ones?

8. What may cause unbelieving relatives to speak or act unkindly?

⁸ Consider the motives behind their words and actions. Jesus’ brothers may have been among the relatives who once said that he had “gone out of his mind.” (Mark 3:21) Why might they have come to that conclusion? The context shows that Jesus was so much in demand that he did not even have time to eat a meal. (Mark 3:20) Did his relatives think that he was being fanatical? It is possible. Our relatives may think that we take our religion far too seriously. If they feel that way, we do well to show by our actions how reasonable we truly are.

9. What might help our relatives to change how they feel about us? (1 Peter 3:1, 2) (See also pictures.)

⁹ Let your conduct speak for you. Our kind words and actions can move our relatives to change the way they feel about us. (Read 1 Peter 3:1, 2.) An unbelieving husband could easily feel left out or upset when his wife attends congregation meetings or goes out in the ministry. Because she does not want him to feel that way, she might adjust her schedule of spiritual activities in order to spend more time with him. For example, she could share in the ministry when her husband is busy or not at home. By being flexible and reasonable, a Christian wife might help her husband to reconsider his opinion of the Witnesses.

10. When we are criticized, how can we imitate Jesus?

¹⁰ Do not feel pressured to respond to all criticism. When Jesus was falsely accused of eating and drinking too much, he did not become defensive. Instead, he encouraged people to look at the facts. (Matt. 11:19) He also showed by his example that he had a balanced view of life. (Compare John 2:2, 6-10.) Likewise, do not feel that you have to respond to every criticism. Rather, show your relatives through your actions that you are balanced and happy and let them draw their own conclusions. They may be moved to reject false information that they have heard about us.

REMAIN PATIENT AND HOPEFUL

11. How did Jesus deal with his unbelieving siblings?

¹¹ The Gospel accounts indicate that Jesus remained patient with his brothers. For example, they too were evidently in Cana when Jesus performed his first miracle. (John 2:11, 12) As mentioned earlier, Jesus’ siblings did not put faith in him. However, Jesus did not cut ties with them. The Bible reveals that about three years after his first miracle in Cana, Jesus was speaking kindly to his brothers.​—John 7:5-8.

12. What can help us to remain hopeful that some of our relatives will have a change of heart?

¹² Our clear understanding of Jehovah’s mercy can help us to remain hopeful. When false religion comes to an end, our relatives may recall that we had told them about this event.b (Rev. 17:16) They may even join us in pure worship after the great tribulation starts. And if our relatives are facing hard times now, we will certainly do all we can to be there for them. Perhaps they will be more receptive to Bible truths as they see that our love and kindness are genuine.

SHOW THEM THAT YOU LOVE THEM

13. Though we are busy in Jehovah’s service, what should we be careful about?

¹³ Even though we are busy serving Jehovah, we do not want to give our relatives the impression that we have no time for them or that we no longer love them. (Matt. 7:12) How can we show that we care about them? Consider a few ways.

14-15. What is one way to show that we love our unbelieving relatives? Give an example.

¹⁴ Keep in touch, and express your love for them. We show that we love our relatives by regularly letting them know how we are doing. For example, we could send them a text message along with a few pictures taken during a vacation, a trip, or a get-together with friends. A modest gift or a kind letter may be all that is needed to improve the relationship. By taking the initiative in such ways, we tell them that we love them.

¹⁵ Consider the example of Anna, a sister in Armenia. Her family spends a lot of time together, especially during birthdays and holidays. When Anna accepted the truth, her relatives began to worry about how her new faith would affect their relationship. They were also worried about how her decision to become a Witness would affect her future. How does Anna ease their concerns? “When I visit my relatives,” she says, “I share information about my life and what has kept me busy. I also invite them to my place and introduce them to my friends. As a result, most of my relatives are well-acquainted with those I am close with and feel comfortable with them.” She adds: “Many of my relatives have commented on how happy I am, and they no longer worry about me.”

16. How did Jesus show personal interest in his half brother James? (See also footnote.)

¹⁶ Take an interest in their lives. After being resurrected, Jesus showed interest in his brother James by appearing to him personally. (1 Cor. 15:7) Can you imagine how James must have felt when he realized that Jesus had not given up on him? This reunion likely convinced James that Jesus was the Messiah. After that meeting, James may have helped other members of his family to come to the right conclusion about Jesus’ identity.c​—Acts 1:14.

17. How can we apply the principle found at Romans 12:15? (See also picture.)

¹⁷ Read Romans 12:15. If we show interest in our loved ones when they need it most​—both in good times and in bad times—​we may help them to change their attitude toward us.d For example, we could congratulate them on the birth of a child and give them a gift to show that we share in their happiness. When family members lose a loved one in death, we could speak consolingly to them, offer some practical help, or send them a comforting card. And of course, we could check on them regularly, especially when they are facing hard times.

18. How can we imitate the disciple Andrew?

¹⁸ Introduce them to fellow believers. When the disciple Andrew identified Jesus as the Messiah, Andrew eagerly introduced his brother Peter to Jesus. (John 1:40-42) Can we do something similar? For example, could we occasionally invite a relative to a meeting or to a meal with our friends? As we introduce him to fellow believers, he will see that Witnesses are normal, decent people.

19. Even if our relatives do not fully understand some of our beliefs, how should we treat them? (1 Peter 3:15)

¹⁹ Read 1 Peter 3:15. Our family members may not fully understand why we refuse to do certain things, but they will always remember our kind and respectful ways. They may also appreciate our effort to make up for the time we cannot spend with them on some occasions. For example, we cannot participate in unscriptural celebrations and customs, but we can visit them, have meals together, and give gifts at other times.

NEVER GIVE UP ON YOUR RELATIVES

20. Why is James’ example encouraging for us?

²⁰ James missed the opportunity to accompany Jesus in his ministry, but he eventually became a disciple. (Gal. 1:18, 19; 2:9) Though not an early disciple, James obviously took to heart Jesus’ teachings. For example, under inspiration he wrote a letter that alludes to the Sermon on the Mount.e

21. Why should we not give up on our unbelieving relatives?

²¹ Despite our best efforts, our unbelieving relatives may not show interest in the truth or respond favorably when we show personal interest in them. Why should we not give up on them? Because we will be imitating our merciful God, Jehovah, and his Son, Jesus, each time we show our relatives kindness. (Luke 6:33, 36) Over time, our loving conduct may move them to change how they feel about us. They may even remember the beliefs we shared with them in the past. If we do not give up on them, we may have the joy of seeing some of our dear relatives join us in true worship!